Thursday, April 01, 2010

Well well well....I worked outside for a few hours yesterday and boy is my upper body sore!!!!

My eating has been on target this week. My weight was a bit up this morning...not sure why but I have my suspicions (it seems as if when I drink a diet soda in the evening that my weight pops up the next morning...I know that there is sodium in diet I'm thinking that's the culprit). But no worries...I'm still trucking along. I woke up early this morning and made an egg and cheese sandwich and then I went for a nice walk on the canal. I brought my shoes to walk on my lunch break and weeee my plan is to get home tonight and ride the exercise bike for at LEAST an hour. I also plan on doing a new video that I picked up....strength training stuff. We'll have to see how that goes. My original plan was to head to the gym tonight...but I realized that I have no clean jeans....and tomorrow is jeans day here at work...Oh yeah, I'm washing them tonight!!! So laundry tonight. Not a big deal....I can exercise at home!

The fear of being thin. I've been thinking a lot about this fear a lot lately. I lost a lot of my weight on the motivation that when I was thin, things would miraculously be rosy. Yeah, I also wanted to do it for my health. But a lot was to fix the woes in my life. So when I got to my goal weight and the problems were still there, I became disillusioned. Sadly this caused me to stop caring....and I regained weight. Now i'm not saying that this is all of it....I've tried to lose the weight in the ensuing months...but overall, I wasn't really into it because I didn't want to face the truth. And that truth? That the bad things that happen in my life are not all directly related to my obesity. I've been taking steps to look at the negatives in my life and to really work on the issues at hand versus losing weight as an solution. It has caused a lot of stress, but in doing it I'm slowly coming out ahead and I think I'm finally looking at weight loss in a healthy (sorry for the pun) light. I want to lose weight first and foremost for my health (that has always been a given...and it hasn't changed). But i want to lose weight because I remember how wonderful I felt in my own skin. I liked how my energy level was just super high. I liked the self confidence that I felt. I'm losing weight to return to those feelings! ALL for me!!! No-one else.