Friday, May 15, 2020

Weight loss failure

I am such a failure at this weight loss stuff!  Seriously I am a  colossal failure!

I swore that this past week was going to be my epic return to actual weight loss!   However, on this official weigh in day, I find myself still sitting at the upper end of the scales!   I have officially gained 10 pounds since our world went topsy turvy!    

I’m embarrassed. So embarrassed!

Why am I sabotaging myself.   Now let’s be clear,  I’m not standing in the kitchen saying ‘let me self sabotage’.  Of course not!   I actually start each and every day with a positive spin.  ‘Today is going to be the day!’   I track my food!   I get my 64 ounce water jug and my flavored vitamin water ready for the day!

I track my breakfast!  I think to myself, ‘I have this!’   And then sometime ...usually at lunchtime, my good intentions go down the drain...or should I say that the food goes down the hatch I shovel God knows what into my pie hole!   Self control flees and I am left with a terrible sense of failure and I don’t track even a single bite the rest of the day!

That loss of self control then gives me the self perpetuating thoughts of ‘may as well go all in’.  Oh you know the feeling.   It’s that sense of saying ‘I already messed up, I may as well just have the good ...but unhealthy foods for the rest of the day...tomorrow I’ll get back on track’. This past week that brought around a situation where I ate a lot of the rolls from our Texas Roadhouse Takeout order.  

It also led to a package of Red Velvet Chips Ahoy cookies.  I recommend NOT buying them if you are trying to lose weight...they are DELICIOUS!!

I indulge and then I am infused with a sense of guilt.  Luckily the guilt doesn’t spur me to give up.  The guilt I feel each night spurs me to start my next day hot on the trail of weight loss.   I prepare my water and track my breakfast!

I can do it I tell myself.   But then it’s like it is a wash rinse repeat deal....and somewhere around lunchtime I lose all vestige of self control!

It doesn’t help that my ribs are still giving me a pretty good amount of pain.  (Will this pain ever end?). So just the thought of exercise makes me cringe.   I have been walking after work....but only because Jason asks me to walk with him when I get off work and when I waffle about going he says ‘I’m going if you go or not...’ and I drag my butt out the door.  (Thank you Jason!). 

I don’t have a magic solution to fix this.  I want to lose weight so badly.   I fear what is going to happen to me if I do not get this under control.  Meanwhile, it’s early morning on the first day of my weight water is prepared, my breakfast is tracked....I’m starting the day and week out strong!