Sunday, July 26, 2015

Just Do It

I have reached the end of my rope.   I had a great week. I got to spend time with the guy I'm seeing.  I got to go to Hershey Park with my family.  I got to hang out and watch movies.  I got to go out with my friend Paula.  A good week.  But I have reached the end of my rope.

I have gone to Hershey park over the years.  I had gone years ago with my friend Julie and Todd.   I struggled because with my weight I struggled with riding some of the rides.  NOT because I didn't want to ride them.  NOT because I don't like to ride them.   BUt because my weight made riding the rides difficult.  The constraints that keep the riders safe are difficult for an overweight person.    A few years later, when I was right around my lowest weight, we went back again and it was FANTASTIC.  There was no fear there was no struggle, it was just good plain fun!    I went back this past week.   It was a great fun day.  But it was rough..   As we waited in lines for the rides I worried.   I stood there in fear that I would get to the front of the ride and they would go to check my restraints and/or put me in the restraints and I wouldn't fit and I would have to do the walk of shame because I couldn't ride.  However, the restraints were so tight that I couldn't take a full deep breath.  I wasn't in any danger at all, I could breath just fine, but I couldn't get a full lung of air.  Not a biggie, but eye opening.     I did fit...each and every time. Yet the fear persisted each time I rode a ride.     I  didn't notice the next issue until just today.   I had noticed a bruise but didn't pay attention until today when I actually got a good look at myself without a shirt in the mirror. BOTH of my shoulders bear bruises where the restraints went across my shoulders.  Yes, the shoulder harnesses had to be pushed down until they clicked and I was THAT close that I bruised.    I am NOT doing this again.  I want to ride and enjoy and not have to worry about my fatness.    This has GOT to change.

My second wake up call?   I went out and lounged in the pool today.  I was on a float and fell asleep.   I apparently was out there for an hour and a half and my thighs ended up a bit burnt.  My fat gut overlaps my thighs.....yes, I have a tan line from the overhang of my gut.  HOW WRONG IS THAT????????

I did not run on Thursday or Friday.  But I did get a run in on both Saturday and Sunday.   Running is still rough, but I am pushing through!