Saturday, January 24, 2009

self loathing

Well, I'm torn between laughter and utter despair. I just can't seem to get it together. I do think that last night was a bit of stress eating. I'm stressed about some things right now. (One of the major issues....we are having a problem with water at the in it's not working. Uhhh this is NOT good.) But then I also had the issue of I had the idea of some foods in my head, and I just didn't relax until I had eaten those foods!

Let me explain. On the way home from work last night I was running through in my head what I could eat for dinner. I thought of a few things..they all sounded soooo good. But I eventually chose one! (but still lusted after the unpicked options). I ate, and settled down for the evening. My husband called from the studio and we talked a bit about the water issue. I ate a WW chocolate chip cookie. (1 point) He called again. I ate three wedges of laughing cow cheese and some low fat wheat thins. (5 points) He called again and we decided to run to town to grab a part that we thought would fix the problem. While I was waiting for him to pick me up I had two bowls of cold cereal. Notice I didn't say I had one serving...or two servings. I had two BOWLS of cereal! (who knows how many points!) Now here is the part of the issue....these foods were all on the list of options for me to eat for dinner that I had discarded when I made my choice. But they weren't really discarded from my head! Plus I do believe some of it was stress.

So after I ate, I sat in the car filled with self loathing and disgust because I KNOW better! Later I actually started laughing (for a hot second) because for a binge, at least I didn't go straight for the donuts, or the regular cookies, or ice cream. I still ate somewhat healthy.