Monday, June 25, 2012

What to write

It was recently brought to my attention that I haven't been writing much on my blog.  I've thought about it a few times.  I've actually even pulled up blogger to do so.  But then I sit and stare at the empty screen and I ponder what to write.  What can I write that won't be a repeat of what I've been writing for years. "I'm going to get on is a new day....I'm going to beat this weight loss thing!"   Seriously....I'm tired of writing that.  I'm tired of the trite posts.  I've always prided myself in being blunt and raw about this journey.  While I've felt those things when I've written them, I just can't say them again......I want it....but even I'm bored with hearing it.  So what to write? 

Can I write that I'm failing miserably at this thing called weight loss?   Or should I write that I feel like an utter failure at this thing called life.  You see, this weight loss thing is just indicative of how I feel like my life is right now.  I feel like it's all falling down around my ears...all aspects of my life.  I have tried and tried for years to pick up the pieces and clutch them to my chest and pretend that i had it under control.  But I can't pretend anymore.The pieces are falling out of my grasp almost as fast (maybe faster) than I can pick them up.  I'm sinking.

I've tried to focus on the weight thing...because that's something that I can control somewhat.  And I'm not going to give up.  But you know what?  It just feels hopeless.