Deep thoughts

I just wrote something in an email that really struck me. It's profound...ok at least to me!

A bad day or eating is not a failure...it is 'life'. Stop thinking that it is! We're going to have those days. The failure is if we let that one day of eating freedom turn into two days...or three, or a week! How we react to these days is what will make or break us! We need to learn how to emotionally suck it in, put it in the past and move foward! I know, I know, it's easier said than done!

I lost 1.6 pounds this week. I'm pretty happy with that! However, I'm pretty ticked off with myself.....because I came home and gorged myself on food. But I need to keep my thought from above in my head....the failure will come tomorrow if I continue gorging myself (or even in a few minutes or an hour) Maybe that's why what I wrote was so profound to me...because it really touches me and what I'm feeling right now!

The end of the weekend!

Well...after being so excited about my weight, it is rising again. Nope, I'm not upset. Afterall, I expect it...it's one of the bad things about weighing myself everyday. I have however been able to think about my last few days...the days that I actually went back up on the scales...and I can say that one day I had lots of sodium and the other lots of carbs. SO there you have it!

I've been having a blast trying new recipes! There are so many really good recipes out there! I'm trying to chose healthier options and also go more natural ingredients. There is nothing wrong with eating the prepackaged stuff...I just don't thnk it's as healthy for us!

Great thought to keep in mind

I'm part of a group that is motivational and supportive while I'm losing this weight. One of the gals went to her weight watchers meeting and came back and shared something her leader said. It is such a good thing to remember that I'm going to post it on my journal!

"She stated on the weeks we have a loss ... that's great. We have learned what needs to be done. On weeks that we have a gain, we too need to learn from that too. Each of our bodies are different. What works for some, doesn't for others. The whole process is learning what 'our' body needs.

But then she stated .... If we didn't do what needed to be done and had a loss what did that teach us? ... That we could cheat (as in ... not eating as we should) and not be punished on the scale. Well that is EXACTLY what I had been thinking lately. Over the holidays, I did overeat (I mean I REALLY ate more than I knew I should) and I lost each week (only .2, .6 and .8, but a loss is a loss) but one (which I gained only .6). So here I was thinking ... I can eat and still lose. I couldn't get that thought out of my head.

But when she posed that question, it had me thinking ... What did make me lose those weeks? It was me ... I have changed!!! I looked back in my journal(not that I had been keeping that like I need to either) ... I was still exercising, I was drinking my water, I was getting in all my fruits and veges, I was making healthier food choices like only eating half a slice of pie, smaller portions of things, by passing on things that were a normal part of my everyday eating (like not eating mashed potatos but eating the dressing and home-made noodles my mom only makes a couple times a year). "

I'm not sure how I'm doing right now. I think I'll be able to post a loss this week. Unless I do something royally stupid to mess it up! I'm hoping that I already dind't. I got home from tonight and carried all the groceries into the house. I started the dinner and finished putting the groceries away. It was 6:30 at that point when I realized that the dinner had to be in the oven for 45 minutes! I hadn't eaten since noon. I grabbed a sweet and salty bar...and then a 1 point weight watcher cake. Yes, healthier options, however still something that I really didn't need, nor did I have the points for it! I did exercise a bit after I ate!

Lesson in Healthy life eating!

Tonight I learned a few things. We've been trying to eat at home a lot more. It is for a couple reasons....we can save money by eating at home, we can control portions better, we are eating healthy foods...and more natural foods when we eat at home. So last night we decided that we were going to eat out tonight. I looked forward to it so much. It was such a treat. Well, we went to a nicer place. Yes, it was pricier...but it was soo good. I ordered a dinner. My food came and my first inclination was "this isn't going to be enough". The food was perfectly portioned as ONE serving...and not this massive amount of food. This dinner didn't come with a salad. I ate it and enjoyed every bite! AND, because Todd and I had eaten healthier options we were able to split a dessert! It was such a treat! I didn't feel stuffed...just satisfied when we left! I came home and exercised and just calculated my points for the day...I'm only 2 points in the hole....AND it will be the first two points I've used this week out of my flex points! I feel so very happy with my choices! I managed everything and was able to treat myself! THat's a pretty good deal! I guess that's how this lifestyle thing is supposed to work!

Friday Musings

My home scales are showing me down from where I was on Tuesday (weigh in day). SO I'm pretty happy! I just need to stay focused. A few weeks ago, I had a nice reading on the home scales and got complacent and gained it! I've got to learn to be diligent ALL the time! If I'm going to reach my goal and maintain that goal, I've got to learn to be on gaurd!

I've been buying some of the weight watchers snack stuff, the desserts (which I can do pretty well with). But I've been also buying the muffins and cakes. The cakes are one point. I know that I may have that left to eat in my daily points...however when I have them in the house, I need to learn to manage and not have one a day! That can't be good for me! Let me rephrase....the cakes are what I want one a day on. The muffins I can have a little more self restraint on....they are three points. I know that I don't lose as much when I eat a lot of high carb foods. It is just a fact.

Excuses or Facts?

I lost .4 pounds....so almost one half of a pound gone! FOREVER! I'm not too upset about it. Number one because it is a loss....even it if it is a small loss. But, it could have been worse. I'm getting over the 'ick' (TOM) and I was sick for a good portion of the week. Not sick enough to lose my appetite, unfortunately. Sick enough to stay in bed for two days.....and sick enough to stop exercising. I'm struggling with trying to get back into the swing of exercise! That's the goal for the week!

So, did I just fill us up with excuses or facts? I'd like to say facts and I refuse to feel like it is excuses. It is a fact of life that some weeks I'm not going to lose as much weight because of outside forces. I'd say I had a few outside forces!

What a week!

This has been a crazy week for my diet/lifestyle change. I ended up sick....that cold that I tried to ward off just didn't stay away and I ended up sick....flat on my back on the sofa. This means no exercise. Unfortunately, my appetite was not affected...so I just wanted to eat and eat and eat! I tried to keep it under control...however with the no exercise in conjunction with that, I'm not sure how my week will be. Oh well...no stress and worries! I knew this wasn't going to be easy every week! I knew that there would be little bumps! I'm just getting tired of all these little bumps I've been hitting lately! Oh yeah, I started to feel better and bam...the ick hits! (TOM). Double wammy this week. I guess though that it is better to get it all done with and out of the way ONE week instead of stretch the misery into two weeks!

No matter.....I WILL perservere!

Weigh in!

Weighed in tonight with a 2.2 pound loss! I'm tickled pink! I was thinking a maintain! Or at the very best a small loss! So I was pretty shocked at my loss! I'm pretty confident that I can have another loss this coming week....as long as I don't screw it up.. Because I wasn showing less on my home scales a few days ago and bounced up...so I should with patience go back down easily! I'm not even going to let the ick get me this month!

Skinny thinking versus fat thinking

I was at work today and Deb, the gal I worked with ran next door to the library. SHe came back with a few Hershey 100cal bars. She gave one to me and one to Russ. Well, Russ ate his and then tried to take my 100 calorie chocolate bar (which I'm saving for AFTER my weigh in). He said, "You don't need it, your skinny!" I just started laughing becuase I'm still considered obese! (ok, 10 pounds less and I'll be considered simply overweight...) I've got about 50 pounds more to lose! And yet he called me skinny! (he's overweight himself...and when I commented on his skinny remark he was like, "to me you are") But it made me think about and the remark that I made back to him...which was "I may be skinny but I've still got a fat girls brain" How true how true! And it is making me think....how can you break the 'fat thinking' cycle? Will I ever get past it...will I ever truely feel thin?

Good quote!

A quote from Kim Lyons from The Biggest Loser Workout 2 is "Pain is temporary, but quiting is forever." That has really struck me every time I've heard it! It goes along with my musings on Lance Armstrong. But it can also be the sadness I sometimes get over not being able to eat exactly what I want...or the quantity that I desire. But those feelings will pass.....but if I quit, it will be a forever thing.

I'm struggling...I don't see the results that I want to see...at least on my home scales. What is getting me is that three days ago, the results were right there on the scales....and now the results are no longer visible! What the......

Revelations

I've noticed, just recently ...when I've been gaining and losing those same three pounds over and over. (and I've done it in the past also). That I post a nice loss....then I get complacent, relaxing my gaurd. And it's all downhill from there. Becuase once I relax my gaurd, I don't make the right decisions...because I'm "treating myself" or "just once won't hurt" or whatever excuses my little 'fat' brain thinks up. So I gain. The next week I'm motivated and I eat healthy all week....and lose....and that next week once again I get complacent! Yes, I must be a slow learner...I just figured this out! :-) It is however a long road....but I can see a difference in how I feel and my family sees a huge difference in how I act and my countanence.....so it is very well worth it!

I bought myself a good digital scale. At least I hope it is good! I know that when I get to the maintain stage that I will need to be religious about stepping on the scales. I will need to know if I gain weight...because if I start gaining, then I need to pull myself back to the program. I also know that my dial scale is nice...but I need a very precise scale to really watch when I'm there! AND I need to be in the habit of doing it already!

100 pounds!

I started my weight loss journey and started tracking my weight on my home scales.......according to my home scales, this morning showed me at a 100 pound loss! Ok, that's over a few years...but still!!!!!

Musings about my weight loss

I've been thinking a lot recently about my weight loss and my emotions. I've been stumped as to why I cry a lot when I think about it. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just so saddened by what I allowed to happen with my body. I basically commited a huge crime against my body. I allowed my weight to skyrocket to over three hundred pounds. THREE HUNDRED pounds! THat is 50% more than what my weight should be. I haven't had to lose just a few pounds...I have to lose a grand total of HALF of me! HALF of my starting body weight! That's incredible. No, that's despicable! I will also admit that some days, the thought of having to do this and watch everything I eat for the rest of my life is just so daunting that it saddens me. To realize that if I lose control for one week that I could start spiraling out of control again is just so scary that it moves me to tears! I miss eating what I wanted to and not worrying about every bite. I miss not having to journal every bite I eat. I miss it all....EXCEPT for my weight and the accompanying things that went with it...clothes that were too tight....being short of breath by just climbing a single flight of stairs....etc! Oh yeah, the benefits definitely outweigh the negatives, but I can't help being sad about it!

A while back I read Lance Armstrongs book...the first one. One of the things that I got from it was that his attitude had changed about training and riding his bike (obviously for the better since he went on to win Tour after tour). He alluded to the fact that when he was out training and even riding in the races that the pain was inconsequential. He had already lived through much worse pain AND the pain meant that he was alive and well. It made it easier for him to push through that pain to complete and do what he needed to do! I remembered that this morning whenI saw him interviewed on CNN...and all of a sudden it hit me. I need to exercise and workout with that mentality. No, I can't say that I've beaten down cancer and I've felt the pain and ravages of cancer....and I hope that I never do. BUT, each time I work out I should think about the pain that COULD come my way if I don't take every opportunity to strengthen my body through diet, exercise and healthy living. The pain of a strenuous workout should be welcomed and embraced simply becuase of what they are giving back to my body! And hopefully this new lifestyle will stave off some of these terrible illnesses (dibetes, blood pressure, etc etc etc)

Meanwhile, last night I was sooo craving something sweet and cakey! So I made a diet coke cake. It was yummy. Yes, I at one point shovelled cake into my mouth like a person starving. I did however get control of myself AND realized taht the cake in the kitchen was going to be too much temptation for me in the coming days. SOOO I packaged it up into packages containing two pieces (one for me and one for Todd) and I froze the packages and kept out enough for dinner! Out of sight, out of mind! For me, it is a temptation when it is out on the counter....impulse eats! This is frozen...and safe from those impulses....at least until I have another TRUE craving!

I was apprehensive when I stepped on the scale this morning....afterall, I had gorged myself on the cake. Before the cake eating I had ridden my bike for 30 minutes. BUT after the cake eating I did DDR for 45 minutess. Surprisingly enough, my weight was the same as yesterday morning! I do however know that I need to stay soooo on plan today! I don't want to use my flex points or anything today. I want to have a VERY good day! After yesterday I need to! Because I'm sure that two days in a row and the weight would start to rise! And that's NOT gonna happen!!!

I'm trying to stay back in the swing of exercising daily! I've done pretty good so far this week. I truely think that is where my weight loss is really based from! Yes, the eating is ultra important...but eating healthy alone .....very slow!

Weigh IN

I was scared....my last week as I've stated in previous posts was a little bit of a roller coaster ride. I lost big last week...and I celebrated. No, I didn't go out and have a whole cake. Heck, I didn't even have one piece of a cake. BUT, the choices that I made for the first 4 days after the weigh in were not good. I stayed within my points...but I did it by eating really odd. I would use 1 or 2 points for breakfast in the morning..... I ate one or two pieces of fruit for lunch...giving me a one or two point lunch. And considering I have 27 points for the day, I was ending up with Roughly 22 points to eat for dinner. That caused me to pull out all stops and eat what my heart desired. Yes, I stayed within my points...but it was lots of carbs (bread and potatoes) and very few fruits and veggies! And half way through the week, I saw that my weight had risen. Yes....like two to three pounds. It scared me. I didn't want to regain those same three pounds one more time! Heck, I'd already gained and lost them like 3 times! Anyway, I got myself in gear and tried to eat more wisely but I just feared it was too late to change the course of my week....I mean, three days to turn around 4 bad ones. So it was with fear and trepidation that I stepped on the scales last night at my meeting. I was hoping for a loss....crossing my fingers for a maintain....and praying that it wouldn't be a gain. I remained EXACTLY the same! I was so tickled! I know that I have to stay focused this week though. Becuase historically this last month I have had weeks were I maintained or lost or gained .1 or .2 and the next week I gained. I have to stay focused and really OP!

I'm proud that I turned myself around. I would have been pretty devastated to have gained again. I know that I would have caused it...but I'm so disgusted with the way this past month has gone....it's been a rocky road and an emotional one!

A nice ending to a bad start!

Half way through this past week I took stock and realized that I was eating out of control. Well, let me rephrase that. I was eating within points but I was making bad choices that made up those points. Around THursday I did this reevaluating and changed the rest of my week to make it healthier! I'm proud that I was able to pull it back together. I think it's a bit too late though for my weigh in. Am I going to give in...nope. I'm just going to stay strong for the next week!

I think one of the things I was doign wrong...I was eating so incredibly light for breakfast and lunch that it was leaving me 20-22 points for dinner. WAY too many....so I was able to have the 'bad' things but stay within the points. Not good!

Tonight I'm going to a meeting in which they always have dessert. It's a small group....so I know I most likely won't be able to resist. I do however have the flex points available...AND I have 8 AP's that I earned and haven't used today!

I still haven't gone back and read my 2006 entries. it think I REALLY need to do that. I think it will be good for me to reflect and see what worked...how I felt...what I was doing and how my body and pychee responded to it all!

OUCH

Exercised last night with the new Biggest Loser workout dvd. I've had the first one for some time and have used it....and liked it. So I was anxious to get the second one and use it. Last night was the big night! I chose about 50 minutes of stuff. Made it through the whole way through. Felt good, yep...worked up a bit of a sweat. Life was good. Wondered if it was really doing much....although I could feel it a bit during the squats and lunges. HOWEVER...today...eii yii yiii...sore sore sore! When I did it last night I didn't have my handweights handy so my arms didn't get the workout that they should have. SOOO tonight I worked out my core and arms!

Struggling right now...I really want to eat but have no points left! I've gone over by one point...however I did earn 2 AP's today (not many becaue 20 minutes of cardio...mod intensity and 20 minutes of weights....) I'll make it though...it's 9:30. Todd and i are going to head to bed to watch a movie in about 25 minutes!

Ate pretty good. Healthy stuff. I tried to curb my hunger about an hour or two ago by eating a clementine (actually 2....one point). It didn't work....I ended up eating a 100 calorie pack here a little bit ago. I'm proud that I tried the fruit first though!

Mental picture worth a thousand...

Tonight after dinner I was cleaning up the leftovers. I had decided to throw away what we weren't eating as it was something that wouldn't hold well...and neither of us would actually eat. SOOO....Todd had left and gone back to work and I found myself with the pan in my hand with a spoon greedily eating what was left in the pan. THe whole time I was standing over the garbage can poised to dump the contents. I was berating myself the whole time to dump the stupid contents....and I eventually did....but not before eating what probably amounted to an extra portion. Accckkk...where did my self control go???

Mental picture worth a thousand...

Whew!!!

I haven't eaten too utterly badly the last two days. BUT, I could have eaten better. Yes, I give myself a little leeway after my weigh in to eat 'what I want' and get it out of my system. However, today I kept mentally berating myself saying things like, "you would lose faster if you dind't do that" and "You sabataged this weeks weigh in....you may as well quit for this week". I know I need to break from that attitude. This diet/lifestyle is a change in how I think and how I eat and how I live my life. I REFUSE to deprive myself. I need to stop beating myself up for having those foods that I really love everyonce in a while. I need to keep telling myself that I'm not indulging very often and that when I do that it is not going to through my weight loss in a tail spin. The only thing that will throw it into a tailspin is if I do it ALL the time....and constantly!

That said...I was exercising earlier tonight (ok, I finally rolled myself into the living room and exercised at 9:15...just got done....it's 10:15.) and as I was exercising it came to me that all my XL clothes are starting to fit loosely! Inconceivable to me. Literally inconceivable. This from the girl that was wearing 3X clothes...some of which were tight! My mind is just having difficulty really accepting this. I know I've babbled about it a lot lately...it is just so mind boggling for me.

A New YEAR!

I can't wait to see where this year will take me in my weight loss journey! I plan on being at goal before the year is out! That is roughly 50 pounds! Well, that 50 pounds would take me to the top end of my my goal weight. I'm actually shooting for 60 pounds! I'm happy to say that this week I was able to lose 4.6 pounds! I've actually once again recouped my gain! This makes it the third time that I've lost these three pounds in a month! Lost...gained...lost...gained...and now lost again...WITH an extra pound lost! I refuse to gain those pounds again! PLUS, I'm 8.6 pounds away from being 200 pounds. Onderland is right around the corner!!!! I'm so close that I can taste it! Well...maybe I shouldn't use a food analogy! tee hee hee

Seriously though, I'm excited to see what this new year brings in my weight loss journey! I'm excited yet frightened. I was walking through the mall today and stopped in the clothing section. I was actually frightened of shopping. I know that my pants size is a solid 18..but that I can wear some 16's. However I was fingering the tops and this incredible feeling overcame me. I have no clue what size I am on the top. THEN it hit me. I was in the womens sizes....the fat ladies clothes. I've shopped there for so long (since I was about 13) that I dont' know anything else. I looked toward the 'regular' sizes but just couldn't make myself walk over. Yes, I know, I should have danced my way across that aisle and marched into that section because yes, I can wear a straight up xl now....and in some cases a Large. I didn't go. Maybe it was nostalgia. I think honestly it is fear of the unknown.

It just hit me....I need to stop thinking like a 'fat' girl. Yes, I've been overweight for more years than I care to admit. But I'm losing it....for the first time since I was in EARLY high school, I'm ready to shop (almost in some cases) ANYWHERE my heart desires. And sadly, I feel like an imposter. That's the best way to put it....an imposter. I couldn't go over into the normal sizes because I still think fat!

Success and Failure

I've decided to look back at this past year. Today I want to go back and read all my entries. That would be one year of triumphs and occaisional failures in this weight loss journey that I have undertaken. On the surface I can say that I was hoping to reach my goal weight this year. By my birthday do be exact. It would have meant that I had to lose a consistent 2 pounds per week. I was actually doing good UNTIL April. And at that point I struggled...and even gained some. I was actually staying pretty close to the 2 pounds per week once I joined weight watchers until the holidays hit. I'm hoping and praying to get back to that now that the holiday season is over. Yes, it is technically over for me. Todd and I are not partiying or anything spectacular tonight. We'll stay at home for a nice quiet evening.

I started the year 2006 weighing in at roughly 260 pounds. So for me to be at roughly 210 marks 50 pounds gone. This year of weight loss has really marked a point where I can clearly see a difference in my body. I not only wear clothes that are remarkably smaller (people can clearly see the change when they see me). BUT I can see a difference in how I act and move. Generally speaking, I have more energy and spunk that I'd had in a long time.

Overall, I would say it's been a good year for weight loss. I hope to lose the last 60 in the year 2007. And yes, that is my goal. But just as last year my goal was to lose it all and be at my goal weight (same as this year), that is just a goal. I will be tickled with a substantial loss. I know in my heart that if I end the year 2007 and can say that I didn't lose 60...BUT I lost 40 or 30, that I'll be happy because I lost. I have some BIG celebrations coming up. The first will be that when I hit 199.9, I will be in ONEDERLAND! According to most BMI calculaters...when I hit 197, I will no longer be considered obese, I will merely be overweight. (No, being overweight is not my goal...I want to be 'healthy weight'...but not being considered obese....I can't even imagine). AND third but not last, when I hit 195 I will hit the 100 pounds lost mark! HUGE HUGE HUGE stuff!
BUt, even though I'm dying to get to those spots this is not a race...this is my life! I'll get there when I get there. In the meantime, I'm going to keep plugging along at it!

What the Hell???

I've been soo good this week. I've worked out...I've eaten healthy...counted points...haven't gone over points....have lots of flex points left. So imagine my surprise when I got on the scales at the gym and find that I'm the exact same weight as I was the other day! Come now.....that's crazy! I'm trying not to let it upset me though! I need to just stay focused. If I do, even if I don't lose this week, I will lose the next week...or the week after that! It WILL come off!

At least I'm laughing!

Wow...does that weight ever come on fast! One week and I was up 3.6 pounds! Yes, as the subject line alludes to, I am laughing about it. I'm planning on getting it off pretty fast. This is the same weight that has been coming and going for the last month and a half! I don't know...looking at it realistically, I know I ate and nibbled for Christmas...and if I want to be honest with myself for a day or so before Christmas! I got back from my parents on Christmas night and I was not upset with m yself for nibbling...I was satisfied. Not happy that I did it...but willing to face the consequences. I also knew that I needed to get myself back on track. SOOOOOOOOoooooooo, I threw away all the cookies and candies at the house...well, I threw away the ones that I liked! So my house is christmas goody cleaned up! And, I've been pretty much on plan the last few days!

Now....at the risk of making excuses....I had the monthly ick during my weigh in...and I hadn't been drinking my water. Sooooo maybe the weight gain wasn't as bad as it looked. No way of knowing though...so I'm just gonna take it and run!

Crazy enough, after and even during my binge...my focus and motivation skyrocketed! Crazy! I would have though while I was eating on Christmas day that I would have been all, "yummm....I can't wait until tomorrow when I can have some more". That's not how it was! YIPPEE! I was more like, "enjoy it today...because tomorrow you will not". AND, I've not craved it...it was almost as if my body said thank you for the treat but I'm done! Ok, yes, maybe I'm the crazy one! tee hee hee

I sound like a broken record!

Yes, at the risk of sounding like a broken record I'll say it. I'm not going to have a good weigh in tonight. Nope. Not at all. I actually think I gained about 3 pounds. I had said anything under 5 pounds and I'd be a happy girl! I'm not going to be happy to lose that weight again. However, I feel like I would have been denying myself if I wouldn't have given in and allowed myself anything. The problem was, yesterday I was there in the kitchen and I nibbled and nibbled. Mom had the goodies OUT and in plan view on the table. Not her fault...I should be able to resist.

I'm very lucky though. While I was eating, I knew that on Tuesday, I would be jumping right on the wagon and going full fledged with this eating thing again. Even as I shoveled in food (ok, it wasn't that bad.......nibbled on food) I knew that it would be a different story on Tuesday and everyday thereafter. So, how has Tuesday gone thus far. GREAT! I've eaten responsibly and made it to the gym for a great workout this morning!

I think the big thing was that I realized that I could wear another pair of pants from the 'not yet' drawer! So all day yesterday I was wearing something that previously was too small. It fit...COMFORTABLY! That is such a great feeling! And it helped me mentally be ready to and looking forward to getting back on task! The other thing is that I'm getting ready to help lead this summer weight loss challenge. SO I know that I'll be thinking about weight loss a lot!

I'm going going to take this weigh in tonight, file it and come back in the next weeks and regroup, relose and get back to the losing life!

Merry Christmas!

I gave myself a free day today. I've greatly enjoyed the food that I have eaten. Yes, I've eaten more than I should have. Do I feel guilty....nope. I do however feel ready to get back up tomorrow and really work to get some more of this weight off. No, I'm not looking forward to the scales tomorrow....but I would be expecting a maintain or gain anyway...TOM Quite honestly, I'm looking foward to eating healthy. What a surprise for me.

Something that I did today to help me motivate myself...even though I was having a free day. I routed through my 'ready for you' clothes. (this is clothes that have been given to me, or that I've bought at Goodwill in the next size down). I found a pair of jeans...that I could wear...comfortably actually. And I wore them....knowing in my head that I was wearing a pair of jeans that one month ago I couldn't...and a size lower. I'm slowly fitting into more 16's!!! I'll make it to the point that I can wear ANY 16!

I've been part of a Christmas challenge. I was hoping and aiming to be in onederland (199.9 or less) by Christmas. I'm not at all upset about the fact that I didn't make my goal. I tried pretty hard...and I actually dropped more than 20 pounds during the challenge...pretty good. I am goign to be part of another challenge......which will run from January until the first day of summer June 21. This is a pretty long goal. I'm thinking about setting 40 as my goal to lose. That will put me at 170 pounds! That's roughly 1.3 pounds a week. Tough, absolutely. Doable? Yes! I'd rather aim high! I know that I won't be upset if I dont' make it. I'll be happy if I've at least made a considerable effort in getting to my goal!

Holding on!

Ahhhh Christmas cookies! I was so proud of myself the other night when I made all those cookies and yummy stuff and didn't eat any of them. I put up a mental block within and didn't eat any more of my cookies. (some of the cookie gift packages are still in my kitchen...untouched). HOWEVER, I got some gifts today from my work...cookies and goodies. YEP, I've partaken! ARRGGHHH! But, oh my word, they taste soooooooo good! I've got to mentally slap my wrists and stop this! I need to keep telling myself I'm only 9 pounds away from onederland! 9 measely pounds! This is sooo in my reach that I can taste it!

I got rid of my next size up though, so I have NOWHERE to grow into! On the otherhand, I've got a plethera of the next size down in clothes! MOTIVATION and WILLPOWER, where are you?

I did it!

I'm amazed some weeks. It seems like lately I come on a day or so after my weigh in and I'm like...somehow from somewhere I pulled a loss! Well, it happened again. 1.6 down! Yes, I'm working for it. But admitedly, I slacked a little....ate more of my flex points than I normally do.......amazing!

On that same note...I've already blown 11 flex points for this week also. That's a lot for me...I usually only use 5 per WEEK!

Made about 6 different kinds of cookies tonight. Ate about 2 cookies worth of Chocolate Chip cookie dough... (yes, I know we aren't supposed to eat raw dough anymoer...but heck, I've been doing it since I was just a wee thing...I see no reason to stop now). Anyway, only about two cookies worth of dough. No other snitches...I didn't 'test' the cookies as they came out! NOTHING! NADA! ZILCH! I saved out about 2-3 of each cookie for my husband. I saved abou 5 or 6 of the 1 point pumpkin cookie (spice cake mix, can of pumpkin, and 1/3 cup water...add 2/3 cup water and you can do muffins...but cookies are fine also..they are a very 'caky' cookie). But I saved a few one pointers for me for a snack for the next few days. AND with the rest of the cookies....I packed them up in gift packages....ready to go! The name tags and bows are on them! They are as good as out the door! (Nope...I won't cheat because each package is 'artfully' arranged and to snitch a cookie would mess up the 'prettiness' of the package!

Tickled because I was able to buy myself a pair of pants (lounging flannel pants) at an everyday overstock store ($5....really good deal)! This may not seem exciting...but for a big girl whose options are usually pretty limited as to where she can buy her clothes.....just walking through the clothes area and being able to actually find something that fits is pretty amazing. EVen more amazing...I on a whim bought the xl. I thought that they would be tight but I would 'grow' into them. Well, I tried them on...they are loose. Now don't get me wrong....not loose as in I should be wearing a large...but loose as in comfy!

Going to my work christmas party/dinner tomorrow night so I'm planning my low point breakfast and lunch!

Lately I've been really melancholy. I've just felt like crying...A LOT of the time! Don't know what's up with that. My husband freaks out because he wants to know why I'm crying...or feeling sad. I honestly can't tell him why....I'm just sad. I do think it's because right now we seem to be under a lot of stress...but that usually doesn't make me feel sad and teary! Nope...not eating like a mad woman because of it either!

Another week!

I've been really struggling this week. I've used more flex points then I have ever used. I know, I know...they are there for me to use, Use them. However, that combined with my lower exercise levels. I just don't know what's happening to me. I've had a few nights of not being able to sleep and a few other nights of nightmares. Fun fun fun.

According to my scales, I've maintained though. We'll see how it goes tonight!

Another week!

I've been really struggling this week. I've used more flex points then I have ever used. I know, I know...they are there for me to use, Use them. However, that combined with my lower exercise levels. I just don't know what's happening to me. I've had a few nights of not being able to sleep and a few other nights of nightmares. Fun fun fun.

According to my scales, I've maintained though. We'll see how it goes tonight!

Somehow!

Somehow, from somewhere, I pulled out a 2.8 loss. This puts me at the exact weight that I went into my thanksgiving vacation at.....before I temporarily lost control!

Meanwhile, today at work I was so bored that I literally fell asleep! Uhhh, I'm a boredom eater! I ate 16 points EXTRA in mindless eating at work alone! Yes, that was 16 points! Luckily I did have 5 points extra (I was saving it to have a weight watchers dessert cup during The Biggest Loser tonight) and I was able to change my 12 point dinner into a 5 point dinner (yay zero point veggies!). I had already planned to go to the gym...I just did more cardio than weights and earned 6 points.....so I evened myself out at least. But I can't be doing that!

Better luck tomorrow!

Waiting to see the damage!

Yes, I'm waiting to see the damage. Last week I gained 2.2 pounds. Which means in the last two weigh ins combined I've gaiend 2.8 pounds. Not life ending...but still something I DON'T want to happen. So I set myself on a course to get back to where I'm need to be. I feel as if I've done pretty good this week. I stayed on task. I journalled everything...even the bad stuff that I ate. And yes, I did eat bad stuff. I celebrated my birthday this week. I didn't eat cake, instead I chose to have ice cream. I'm not talking about run of the mill boring ice cream. I'm talking about an icecream shop where they make EVERYTHING from scratch.....using all natural ingredients. Eating this ice cream is darn near orgasmic. I totally enjoyed it....it was WELL worth the points. The good thing...this fabulous ice cream shop is about 1.5 hours away...and in a place where we usually do a heck of a lot of walking! (3-4 hours). SOOOOO Hopefully the walking negated the icecream.

I'm thinking that I actually may have lowered my numbers a little bit. I was originally aiming to lose the whole 2.8 pounds this week...I'll be happy with 2.....(according to the gym scales, that may be what I did too). I don't know!

Back on Track

Yes, I'm back on track. Really what it boils down to is I'm actually journalling and not just saying...'oops, I'm over'. I decided one of the big things I would do would be to write down EVERYTHING....and count EVERYTHING...even if I know that I went over. First, knowing that I'm going to write it down anyway makes me be good. And, I'm finding it is not too overly difficult to actually get it back under control. What I'm struggling with is the "bites, licks and tastes". But, yes, I'm adding those in also!

I also think that I needed a 'bad week' to really refocus myself. I mean, the week before I had gained .6 pounds. That's pretty much nothing. In all honesty, to me that is the difference in clothes....or maybe a trip to the bathroom. So it was way to easy to overlook as a gain. Not so for a 2.2 pound gain. I can't over look it. Yes, I know that I was probably retaining water (I hadn't been drinking properly) but that is an excuse and I know the other part of it is that I ate poorly that week. I could have kept overlooking .6 pounds week after week. And eventually I would have found that I had slowly gained back the weight. I needed that shot in the arm of a 'big' weight gain to get me back on track! :-)

Weigh In Results

Ok, I'm up 2.2 pounds. I want to scream in frustration. However, I refuse to. I know I did it to myself. I didn't watch what I was eating.....I didn't watch portion sizes....and thereby, I didn't journal. I am 100% at fault!

I'm recommitted though. I have done pretty good thus far today. I actually will have enough for a Weight Watchers fudge bar. Yes,I've had stuff like that in the past week...however I never had the points for it. Today, I actually have the points to really allow to eat it! So, I'm not doing too badly. AND, my water intake is where it needs to be today!

Struggling

I'm so struggling with this 'eating/lifestyle' change thing. As I said, I made better choices on my vacation...but still ate too much and some choices that were not the best. I came home and I am 100% determined to stay with this and do it. It was working so well for me before the vacation. AND I had a friend give me some clothes while I was on vacation (she is also losing weight and has outgrown the clothes...so she passed them on to me). Some of the clothes are too small, there are a few that are just a little tight and then I have some that are just right. I was wearing some and I noticed last night that they are actualy a size LARGE! There was no x in front of that word. Let alone 2X. I was pretty tickled. SO I know what I've done is working. However, my willpower after vacation just seems to have vanished! I forced myself to get up and exercise first thing in the morning. I'm hoping that if I have in the back of my mind that I already exercised, that it will help me 'remember' that I should turn some of the bad stuff down! I know I can do it. I want it. I just need to get my head back into sync with my heart!

vacation

Well, vacation/holiday has come and gone. We spent about 12 days visiting friends and family (away from home the whole time). I started the time with some rough eating experiences (eating too much) but exercised my heart out. I was pretty religious about exercising while I was away...but just ate way too much. I did chose some healthier options.....and only once felt stuffed. BUT, I know I didn't chose as wisely as I could have! The end result.......I gained .6 pounds. Not too shabby...especially since knowing that the 'ick' (TOM) is just departing!

Now to just make it through all the birthdays and Christmas!

A mixture of Happiness and Stress

I'm ecstatic....thrilled...even tickled pink. I had my weigh in last night. I am utterly proud to announce that I lost 3.2 pounds! I am now 211.2 pounds! That is such a huge difference from where I started. Amazing to know that at one point I weighed 295 pounds (on my scales which weighed me 10 pounds lighter than everywhere else...). So I am excited beyond belief to have posted a big loss.....especially knowing that as long as I can post consistent 2 pound losses, then I will make my goal by Christmas. (and if I don't..well, I'll make it by mid-January...or the beginning of February...or whenever).

I'm utterly stressed. A dog recently came under my care. He came under my care becuase the person that we entrusted to take care of him didn't do a good job. (well, I don't know..but the dog got sick and he didn't do anything to help the dog.....the dog is my husbands grandmothers, she is in a nursing home). SOOO I've been trying to nurse this poor dog (big German Shepherd....previous police/prison dog) back to health. I went over there on Monday and "THOUGHT" I saw the dog fall down. I wasn't sure though...I thought he may have slipped. ON Tuesday I was back, to entice him with more treats and good things. The dog was laying against the kennel door....immobile. I actually had to shove (gently of course) to get the kennel door open and shut. I was in tears, it was terrible. I called around and could find NO-ONE to help me with the dog that late at night....I couldn't move the dog...even though he had lost a lot of weight, he still was pretty big and heavy. SOOO, I tried to make the dog as comfortable as possible (blankets and such) and made an appointment for this morning. Yes, the dog is no longer suffering. I hate making the decision to have to 'put an animal down'. It's just way to heartwrenching!

Soooo, I go to work. I'm stressed, very emotional and just plain icky from all that had happened. I just wanted to eat and eat! I didn't want to stop. I actually didnt' do too badly...only 5 points over my daily allotment. AND I exercised my tail end off this evening...and earned 5 points to make up for it. BUT, today was a total struggle!

Hopeful!

Well, I'm pretty hopeful. I went to the doctor with my husband. He was happy to announce that the scales at the gym...and the scales at home are all pretty accurate (with the scales at home being the known 5 pounds less). So, I knew what I weighed at the gym...(the same as I weighed at weight watchers). SOOOO I hopped on the scales when the doctor and nurse weren't in the room. They weighed me at 210 pounds. Now..I'm not saying that I lost four pounds since my weigh in...but I'm hoping that maybe..somehow I've dropped big. It would definitely put me back in the running! Maybe I need to sneak a peak at the home scales tomorrow morning!

Had to go out and buy a new wedding band...the old one was way to loose....along with my engagment ring and other rings. I bought a simple band...but one with a little texture since that's the only ring I plan on wearning for a while!

Chugging along

I've come to the conclusion that I may not reach my own little mini goal. I had set in my head that I would like to be under 200 pounds by Christmas/New Years. It was atually a doable goal. I figured it out (fitday.com is a wonderful site because you can put in your weigh and your goal and target date...and it will tell you exactly what you need to lose each week in order to reach that goal) I had to lose 1.5 pounds each week...and that was to make the goal by Christmas (it was obviously a bit less to do it by New Years!) Well....that one week of a gain really blew my target out of the water...it is actually possible for me to do it. I would need to have one week of a huge loss though...and then the rest of the weeks would have to be slow and steady..with no gains! Possible..yes. REalistic...not really. I'm not worried...because I fully expect to be within a few pounds of my goal by the target time...and that will be huge!

Why this 200 goal is so big for me? Well, Just under 200 pounds will mark 100 pounds gone! For good....never to be seen again! (I didn't weigh myself much at that point...but do know at one point the scales read 198) Reason number two why this goal is so immensly huge for me. 197 marks the point where according to the BMI index, that I will go from being Obese...to simply being overweight. Imagine that? And the third reason.....I will be in onederland! WOOOOOOO I can't imagine that either!

Soooo, all that said, I'm refocusing this week. I want to see if I am very disciplined not only with my exercise but with my eating, if I can post a big number on the scales to possibly beat the odds and put me back in the running for my Christmas/New Years goal! I'm not doing anything stupid...I'm simply being more disciplined than I have been in recent weeks. :-) I'm also pushing my exercise into more intense workouts and if not more intense...than longer!

On a positive note....my jeans are starting to get loose AGAIN!..that means that I'll soon be moving down another size! Oh yeah, I also can't wear my rings anymore...they are too loose and are falling off! Never thought I would be excited about the fact that I can't wear my rings anymore! YIPPEE!!

The Hot Seat!

I've been good lately. I haven't been hopping on my home scales all the time. I will admit that I did get on the gym scales yesterday though. BUT the only thing bad is that it means I have no utter idea what my weigh in will be. I don't know if I gained or lost.

Well.....after a week of eating so so. (So, so meaning that I made healthier choses than I originally would have...however I still ate too much and I could have done better.) I actually somehow posted a 1.6 pound loss!

Wooo hooO!

I'm tickled pink though because my new exercise stuff came in the mail today. I've set aside today as my 'off' day from exercise....and I've exercised the last 6 days...so I know I need it. Otherwise I'd be in the living room exercising!

Am I digressing?

I don't know what came over me today. Maybe it was something in the air. I dont' know. But, this morning Todd and I had an early morning appointment. We stopped at the Waffle House for Breakfast on the way home. I knew what I was goign to get. I had previously measured the size of their waffles...I knew exactly what I wanted. One waffle....I knew the points...etc etc etc. Well, we sat down and I saw the sign. "We now have Chocolate Chip Waffles". Mmmmm doesn't that sound good. I debated. I finally decided to go ahead, take the knock and live on the edge. I was getting the chocolate chip waffles. As I was waiting for the waitress, I made the mistake of actually looking at the menu. Wow...did you know that you pay 2.35 for one waffle and you can get a double for 99 cents extra??? Wow...99 cents. Before I knew it, I had ordered a double! No....it's not just a little bigger....it is TWO waffles! NO.....I didn't put one aside and eat two. I enjoyed every dang bite of those waffles! Well, at the end I was finding the chocolate and accompanying syrup too sweet, but I still enjoyed each and every bite!

It just goes to show me that I still really don't have control over what i am doing. I honestly don't know what happened to me. I saw it and before I could think, I blurted out that I wanted it. I really didn't want it...and I know that! However, I do know that I need to get this weird urge that just washed over me under control. I need to if I am going to win the war. I may have lost that battle...but I'll refight it over and over again during my lifetime I am sure! I need to win!

Looking for the Rabbit in the Magicians Hat!

Yep, I pulled another one out of the proverbial hat. I was not expecting great things at this weigh in. The ick arrived a few days ago. I've actually felt bloated and icky. So I just thought that this weigh in wouldn't be that great. SOMEHOW, from somewhere, I pulled a 1.8 pound loss! Yes, a loss and a pretty decent sized one! How, I don't know. I do know that I ate decently. I'm not going to say that I ate well....I cheated a few times. However, since I really don't use my flex points each week (officially that is.....I'm sure I use them for all those BLT ~~bites licks and tastes~~ and all those things that I miscalculate or the portion sizes that I get wrong...). The other thing that I did right was exercise. I exercised 6 days out of the last 7 days. (And even on my day off from exercise I did a heck of a lot of walking).

I'm facing the reality that there is a good chance that I won't make my Christmas Goal of being under 200 pounds by Christmas or at least New Years. I do however think I'll be extemely close to my goal by that time. I think I may only need a week or so longer to reach that goal...therefore I'm leaving it stand. To actually reach the goal by Christmas I would need to lose 2.05 pounds. To reach it by New Years it was something like 1.79 pounds.

Another Weigh in!

I debated long and hard about whether to go to my weight watchers meeting tonight. No, I wasn't contemplating quitting, I was worried about this weigh in. I thought about going and taking my free pass so I wouldn't have to be weighed in. I finally did chose to just bite the bullet, pay the piper and weigh in.

You see, this week was stressful. At the beginning my husband and I were frantic because we bought something sight unseen that we were responsible for picking up and moving from a second floor loft in NYC (greenwich village to be exact) and getting it down to our recording studio. Stress was running just a tad bit high, let me tell you. On Thursday we jumped in our car with a few friends and caravaned up to NYC with a van full of some more friends. It is a 5 hour trip. We were in the city for about 2-3 hours getting this monster (8 feet long and weighing about 800-1000 pounds) out of this second story loft and into the van that we had brought to haul it. Then a 5 hour trip home...one that was stretched longer due to the driving rain that we had to travel through. Once home, we then had to unload the monster. It was just a joy. Why I mention it....I ate convience store food during that whole trip! I actually didn't do too badly though. I would have preferred more fruits and veggies but I didn't do to bad considering!

FOllowing that trip, we had a 2 day rest and then back in the car to go on a little mini vacation that we had planned months ago. We went to Lancaster Co PA....land of good, yummy, heavy, comfort style foods. I am proud of myself. I made healthier choices than I have during previous visits to that area. HOwever, I know I still could have done better in the eating department. I also had made sure that we were staying in a hotel that had an indoor pool and a fitness center. I utilized both fo them. I swam for exercise in the pool and went to the fitness center every day! AND worked out hard in the fitness center!

I would say my biggest problem of the week....I didn't get my water. I aim for 1/2 my body weight in ounces each day. But, I'm happy if I reach the 64 ounce mark! For probably mroe than half of this week....and most specifically these last 3-4 days before the weigh in (oh yes, we got back from vacation and my weigh in was literally 2 hours after we got home). BUt the biggest problem was the lack of water....these last few days I've probably not even hit the 30 ounce mark of water. Can we say water retention. I also was stupid and ordered chipped beef gravy for breakfast. Not the greatest thing point wise...but managable. However, I wasn't even thinking of the sodium.....can we say water retention again???

So, how did I do. I know you are dying to know! Well, I went and I told myself that I was expecting to gain. I was thinking about 5 pounds! I had decided that I would be ok with anywhere up to a 5 pound gain. Well, I actually started to cheer when I heard my weight. I only gained 1 pound! That should be easily corrected with just getting my water/sodium consumption back in line! Woo hoooo!

So there you have it.....I am actually cheering over a gain!

Weigh In

I did it! I got my 25 pounds lost magnet! Yep, I lost 1.4 pounds! I'm excited. I'm happy that I am still losing decent weight each week! ALthough, I'm exercising pretty religiously!

In fact, yesterday was my off day for exercise...meaning I wasn't going to exercise at all. Well, I ate my dinner and I sat here at the computer...feeling awful. Just full (not sick) but just yucky. I knew what my body was demanding.....activity! So, up I got and I exercised for an hour. Felt great when I was done! That's kinda weird for me..the queen of not exercising.

The other thing that happened this week. Todd and I met mom outside of her work and dropped off some clothes for her to go through (they are too big for me..and whatever she doesn't want she is goign to take to The Rescue mission or goodwill.) Well, I was waiting for her and was doing a bit of a hop/sashay or something. I didn't think anything of it. APparently mom did. She told me last night that she went home and told dad that they are getting their daughter back...the daughter that they remembered from years ago. She told me that and I just looked at her and said, "It's hard to do those things and be peppy when you weigh just shy of 300 pounds". This 75-80 pounds really does make a difference. AND...just watch out when I hit my goal!!!! WOo hooo...who knows what i'm gonna be like then!

Worried

Yes, I'm worried. I'm worried because I peeked at the scales this morning and they don't seem to be moving at all! I That worries me. I'm doing everything I should be doing. I'm exercising and eating right. I keep telling myself not to stress about it at all. Give it time. I actually still have almost 4 whole days until my next weigh in, so it isn't as if I'm giving it a lot of time. I've thought about getting a GOOD digital scale. That way I could see those .? pounds. Not just the rough "oh the dial is somewhere around..." Oh who knows! Meanwhile, I've gotta stop stressing.

FIgured it out though. I have to lose an average of 1.55 pounds to be in onederland by Christmas. If I want to do it by Thanksgiving it would be roughly 3 pounds a week (6 weigh ins left). Yes, I know the Thanksgiving goal would be a pretty difficult one to beat! But, it is there in the back of my mind. I would at least like to be below 210 pounds by Thanksgiving. That is 8 pounds down. Like I said..there are 6 weigh ins so that would be really nice.

Todd and I are planning on going to the MD Rennaisance Festival tomorrow. I"m looking forward to it. We haven't been able to attend in a couple years. BOOO HOooo. So it will be lots of fun. HOwever, I'm a bit concerned about the food. THe food there is SOOOOO good. Turkey legs.....soup in bread bowls...shall I continue? My tenative plan is to take my backpack purse and have some snacks in my purse to eat. (100 cal pack and grapes and whatever else I can think of). Then I will 'splurge' on one food item at the fair! We'll see. At least we will be doing a ton of walking while we are there!

Oh well!

I'm pretty happy with my weigh in this week. Obviously, a loss is excellent. However, after my previous weeks gain I just wasn't sure how I had done when I entered that room. Even better, I weigh myself in the morning and yesterday morning my home scales showed one thing and then this morning they were another two pounds less! Woooo.. I don't know about this. But I'll take whatever I can get!

I'm so looking forward to The Biggest Loser tv show tonight! It helps keep me focused on what I am doing I think!

Loss

Yes, I've been quiet. That doesn't mean that I haven't been working on this weight loss thing. Quite the quantrary. I've been working hard. So hard in fact that I posted a 2.2 pound loss this week. That takes my loss to 24.4 pounds! In fact, I made my 10% goal tonight! I was quite excited about it!


I haven't done anything differently this week. Simply eating right and lots of activity! Even though some days I may have eaten more or not the right foods. I feel that I have made healthier choices for myself....healthier than I would have previously made!

Weekly Weigh In

Well, if you hadn't noticed...I've not jumped on to dance and announce my great weigh in. I was so close to my 10% goal...I wanted it so bad! Have you picked up on the doom and gloom yet??? Well, I gained .2 pounds. Thank heavens there was a decimal point before that two! I'm not overly upset about the virtual maintain. And yes, even though it showed a gain, can .2 really be considered a gain. That could be the difference between a pair of socks...or a pair of pants. Maybe I was wearing an extra ring or necklace. Yes, it is technially a gain. But I'm not upset.

I am upset that I didn't make my goal. I think it was the montly water gain that messed me up (which prompted me to eat all the good yummy fattening foods that one day). But, regardless of what caused my small gain, I'm upset because I was so determined to get to that goal. I worked out. I ate right. I did all the things correct. And it just wasn't good enough.

Well...that said. I'm not letting it bother me (too much). I'm just refocusing and working on this week. I can only take one day at a time. I can't stress about what is already done. I know I ate well (with the exception of that one day). I'm just continuing to eat in that fashion!

That said.....I've been exercising in the morning AND the evening. Trying to get at least one hour in!

The Biggest Loser! I just wanted to beat those girls upside the head during the 'voting session'. Yes, I know this is a game...but to call Ken a Bastard because he didn't bend to their wishes. They also made it abundantly clear during that session that they don't care about him...they only care that a girl loses it. Have they not gotten the concept of teamwork. Teamwork is the only way that ANY of the red team will make it to the final!

Society

I received an email from a friend this morning. In it, she talked about her day and then remarked about a program/challenge that her company was doing. It was one of the 10,000 step challenges. She mentioned that she was going to have to say goodbye, so she could go to the 'kick off breakfast'. She also mentioned how worried she was...because a company supplied breakfast could and many times DOES mean an eating landmine! She mentioned how she was going to have to remain strong if the choices were not good. She, and I...both thought that a breakfast kickoff for a HEALTH challenge was kinda ironic. From this email I realized how society is so programmed to feed feed feed. If you have a meeting around breakfast time..you either get breakfast...or at least donuts. Even a mid afternoon big meeting will net a cookie or two. In a company that I recently worked for. If the employees did something that the company deemed good....they catered in lunch. The thank us for working overtime to help through hurricane season (when all other sites were closed) they feed us pizza. They gave out candy as a thank you. Our society is programed to reward with food. I need to get out of this mental programming.

Sad Sunday

Well...the ick (TOM) came and went this week. I wisely stayed away from the scales during that time. This morning I awoke and knowing the ick was past...I jumped on the scales....ready to see how my week had been. I was excited...afterall, I had been totally on target with everthing that I had done this week. I'd eaten within my allowance of foods...I'd exercised religiously...I was doing great. UNTIL I looked at the scales........2 pounds up! ARRGGHHHH I told myself that it could be my scales...afterall, I know that they are not the most reliable scales....I also told myself that it could have been residual fluid retention from the ick. Who knows. I swallowed my disappointment and headed off for my day. After church Todd and I had an hour and a half before we needed to be somewhere. The end of town that we were in didn't boast too many options for lunch. I decided to go for broke. I was craving pizza...and since my numbers were already blown...why the heck not! So, Pizza we had. I am proud to say that I was able to pass up the buffet (I'm a sucker for the cinnamon bread sticks...I can eat them by the pound...not to mention slice of pizza after slice of pizza). So getting the dinner for two...AND thin crust was/is actually a step in the right direction. I also didn't put cheese on my salad! :-) BUT...the half pizza that I did eat...uhhh,mm...not good. :-) I didn't eat until I was sick though. SOooo off we went on our day. We spent a good deal of time at the nursing home with Todd's grandmother...went to Lowes and Sam's Club. The original plan had been to come home and eat a nice light meal (I was planning on a salad topped with grilled chicken...nice, easy and light!). Well...it was late when we got done at the last place....so we stopped at this phenominal little roadside joint (the owner has been a client of ours at the studio)...Red Neck Ribs. I can happily say that at least I didn't eat the bread/roll. But I had a beef brisket sandwich. It came with a bag of chips...UTZ, which I sadly did eat. And I had half an order of baked beans. NOt exactly weight watchers friendly.

So I come home...exercise for 45 minutes. I actually stopped because I dont' feel so well. I don't know if it is the guilt that is eating me up...or something else! Probably guilt.....poor Todd....in the middle of my workout, I dissoved into tears. Not so much that I ate poorly but that and the combination of the scales showing a weight gain. It's just frustrating!

Who knows how my Tuesday night weigh in will go!

Wednesday!

It's been a pretty good day. I was a little worried when I started the day. I woke up and felt like actually cooking a breakfast. (We usually do breakfasts on our own...and I usually do cereal). So making chipped beef gravy was not a good way to start the day. I plugged my recipe into the recipe builder to see where it would fall. I was actually shocked....it wasn't too bad. (Of course I use skim milk, and a while back I had already started making it with a heck of a lot less butter anyway). So, we had breakfast and only spent 7 points total (Man, gotta love Weight Watchers/Natures Own bread lines...low fat/low calories/high fiber)! For lunch I ate healthy, mostly fruits and veggies and one lite string cheese. My mid-afternoon snack was my yogurt (fat free of course) and strawberries. I was trying to be oh so careful because Todd had asked me to prepare Chicken Enchiladas. OUCH....can we say nice rich comfort food??? Once again, quite a while ago I had switched to the low fat versions of whatever ingredients I could. I figured out that with the adjustments it would be 5 points per enchilada. I figured I would be happy with 2 enchiladas. (I was.) But, because I knew I would use 10 points just for that, I knew I had to be careful. I managed. I also made some No Pudge brownies. Yum...they are excellent! I would highly recommend them...we actually had the Raspberry Brownies! Yum yum! I cut the brownies into 6 instead of 12...and that made the point value 4 for each brownie. So...when all was said and done. I was only one point over. I'm happy with that...especially since I exercised and earned 4 APS!

I'm so close to my 10% goal! I am determined to make it at my next weigh in. In fact, I'm so determined that I want to not only lose the 1.6 pounds to make my 10%, I want to lose 2.6 to make my 25 pounds lost goal!

I've noticed that I've been apologizing to Todd lately for being so single mindedly focused on losing weight and exercising. He seems to be ok with it. However I do worry that I'm focused that other things will suffer. And my marriage is one thing that I am not willing to sacrifice!

I actually enjoy cooking at home.....why we eat out so much is actually a mystery to me. I know I do enjoy eating out sometimes...but the rate that we do it...it's way too much. I'm really going to make a concerted effort to cook more at home. I know that if I stand firm and don't waver on eating at home, that TOdd will not mind. Oh yeah, there will be days where he just wants to get out (He works from home.....or technically we live at his business...lol) but for the most part, I want to eat at home!


Oh one HUGE exciting thing that happened to me in conjunction with the wedding this past weekend. About a month or so ago, I went through my closet and cleared out everything that was super big on me. I at that time was a solid 20....with the 20's being loose but not yet into the 18's. Well, I got rid of all my 'fat' clothes (that's my term for the clothes that are on the way out because they are too big.) I was all tickled. It left me with 4 pairs of casual/dress pants. Lucky for me I only need jeans and tee shirts so I don't need to have dress clothes for work...and then casual clothes for everyday living stuff. Anyway, I knew I had that wedding to go to. So I was ok...afterall I had these dress pants in the closet. Saturday rolled around and I pulled them out of the closet and LUCKILY tried them on early to decide which to wear. Does the word CLOWN pants bring anything to mind? These pants were huge on me...they literally made my bottom half look like a big round ball (the hem rested on the floor and the legs ballooned out). I was in a panic!
I had nothing to wear for a wedding that was in 2 hours! Luckily I
remembered a plastic bin full of stored clothes from COLLEGE that I just
couldn't bear to part with...and found a pair of pants....unfortunately they
weren't too dressy. But at least I founds something other than blue jeans!

Weigh IN...week 8

Well...the big weigh in was tonight. I'm very pleased to announce that I
lost 2.8 pounds! That makes my weight 220.2 pounds. I'm tickled because
that puts me 1.6 pounds away from my 10% goal! I'm hoping for next week on
that one! Maybe that will keep me really on track! I'm so close to this goal that I can taste it!

A wedding!

Well yesterday I went to a wedding of a young girl who met her husband while teaching at a mission school in the Phillipines. How exciting! Although it really made me feel old as I babysat her! Eii yii yiii I tried to do as good as I could with the food. It helped that they had some seemingly healthier options there! They had an appetizer table, which contained the normal appetizers but also a lot of fruit! I was also pleased that they had two options of cake to eat....one of which was angel food. (it made an easier option for me, instead of the ultra bad choice of red velvet cake with the wonderful icing!...which yes, the old me ...or maybe the internal me...would have loved!) I was worried last night though. Because I did step on the scale before I went to bed. Yes, I know...weigh yourself at the same time during the day...and I usually do it in the morning! Well, it looked as if I was back where I was about a week or so ago. But this mornign it was pretty much back in line. I plan on doing a pretty big workout today after church! I do know that I have to watch carefully the next two days...especially since my weigh in is on Tuesday! I also know that I can't have two days like this a week on a regular basis!

Chinese

I had every intention of cooking and eating at home. EVERY intention. My intentions were so good that I have my little meal plan tucked into my daily tracker! I was goign to have grilled chicken, roasted potatoes sprinkled with olive oil and rosemary, green beans, and fresh kiwi. It's all on my little sheet. So what the heck happened when I talked to Todd and one of my first words was "Lets go to Chinese". I actually knew I had the points to manage Chicken and Brocolli. I was all set. I got there, glanced at the menu and laid the menu aside. I knew what I was getting. It was all good. Well, Todd was perusing the menu and must have felt weird about me just sitting there quietly so he suggested I try something new (I'm not a big chinese fan...I don't have a big repoitoire of foods that I eat a chinese places). I don't know why I didn't just say. "I know but I also know the points on my chicken and brocolli" NO...I just had to pick up the menu and found a dish that did sound REALLY good. It didn't sound too bad. The description actually sounded a lot like chicken and brocolli...instead of brocolli it was mixed veggies and water chesnuts. Sounds yummy. So I switched. When they sat the plate down in front of me I just looked at it. To my credit after the waitress left I did look at Todd and say, "I can't eat this" It was the deep fried chicken in the sauce mixed with the veggies. Todd was understanding (trying to take the blame..but it was ultimately MY decision. I'm the one that didn't stick to my guns). I smiled and said, "I'll just eat a small portion and we can take the rest home for your lunch tomorrow. The problem? Well, I tasted it and it was FABULOUS! I uh....ate the portion on my plate. Uhhh...ate a little more...and a little more...until it was all gone. Heck, I practically licked that plate clean!

I did come home and exercise a good bit to try to at least counteract those many points I devoured!

The Biggest Loser started last night. THat is motivational for me. I see other people goign through what I've gone through and it does help to know that I'm not alone!

Weigh IN!

Well, just got back from my weigh in. I was tickled to see/hear that I lost 3.8 pounds! Woo hooo! That brings my total weight loss since I joined weight watchers to 19.6 pounds!

Snuck a peek!

I know, I know, I know. I need to stop obsessing about the scales! I was doing pretty good there for a while, not checking at home. But I took a sneak peek the other day and didn't see much of a change, although as I mentioned earlier it was pretty close to my WI. I got on the scales this morning and although I'm not going to break out the party balloons or anything...I THINK I may be dropping. Woo hooo. It's so difficult to tell on my scales. Whether it's the scales fault or the old uneven floors in my house, who knows!

I've been pretty consistent with working out. I'm proud of myself. I purposely didn't exercise on Saturday. I decided to take that as off. But, I've been working out about 45 minutes a day. Some nights it kicks my butt though. I'm trying to shake it up and do varied exercises and routines. Not just always the gym...or always on my bike. Lately I've been doing a lot of exercise DVD's. My favorites right now is one Step Aerobics, The Biggest Loser Workout, and The new Weight Watchers Workout DVD (I really like the Cardio Dance). I can't wait to get to the post office tomorrow though..because I bought the XBOX game Dance Dance Revolution and two floor control pads. It always looks like fun when you see the game in the arcades. And when you see these kids playing it, they have worked up a sweat. I have a friend that bought it and confirmed that it can be a pretty good workout....so I bought it. I can't wait! :-) The other thing I'm anxiously awaiting is my exercise DVD...80's Blast....it's a Richard Simmons DVD....woo hooo! :-)

I'm very excited about "the Biggest Loser" season starting this Wednesday night! I know when I was able to watch it last season, it helped me stay motivated! Motivation is something I need to keep going!

Wondering how my week has been!

Yes, I'm wondering if I've lost any weight. After my last weigh in, I'm just not sure. Ok, honestly, I sneaked on the scale on Thursday...and nothing. However, Thursday was only 1 1/2 days after my 'official' weigh in. I've stayed pretty much on plan. I've maybe gone a point or so over a day...but haven't touched my flex points (except for those loose points...like one or two points at most....on maybe 2 days...so we are talking like tops 5 points).

It was an extremely stressful day for me. My boss was upset at some things going on in our town and concerning her business and that made her quirky and irritated at everything and everyone. Can you say VERY stressed! I coulnd't wait to get out of there today! I came home and I just want to eat and eat and eat. I'm out of points....in fact, today I've already gone over about 3 points (it's all ok, I have only used those 3-5 flex points...so now I guess it's 8...)! ARRGGHHH So, I have to resist! (or find a no point snack...hmmmmm...no theres a thought!) Yes, I'm a stress eater. I want to eat to make myself feel better. Eat to 'drown my sorrows'. I know this and really have to gaurd against it. Course, knowing isn't making it any easier!

I just know that I HAVE to do this for my health!

I am taking today off from exercise. I worked out pretty hard yesterday. I know that I have to give my body a break here and there. So I chose today to do that!

Wondering how my week has been!

Yes, I'm wondering if I've lost any weight. After my last weigh in, I'm just not sure. Ok, honestly, I sneaked on the scale on Thursday...and nothing. However, Thursday was only 1 1/2 days after my 'official' weigh in. I've stayed pretty much on plan. I've maybe gone a point or so over a day...but haven't touched my flex points (except for those loose points...like one or two points at most....on maybe 2 days...so we are talking like tops 5 points).

It was an extremely stressful day for me. My boss was upset at some things going on in our town and concerning her business and that made her quirky and irritated at everything and everyone. Can you say VERY stressed! I coulnd't wait to get out of there today! I came home and I just want to eat and eat and eat. I'm out of points....in fact, today I've already gone over about 3 points (it's all ok, I have only used those 3-5 flex points...so now I guess it's 8...)! ARRGGHHH So, I have to resist! (or find a no point snack...hmmmmm...no theres a thought!) Yes, I'm a stress eater. I want to eat to make myself feel better. Eat to 'drown my sorrows'. I know this and really have to gaurd against it. Course, knowing isn't making it any easier!

I just know that I HAVE to do this for my health!

I am taking today off from exercise. I worked out pretty hard yesterday. I know that I have to give my body a break here and there. So I chose today to do that!

At least it's a loss!

Well....the weight loss for this week was .2 pounds. Yes, that wasn't POINT TWO pounds. I'm happy because at least it was a negative...I didn't gain. However, I worked my tail end off and only lost .2 pounds. COurse, I also had pizza and fat free frozen yogurt one night....oh yeah and the day before my weigh in had two wonderful buttery biscuits (one at Red Lobster and the other from Popeyes). The one from Popeyes I had a a carry in meal/picnic. ALl good and dandy..but I ate worse then I should have the night before a weigh in. HOwever, each of these days...and for the whole week, in fact, I stayed within my points allowance! I guess that may be a lesson in what the carb type foods do to me! :-) Mom thinks it is because I worked out so much that I gained muscle..which we all know weighs more. Whatever happened, I'm hoping for a nice weight loss this coming week! (yes, staying away from pizza and stuff like that)

Looking at the big picture

I can proudly say that I've lost 15.6 pounds since I started weight watchers. That in itself is pretty exciting. But Sallie, my boss was talking the other day and she was like, "MaryFran, you really need to use the TOTAL number of pounds that you hvae lost." I started thinking about it. Yes, the 15.6 is nice to announce. BUt yes, to date, I've lost 68 pounds from my very highest weight! That is pretty darn amazing! That makes me step back and say..."woah, I've actually accomplished something that I can be REALLY proud of!"

Loss

Well.... 2.4 is the magic figure of weight loss for this last week. I was pretty darn tickled with my loss....especially since I made the wild leap from shorts to jeans! (I weighed them because everyone online was talking about it soooo much.....it was 1 pound more). So I can be satisfied that I had that weight loss...AND know that it probably would have been more if I had only worn shorts! Now that I am in jeans though..unless we have an utter hot heat wave...I'm not going back to shorts until next summer for my weigh ins!

We ate at Pizza Hut tonight. I do not feel guilty. I hate (ok, used to hate) thin crust pizza. I have always referred to it as pizza on a cracker...or cracker crust pizza. Well......it is much more point efficent to eat thin crust (although I do honestly love pan and really don't like thin crust). Well...I ate the thin crust...and a small salad. I was actually only 3 points over my daily allowance. I knew I could let the flex points catch those points...however I came home and exercised for an hour and fifeteen minutes! :-) Wooo hooo! :-)

Cheated a bit with the scales!

Ok, yes, I cheated with the scales. I know, I know, I know, I said I wasn't going to get on the scales at all. Well, we were at the gym yesterday and I hopped on the scales. It looks as if I have lost SOMETHING! I'll take any loss I can get though!

Tonight is the big weigh in though.....eii yii yiii.....still nervous!

Feelin Guilty

Ok, I was so sore on Saturday morning. I could have worked out in the evening though because even though I was still a bit stiff, I wasn't overly sore. But you always hear about overdoing it and giving your muscles a break. SOOO I decided to forgo the exercise video yesterday. I felt slightly bad about not doing anything but knew that I had been sooo on target with my exercise that it would be ok. (I was also way on target with eating....a good combination if you need to take a day off...). Well, I had the best plans today to get to the gym. ANd when the gym idea was scrubbed, I had every intention on working out with the dvd. However, I had a bushel of pears to can. WE got home at around 4 and I am STILL working on the pears. TOdd did help me (bless him) with the peeling, which saved me a ton of time. I also used both canners on the stove to expedite matters. However that last batch is still in the canners almost ready to come out (thank goodness). It is 10:45 PM. THere is no way that I am up to jumping around and exercising right now. Standing in the kitchen for over 6 hours kinda takes any kind of umph out of you. Thus we reach my guilt. I haven't exercised for two days! The guilt is thick and palatable.

I've also got to get over this excited fear that I get every week about this time...waiting for the weigh in! Did I mention that it is Sunday and I don't get weighed in until Tuesday night? Wooooo...maybe I need some help....mental help....like the little men all dressed in white...carrying a straight jacket. Haa haa haa. No seriously though, I do get this excited fear. I have been good with the scales....meaning I'm not a slave to the scales by hopping on all the time (ok even once a day and then obssessing). So I truely have no utter clue how I did this week. It will truely be a surprise! :-)

Still Sore!

Man, in that last post, I didn't even know what sore meant! The other night I got home and Todd and seen that we had a chef boy ar dee pizza kit in the pantry. Ooops. You know it. I switched from beef stroganoff to pizza. Not bad you may say, except that I had calculated all my points around the beef stroganoff. I luckily had kept a few spare points for a 'treat' before I went to bed. But, I still went over with the pizza. I didn't eat a half of pizza. I ate three slices. I should have kept it at two. That is my goal for next time I guess. LOL SOOOO after dinner I popped open my new exercise DVD and went to town. I was sore while doing it....but I made it through the low and high intensity work outs and the toning segment. So yesterday I get home and Todd was tired and didn't want to go to the gym. So in went the dvd. I did it all again. I could feel my muscles...eii yii yii. This morning, man do I feel it. The hot shower helped quite a bit..but I am still sore.

It's raining today....hurricane Ernesto is making its mark on us. (it rained yesterday also). Because of this, work should be pretty slow....I mean the battlefield is not going to get many tourists in this weather....and that directly reflects on our business.

Todd is talking about goign to the gym tonight also. Although, he is running errends today and took his gym bag today (he said he needs to catch up with me, since I'm working out so much...lol). So I'm not sure we will really make it tonight. I do definitely want to make it to the gym tomorrow though!

SORE!

Well after my high intensity work out yesterday, coupled with all the walking that Todd and I did. FOLLOWED by making and canning applesauce until late last night, I slept like the dead and woke up tired and just worn out. I didn't even manage to get any exercise in. I made my breakfast, took a shower and here I sit. I did at least plan what we are having for dinner tonight. (Beef Stroganoff...7 points for the whole shebang). I haven't even packed my lunch for work yet...arrggghhhh. Lazy day!

I bought "The Biggest Loser" workout DVD yesterday. I thought it would be a neat one....especially since it doesn't need anything special (hand weights are optional...but I have them...and an exercise mat..which I have). What sparked this you may ask? Well, I am trying to shake up my workouts and try to stay out of getting in ruts (ie riding the exercise bike all the time...or hiking every day..etc etc etc). So I pulled out "The FIRM" Dvd's. I had them..never used them. I turned them on and low and behold...you need a Step. How did I miss that they use a step? Oh well. So yesterday I shopped...looking for a step. COME ON NOW! How hard can it be to find one? Well, apparently I didn't look in the right places. (I'm gonna eventually try Dicks Sporting Goods next time I am in Hagerstown...but we were in Martinsburg). So walking by the electronics section I thought it would be funny to see if they had "The Firm" dvds.....I mean to sell the DVD's but not the step...haa haa haa. I never got that far though. I saw "The Biggest Loser" dvd...which I've always been intrigued with, and bought it! I didn't have time last night...and I was too tired (having a hard time waking up this morning....remember) this morning. I'm planning on popping it in tonight and seeing how it goes!

Oh well...off to work I go!

copy of lost 8-27-06 post

Sunday 8-27-06

Slow Sunday Morning

Our church starts late so it has been a lazy Sunday morning. I woke up and laid in bed a while reading. Pretty much between sentences (or at least every time I turned the page), I told myself to get out of bed and read while riding the exercise bike. Uhhhh, never happened.

Todd and I went to my bosses pool last night (she is out of town and offered the pool to us while they are gone). I tried to remain active the whole time I was in the pool by swimming and jumping around. I at first got angry at Todd because he was hanging on me and wanting to play in the pool. I quickly realized though that it doubled my weight and resistance in the pool...making my work out much more intense. We are planning on going to the gym this afternoon after church. We really need to get in a routine of visiting the gym again! That is the only way that I am going to get this weight off...and that is to exercise it off...while I am eating healthy!

I'm doing ok with the eating portion. I haven't really weighed myself. I'm trying to stay away from my scales...they flucuate way too much. Plus when I don't see drastic movement (yes, I know..slow weight loss is better) then I get all depressed and worried about it. I am thinking that I need to forget my scales and just weigh in at weight watchers. Well...maybe at the gym to see how they weigh me!

Very Exciting!

I am very excited! I went to my weigh in last night. I weighed in at 3.8 pounds down! Yeppers! That makes a total of 13.2 pounds gone in three weeks. Even better, I started my period this morning. I usually weigh in a bit higher right before that! Soooo, I'm trying not to be too optimistic but it is very hard not to!

Slow Sunday Morning

Our church starts late so it has been a lazy Sunday morning. I woke up and laid in bed a while reading. Pretty much between sentences (or at least every time I turned the page), I told myself to get out of bed and read while riding the exercise bike. Uhhhh, never happened.

Todd and I went to my bosses pool last night (she is out of town and offered the pool to us while they are gone). I tried to remain active the whole time I was in the pool by swimming and jumping around. I at first got angry at Todd because he was hanging on me and wanting to play in the pool. I quickly realized though that it doubled my weight and resistance in the pool...making my work out much more intense. We are planning on going to the gym this afternoon after church. We really need to get in a routine of visiting the gym again! That is the only way that I am going to get this weight off...and that is to exercise it off...while I am eating healthy!

I'm doing ok with the eating portion. I haven't really weighed myself. I'm trying to stay away from my scales...they flucuate way too much. Plus when I don't see drastic movement (yes, I know..slow weight loss is better) then I get all depressed and worried about it. I am thinking that I need to forget my scales and just weigh in at weight watchers. Well...maybe at the gym to see how they weigh me!

Slow Sunday Morning

Our church starts late so it has been a lazy Sunday morning. I woke up and laid in bed a while reading. Pretty much between sentences (or at least every time I turned the page), I told myself to get out of bed and read while riding the exercise bike. Uhhhh, never happened.

Todd and I went to my bosses pool last night (she is out of town and offered the pool to us while they are gone). I tried to remain active the whole time I was in the pool by swimming and jumping around. I at first got angry at Todd because he was hanging on me and wanting to play in the pool. I quickly realized though that it doubled my weight and resistance in the pool...making my work out much more intense. We are planning on going to the gym this afternoon after church. We really need to get in a routine of visiting the gym again! That is the only way that I am going to get this weight off...and that is to exercise it off...while I am eating healthy!

I'm doing ok with the eating portion. I haven't really weighed myself. I'm trying to stay away from my scales...they flucuate way too much. Plus when I don't see drastic movement (yes, I know..slow weight loss is better) then I get all depressed and worried about it. I am thinking that I need to forget my scales and just weigh in at weight watchers. Well...maybe at the gym to see how they weigh me!

Slow Sunday Morning

I woke up realtively early and read a little bit. I laid in bed, thinking (between sentences) that I should really motivate myself out of bed and read while riding the exercise bike. But, alas...bad me....I didn't do it. I did eventually get up and have been reading the boards on Weight Watchers. This for me is quite motivational. I know when I am losing the most weight, I am also focused on the weight loss. Almost obsessive abou it. Oh well, whatever it takes!

Last night after work Todd and I went to my bosses pool. (She is out of town and offered it to us to swim in while she was gone.) I swam or jumped around in the water for the whole 45 minutes we were there (would have stayed longer but a storm blew in..arrgghh). I actually had a pretty good work out. Plus, Todd was hanging all over me while I was trying to swim and jump around. It would have made me mad, except that it doubled my weight...and the work that I had to do to move.

Today after church, TOdd and I are planning on hitting the gym. We sooo have to get back into going to the gym on a regular basis. This not going has got to stop. I've got to get incredibly active. THat is the only way that I am going to get this weight off! Maybe I should also start wearing my pedometer on a regular basis. Working at the deli has got to be good for me in the aspect that I am on my feet and moving more than I would be if I had a desk job! Twould be interesting to see how many steps I do take a day.

I'm starting some challenges on the weight watchers boards. I am looking forward to getting as much motivation as possible!

I'm really trying to stay away from the scales. It is incredibly difficult now knowing where I am. But my home scales simply flucuate way too much! I will probably weigh myself today at the gym though. :-)

Another Week

Another week down and at my weigh in this past Tuesday, I found myself down another 3.2 pounds. This brings my total since starting weight watchers to 9.4 pounds. Yippee! My first goal is 24 pounds so I'm almost half way there!

I'm actually not having too much difficulty working with the point system. I am finding that I can eat quite a bit of food within my allotment, without using my flex points. Well, as long as I make a few minor adjustments! It also helps me if I have planned what we are having for dinner...or what I am eating wherever we are going. I can plan my breakfast and lunch better. I've been eating a lot of fruit. I need to kick up my vegetable consumption though!

I'm trying to be a whole lot more active. I am riding the exercise bike more, riding my 'regular' bike more and walking a whole lot more. I'm dragging Todd along for a lot of this also. So I can be happy and know that it is helping him also.

This process is so difficult for someone with no patience!

Last night we went to an Italian restaurant with my
brother, his family and my parents. I was looking
at the menu and KNEW the points value for the spagetti
and the lasagna. I saw manicotti and THOUGHT that it
would be similar to lasagna. Come on now..it's
pretty close isn't it? WELLLLLLLLL I enjoyed it
greatly. Got home and went to the points menu in my
weight watchers books and low and behold it was
DOUBLE what I expected. I didn't blow my day too
badly. I was only 2 points over my daily limit.
I'm not worried because of the fact that we have those
35 extra weekly allowance points that I try not to
use..just for these occaisions... technically I
guess I now have 32 left. PLUS, apparently week
three I will learn about how exercise can add on points
to my daily allowance. For example someone told me
that walking like 15 minutes gives you one extra point
to eat a day. Well...no problem. I rode my bike for
30 minutes. So that 'probably' negated those two extra
points. :-)

Had some revelations yesterday. Went to the Waffle
House for breakfast. I was scanning the menu, ready
to face defeat and admit that I could get two eggs
and two pieces of toast and blow like 1/2 of my
daily allowance of points, when Todd mentioned a
waffle. I ran to the car and found it was only 5
points with a point extra for a teaspoon of butter
and one point for the syrup. SO I ate that. Much
less food than I would have normally eaten. Well I
got to work about an hour or so later and just had
an apple from my lunch, planning on eating my lunch
around 2 or 3. After all, I had gone to Waffle
house and had a 'big' breakfast (well, I used to
have big breakfasts at the waffle house). Round
about 2 I started feeling sick, My stomach was
feeling really weird. I was all worried. Then I
noticed that when I took a drink of water the feeling
would go away for about 10 minutes before it
returned. It got me thinking. WOW....the light
bulb clicked....I was actually HUNGRY. My body was
demanding food. I ate and I was ok. Ok, I know
this doesn't seem like a great revelation. However
to me it is. For years and years I have been eating
for the sake of eating, not really thinking about
the fact that my body really needs this food for
nurishment and to sustain my life. Since I was
simply shovelling food in, I so rarely got to the
point that my body was demanding food. Like I said,
yesterday was a huge revelation....actually allowing
my body to talk to me instead of my addiction to food!
Yes, I do have an addiction to food!


I've been exercising a whole lot this week. I woke up on Thursday and Todd didn't seem motivated to go out, so I hopped on the exercise bike. I was 15 minutes into it when he came into the living room and asked if I wanted to hike some. SURE...I would much rather go outside versus the exercise bike. So I quickly got dressed and headed out, we walked for 30 minutes. I then ALSO rode my bike to and from work!(15 minutes each way on the bike...so riding to and from work totals 30 mintues)
Friday I rode the exercise bike for 30 minutes and rode to and from work. Saturday I took it a bit easier and only did the exercise bike for 30 minutes. TOday, I dont' plan on riding the bike. I have already been out in the garden for about an hour picking. I'll spend a good deal of time in the kitchen today canning what I picked! Afterwards I need to clean the house. So even on my off day I'll be active. On monday we plan on going for a longer bike ride. I'm pretty excited!

First week down

Well, my first week of weight watchers is past me. And 6.2 pounds are gone! Woo hooo. I'm pretty excited because it has been quite some time since I've been able to celebrate a movement downward on the scale. SO this is pretty big for me.

I did quite a bit of exercising thus far this week. I rode the exercise bike yesterday morning for a half hour and then walked/alternately ran for about 30 minutes yesterday. Today I got up and we walked for 45plus minutes. Then I biked to work and biked home. I'm going to try to exercise AT LEAST 30 minutes a day this week...and see how that goes!

The moment of truth is almost upon me. I go to my second week of weight watchers.....so I can see if I have lost any weight. The question is, is this diet working for me? I think it is one that I can stick with. It is really not much different than the calorie watching that I had been previously doing. This somehow seems more simple and consise. It seems easier to remember the point values than having to remember calories. We'll see though!

Moving Again

I've been tenatively watching the scales. I am happy to say that the numbers are going DOWN again! I know that this is because it is my first week back in the diet saddle again. However, at least I am moving! I'm still trying to be cautious in my excitement though....I know it isn't all going to be this easy!

It is just way too depressing sometimes to look at the foods I love and realize that to eat them would be to blow half of my food budget/allowance for the day. That depresses me. It also helps me realize exactly how I got to this position!

Weight Watchers

I desperately needed to do something. My weight has been sitting idle for some time. It is discouraging because I watch what I eat and don't see any change, which causes me to stop watching and therefore eat bad stuff, in bad quantities. So I up and did it. I went to a Weight Watchers meeting on Tuesday night and joined. I don't know if it is what I need. But I'm willing to give it a shot. I'm hoping kicks me into high gear and motivates me to actually stay true to the diet and not 'cheat'. So far it's a whole lot easier than I thought it would be. I'm actually not having any problems maintaining the point limit. I'm not tempted to really cheat either....as this is still new! We'll see how this goes! I'm hoping to at least start losing instead of sitting at a standstill on the weight thing!

Random Thoughts

I got an email from a friend the other day. In it she was talking about some thought that she had about her weight loss. It really made me think. Why is this weight thing a huge problem. I've been stalled for the LONGEST time. I say I'm determined to do this. But why do I fall so easily. My friend talked about how she doesn't feel pretty so subconsciously she has no desire to lose the weight...why bother. She mentioned that she doesn't bother with make up or the frilly girl things because she feels it would be worthless....I know I definitely fit that bill! I'm wondering how much of the rest is true with me. My husband tells me that I'm pretty as do my parents. But I don't feel pretty. I often wonder what I'll look like when I'm thin. I wonder if I'll be pretty. I dont' know..... Maybe I'm afraid to look in the mirror and see what I'll look like without these pounds to hide behind.

Things are going so slow for me. I'm not losing....I'm struggling with the eating...and I struggle with the exercise! ARRGGHHHH