Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I was sitting here in front of a blank screen wondering what to write. I made a vow that I would write in my journal on a daily basis, because I know that it keeps me grounded, it keeps me on track and it's my link to accountability throughout the week. So I sat here KNOWING that it was something that I needed to do....but what to write about?

I could write about the dangers of sodium. Sort-term in regards to the scales. Why would I be thinking about sodium? Because I had popcorn last night...and popcorn without a lot of salt is just not good in my when I do it up, I do it up right. I woke up in the middle of the night thirsty and then I woke up absolutely parched this morning. That is usually a sign that I'm already somewhat dehydrated.....and usually means that my weight will be up a pound or two on the scale that day like clockwork. I did step on the scale and I was up, not a pound or two but, by 2/10ths of a pound. So I was actually somewhat happy So anyway, the dangers of salt.....boring. I don't want to write about that.

Zumba! I could write about Zumba. I do really enjoy Zumba. It's a good workout....I go twice a week (Tuesday and Wednesday nights). Yeah, not so much to say about that either.

Stress and it's affects on my weight loss journey? Yeah, I've got some major decisions to make and some stressful situations happening on a daily basis. But you know what...that's negative. I'm trying to not focus on the negative.

So what can I say? I will say that I'm keeping my eating under control. I'm not splurging. I'm not eating my worries and sorrows and yes, tears away. I'm holding staedy. I'm just taking it one day at a time and putting my best foot forward and hoping for.....NO....expecting the best to happen with my weight loss.

What are my expecatations with my weight loss? What do I want to get out of it?

1. Health
2. Happiness
3. Feeling good about myself

I so didn't want to leave the happiness there. Because I KNOW that being thin and losing weight doesn't bring happiness. And I KNOW that I'm setting myself up for failure if I expect it to do so. However, I can't help but hope that my weight loss will magically coincide with happiness. TRUE happiness. But I learned my lesson.....when I reached my goal weight a year or two ago...I expected happiness to cure all of my woes. It would take all my troubles away. Life would just all of a sudden be one wonderful place. Then the crashing realization hit me that these problems that I'm dealing with in my life were not caused by my weight was simply the scapgoat....and I lost my focus....and regained. I don't know if I've ever said on here how much I've regained...but it's time for total and absolute honesty. I've regained 50 pounds. I'm going to get those 50 pounds off. And this time, while I hope and dream of happiness. I'm not going to pin my happiness on my weight loss. Weight loss will make me happy...but I know that it will not take the situations in my life that cause me unhappiness away.

So there you have it...a post that literally just sprang from my fingertips unbiden.