Wednesday, June 07, 2017


It is Day 7 and my calendar looks good!  I've tracked and drank my water each and every day!!!!    I have been 'active' every day but one.   Yesterday was a simple walk around the park with Jason...but hey it was movement!   The day that I didn't do anything active or 'move' was on Monday.   I had grand plans to come home and mow the yards....push mow.  How active is that?   I made one or two passes in the first back yard and the mower died.  Dead...kerplunk....belly up! We knew the mower was on its deathbed so it wasn't too shocking!  But a new mower was not waiting in the no mowing for me.  I instead went inside and read the time away!!!

The good news????  

Yes I got my road bike from storage!!!! I have pumped up the tires...they seem to be holding air well.  And yes, that is where my bike is going to be stored...I don't use the couch...and should Jason come over for a visit, I will roll the bike over and lean it against a dresser.   And yes, that is my solution to not being given permission to have my bike in the garage at home. (Jason stores my trek with his bike.). Hey, I laid an old sheet over the couch to protect it!!!!

Regardless...I feel utterly defeated.   I know this is a no numbers month....but I am continuing my weigh ins.   And let me say that it wasn't good this morning!!!!   I looked at my calories to find out why I was up 3-4 pounds and my numbers haven't been that bad.


And if you net in the exercise....


See not bad at all!   My water has been pretty spot on also!!!!

So very defeated.   I'm not giving up.  I'm still going forward with my no numbers month....but I'm concerned!!  

The other defeated feeling and honestly probably the largest portion of the defeatedness is pertaining to my employment. I alluded to this a few months ago...but as time passes I'm going to simply lay it out....because I'm worried.   A month ago they made an announcement about some changes coming to our work place.   They however did not tell us what they will be doing with the employees that will be displaced because of these changes.  We have repeatedly asked our manager and we get the 'I have asked and they say they don't know yet'.   (Uhhh. This change is happening in mid July!!).   The closest office to us is where we assumed we would be shuffled to...but I have heard that they are saying that that office is over staffed so that most likely leaves that out as an option for any of us.  

I have been applying for positions at other locations in the last month.  A lot of applications.   I usually get nothing in response.   Oh wait, I've gotten two was saying 'you don't have the qualifications we needed'. (A four year degree doesn't trump experience in regards to that office secretary position apparently.   But hey, I knew I didn't have the "preferred experience" and decided to submit anyway!    And the other response was a form letter that said 'due to the high volume of applications we will only be responding to the 'chosen few'.  (Yes I paraphrased the 'chosen few' line!)    Also understandable.    Did I mention that I got only two responses out of maybe 50 applications?  (Maybe some are in the mail.)  That fills one with a huge sense of defeat.  Course maybe straight up rejects would be worse.  Hahahaha (At least I'm laughing right?)"

Defeat....what fun!!!

But you know what??   

*** I am still applying for all sorts of positions....because the right job is out there.  Out there somewhere  is a job that I will love.  Out there somewhere  is a job that will pay me enough so that I can stop relying on the generosity of my family for my living accommodations.  Out there somewhere is the perfect job for me!!!!

***I am still tracking my food....because regardless of what the scales say, tracking my food is good because it allows me to see what I'm eating and make adjustments as I move toward a healthier life!

***I am still guzzling water...because it's good for me even if it didn't help the number on the scales!

***Regardless of the number on the scale, I am still running and moving....because I want to live and be healthy!!!!

And yes...I ran this morning.....

I even made money on the deal!!!!


Why yes I stopped running for a few seconds to pick up the quarter!!!  Two weeks ago I slowed down to pick up a penny!!!!  I got a raise today!!!

So I'm not giving up....I'm fighting the urge to give up.   There are great things in store for me, I just have to push through to get to them!!!!