Tuesday, September 18, 2018

By Request

This Wednesday post is going to be some requested information, some updates and maybe one or two random thoughts.   The requested info is pictures of my dollhouse.  The updates are the results of my doctors appointment and the aftermath of the no sweets two weeks.

Doctors appointment 
My doctors appointment went well.  This appointment was to get appeal paperwork  signed  so that my health insurance cost is manageable!  I wasn’t eligible for the ‘non-obese’ discount without the paperwork signed by my doctor.  She did sign it.  I will have an answer in a few weeks..so I’m still on pins waiting to get approved for my appeal.   But back to the visit.   I  told her exactly what had happened when my father died   (I dove headfirst into unhealthy eating and gained a fair amount of weight in a very short period of time).  I told her honestly that I was working on it..and was almost back to the weight that I was at before my fathers death.   I was very open about my accountability plans (friends that I email...this site...challenges that I am part of) and I told her about my daily tracking and weigh ins.  I also told her my current belief that I want to take this really slow...and restrict nothing...even if it takes me longer to lose because I do randomly eat some cake...or funnel cake at a fair..   I also admitted that the day before I went to the fair and indulged in some funnel cake....and that I wanted more but I had said only ONE  indulgence at the fair and how I was so careful about my decision...circling all the food venders before making my choice!   She was happy with that attitude.  She was in total agreement with everything.   She signed the paperwork, set a goal of 10-20 pounds...in the next YEAR....and told me that since my recent blood work (I took the results of my work health screening blood work) was all good that I could just skip my yearly physical and just come in in about 9 months (instead of November when I was due for my annual physical).   So a really good report!

Sweet treats
After my two weeks of disallowing the sweet treats...I have struggled to find the balance again.   Not having them made me want them all the time!!! So I have indulged EVERY night since allowing them again.  My mind went back to the ‘it’s not allowed so I better gobble up everything I can’ mentality.     I am working on getting back to the point of saying ‘I don’t need them...I can have them anytime...but I don’t need them all the time!!!  Basically I need to regain my foothold on the healthy relationship that I was building with food.

Dollhouse
I have been spending a lot of time on my dollhouse.  So by request, here are some updates pictures!   The kitchen and bathroom are mostly done...the bathroom can be seen on my dollhouse blog.  Wow, I just glanced at those pictures and they need to be updated too...I finally got the trim up in the corners and around the ceiling!  The blog does have some posts about the kitchen but there are no completed pictures (as far as it is currently completed) on there...yeah I need to fix that also!   I didn’t take new pics of those rooms because they are kinda ‘construction zone’ looking right now as I do major work on the other rooms...not to mention I’ve been sanding floors so it’s really dusty.  I’ll update the pictures soon though.    So for now I’ll talk about the rooms  I’ve been working on one at a time

Master bedroom


It is papered (trim is not up) and the flooring hasbeen laid and sanded.   I’m waiting to get the other floors completed before I stain...I’ll do all the hardwood floors at the same time to get a consistent color!  The little turret room is still a question.  (the little room on the right of the pictures). It’s too small to carry off a cradle....or the desk I have.  I thought about bookshelves along  the walls...but I’m just not sure. Lots of small touches to add for this room! Such as bedding, throw rugs and those little touches that make it look ‘real’ and lived in.

Hallway


The hallway is papered and the floor is laid and sanded.   (Pardon the messy bathroom off to the right..some of the items have fallen off the shelves and is laying on the floor!)

Nursery



The floor is laid but not yet sanded (you can see the difference between that floor and the hall floor in the picture) the wallpaper is up but needs some work as it didn’t adhere well and started to come loose (by the window). The rocking chair is painted and the crib has been constructed/made and needs to be sanded and painted....white also.   I need a dresser...bedding, curtains....and all the fun little things for the nursery!

Living room


Lots of painting has been done.  The wall behind the steps will be papered to match the hallway upstairs...(which is why the corner paint is not crisp and clean lines).  Flooring will occur soon...and the fireplace needs sealed and the stones weathered to look used.  I have no idea on the furniture in here yet....I do have a radio cabinet that will work in this 1950’s themed house.

I have lots of projects in my head...so many ideas...so little time (and money)!  But that’s the fun of dollhouses!!!

So life marches on.  I’m still here working on my weight...working to find the balance between living life and being healthy.  I’m still working on the dollhouse.   I’m still holding on.   But right now...off to work I go!!!






Monday, September 17, 2018

Today’s the day

It’s Monday!   And there is no work for me today.  I have the day off!   I have plans and I’ll be on the go all day!  Just as busy as a normal day...busier probably!  

The weekend was fun.  

 I spent a LOT of time working on my dollhouse!   Much progress was made!  The nursery has been papered and flooring laid.   The living room has been started also....lots of painting happening there!   I have also started the process of making a crib.  Yes I said making!   I decided to try my hand at making my own furniture...a crib.   Hey, why not?  So all of my pieces are cut for that....and the forst step is glued and drying!!!  (Probably dry...but maybe I’ll have time to glue the next step before I head out this morning!!!). I’ve got the bug to work on it again!!!

We spent most of Sunday roaming around “The Great Frederick Fair”.    We checked out all the fair entries....roamed the barns....circled the midway...checked out the venders.   And when we had completed one complete circuit of everything, we did it again!   And again.   Until we were absolutely wiped out!!!

I chose to allow myself ONE fair food indulgence.   I chose a funnel cake.  It was good..and I didn’t eat the whole thing. 

I didn’t drink enough and it was hot!

My weight is way out of whack today.  Grrrr!  I know why it’s out of whack, but that doesn’t make it any better...because today is my doctors appointment for that appeal for my weight...to pay quite a bit less on my health insurance!

This weekend we stopped by my mom’s and I also stopped in to visit my brother as he recovers.  Recovers?   Yes he is an avid bike rider.   On Labor Day he was out riding with a group of people and had an accident.  (Nope...not hit by a car...which was my first thought when I heard he was in the hospital.).  He broke his pelvis and had surgery but is home now.  He is doing REaLLY well!  Much better than I thought he would be doing.   

But why did I bring this up?   Because I want to be like him!  (Ok, I’ve always wanted to be like my amazing brother...cuz I had one of the best brothers a girl could ever have!).  But this instance?   My brother bikes a LOT!  Day in and day out he is out on that bike pedaling mad miles!    He is in incredible shape and you can see it...but two stories highlighted it...and one in particular hit me...

The first story was about how he was in the ER and had been there for hours.   He closed his eyes and started to drift off to sleep.  And the monitors started to sound an alarm.   Why?  He was just sleeping!  It turns out that his resting heart rate is really low because of his incredible fitness level and  it set off the monitor!  Isn’t that nuts? 

But the second story is the one that got me.   The EMS that arrived after they called 911 was  trying to get my brother up and walking...advising him to ‘walk it off’. Now seriously, he rides 8000-10000 a  miles a year.  That’s a lot of miles...you don’t do that without pain and lots of aches.   But my brothers comment.  ‘I do pain for fun’. (In regards to his long rides).  And THAT is the comment that has stuck with me.   He is in amazing shape....but he runs TOWARD pain in order to get to that point.  Most of us shrink away and retreat from the aches and pains of bettering ourselves.       He runs toward the constant Aches...not the pain of a broken pelvis!). It’s a different mindset...and one I really need to ponder more fully in regards to my personal quest for health!!!

And finally..some fair pictures!







Friday, September 14, 2018

The results are in!!!

Another week bites the dust.  I am so ready for the weekend and HOPEFULLY some sun.   No, we don’t have any plans, but we will surely come up with something!!!  The work week was, well....ho hum, which I guess is good.

It was really rainy this week and I really missed my lunch break walks at the beginning of the week.  I braved the overcast and threatening skies and walked when I could, so I got in two lunch walks.  They were muggy as all get out but it felt good to walk and get some fresh air after being cooped up for days!  One one of them it started to sprinkle right at the end of the walk.  So I consider myself lucky that I didn’t get wet on my walks!   The forecast is actually not too bad for the weekend.  However, it’s been so wet that anything outside is going to be a waterlogged muddy mess, so that limits us a bit.    Sadly, the forecast for next week is not looking pretty.  Oh well.  Nothing I can do about it!!

Victories for the week:
A while back I had made a statement that I could go without a sweet treat for two weeks.   I put my money where my mouth was and actually completed the two weeks.  There were some moments that were difficult. (Honestly,  the edible cookie dough I made for Jason was the only rough thing I encountered...making it AND seeing it in the fridge for the next few days just about killed me....and yes, I’m being a bit melodramatic with the ‘killed me’ comment!). But I was victorious...I actually made it 16 days before I broke!

Lessons for the week:
Denying myself something made it a huge deal in my mind.  I was; before the ‘no sweet treat experiment’, doing fine with denying myself the sweet treats with just an occasional indulgence.  Once I started the challenge, having a sweet treat was ALL I could think about!  I thought constantly about what I was going to have when I broke my sweet treat fast.  I planned and plotted.  My mouth watered thinking about it.  It was a huge deal.   So it made me realize that for me, very definitively; restriction does not work. 

Failure of the week:
I managed to stay within my caloric range all week long.  Actually I was even at the low end of that range.  My failure...one night I wasn’t really hungry but the food was so good that I kept eating, and eating, and eating. And ended up feeling miserable and sick ALL night long and even midway through the next day.  I failed to listen to my body!

Weight
I am showing about a half pound loss.  That is with no sweet treats and staying within my calories.  But hey...it’s a loss!!!!  (The pattern is still there...I didn’t pop up on the scales last weekend but I sat and maintained all week and on Friday showed the loss..go figure!)

So, my sweet treat exile didn’t make much of a difference....(ok I did drop a half pound so it did play into it...but I didn’t have any mad loss). Thus,  I’m going back to reclaiming my quest for a healthy relationship with food.  That means sweet treats are not out of the realm of possibility...just not every day!    I’m going to keep pressing forward to make me the healthiest version possible!




Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Resentful

I want to lose weight.  I need to lose weight. There’s no way I can deny that I’m overweight. My work even tells me I’m overweight through a  health screening  that they do yearly.   I resent the work reminder though.  I resent it a lot!

OK, let me explain the work insurance. We have the price of our insurance which is quite pricey.  We get a ‘discount’  if we sign a statement saying that we are tobacco free and if, during the yearly health screening we either show a weight loss or we are in a healthy weight range. Last year since I was a new employee I was exempt from the health screening. This year I am subject to these rules. So my weight has been on my mind a lot and has been since my health screening.  I do have an appointment with my doctor. Hopefully she will sign the appeal paperwork so that I can still afford health insurance.

I resent this policy. Not for the reason you might think. I know I’m overweight and I know that causes health problems which is what makes the added money on the insurance. What I resent, is the fact that I am really working to overcome the diet mentality. I am really working to overcome that big focus on the number that the scales show. I resent the fact that my work is forcing me to think about it and worry about it. I resent the fact that this policy makes me want to crash diet.

I got back on track this summer and I was losing...slowly but surely.  And then this health screening came into play.  Is it a coincidence that my weight loss stopped right then and there?   Maybe...maybe not.  (I also think it might be partially due to my out of whack female cycle...along with the stress and change of focus!)

Following the health screening I made an appointment with my doctor to try to get an appeal for this added expense.  (I see her next nine day) I am worried.   I saw her a week (almost to the day that my dad died) and I weighed a few pounds less than I weigh right now.  My dad died and I gained 30 pounds, overnight.  (Ok not overnight...but within a month.). So with all this worry about the insurance and my weight,  I started to stress and I started to think about crash diets!

I wanted to crash dirt so bad!   But I didn’t.  I stayed the course but I stopped losing....however....I maintained!  With two weeks left before the appointment,  I broke my ‘stay the course’ and decided to cut sweets for the two weeks.   Yes I allowed the stress to overrule my common sense!!  

I am a week and a half into my no sweet decree.   I am determined to complete it...if even just to prove to myself that I can!  It’s a test of my willpower and I WILL win!   But that said, I resent the fact that I did it!   I was actually  working on accomplishing a healthy attitude toward sweets...and this two weeks of restriction have made me crave and think about these sweets MORE than I did before!   I am serious, I sit and think about what I’m going to eat first when I break the sweet treat-fast!  My mouth waters as I think about it!  (I’m thinking it will be edible cookie dough...I made some for Jason during this stint...and I’m very proud that I didn’t even lick the spoon!!).   

I’m working on developing a healthy relationship with food. I’m working on developing a healthy relationship with the scales.  I’m working on building a healthy life.   And I have allowed the stress and the work insurance policy to push me backwards in my learning process because they are indirectly pushing me..    I will finish off the two week moratorium on sweets (seriously...it’s only until this weekend), but then I’m going back to exactly what I was doing before.  Allowing myself the occasional indulgence...IF it works into my calorie count for the day.    Back to the basics...and hopefully back to the slow but steady weight loss!!!








Monday, September 10, 2018

Rain rain go away

Ahhh Monday....here we are again!   You keep coming back...and I don’t particularly like you!   But alas, all weekends must end.  

Weekend Shenanigans

Well honestly, we didn’t have wild and crazy shenanigans this weekend.   

We got home on Friday night... about 3 or 4 minutes before I got home the skies open and it started to pour down rain.  No worries.  Friday nights are our order for delivery,  pizza and wings night.  We stayed in and watched tv and relaxed after the work week and long days.  

Saturday....what can I say?  It poured!  Yup, all day it was a deluge of rain.  We got out and did our grocery shopping and a few other stores just for fun. But it was just a day to be lazy.

Sunday… Were you expecting anything different? It wasn’t. Rain, rain, rain! First of all;  it limits your choices on what you can do when it’s this rainy. We did get out a little bit on Sunday also but just running from the car to a building and we were drenched. Plus, this dreary weather just made us want to curl up on the couch, watch movies, and play games. So that’s what we did.

OK, I did have a bit of productivity. I worked on my doll house.  I started to sand the floor of the master bedroom and I wallpapered and laid the flooring in the hallway. (With the exception of one small piece that needs to be cut and trimmed for a quarter.).


Weigh in results

So far so good, this might be the week that I am able to smash the pattern.  I am talking about that pattern that had been happening on the scales for me. The pattern being that I show a low weight on the weekend  but by Monday I’m back up. This week, I have been able to maintain all weekend… Even this morning!!!   Quite frankly, I was worried about this morning because I ate a lot of chips last night. They were accounted  for in my tracker, but chips are high in sodium. Coupled with the sodium is the fact that I drank  very little water yesterday.  (Bad me!)

Exercise

Nonexistent. Other than getting out and walking in the mall and stores, I have done nothing. In fairness, those walks were very deliberate because we knew we needed to do something. They count right? Ha ha Ha

So, this weekend was a bit of a bust for everything except my eating habits. And quite frankly, this upcoming work week looks like it may also be a bust for movement and exercise. (Lots of rain) That’s OK, weight loss can still happen in the  kitchen with my food choices. I’ve got this!!!




Friday, September 07, 2018

Friday review

Happy Friday!   I am so thankful that this hotter than blue blazes week is just about done!   Especially since the weather forecast is calling for a break in the heat and humidity.  The week was rather lackluster in most ways that count.  Nothing exciting or earth shattering to discuss.  

Victory of the week:
About a week or so ago, I decided to go totally without sweets for a few weeks to see what would happen.  I don’t plan on doing it forever...I do plan on going back to the random every once in a while indulgence...because that is a more sustainable lifestyle for me.  But hey...a few weeks sounds doable. 

I have held absolutely firm on this.  One evening I was having a banana with peanut butter and I was so ready to drop some chocolate syrup on top.  The syrup was in my hand when I realized that the chocolate would take my healthy evening snack into the realm of ‘decadent sweet treat’.  I put the syrup back.   The hardest evening was the night that I made a batch of edible cookie dough for Jason!  I wanted to cave!  I wanted to sneak a little bite!  I struggled to not lick the beater from the mixer or the spoon.   But I resisted!   I can tell you though...that just may be the treat I break my self imposed sweet treat fast with when my pre-determined time frame is over!!!

No matter what the scales say...loss, gain or maintain...I will refrain and make my goal of two complete weeks without a sweet treat!  (It actually is longer but I didn’t start paying attention and make my official vow until last Friday)

So a victory!  A huge victory over my addictions!  

Struggles of the week:
The heat!  The heat made riding our bikes pretty much non-existent!   It made walking outside on my lunch break and my 15 minute breaks absolutely miserable.  It just sucked the life out of me (us).

Eating:
My calorie count was spot on all week long!  (With the exception of last Friday...we order pizza and wings...it’s my cheat meal!!!)

My carbs were a bit more than normal, I felt. But according to the macros workup in myfitnesspal, I was under goal most days on my carbs.

Weight:
So the big question, how is my weight?   As I mentioned previously, I gave up my occasional sweet treats, so I was excited to see my weight drop! Well. All week long I maintained and saw no drop!  


My week wasn’t a bust!  There were some definite good parts and victories!  Hopefully the cooler weather  that is forecasted will help us get back out on our bikes!  And maybe...just maybe, the weight on the scales  will finally really start to consistently show my weight loss efforts!



Wednesday, September 05, 2018

Fear

I wrote  about fear the other week when I was getting ready to announce my book being published and available for purchase. I touched on the concept of fear, but I knew that I had to just get out and say what I needed to say about my book and I didn’t go into depth on the fear aspect. Since then I’ve had lots of thoughts on it and I thought it was time to share.

Fear is paralyzing. There is no other way to put it, it will stop you dead in your tracks. No matter what you think it is huge. When you allow your mind to buy into the fear and except it as a valid fear you are just feeding it. By feeding it, the fear grows bigger and bigger in your mind. Honestly, you have to get to the point of saying I’m not going to let this fear rule me and rule my decisions, my beliefs, thoughts and actions. You have to say, “I’m scared senseless but I am going to do it anyway.” You have to say, “damn the fears” and go full steam ahead.

With that said, Those fears that have paralyze me? The ones that I have faced? When I faced them, it turns out that those fears were silly!!!  I conquered them all like a champ and nothing bad happened!!  I was really proud of myself actually.   And...I was also chagrined to remember how huge these fears had become in my mind!  Seriously!!!

This mountain bike thing is one of those instances where fear threatens to overtake me. I’m afraid of hurting myself. I am not naïve enough to think that I’m never going to go down on one of these mountain bike trails… And by go down I mean wreck. Slowly though, I have noticed something. I will be out on a trail and well maybe not handling it like a champ, I am holding my own at least. But then I allow my fear overtake me. And that is the exact minute that the bike ride becomes difficult. That is the exact moment that I began to struggle with the ride!  The fear paralyzes me and convinces me that I can’t do it. No I’m not saying if I was fearless that I could handle every feature on a trail, quite the contrary I know my limitations. However, when the fear takes over in my mind it diminishes the skills that I do have.

Fear is a crazy thing. We all face here at one time or another. The question is this, are we going to push through and conquer or we going to shrivel up and let that fear BD hindrance that makes our life not as full and complete as it could be.