Thursday, January 07, 2016

Ruler of Numbers

I am giving my ankle another week of rest before kicking into running again. It was twinging a bit more than I was happy with earlier this week.....and just from normal walking.  I am starting to get antsy to get out and run though!    I am hoping to get out and walk and hike some this weekend.  The weather was originally looking to be rainy, but the percentage/chance of rain has been steadily dropping all week.  I think it's down to a 20% chance and the weather will be in the 40's   PERFECT temps!

My official Wednesday weigh in?   Not as good as I wanted.   I dropped about a half of a pound.  (But I was up a pound from where I was earlier in the week).   Not gonna worry about it.   The "Love Bites' Challenge is only for motivation.  I would LOVE to reach the goal that I have set.   But as long as my weight is lower on February 14th, I'll be a happy girl!  

After reading a post on LosingmyPuppy that talked about her 'daily to do list'.  I realized that in the shuffle of life during the turbulent last year that I stopped making my running list of things to do.   I still had my 'to do' notebook from when I was keeping my lists.   Sometimes the lists were daily to do lists.  Sometimes they are ongoing things to do in for the week.  I planned vacations, and packing lists.  I did EVERYTHING in my book.   And I stopped.   I pulled out my book and I have started again!  I have already been more productive today because I have a plan. 

This morning I was grabbing my clothes for the day and I grabbed a pair of dress slacks.  I haven't worn them in a while, so I pulled the tag forward to look at the size.  Size 16.  Hmmmmm. I wasn't sure they would fit but I figured why not try them.  They fit!   I remember when I got down to a size 16 before. In fact, I just alluded to it in my 10 year Blogiversary post the other day!    I was quite a few pounds less on the scale.   Like 30 pounds less.   How amazing that my body has adjusted and changed so much.   I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.  In fact, I'm kind of excited to see what size I will be when I reach my goal weight again.  So I'll take a size 16 at this weight.  But it makes me think about the numbers.   What do they really mean.   Does that size 16....or the ultimate size 10/12 I was wearing at my lowest weight really mean anything?   Do the numbers on the scale really mean anything?   Obviously I am weighing MORE now then I did when I was so proud to hit a size 16 before.   So why do we focus on them?

So often we become immersed in numbers.   It is really in any aspect of our lives.  But I have noticed that since I have started to live a healthy lifestyle there are a few numbers that I LIVE by.  At various stages of my journey I have allowed these numbers to absolutely RULE me.  I have been the queen of numbers.    

The numbers that are on the tags of my clothes.....AKA the size do not have too much of an affect on me.  I have long known that the cut and make and brand of clothes can affect the size like nothing else.   So I don't obsess about being a size 'perfect'.   But I can see the draw.   Yes....I LOVE to drop a size and say "I no longer wear that higher size"   Or  "I am a solid size 'awesome'.    Thankfully for me this doesn't rule me.  It is just a gauge of where I am in my journey.  But for some people I think it's the end all be all.   

The scales however;  for me, the scales have at times ruled my life.   I weigh almost every day.  I like knowing.  I like seeing the fluctuations and being able to say "well duh...of course your weight is up because every time you go out for Chinese for dinner the night before your numbers are up"   Yes, weighing everyday has taught me so much about the normal fluctuations.  I know if I wake up thirsty, that my weight will be up.  I know that Chinese food and Mexican food pops my weight.  I know a really big high carb day affects me on the scale two days after I eat it.  I know that my weight pops the first day of my monthly ick.   I like knowing.  But that said,  there have been times where I get on the scales and see an awesome reading and use it as motivation....but there are also days when I have gotten on the scales and seen a higher than expected number and I use that as a self destructive mission to sabotage my efforts.   I can not be RULED by the scales.    I have to sit back and remind myself that while the scales may not be showing my hard work, if I'm eating right and exercising the scales WILL eventually show my efforts.   Scales are awesome as a tool for measurement and for education.   They are only dangerous if we allow them to impact our feelings and our efforts. 

Numbers are long as I don't let them Rule me!!!!