Thursday, January 27, 2022

The Struggle Bus

​I am seriously on the struggle bus when it comes to my weight loss efforts!   This weight loss journey is tough!   Life, continual apple dumplings and stress just pull me away and I am struggling!


Apple Dumplings and Weight Loss

Yes, I am still making apple dumplings.  My recipe is perfected, however I still find myself looking at other recipes to tweak it just a bit.   I was checking out a recipe that was left in my comments and as I was scrolling I saw a recipe for caramel apple dumplings.  Jason loves apple dumplings…and he loves caramel.  Would he love them together?   I’m not sure, but someday I may have to find out.  But for now I am happy in my perfected recipe.  I will post the recipe on here in a day or two.   I’m still working on making them ‘pretty’.  I’ve learned there is an art to apple dumplings and I’m working to perfect that art.  They look better each batch!


So why am I making apple dumplings when I am struggling?   Jason likes them.  Plain and simple.  Jason is asking for them.  Should he have to suffer just because I can’t control myself?  No!  Ok.  So Im usually pretty good with not indulging…I typically eat one the first night after I make a batch and then I let the rest for him.  So it’s not all that bad. I made them last night and tried to round it out with a lower calorie meal for dinner.  Not perfect…but I still consider it a win to know that I’m not eating them every night!


The Stress is Building

Weight loss and stress just don’t mix.  Work has been absolutely crazy.  Nuts!  I’m pulled in a gazillion different directions and made to feel as if nothing I do is right. It is rough.  And that makes me want to run to the kitchen for every piece of comfort food that I can find!


Adding to the stress is the stress about this house buying venture.  I am a worrier and the thing that makes me worry the most is finances and stuff like that.   So you can just imagine what my stress levels are as we begin this process.  (Do not even mention the fact that they are saying that the interest rates are rising in March.  That just gives me cause to have hives….if my body were the type to respond to stress with hives that is!)


However, Jason and I have been praying so keep telling myself that it will all work out in the best possible way.


Eating and Weight Loss

Almost every morning this week I have set up my eating plan for the day.  I’ve gone into MyFitnessPal and entered my food that I am planning to eat that day.  I have been spot on!  For those five minutes….I do well while I’m at my desk in the morning.  But that is simply because there is no food in front of me.  But my plans have gone up in smoke each day when it comes time for lunch.  Lunch comes and that healthy lunch with lots of fruits and veggies that I planned just seems to unpalatable!  So I have eaten leftovers…a high calorie meal that we had on Monday of course.   I have managed to avoid the apple dumplings (except for last night when they were fresh and hot from the oven).  I have however had a few pieces of chocolate at night.  So it’s not typically my evenings that mess me up. It’s the leftovers for lunch that throw me over the line into eating poorly.


So what is my weight doing on the scales?  My weight did my normal weekend jump….and I have NOT seen it drop this week.   Sooo…if the scales hold true I have possibly just managed to erase every ounce of weight loss that I achieved the first few weeks of this year!  How depressing is that?  


Apple dumplings, stress and weight loss journey may not seem to go hand in hand…but those things are what makes up life.  (Or things that are very similar).   To have a life long  success at this thing called a weight loss and a healthy weight I HAVE to learn how to manage.  I know it can be done!  It’s a new day…I will be putting my food into MyFitnessPal here shortly…and today I’m vowing to stick to my plan!!!

Monday, January 24, 2022

quilting like crazy

​I have been a busy gal lately.  I’m trying to slow down a bit and I’m trying to put things in their proper order…but man life gets to flying by so fast!


Quilting

So technically I’m not actually quilting yet.  I am working on piecing a quilt top.  I like extra big blankets and quilts so I have sized this one to be king sized.   I am also hand sewing it.  Yes, I said hand sewing.  You know…needle and thread in my hand.  It has been fun and surprisingly easier to handle and do.  I can sit on the couch whilst watching tv and sew….I’ve worked on it when we were in the car waiting for kiwi while he was in with the veterinarian (no worries it was just his normal yearly check up….and he got a clean bill of health!). I can move it around with me.  Wanna be in a different room…let me just bring my quilt basket with me!   I estimate that I’ll be finished putting the top together in mid to late February and then I’ll be working on quilting.  That will be more difficult to cart with me..ok near impossible as the quilting frame I’ll be using is portable but still unwieldy.   But no matter.  I am enjoying the process. Here is a picture of what I have been working on and it will give an idea of what the quilt looks like.



2022 miles in 2022

I am hot on the trail of my yearly mile goals.  I was ahead of the game by a few miles and building on my bank of extra miles…but on Friday I felt horrible.  My headache was terrible and riding the bike was the last thing I wanted to do.  So I used some of my banked miles. But that’s ok…that’s why I bank them!  So I am doing really well with that!   5.5 miles a day isn’t really that difficult to get…not on an exercise bike!  I have been trying on week days to get about 8-10.  Weekends have been cold and icky so I haven’t been getting many miles on weekends…but the weather will turn and I’ll start getting weekend miles on the weekends which will allow me to bank even more miles!


Apple Dumplings

It came to my attention that while apple dumplings are a favorite of Jason’s that I had never made them.  Never ever ever in my life.  So I researched recipes…and I have been experimenting.  I’ve tweaked and played and I think I have the perfect recipe…now just to continue to play to find the perfect way to make them so that they are actually pretty.   


So there have been a few batches of apple dumplings made….and my oh my are they delicious!  Not the best thing for a gal trying to lose weight though!


50 in 50

So with the thought of apple dumplings how am I doing on my weight loss efforts?  Or more specifically,  how am I doing with my mission to lose 50 pounds in the year that I turn  50 years old (this year).  Well, I somehow pulled out a loss last week.  For the official weigh in I lost and that brings my official loss to 5.8 pounds for the year 2022.  So I am on track to lose the weight…my goal was an average of one pound a week.  But there is a problem.


The problem…my weekends have been off the hook with eating and desserts.  So I am in that cycle of gain all week and then spend the week trying to lose enough to at least clock a maintain.   This is NOT a good cycle!  This is not a healthy cycle!   This is very much self sabotage!   I need to get this under control!   I know that I won’t be totally successful until I stop this cycle!   I must get back to counting and tracking calories on the weekend and being strict with my ONE dessert per weekend/week rule!


So that’s the skinny on where I’m at…quilting, baking (which I love to do), riding the exercise bike and living life!


Thursday, January 20, 2022

MIA

​So apparently I have been MIA for a while.  Almost 10 days with no update.   So let’s catch things up!


As I left it at my last post, I lost 5.4 pounds the first week of the year.   I followed that up with a lackadaisical week.  There was no tracking.  I kinda ate what I wanted.  Still halfway in control.   And I gained 0.4 pounds.  So a bit less than a half of a pound. 


I vowed to clean it up.  I swore up one side and down the other that I was going to do better.  And I did do…better. I tracked a little bit more.  But my water was…well I drank some!  But yeah, no where near enough.   So here I sit on the Eve of my official weigh in and just hoping to pull out a maintain.  


But that isn’t what is really floating through my head.   We are currently working on getting pre approved to buy a house.  Yup…marriage in October and now we are looking to buy a house.  I am super excited about being in my own place….and somewhere that has more space (we outgrew our apartment!).  But I absolutely dread packing and moving.  So I sit here and I have been looking at the dead weight of belongings in my life and seeing what can go to the garbage.   I have hard copies of all of my writing…keep or pitch?  I mean, I haven’t looked at the hard copies in years!  And I have them on a hard drive!  (There may be one or two things that is hand written from long long ago…but I could retype them onto my computer…scan them also just for the memory).  I have tons of dollhouses and accessories (5 dollhouses to be exact). Keep?  Well yeah, I’m keeping those.  Although admittedly I’ve thought about paring down dollhouses also!  But I’m looking at belongings and thinking about what is important.  


When I started to look at my belongings I started to think about actions and things in life that might be weighing me down.   I have kept this blog for 16 years!   (Oh my word, I think I missed my blogiversary on January 6!!).   I have no intention of letting this fall by the wayside.  This is my true cathartic place to be.  The act of writing has always been cathartic for me.  But….I think I may be paring back on my YouTube channel.  I enjoy my travel and exploration videos…but the constant pressure to put out videos is difficult.  As is the constant pressure to share my weight loss efforts on there.   Plus…let’s be honest.  I work from home.  I wear my comfy ripped up teeshirt to work…with my ratty sweatpants!   And I’m filming myself?   It bothers me.  Sooo….my YouTube isn’t going away.  It will just be when I feel like it.   I want to go back to the basics of what I truly enjoy…photography…writing. Being me.  Will I be posting about my weight loss there… maybe maybe not.  Will I be posting travel and exploration.  Maybe…maybe not.   When  we go exploring…I want my focus to be on the experience and NOT the video!   Photography fills that for me.    I’m not on here to get a gazillion readers…I wasn’t on YouTube to get a bunch of views.  I was just out there working on me putting my thoughts and emotions out there in order to make me a better person and make me happy.  And for me…right now…that means stepping back and cutting dead weight…so those hard copiesof old writing…gone!   The gazillion YouTube videos posted each month…gone.  It’s time to focus on what makes me happy and healthy!


My goals will still remain the same.  I am still pushing for 2022 miles in the year 2022!  I am still planning on working to lose 1 pound each week to lose 50 pounds in this year, the year I turn 50.  But I’ll be posting it here….more regularly as it will be my main source of accountability.  And if you have managed to stick with me through this long post and through the months of sporadic posting….thank you!




Monday, January 10, 2022

hold onto your socks!!!!

​hold onto your socks, I lost 5.4 pounds the first week of the year!   Woohoo!  I’ll take it, even if I know that it is water retention that I have most likely dropped!


The weekend following my weigh in…I did pretty good! I got my water drinking in.  My calories were under control and I seemed to maintain.  I feel as if I did. Pretty good.  My weight was up this morning, but I was up with a stomach ache in the night and have felt rough all day with a stomach ache so I’m not going to worry about todays weigh in….it’s unofficial anyway!  Yes, I still weigh daily but my official weigh in is Friday.


Whew…this is a short one.  There isn’t much to say.  The weekend was cold…rainy…icky!   We ran some errands and I went to visit a scarlet macaw that I fell in love with.  He is at a pet store and has some behavior problems and is way to high priced. But I fell in love!   So I visit!  


But that’s about all we did …errands and relax!




Saturday, January 01, 2022

Happy New Year!!

​The new year is here!   2022.  I have ideas and plans and goals for this year. I’m sitting here a bit disappointed with how I ended 2021, scared at the enormity of challenges and changes for 2022 but yet excited at the same time!  So much happening (hopefully).


Disappointing End to 2021

I am ashamed to admit that I ended 2021 with a very bad mentality. I adopted the mentality that ‘January first is when I am starting’ and I went absolutely nuts with my eating. Cake?  Why yes, I’ll have a huge piece!    Candy? Of course!   Eating a candy bar at 9:30 AM, don’t mind if I do! (Yes…twice in the week leading up to the new year!). It was a free for all!   Seriously, I didn’t even step on the scale during the last two weeks of the year.  I pretty much gave up on my birthday weekend and throughout the following two weeks….until this morning, January 1.   I woke up and stepped on the scales this morning…because it’s the new year after all!  I was appalled!  7 pounds up from where I was at my birthday and 10 pounds from where I was at Thanksgiving!   What?????   How disappointing….even though I will admit that I deserve each and every one of those pounds (although I’m hoping some of that will drop quickly with proper water consumption and hydration!)


Hopes and dreams for 2022 (non weight related)


I have lots of hopes and dreams for the year 2022. We hope and dream of buying a house!  We are starting the process and hope and pray that we can make that transition this year. 


We are also hoping and dreaming of having Jason go off on his own in terms of work and work for himself in 2022.   So possibly a business starting.  (Appliance repair if you are interested in knowing what type of business).


Of course we dream of a fabulous vacation….we have a few places in mind.  Not sure what will pan out though.  We also hope to get back to New River Gorge, there are more trails to explore!


Weight loss for 2022


I am turning  50 years old in 2022.  So I have set a goal of losing 50 pounds in 2022.  50 by 50!   I would be tickled if it were more…which would put me very close to my projected goal weight.  But I’m aiming for 50….Roughly one pound a week.  Yeah I know…there are 52 weeks in a year…but 52 by 50 just doesn’t sound right!  


I am embarking upon another mile challenge for the year. I am aiming for 2022 miles for this year.  Loosely  speaking, that is  6 pounds a day.  I finished it up by mid September last year.  Let’s see what I do this year!  


I am hoping and thinking about going back to a more ‘meatless’ existence.  Not exactly vegetarian.   But just less meat!   I have been trying to incorporate more meatless meals back into my daily life.  I ate very little meat for quite a few years and was quite happy with it.  But then I started eating meat and well…I’m just not convinced that it is healthy for me!   Sooo.  That will be a shift!


So lots of changes.  Lots of plans.  Lots of dreams.  It is January first, now is the time to reach for those goals and dreams!  Let’s do it!  This is my year!!!!





Monday, December 27, 2021

I’m Alive

​I’m alive!  Really, I didn’t die…or spend any time  in the hospital…or cut off my fingers disallowing me to type.  I have just been plain…well I don’t want to say lazy, but I just haven’t been posting.  Don’t get my wrong, I think about it…..in the depths of the night when all is quiet and I can’t sleep.  But when I wake up I’m going going going and it just doesn’t happen.  I promise to be better!   So let’s catch up a bit…and then I’ll talk about my weight loss efforts this month. 


December Museums and Fun


December was a busy month.   I had the normal work obligations but I did have some time off and we stayed busy on the weekends!

On the first weekend of the month we went to a Rural Heritage Museum and while I thought I would only be there for an hour, we spent 4 hours there.  


The next weekend was my birthday.   We had a few days off.  I did some errands on one day (yup…my name is officially changed in the most important places now).  And we went to Lancaster County, PA for a wee little getaway.   We hit some of the normal places but also did the Landis Valley Museum for a few hours.


The next weekend we celebrated Christmas with Jason’s parents on one day and on the other weekend day we roamed a bit locally and just enjoyed the sites.


The next weekend was Christmas (this last weekend).  and I had another four day weekend.  It was just as busy.  I spent a day with my mom.   Jason and I spend Christmas Eve together.  We roamed during the day and did our private celebration and gift exchange that evening.  Of course the pets got gifts too!


Christmas Day we went to my mom’s house.  We got there early to help prepare Christmas dinner/lunch.   And we got home that evening exhausted.    Sunday was spent relaxing and trying to not think about going back to work!   We went to the canal and walked for a few hours. The weather was delightful!!!


So we have stayed busy.    My ‘down time’ has been spent working on a new quilt.   Yes…I started a new quilt.  I started it on Black Friday.     It will be a version of a ‘grandmothers flower garden’.  I have the ‘flowers’ all made.  100 of them…and each one is hand sewn and takes about an hour.  (So now you know where my time has gone).    On Christmas Eve I laid all 100 on the floor and  arranged them in the order that they will be sewn together. (I didn’t want all my pink flowers in one corner…or all my orange fabrics clumped together elsewhere).   Now I am working on adding the white pieces between each ‘flower’ and putting it together.  


So you can see we have been busy!


Weight Loss


But what about my weight loss efforts?   Maybe I should say my weight loss NON-EFFORTS!  Yes, you read that right.  I’ve struggled and I kinda gave up.


I’m terms of my addiction.  I actually haven’t been doing to badly with that.  My mindset is in a better place! However, I have been struggling since vacation in October. I have been barely hanging on.  My birthday weekend  this mont followed by holidays was a combination that was not good.   I didn’t track anything and didn’t even think about calorie intake!   And yes there was cake…and apple dumplings…and pie….well you get the point.


So I am sitting on a weight gain!  Embarrassing.  But I’m determined to turn this around….and I have some plans formulating in my head.  One of which is that I am planning on doing another mile challenge in 2022.  It was fabulous for me in 2021.  I saw how my legs grew stronger..not just for biking but also in my hiking abilities.  So that is in the works (gonna officially sign up today).   Secondly, I will be switching to my new day planner at the end of this week and it has a section for habit tracking.   So I will be tracking my daily habits.   Right now I will be focusing on a few things:

1.  Tracking my food

2.  Calories 1400 or lower

3.  Exercise at least 5 days a week

4.  Step count…aiming right now for 5k but hope to up that

5. 64 ounces water bare minimum!

It really will be a back to the basics plan.    I KNOW that the basics work for me.  I just need to focus on them.  I am setting a weight loss goal also.  I am aiming to lose 1 pound a week.  That is a doable goal.   And since I am sitting at roughly 250 pounds, that will put me at 200 pounds by this time next year.   Sure, I would love to be at goal by this time next year. But slow and steady will work.  I would rather have a doable goal versus a goal that will bring me to failure!  So one pound a week it is!    Hmm…maybe I will just make it a simple 50 pounds for next year.  50 pounds in honor of my 2022 50th birthday!!  


I’m technically not waiting until the new year to start.  I am working today to make some changes.  Gearing up so to speak!   Starting to build those habits!!!


So here I am.  Alive and well.  Fatter and more miserable with my weight, but ready to make changes!  Now is the time!!










Thursday, December 02, 2021

Addiction

It’s been a while since I wrote here.   I wish that I could say that my absence is due to the busy holiday season and no time.   And while it had been busy…and time has been crunched, that is not the reason.  I’ve been slipping in my weight loss journey.   You see, I’m an addict.  I have a serious food addiction and it has been slowly slipping out of control.

I had talked about food addictions for a while, but it wasn’t until one  Incident in 2007 that I was able to clearly see and understand the impetus behind my eating.     It all centered around a visit to a restaurant where I was usually able to eat relatively healthily.  But on that visit I chose to have a small piece of cake.  When I say small, I really mean small!  It was literally a one inch square.   I carried that morsel back to my table like it was a pot of gold.  I slipped that first bite into my mouth and I swear, I heard the angels sing!  It was pure heaven! I wanted more of that feeling!  I ate another bite..and another.   Soon that small piece of cake was gone.  But the angels had sang and I wanted to hear them again!  I went back for more cake and then pudding and pie and other desserts off that dessert bar.  I did it all in a futile effort to make the angels sing again.  Of course they didn’t sing…because through that 2007 incident I realized that The angels singing only happens on that first bite or two.  It’s the first bite of bliss that I am addicted too.  I know that…yet I keep eating to try to obtain that feeling.

I was doing really good before vacation.   I was slowly losing…and maintaining my weight on the weeks I didn’t lose.  But when I came back I began to struggle.  The best way to describe it is that the vacation opened the doors.  The food addiction angels had sang on my Vacation/honeymoon.   Getting back on track was difficult because I was chasing that food addiction.  


Ohh, I didn’t go totally off the rails at first.  I was half heartedly fighting it.  I was still sorta tracking.  I was still trying here and there.  But each day; my weak hold over my addiction wavered and slipped further and further out of my grasp.  I was never eating crazily.  I was just starting to look more toward the foods that I suspected (ok KNOW) would have a higher chance of giving me my food bliss/food high and thus make those angels sing.  This was all done subconsciously but regardless, it was a very tenuous hold over this addiction.  Thanksgiving weekend threw me over the edge into full addiction mode.  

I’m writing here and now that I am vowing to push this aside, to tamp these behaviors down and to regain control.  I wrote this on a Thursday morning…I’m not waiting until Monday.  Next week we have some time off work for my birthday.  Im not waiting until after that.  Now is the time.  

I don’t rightly know how.  Each morning this week I have vowed to keep it under control but then I find myself eating granola bars, macaroni and cheese (I got rid of the last of the leftovers so they wont tempt me today), chocolate chips, etc.   My hope is that the difference is that overnight  I actually realized that the addiction is out control again and needs to be stopped.

I spend time in prayer each day.  Up until recently part of my prayers was ‘to lose weight’.   Naturally this week I switched those prayers to ‘control over my food intake’.  (Which is what made me realize that the addiction was back).  It’s time for the battle to take place…and this battle is NOT in the kitchen…it’s in my head.

I’m stepping away from the clean intermittent fasting and going back to what I did for the last year.    Early morning I’m making my flavored/vitamin water.  Breakfast most likely won’t happen, simply because I don’t like to eat that early.  But it’s not taboo right now. Making it taboo only makes me want it more and/or makes me eat more at lunch.  I’ll revisit the clean fast after I get this addiction back in its box, contained and under control.

Whew….what a downer post.  But one I needed to write!