Wednesday, October 09, 2013

Eating myself Sick

I kick myself every time it happens. Seriously?   What kind of idiot continues to eat when they are full, stuffed even! What kind of dummy feels bloated and stuffed to the gills yet still decides to eat lunch simply because it’s lunch time? This dummy apparently. 
That kind of behavior used to be the norm.  I would eat until I was literally sick to my stomach.  Before that bloated icky feeling would even go away, I would be right there shoveling more food down my gullet.  My life was a constant round of stomach aches.  It wasn’t until I had started to lose weight and really manage my food intake that I realized that the stomach aches were caused by my gluttony.  I was eating myself sick. 
You would think that when I made this discovery that the problem would go away.  However I must be incredibly dense.  This behavior crops up over and over and over again.  Thankfully less and less often, but it’s still embedded in my memory bank of behaviors to act upon.
Yes, I’m writing this because I have recently lived a few days of this behavior. Monday was the worst.  I woke up.  I got dressed to go out for a run.  I had to drop something off for Todd so I headed out.  I don’t like to run on a full stomach so I planned to eat after my run.  However I had packed my lunch for work.  Things happened (lets not go there….) and I never got the run in.  I went home and I was so stressed out about those ‘things that happened’ that I had some homemade bread and then decided to eat some leftover Mexican chicken soup that I had in the fridge.  It was soooooo tasty and I knew that there was one bowl left so I ADDED it to my lunch box. Lunch rolled around and I was not even remotely hungry but I carted my butt up the stairs to the lunch room and heated up that soup.  Did I stop at the soup (and the tortilla chips that went with it…and yes I had tortilla chips with the soup at breakfast too).  Heck no!  I ate some cottage cheese and some fruit…most of the original items in my lunchbox.   What was my reasoning for the ‘extra items’ that were above and beyond the ultra filling soup and chips?   It’s very simple really.  I knew that I wasn’t going to be packing a lunch for work until Friday due to a vacation day , a half day and a late start day.  That food would/could have gone bad!  I didn’t want to waste it! 
I was miserable and then asked myself all day what in the world I was doing to myself.   Why would I mindlessly shovel food into my body, a body that was already rebelling against me.  It makes no sense.  Absolutely insane, if you ask me!  Yet I continually fall into that trap and habit.
I’m not going to say that I’ll never do it again.  I’m an addict. I have an addiction to food and I KNOW that I will slip up again in the future.  I’m just writing this to affirm that I KNOW that it is happening. I’m saying that I don’t like it and I am going to TRY to guard against it.
Meanwhile, I think I’m falling apart physically.  Yes, I do.  Lets start at the bottom:
The left foot…the tarsal nerve is still periodically kicking….along with the plantars fasciitis.
The right foot….the tarsal nerve is bothering me.  I’m freaked out because from what I read the tarsal nerve can precipitate the plantar’s fasciitis (the nerve helps support the arch so when the nerve is messed up the arch loses it’s support and thereby ‘falls’ and that can irritate the plantar)
My back…my lower back has given me grief for a few years.  Yes, in 2011 I was really bad and actually had to take some time off work, simply because I couldn’t move…literally.  It was horrible!   So that was been sensitive a few days recently. I’ve rested it and stretched it and it seems to be better now.
My right arm……what the heck?  I started to feel pain the day I did my 3 bushels of apples (applesauce and apple butter).  I figured it was just a tensed muscle from the work.  Two days later I did a full day photo shoot (the wedding).  At the end of the evening I was getting my gear packed to go home and there was a sharp pain in my arm and from then on my arm HURTS.  It hurts to hold a pen and write. It hurts to type.  It hurts to move my fingers.  It hurts to touch my arm.  It hurts.  GRRR.  It has been suggested that I have tendonitis….or something akin to tennis elbow.  Really????
Otherwise, I’m feeling pretty good.