I was surprised

 Part of the 75 Hard challenge is to set up a diet plan for yourself and follow it religiously.   The term diet does not mean a diet in the negative weight loss connotation.  The rule to set up a diet plan is just saying to set up an eating plan for the time frame.   It does not have to be a plan that will encourage your body to lose weight.  It could be something as simple as limiting how much soda a person drinks, or cutting alcohol or going sugar free.  Anything!  I have one follower on my youtube channel that decided to do the 75 hard along with me and for her diet plan she simply made the rule that she has to track her food each and every day.  It doesn't matter WHAT she eats, she just has to track it. Sure she is trying to keep it under a certain caloric goal, but her plan is to TRACK.    For me though, I decided to set up a diet plan that would 'encourage' my body to lose weight.

I decided that my goal would be to stay under 1500 calories!   I could do that, no problem right?    Well let me tell you, at the beginning it was tight!  But I quickly settled down and got used to eating the fewer calories.  And the first week or so I lost big....I lost 5.5 pounds!   And then I hit a week where I actually gained! I gained 1.5 pounds!  What in the world?   I was working out, religiously.  I was drinking my water, religiously.   I was keeping my calories under 1500, religiously!  There should NOT have been a gain!  Yet, I was staring at the scales and seeing a gain!

I knew that something was dreadfully wrong so I looked deep and here is what I found.

1. I remembered that I typically do not lose at the 1500 calorie mark.   I tend to lose at 1400 and below but my calorie count that week was always JUST below the 1500 mark!  Yes, that seems low.  HOWEVER, I do not weigh my food all the time.  I do it here and there to 'recalibrate' my portion sizes.  But I don't do it all the time.  So I look at it as the lower caloric goal is my trade off for not having to be anal and weigh everything!  Plus, I share my food with pets.   Just this morning I had a banana and some peanut butter.   The dog ate a bite or two of banana and some of the peanut butter and the bird got a slice of banana and some peanut butter!    So my figures would be all skewed should I be weighing my food.  So I just figured out through trial and error where my calories need to be for my non weighed and animal shared meals.   (And man, now I feel guilty because I didn't give the crabs anything!) 

2.  Carbs.  I love them!  OH my word to I love my carbs!   However, I have long known that my body does not love carbs....or rather maybe my body loves carbs a little too much and those carbs stick with me! I have found that I can handle one serving of a complex carb each day.  That means ONE serving of a bread or potato.   Not two...not three.    In that week where I gained 1.5 pounds I was eating an undue amount of carbs.   Ok, maybe undue amount was a bit overdramatic, but I was eating  more than the one serving that my body 'allows.'    

So I was totally able to identify what the problem was that had led me to gaining weight that week and I vowed to make the changes for the upcoming week.  However.......

Yeah, the changes didn't happen.  I was drawn to the kitchen where I made homemade bread.  Then I made homemade English muffins.   And if that wasn't enough I then made homemade pretzels!  Of course I ate some of my baked goods!  Of course I did!   I was out of control!   Until I realized what was happening.  I was drowning in grief.   I was coming up on the first  anniversary of my mom's  death and subconsciously I had sought out comfort.  (You can read how I managed the week after her death and see a picture of my mama here.)  Comfort for me is baking.  Comfort for me is carbs.  In my grief as the anniversary approached, I was drowning myself in both.

I am proud to say that as soon as I realized what I was doing that I was able to turn it around.  The baking and carb-fests ended and I got back to the basics.    I weigh myself daily and I had seen the scales slide upward during those few days of grief laden indulgence.   I HOPED to turn it around enough to show a maintain on the scales for my official weigh in day (which is currently set at Wednesday).

I was SO surprised to step on the scale on Wednesday morning.  I didn't maintain.    But I didn't gain!   I actually LOST weight!   I lost 3.1 pounds!  I lost enough weight that I recouped my 1.5 pound gain from my official weigh in the week before AND added another 1.6 pounds to that loss!   GO me.

So a few things that I learned from this:

1.   The calorie thing that I talked about earlier in this post really does hold true.

2.  Carbs are the devil....for my body.  But thank heavens I CAN indulge once a day!

3.  Diet soda.........I'm not sure if this is a coincidence or not....BUT, when I turned things I accidentally stopped drinking my diet soda in the evenings.   My plan has been to drink water during the day...and if I am done with my required amount of water at the end of the day then I can indulge in a glass of diet soda.  When I turned the ship around in terms of my eating, I somehow just stopped getting my glass of soda.  IT was accidental really.  I was just not finishing my required (for the 75 Hard challenge) water early enough to allow myself that glass of diet soda.  Could the diet soda be part of that amazing weight loss (because seriously....  I officially lost 3.1 pounds, but in reality I had gained an extra pound before I turned it around....a pound that never was counted in an official weigh in.   WE are talking substantial weight loss in just a few days.  Coincidental?   I am not sure....but stay tuned, I will be keeping an eye of it!  

10 week Challenge Week 1 Recap

 I started my 10 week challenge one week ago.  The week has flown by and it is time to share my progress!  If you are doing the challenge with me, let me know in the comments how you did!

 To start with, I will go ahead and recap quickly what the 10 week challenge is.  There are 4 basic parts.  Food, water, cardio and a few strength moves to be done 5 days a week with two days of rest built in (or two days with extra opportunity to get more movement).  The strength moves are easy and focus on functional movement.(you can download the chart here)

 Cardio

I totally nailed the cardio aspect of this challenge. I got my cardio and completed each of the five 'required' week days cardio workouts.   On the weekend I didn't do any formal exercise routine but rather  stayed busy with life and yard work and other manual labor things.  (I used the push mower and did all the trim work, I weeded a LOT, I moved downed tree branches to the burn pile, took mulch from our big pile and mulched a complete path, etc.  )

Admittedly, there was a one day (Day one actually) were the cardio just about killed me.  OK, killed is rather dramatic!   But seriously, that day I was NOT feeling it and wanted to quit every one of those 20 minutes!  But I stayed consistent and completed it.  The only thing that kept me from quitting was this 10 week challenge!

While I did have my day of struggle, I also had some victorious days where I went above and beyond to complete 40-50 minutes of cardio.  Some in one sitting and once with a double workout! (Once before work and once after work, for 20 minutes a piece.)

Water

I nailed my water consumption also!  Totally nailed it.  I did so well on this that toward the end of the week I went from 64 ounces of water consumption to 80 ounces.  I did have a few issues with bathroom trips in the middle of the night on one day when I didn't get my water done early enough in the day. My typical plan for water is to drink the bulk of my water during the day and to be done heavy drinking by 5PM.  I still drink in the evening, but not as much.  This has historically always been the trick to keep me from getting up a gazillion times in the night for a potty break. I didn't do that one night this week and I lived to regret it with multiple bathroom trips that interrupted my sleep.  But I learned my lesson and didn't do that again! 

Strength

As you can see from the above chart the strength stuff is really just functional movements.   I am embarrassed to admit how difficult these have become for me.  There was a day just a few short years ago that these movements were NOTHING.   I remember when Jason and I were talking about planks one day in our early days of dating.  We did a plank challenge to see who could hold it the longest.  I lowered to a plank and  held it....and held it....and held it.  Minutes upon minutes.  No shaking, no quaking no struggle.  I just held that plank.  This week I discovered that my plank ability has disappeared.  5-10 seconds was a struggle.  How sobering is that?

It wasn't just the plank that was difficult. The sit ups and crunches were tough and the wall sits were murder.    I don't know why I was so shocked at how difficult they had really become.  If I am being honest with myself, simple functional movement in life has become quite difficult for me in the last year.   It was seemingly overnight that it became difficult for me to kneel and then stand again.   Even sitting down and standing again has felt like a lumbering chore.   It has freaked me out.  It happened overnight.  I'm only 51! I'm too young for that!  This challenge is a place to start to regain that movement!

It was difficult, but I completed my week of movement for this aspect of the 10 week challenge.  I may have had to do my planks in 5 second intervals.  My push-ups may have been the sissy version and barely a push up at that.    I may have been shaking and struggling on the wall sits and my sit ups and crunches may have not been perfect or even correct.  But I did them!

Food and the Scales

I did great with my eating!  I kept my calories within the proper range each and every day.   I had a few struggles through the week, but I kept it under control.  I was so super proud of myself!   So how in the world did I manage to only maintain my weight?    I was sure that I was going to show a loss!  How could it be anything else?   Yet, the weight didn't budge.  (In fairness, it didn't go up either, which is a good thing!)

How disappointing!  How demoralizing!  How utterly horrible!

On to week Two of the 10 Week Challenge

I'm not letting it get to me though.  I made great first steps toward regaining some of the mobility that has been slowly slipping away.  I have been drinking my water.  I've been exercising.  And my food has been controlled.   What I did would have been enough to see BIG losses in past years.  However, it's not working for me now.  My body and hormones are adjusting, so that means I need to adjust also.   I just need to tweak one or two things to start losing.  I can't blame it on anything other than my food this time because I've gotten all the components for success in place.  So food is where I am focusing.

My first thought was to up my protein.  I've heard protein is huge for a woman of my age.  So I did my research to see how much a 51 year old woman should be eating.  I then went to Myfitnesspal to see what my recommended daily amount was. (It was the same.)   I then looked at my past week to find out where my stats lay.   I was pretty spot on with my protein.   There may have been one day that was a bit lower.  But for the most part I was spot on.  So I knew that protein was not the issue. (However, I will continue to monitor and try to increase wherever I can.)

So that left me with my second thought.   Calories.   I have long kept my calories at a low level.  1200-1500 is my range (and honestly, I prefer to keep them 1200-1300 for weight loss).     Now immediately, I know that some people will be like 'well that is your problem, it's too low".  BUT, I have long tried to hold on to some semblance of normalcy.  I am already hyper focused on tracking my food, I wanted to retain some sense of freedom by not weighing and measuring every bite of food I eat.  So for me, the lower calorie count is my way or allowing myself to not measure everything and to not worry about counting that squirt of ketchup or drizzle of chocolate syrup.  It has historically worked for me, so I had no thoughts that it wasn't working.  But clearly SOMETHING is not working.  So, the goal for this upcoming week is to measure, weigh and count EVERYTHING.   It's possible I will need to do this long term.  However, it is possible that I just need a reset of my mental judgement for measurements and portion sizes.

Honestly, I am NOT looking forward to this.  I have always resisted losing this last piece of freedom.  But it is what it is!   I want change to occur, so that means I need to change.   Crazy that that thought of change came to me a few days ago.....and this disappointment on the scale that has forced me to look at myself and forced  ME to change.   I don't like the view of where my life is going without change.......so I will change myself to change my future!

Bust

 This last week was a bust, all around!  It was a bust for what I did with exercise.  It was a bust with my weigh in and it was a bust for the couch!

The weigh in week started really strong.  It was the weekend and we had a productive weekend!  I got my strawberries planted.  We mowed.  We weeded.   We cleared brush.  We did so much!  I was going strong!

I even took apart our old couch!  Literally, I busted it up!  I first ripped off the fabric and then I started to deconstruct it piece by piece.   

I have always enjoyed taking things apart.  It is interesting to see how things are made and put together.  Who would have known!   So it was a fun time for me!   

   

It wasn't until Wednesday that I started to feel it.  Ok, if I want to be honest, my throat started hurting on Tuesday and on Monday I kept saying "I'm so darn tired".  But I thought that I was tired due to our crazy busy weekend and I thought my throat was just raw due to the fact that this acid reflux thing (you can read about where it started here.)  seems to make my sinus' drain all the time.  But no, by Wednesday I had to admit that the head cold (moved to chest) that Jason was dealing with had been oh so kindly shared with me!    

Luckily for me, I never got it too bad.  I just feel run down, sore throat and some sinus drainage. I think what has saved me from really getting sick is the fact that I have been religious about taking my vitamins.  I've also been really on top of eating lots of fruits and veggies. (Thanks to that book Built to Move that I read a while back. You can read my post about it here.)  I also listened to my body and I slowed down and rested....a lot!

 

Which brings me to my next bust.  I did not stand even a single hour this week at work and at my standing desk.  I didn't get on the exercise bike even once.  I did NO formal exercise routine.  I didn't do anything!

My food was the only thing that was not a bust!  My average daily calories was 1300!   That's awesome!  I had lots of fruits and veggies!  I ate nutritious foods!  I did great!

But I did have one more bust....and that was with my weigh in! I stepped on the scales expecting great things!   I didn't get great! Luckily I didn't get horrible either!   What I did get was a loss of 0.2 pounds.  2/10ths only!  Not even a half of a pound!   Like I said, not horrible.  Horrible would have been a gain!  So I didn't do that!  But dang, I want more loss!

I'm not out!  I know that I am feeding my body nutritious food.  I am giving my body what it needs.  This weight loss journey is NOT just about weight loss.  It is about being healthy and I know that I am feeding my body healthy options!   That is just as important!  In the meantime,  I will monitor my calories more closely and see if I can get the weight to reflect my efforts!  I'm not giving up!  I've got this!

January Check in and a Weigh in!

 January is in the books and it is time to look at how I did in January and look forward to what I am going to be doing in February.  I have to say, when I was looking at my stats and what I did, I was pleasantly surprised.  I was expecting the worst, but it was actually pretty good!

Exercise 

I nailed my exercise!  Sure there is always room for improvement but I did quite well!  So lets see what I did!

*I was able to complete quite a  few mornings of exercise videos (thank you YouTube). They were each about 30 minutes in length

* I rode my exercise bike 28 of 31 days in January. My mileage for my bike was 117.28 miles. 

* I walked an average of 4500 steps each day (about 1500 steps above my average for December). 

* I was able to complete 188.23 miles toward my 2024 challenge!  I have about 20 extra miles banked for a rainy day!

* I had two personal trainers....but they weren't too interested in my exercise!

Word of the Week

    I utilized my word of the week each week.  Two of the weeks were the same word, but the next three weeks were different.  I opened my day planner and a different word just came to me, so I rolled with it! Each word turned out to be absolutely perfect for what I was going through, feeling and experiencing!

   Here are my words of the week!

    *Week one - Control

    *Week Two - Control

    *Week Three - Fortitude

    * Week Four - Just Do it

    * Week 5 - Drive

Healthy Habits

I did fabulous on my tracking!  I tracked each day.  I pulled my information into my day planner.  I was amazing with tracking.  What I wasn't amazing with was water consumption!  I averaged about 50 (being generous here) ounces a day.   I was very cognizant of my water, it just didn't segue from something I kew I had to do, into a habit!  My calories were in line for most days!   That is exactly what I want, most days.  I am not seeking perfection.  I am looking for sustainability! 

Weigh In

I was so happy to see that my weight was down by 6 pounds!   I'll take it!  It's been fluctuating greatly for most of the month and only this week really seemed to settle!    Sure, I would like it to be more, but 6 pounds is respectable! I had to sit back and think about how much 6 pounds equals for a full year.  That is 72 pounds for a year!  That wee little 6 pounds that I was boo-hooing about?   That adds up to an impressive number!!!  6 pounds?  I'll take it gladly!

Plans for February

So what am I planning for February?
**Track my food!

**DRINK WATER

**Continue the Word of the Week

**Eat Slow  (slow is a no for acid reflux!)

**Continue to limit my carbs

**Focus on being healthy....and not stress about the number on the scale!

**Catch the rogue mouse that is running wild through our house!   WE have traps, but this little sucker is wiley and is outsmarting us!!!

The month is wide open.  I can make it whatever I want it to be!  I am choosing successful!

 

 

Still at It

 ​I’m still at it in terms of my exercise.  However, I may have  been lulled into a false sense of security!  

I used to run and loved it.  Well, of course I had days where I didn’t love it.  But I did love how it made me feel.  Refreshed, clear minded, powerful and successful!  I have missed it and decided it was time to restart!  I knew better than to think that I could jump in and just run. I knew that I had to start with some semblance of a training plan.  I have used the couch to 5k thing in the past and if you trust the training it really does work.  So I found a version of that and I started and that first run went great!  I could have done double the amount they wanted.  I came home and cleaned the house with an energy that was unheard of.  I wrote about how easy it was!   It was so easy that I was chomping at the big to go on my  next run!  (Which was pretty much a repeat of the first run in terms of run/walk minutes and length)   However, run two was not quite as easy. My legs felt it a bit!  I didn’t let it stop me though.  I completed run 2….and I headed out two days later and completed run 3!

Why yes, I was wearing the same clothes that I wore in run one!  But I promise you, they had been watched! Tomorrow is run 4.   I will go out and do it…pending the weather, which is iffy.  And if I don’t do it tomorrow I’ll still be inside working out during that scheduled  time and run 4 will happen at the first available time!

Today was honestly the first time I have tracked in quite a few weeks.  I’ve just been eating somewhat intuitively.  I’m cognizant, but just haven’t kept track of calories.   Surprisingly, in the last week or two I have seen my weight start to drop.

Which brings me to my final thought for the day.  I have always been a huge fan of weighing myself everyday.  In the last month or so I have not weighed daily.   It’s been a bit liberating.  I’m not sure how long the random weigh ins will last.  I fully expect to at some point go back to daily weigh ins, but for now it’s working for me.

Is this all I Know

Another week has flown by.  Where does time go?   It's been eventful yet stagnant, if that makes sense.   I am feeling mired down in my weight loss journey, feeling as if my life is defined only by this weight loss  journey.  Maybe it's time to look more deeply at those feelings!

Busy Week

Where has the last week gone.   I added a new post last week and then I blinked and here we are a week later!   I honestly think that that older I get, the faster time flies!  I feel as if I have no time for anything and that I'm always on the go!  But that is the way it goes, I guess!

So, my week, what to say?  It was crazy busy as always.    I didn't have a car for a few days as Jason's car was in the shop.   The main thing not having a car messed up was my visit (s) to see my mom.   We got the car back on Thursday evening so I was able to recommence with my visits to her so all is well.

I used my time after work wisely.  I have been trying to split that time down between spending time with Zoe and with yard work.  I feel somewhat successful for the last week as I was able to get a few hours of mowing done in the evenings before Jason came home.  

On Friday I had a day off work. I got the car back just in time for a busy crazy day.  I started at my normal time at 5AM.  The early morning proceeded as normal but at 7:30 I headed out to see my friend.  She had lots of plants to divide, and I was the lucky recipient!  It was so good to see her.  She is a friend that I made whilst doing Zumba and it has been ages since we have seen each other!   I was with her all morning and got home just in time to take Zoe out for a potty break and a bit of a playtime outside and feed her lunch.   I was back out the door by 12;15. I had a few stops in the afternoon and my brother and I spent some time getting an old riding lawn mower to a repair shop.  (Maybe, must maybe we will have a riding mower to help us for a season or two......which would cut down on that 8 hours of weekly mowing!).  I came home and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening planting!  

Saturday, started the errands and groceries and a visit to see momand it was a rainy day so no yard work.   Sunday was the clear day so we were outside working.   And before I knew it, I was back to Monday and heading to work.   It will be another busy week as I have mowing to finish today after work.  I have a few more plants to get into the ground.  And weeds.  I have so many weeds to pull!  And watering...new stuff and potted stuff needs watered.   Summer is here and with summer comes the outside work! I am also committed to training Zoe.  She is a nut case!  She gets so super excited that it is ridiculous.  I have been working on her training here and there.  But I have made a commitment to really focus on a few different trouble spots and really work!   (Wish me luck!)  Plus of course a few nights of visiting mom.  So, another busy week!

Weight Loss

Really? I have been eating pretty healthy.  My calorie count has been spot on, I have been eating lots of fruits and veggies.  I've been drinking water. Exercise?  I am exercising religiously every morning at 5:30AM!   And yet my weight is refusing to budge!  What is up?   I'm incredibly frustrated. I'm exceedingly angered.  I'm disappointed with myself.

Could I tighten the reigns a bit more? Yeah, I'm sure I could.  But what I'm already doing should be causing me to have weight loss.  Yet it's not!  

I am still dealing with a poison rash.   I swear, I get new patches of poison almost daily!  It's like a never-ending nightmare!  LUCKILY, the whole body experience is mostly behind me.  The bulk of the patches of poison that covered most of my body are just scaly and dry, which indicates to me that they are on the way out!  The new patches are usually small and relatively contained.  (The other day it was between two fingers.....today the new spot is on my neck).   Could my body fighting off this poison be affecting my weight?   That is my only theory...so I'm going with it!

Weight Loss is All I Know

I have been writing about weight loss for a lot of years.  Seriously, I started this website/blog way back in the early days of 2006.  I have written over 2500 posts.  (This is post 2546).  I have talked about weight loss a lot.  I have been utterly transparent about my journey and my struggles.  Years ago, I started to write a book about my weight loss and what I learned.  (I have pulled it out and I have been working on it...it's mostly in the edit stage with just a bit more writing to complete).  I had started to compile a collection of my diet-ventures.   It is a collection of stories about the crazy things that have happened to me in regard to this weight loss journey.  Weight loss has become my life.  It's who I am.

But shouldn't there be more to me?  Who am I without weight loss? When I think about writing, it usually tends to go toward weight loss. Years back I started a youtube channel.  It was ironically started as a mountain bike channel....yet my videos tended to sound more like weight loss videos.  Rather quickly the channel became a weight loss channel.  Why?   Because that is what I feel most comfortable with.  Over the last 17 years,  weight loss has become my life. 

But shouldn't there be more to me?  Do I want my identity to be "the girl whose life is weight loss"?    How do I expand and become more because weight loss is all I seem to know after so long.   

A Change and a Weigh in

 I was thinking this week about some stuff and decided that I had to change a little bit of my plan to lose weight.  I'm not surprised though.  I mean, I have tweaked and changed my direction more times than I can count!  But change I did!  The question is if the change affected  the numbers on the scales!  

Intermittent Fasting

I have dabbled with intermittent fasting for quite some time.  It was a natural thing that happened for me before  even know what intermittent fasting really was.  I guess you can say that I was cool before the cool kids!   I have never been a big fan of breakfast so it just happened naturally.  I was all happy with my intermittent fasting.  I wrote about it plenty of times too! (as evidenced here)  All was going well!  But I never had the fabulous results that other people talk about when they do intermittent fasting.  

This week I was reading blogs and watching youtube videos and the intermittent. fasting concept came up a few different times.  Each time it was mentioned in conjunction with insulin levels.  A while back I had read a book that really resonated with me.  It was The Obesity Code by Jason Fung.  Everything in his book made so much sense to me!  It wasn't until this week that I realized (yeah, slow learner) or maybe was willing to accept that my intermittent fasting was not true fasting because of one little thing.  Sure, I wasn't eating in my fasting window.  HOWEVER, I had not given up my vitamin drink in the morning.  It is the trace minerals drink pack.  It's next to nothing!  I am a huge fan of these vitamin packs! BUt they are causing me to unwittingly break my fast way too early!

So this week I decided to try another intermittent fast.  This time I would be doing a clean fast!  No vitamin pack to break my fast!   Instead, I have swapped out my morning water with straight water with a fresh lemon squeezed into it!  Refreshing and NOT breaking my fast!    I am still doing the vitamin pack, but it is being drank after my fasting window is closed!

Project 50

On March 1 I started my Project 50 and I am doing great.  I am on track and completing every item!    I feel productive and accomplished!   I love the act of marking my tracker with my successes!!!  I know, I'm only a few days into this challenge.  But right now, I am totally determined to see it through to the end and see where it takes me!  

Weigh In

Today was my official weigh in and I was nervous.  Last weekend I indulged, and my weight actually went up!  SO, I spent my week trying to recoup from that gain!  BUT, when I stepped on the scale it showed me at a 2.6 pound loss!  Hip Hip Hurray!!!!  I am utterly tickled!  

I won't lie.  I do have to wonder what it would have been without my indulgent weekend!  It would have been spectacular I bet!  But I am not going to dwell.  I know that those indulgences are what will make this sustainable for a lifetime.  Utter restriction will NOT work long term for me!  That has already been proven! :-)

Weekend Ready

Jason has survived his first full week back at work (well, he has to make it through today but I'm fairly certain he's got it under control)!     I have survived my first week of taking care of our menagerie of animals which includes a puppy!  I feel as if I am on the go constantly.  I get my break from work and boom, it's time to take the dog out!  I rush in and see I have 2 minutes before having to be back at my desk, so I rush to flip a load of laundry or sweep the floor.  It's all go go go!  But I have also been surviving this first week!    That said....bring on the weekend!!!!

This just Sucks!

 This really sucks!   It sucks bad and I don't like it!  Yet I have no control over it!

What sucks?   Watching your parents get old and start to suffer major issues with their health.   It was only 5 years ago that I lost my father.  It was difficult to watch him go downhill and pass away.  I thought it was the hardest thing I would ever have to face.   I was wrong.   Losing my dad was horrible.  But my father was cognizant and clear minded the whole way to the end.   

In July my mom had a stroke.  It left her quite immobilized and not in good shape.  It also brought to the forefront the true issue and that is that my mom had been failing for a while.  We saw signs and we were worried but they were always easily explained away.  The stroke laid bare this fact.   Mom is struggling cognitively as well as physically and it is utterly heartbreaking!   

It is also very stressful.   Last week there were some days and visits that were absolutely horrible for me.  I'm talking cry the whole 40-minute drive home horrible.  I came home one day and I had pulled myself together...somewhat.   I also ate.   I never binged.  But I just ate more food and the wrong types of food.  I didn't make good healthy choices.  

What in the world is wrong with me?  I'm watching my mother fail and I know that my weight is going to put me in a similar or worse situation.  I know that losing this weight is so important.  But same days the stress and the worry and the heartache overwhelms me, and I forget my own personal goals.

So, with a heavy heart, I will announce that I gained a pound last week.  I"m super frustrated about that.  

I'm not giving up.  This journey is so hard but so important!  I am worth it!   So here we go again with another week of trying my best!

In the midst of the stressful week, I took a 'mental health day' from work.  Jason is still off work so we took the dog into the mountains and explored!  It was good to be outside and clear my mind!!!  Zoey loved it too!!!

Weekly Weigh In

​It’s weigh in time….again.  And once again I was feeling not so confident about what the scales were going to say. I honestly didn’t have a clue what the scales were going to say.  No clue at all.  It was a complete mystery to me what was going to happen!

Scale Mystery

I have for a long time been someone that weighs myself  each and every day.   Without fail.  I weigh in each and every day.   It works for me.  It keeps me on target and on point.   I recognize that there will be natural fluctuations based on foods that I eat.  For example, I know that a meal that is high in sodium will affect me the next day.  I know that, and I know that it’s a natural part of life so I’m ok with those fluctuations.  I can see my daily weight and pinpoint the reason.  If it’s a natural fluctuation then that’s fine. But if it’s not a natural one then I can dig deeper to see what the issue is.   What did I do?  What did I not do?  What needs to be tweaked and adjusted!    It works for me.  It might not work for others but it has worked for me for quite a while. 

So then why do I have a scale mystery?  I have stopped weighing in daily.  Why did I stop weighing daily?  I stopped for the simplest of reasons…it wasn’t as easy.  My scales are in the master bathroom….and I’ve been using the hall bathroom.   The hall bathroom is small and there isn’t a whole lot of room (none) for a scale.  So it really is just ‘lack of convenience’.  I either have to undress, weigh, redress, switch bathrooms, undress and then shower.  Or I have to undress, weigh, walk across the house naked, shower.   Ok, neither one is a major issue.  One is simply more steps and the other one just means I have to be self conscious for a few minutes. But it doesn’t get done a lot of days.   And honestly, I don’t like it!

I don’t like not knowing.  I don’t like being in the dark.  I don’t like the mystery.  So I am making the commitment to start weighing again daily!   I have a feeling it will help me be a bit more on target with my eating and staying in my food budget during the weekend (weekends are my Achilles heel!)

Even without that, knowing where I am and how I’m doing will take away a wee little bit of my stress…and heaven knows I need a reduction of stress in my life!!!

Weigh In

Even with my feet I stepped onto the scales.   I was pleasantly surprised!    Very surprised!  I actually lost 3 pounds! Three!!!   AMEN!!!

That means that for the year 2023 I am just shy of having lost 10 pounds!   Go me!   

Zoey Update

Our baby girl is doing well.  You can tell she is settling in and starting to realize that this is her forever home.  We are working diligently to knock bad behaviors out of her. Things like; walking on a leash without pulling so hard that it near takes.  our arms from the sockets;  not jumping up (not good even now as a puppy that ‘only’ weighs 40 some pounds but a danger when she is full sized at and estimated 130 pounds),  and other basic safety commands.   Oh and we have thrown in a few tricks also.  She loves to shake hands….well she loves the treats she gets for it!     We have been taking her out walking at parks so she can get used to the people and dogs in life…and learn that she doesn’t run to everyone!   Some days are a pain, but we can see her progressing!

And yes….when we first got her we were firmly declaring ‘no dog on the couch’.  It only took three weeks to let her up.  (Let’s be honest…she was going to be there when we leave her alone in the house uncrated anyway!)

it was only

​I had another week where I felt like I was mostly on plan with this healthy living thing.  I also just felt like I was not going to lose any weight.

My week

I was on point almost the whole week.  I had one weekend day where I was a bit higher and a bit over my food budgets but for the most part I was spot on.  I am following the WW plan and that gives A person some weekly points for this extras…and I like to think to ‘live’ so I was actually ok.  

My water consumption was a bit spotty.  I made my goal most days but missed it a few times.  

Exercise I blew it out of the water with a victory!  I did great!  I even upped the intensity with going from aerobics to step aerobics!  It is amazing how something as simple as adding a step up and down makes a difference.  I was doing Zumba and other cardio workouts and many of the steps are similar…except for the step up and step down that is incorporated.  It makes a huge difference in intensity level!!!   I’ve been having a blast!

So my week was mostly victorious in terms of the healthy habits that I have been working to incorporate into my life!  So I have no clue why I was so nervous about any weigh in!

Stress

When will the stress bus leave me alone?  It’s been one thing after another…some things linger…some come and go.   

*Mom’s stroke and her rehab and current t state of course lingers.  

* I had that situstion with my work that started last July with uncertainty about the stability of my job and if I would have a job after the beginning of October

* and of course let’s not forget Axe Boy and his run in with an axe….and of course his long time off of work (he is still off work…it will be at least 4 months off work before he goes back…if he goes back after his next doctors appointment.  

So I’m still struggling with the stress of mom and  still stressed about Jason’s injury and the ongoing single paycheck family status for us.  The work thing righted itself and my job remained secure.   Until Friday when they called us into another meeting.  My current team is now being disbanded…”they are trying to find positions for everyone…but no guarantee and in fact maybe you should look for a job.”  I’m stressed!   

Weigh In 

So I had my weigh in.  I only lost 0.6.  I lost a stinking half pound!   Only a half pound for all my hard work!  What is up with that!   It’s super frustrating!  I wanted to scream with frustration at the scales when I saw my piddly weight loss.  

Even as frustration poured through me, I kept telling myself ‘it wasn’t a gain’.   The only failure is a gain!  A maintain is a victory.  A loss of even an ounce is a a victory!   So being disappointed by a half pound loss is stupid.  But it’s human!

It’s Only

Even as the disappointment settled within me, I turned to closing out my January and calculating my total loss for the month.   I ended the month with a 6.6 pound loss.  Once again I felt disappointed because I wanted more.  And 6.6 seems so tiny.  But then I started to think about something. 

6.6 pounds in one month…if I lost that every month this year…where would I be???   Not good at mental math?  That disappointing monthly total multiples by 13 is 79.2 pounds!  What!!!!   It’s only 6.6 pounds and it would equal 79.2 pounds.  That would put me very close to goal weight….by Christmas!!!  All for a disappointing 6.6 pounds each month. 79.2 is not disappointing!

That made me think about that 0.6 pounds.   If I just say I lost a half pound….that is shameful right?   But in a year ‘only’ a half pound would equal 26 pounds!   That is not shameful at all!  I’ve gained 10-15 pounds in one to two weeks!!!   

So instead of saying ‘it’s only’ we need to look at the long term and see about how it adds up in the long run!!!

I had a bad feeling

 We had another busy weekend!  When will things slow down?  Will they ever slow down?   It was a good week overall though!

Zoey

We had another fun week with our puppy.   We have had her for three weeks now and she is settling in.  She is a bit of a ham and comes running up to the camera, so I have to be sneaky with pictures!    When we got her, she was right at 32 pounds (at home weight).  She went to the vet a week after we got her and she was 34 pounds.   SHe went back to the vet this past week and she is now almost 42 pounds.  My girl is growing like a weed!

She is learning lots of new things.  Important things actually.  We continue to potty train her.  She is pretty good with that.  She just needs to figure out how to tell us she has to go potty.  She goes into the kitchen and stares at the door, but that is not a feasible method since we can't see her if she is in the kitchen.  So currenty we are jumping up and running to look to see if she is staring at the door.  We have jingle bells on the door which we rattle each time she goes out.  SHe has rattled it two times on her own and we have immediately taken her outside but she just plays out there on those trips.  SHe will get it....I hope!   She is also learning to not jump up on us.  As a puppy (albeit a big puppy) it's not too bad, but she is growing and will be well over a hundred pounds.  We can't have that much dog jumping up on us.  We have been working on how to walk on a leash without pulling our arms out of the sockets.  Newfoundlands are noted for being awesome at pulling....so it is her nature, and we are trying to break her of that.  We have been talking about getting her into drafting......pulling a cart.  But that won't come until she is at least 18 months old and her body is done growing and her bones and muscles are ready for it!  She is doing well! 

She enjoyed the 4-5 inches of snow that we got on Wednesday.  She was running and leaping in the air.  I honestly think that may have been one of her best days thus far in her life. 

Exercise and food

I have been doing great with my exercise and food.  I have been super consistent with my tracking.  I track each and every bite that I eat.  I have managed to keep my points within my target range for al but one day.  The day that I wasn't in my range was calculated and planned.  I also have my weekly points so that is what I used to cover my overage.  So I did great with eating.

Exercise I also did fantastic with.  I have remained consistent with my efforts and have exercised each day that was planned.  I did take some time off over the weekend to allow my body to heal.  I plan on doing that again this weekend.  My legs feel heavy and cumbersome, so I know it's time for a bit of a break!  I will still be walking the dog and doing other stuff...just not squats and jumping jacks and whateer else the youtube workout videos throw at me!  

Weigh in

I was nervous about this weigh in.  SO nervous.  I have not been weighing myself daily like I used to. It's not that I don't want to.  It's simply that I have been using the hall bathroom and my scales are in the master bath.    So it was with fear and trepidation that I stepped onto the scales this morning.  Sadly, my fears were founded. (Don't ask me how I knew that it was not going to be a good week on the scales...I just had this gut feeling.)  I gained a pound.  

I am bummed.  No gain is ever welcome.  A maintain is hard enough to bear, but a gain?

I am telling myself that it's ok.  I know that I lived a healthy and fit life this past week and that the scales WIL catch up.  My main goal is to be fit and healthy and i did that.  The numbers on the scaes are a bonus whenever that happens.  The main thing is to stay consistent!  I'm not letting that number on the scale derail me from the good that I am doing!  So full steam ahead!

An Extreme Way to get steps!

Here we are and we are already closing out the second week of the new year!   Let me tell you, it has been a super eventful first two weeks of the year!   I've been killing it with my weight loss efforts.  We added to our family.   It's been....well it's been nuts!

Exercise

I have been absolutely killing it with my activity levels this year!  At the end of December I started to get things ready and lined up.   There wer some changes with furniture coming and I was losing my dedicated spot in the living room to do my exercises and really spread out.  So, I got a tv and made a nice spot for myself in our nearly empty family room.  (Nope, not much furniture in there yet).  We also got some bowflex adjustable hand weights.  I used my money from work (they give a certain amount of money each year that we can spend toward something fitness related....weights...bikes...fitness watches....gym memberships, etc).  So I knew that come the new year that there would be NO EXCUSE!    I also joined a step challenge on Youtube.  My personal goal is 8K steps each day.  That doesn't seem like a lot...but for someone that was struggling to get past 3k steps and whenever I managed to get to 5K I thought it was a big deal.  Thus, you can see that 8000 steps is ahuge thingfor me!   I started on the first of the year and I have been absolutely slaying the exercise/activity!  There is only 1 day that I have missed my 8K steps!  But when I average it out, I am KILLING it!   I have also chosen to do some type of formal exercise every day!  And the only days that I have NOT done something in terms of formal exercise are days where my steps are already through the roof.   BY formal exercise I mean a workout video....zumba, walking video....something like that.     My steps have increased and while my legs hurt the first few days, they are slowly getting better!   I was so determined to get my steps that I went to the extreme!   

New Family Member

About a week ago, Jason came flying into the office. He had found a Newfoundland puppy!   Now let me backtrack a bit.  I have ALWAYS known that Jason wanted and planned to get another newfoundland.  His first newfoundland had passed away before I met Jason and on one of our first dates (I think it was date number two) we actually had a conversation about my feelings toward big, slobbery, hairy dogs.   (I wonder if he would have halted and had no further dates if I had said that it would be an issue.  HMmmmmm )   So I have always known that it was just a matter of time before this would come to pass.  While we lived in our apartment he talked about it and actually switched to other dog breeds. (our apartment had a 40 pound weight limit for animals).   We finally got our own house...with land and I knew he would ramp up the talks!  Recently he had started talking about a rottweiler.    I knew it was coming soon.  I have even laughed and said "I expect you to come home from work one day with a puppy int he car...something that you run into in your travels to peoples houses".    So when he came flying into my office I wasn't surprised!  We went to see the puppy that night and the next night we welcomed a 33 pound newfoundland puppy into our house!

Meet Zoey. She was born September 19, 2022 and currently weighs 35 pounds. (She will weight over 100 pounds when she is full grown).

So there has been lots of dog walking in the yard. (the yard is not fenced).   OK, maybe getting a puppy is a bit of an extreme way to get more steps!  

Eating and Weigh In

My eating has been doing really well.  I have been tracking EVERYTHING and I've been managing to stay within my points budget most days.  I have had a few bobbles.  But I have always said that I am not striving for perfection, I am aiming for sustainability! What I have done the last few weeks have been perfectly sustainable!

So how have I done on the scale?   Well I have dropped just about 5 pounds in 13 days!  I had a moment of disappointment when I stepped onto the scale and saw a loss of just shy of 2 pounds for this week.  I wanted more!  But 2 pounds (1.8) is quite respectable and is a very healthy rate to lose weight!  So I will take it!

Life is still extremely crazy.   I'm trying to shuffle so much. I'm stressed about so many things.  But I am determined this year to take care of myself first and foremost!   Thus far I'm winning!

Over the Hump

​​I am hoping that I am over the hump of the slump that naturally occurs during a weight loss journey.   The hump for me is usually in that second  to third week of loss.  It’s that point where the excitement of the journey starts to wear off and the sheer immensity of the journey I am (once again) embarking upon hits me.  But I crossed over that hump and I’m on the other side still intact!

Week Three of my Weight Loss Journey 

Last week I wrote about my week two.  It was a seesaw of emotions for sure.  I was spot on with my efforts but the weight didn’t come back off!  In fact, I regained what I had lost in week one!  Can we say frustrating?  I tried to remind myself that my monthly  cycle was to blame (and I use the word monthly as it is more like every two months at this point….just come on and end already!).    But even knowing how my body reacts to my cycle, I was still discouraged.  I didn’t let up though.  No, I stayed the course!

I rolled into week three determined to stay strong and stay the course.  I am convinced that  my plan of lots of fruit and veggies and my weekend calorie goal of 1500 or under and my weekday calorie goal of 1300 or under is solid and a good one for me.  A nice balance of splurge and restriction.  And even though that 1500 (for me) won’t let me lose a lot of weight…it should at least keep me from gaining.  Yes for me, I typically struggle to even maintain my weight with any calorie intake 1500 or above.    I stayed strong over the weekend.  And on Monday my weight rigged itself back to what my previous weeks weigh in number had been.  I let out a huge sigh of relief and vowed to settle in for a work week of healthy eating.

I would love to say that my weekdays were all perfect. However there was a cheese incident.   One day for lunch I went to cut a slice of cheese to have with my lunch….totally accounted for and budgeted into my caloric budget.  But it tasted so delicious and I lost control of my addiction.  I didn’t lose control that day.  No I held myself to the single slice of cheese.  It was the next day that I lost control.  I ate my lunch and I did not have cheese on the plan but all I could think about was that cheese and how good it was.  I caved and had some cheese….and then some more…and well, I  ate around 500 calories of cheese!  I say around…I was eating out of control.  No counting, weighing or measuring.      I pulled myself out of my madness though.  It was a single incident during the work week.

Emotional Wreck

Jason and I went house hunting and toured some houses with our realtor.  We saw one that we liked, but there are some reservations. We are not moving on it.  The realtor advised us that that house will move fast (almost everything is selling within days).  Since we were not in love with it, we are holding off.  We are praying for the right house for us.  And in those prayers, if that is the right house, then we are praying that for whatever reason it won’t sell quickly.     I enjoyed our day of looking at houses…but stressed about finding a house and everything involved.

Work is continuing to totally stress me out.  Really badly! I am not even going to go into it the particulars.  Bad enough that I’m not able to sleep some nights with worry and the stress.  Some of their actions make me feel as if my job is no longer secure.  The things they ask us to do is near impossible.  And the instructions they give are faulty and if you ask you get three different answers, and if you ask for clarification well…it doesn’t go well.  (I’ve been reprimanded for pushing for clarification on something that was unclear and/or obviously incorrect….I’ve been on the team longer than most of my superiors…so know the program inside and out…and some of them seem to like to answer questions, not by saying ‘I don’t know but let me check’ but by making a decision on how they think we should proceed without checking with our clients or their coworkers. And in ways that I know will not work along side of other directives that we have been given).

Yesterday while we were house hunting we ended up driving through Sharpsburg, the town I lived in when I was previously married. We drove by my old home.  (My word he has it looking like some hillbilly place with junk out in the yard….ha). But that drive by sparked the conversation and memories.  And not the good memories…the negative.  And I started to cry…and couldn’t stop.  The mental /emotional abuse has obviously left scars that are still tender, just buried deep.  The biggest thing that I realized…it’s all making more and more sense.  I am just a doormat.  I am a bit of a doormat For this person in my life that I love (and I know they love me in their own way) that occasionally hurls negative comments at me.  Work that keeps pushing more and more work on me….yet seems to delight in telling me how I’m not doing enough or doing so much wrong.  (In fairness, most of my coworkers that are in my position feel the same way so this is not myself.   But I’m a doormat for my employer and they wipe their feet on my frequently.   I was a doormat for my ex husband for sure.     It wasn’t a pleasant revelation.   Even worse…..I have no clue how to not be.  I am just me…and apparently ‘me’ is a easy target for doormat status.

Week Three Weigh In

I had my official weigh in for my third week of this newest phase of my weight loss journey.  I wasn’t expecting much.  I have been up and down all week.  But step on the scales I did.  After all, I do it every day AND I needed to weigh in for my official weekly weigh in.  I am not a proponent of skipping a weigh in simply because I suspect it may be bad.  I want to see how bad so I can celebrate the next week when I see that ‘hopefully’ temporary gain disappear.  So even though I didn’t expect greatness, I stepped on the scale!  Ahhh I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I lost!  The weight that I had temporarily gained last week (most likely due to my cycle of ick) was gone.   Not only was that weight gone…but another pound had disappeared!   In total, during the last three weeks I have lost 4.7 pounds.  I’ll take it!!

I don’t know the answer to the Maryfran is a doormat problem, but I’m going to work on it.  My weight loss journey isn’t just about losing physical pounds.  It is about losing the pounds of baggage that I carry within me. It is about making me healthy inside and out.  I’m heading into week four of this new phase of my weight loss journey.  I’m excited to see what week four will bring me.   There may be more tears.  There may be sweat.  There may be less food than what I WANT.  But I know that I am planning to give it my all!  And in the back of my mind…I’m saying Geronimo!  Because yes, I have a real live goal/motivation!

See-Saw of Weight Loss

​The seesaw of a weight loss loss journey is absolutely crazy!   One one hand,  this last week of losing weight was an absolute victory!   But on the other hand, Losing weight was an absolute failure…but then on second thought, maybe it wasn’t so much of a failure.  Win or lose, who knows?

Victory in Weight loss

I just completed week two of my restart and recommitment to weight loss. Week two is sometimes the most difficult one for me.  The first week I am gung ho and full of hope, but by week two the long term aspect of this journey has hit and I falter. I am so proud to say that I rolled through week two with flying colors!   I kept my calories totally in check!   Once again, During the week I kept my calories under 1300 calories and during the weekend I kept it under 1500.  This is working for me.  I feel as if I am ‘splurging’ on those weekends with those extra calories, but those extra calories allow me to go out to eat and/or indulge in a small dessert. But that splurge is not breaking the bank or rather breaking the scale! 

I have  been keeping this ‘poorly made’ (on Jasons part) bet/challenge  in my mind.   I have been saying (mostly in my head) ‘Geronimo’ when I am thinking about food and indulging in something that is not within my food budget.   Yes, I am that competitive, even though there is like a 100% chance that I won’t really make Jason jump if/when the time comes.  But I will definitely hold it over his head, probably forever!   I’ll be 99 years old and saying ‘maybe I’ll make you jump this year….because you know; I won!  It’s that thrill that I am fighting for… not so much to actually make him jump.  Although you know….maybe he will willingly face his fear and jump!  :-)

So I mentioned poorly made bet?  Yes, Jason realized that his bet was poorly made…..the next morning when his buzz had worn off!  (I have no shame….I very willingly made a bet when I knew he had a few beers in him!  I on the other hand was completely sober!). He has tried to backtrack and add in a time limit for me to complete my weight loss.  He has also tried to add in something equally ferocious for me to face should I not lose this weight.  But I just keep reminding him that we shook hands on the deal and you can’t go back and unshake our hands or change  the rules after the fact.  And I’m pretty sure that it’s obvious that I’m not interested in adding amendments to our agreement….why would I?  :-)   So yeah, when we were out getting lunch the other day and I was looking at calories and different options, he was looking at me and I just gleefully said ‘geronimo!’    I’m having fun with it!

Trying to get back to being active

We have been so lazy lately.  We are taking lots of lazy weekends.  Very little exercise.  It’s no wonder, the weather has  been cold and icky!  Each weekend we say ‘next weekend we are getting outside’!  But…you know how those vows usually work out, they don’t!    But this weekend the weather here in Maryland was fabulous.  We were running errands and on Saturday we walked through a park.  We didn’t have a whole lot of time…so it was short but we got out!   This ugly duck has always been one of my favorites…but his eyes…Poor old guy can’t see well!

On Sunday we started lazy…but we knew what the weather was supposed to be so we got ourselves outside.  We went to the canal and walked for a few hours.  It felt good to be outside.  My legs felt so tired after walking for a few hours.  But, it was awesome to see some green start to pop up here and there!

I have continued to ride the exercise bike every work day! I’m not too far ahead of schedule with miles for my 2022 mile challenge but I’m definitely not behind…right on schedule!   We also continue to walk every evening for about 25-30 minutes. 

Work and House Hunting Stress

I’m gearing up for another work week of fun.  We (I) have tried to change and tried to talk to managers…to no avail. I do get my breaks…just usually quite delayed.  (One day I got my break literally at 4:15 and I get off at 4:30.   And I only got it because I put my foot down and said ‘I’ve been asking to take my break since 2:30 and I leave in 15 minutes.”   They knew they had no choice other than to give me the break.     I am hanging on.  We are in house buying mode.  Changing jobs at this point would really mess up the pre approval and all of that stuff!  But when we have signed a loan and settled in, I will have nothing tying me to this job!

We are continually looking at houses.  Went through one this past weekend and hope to see a few new ones that are coming onto the market this next weekend.  We also still have a for sale by owner house that we are interested in.  We have toured that and expressed our interest.  The owners are having some work done, but were unable/unwilling  to give us a price of what they are asking and wanting to get for the house.   So we are in limbo with that.  If we knew that the price was in the range that we want to pay we would settle back and wait patiently. But…who knows! I know what it will most likely go for.  But that doesn’t mean they won’t ask some outrageous price.

Weight Loss Journey Weigh In

I had my official weigh in this past weekend and here is the other side of the weight loss seesaw.  I was so proud of myself to have a fabulous week with tracking and staying on plan.  But when I stepped on the scale for my official weigh in, I was up.  Like literally everything I lost  during my first week of being back on track had come back!  I kept telling myself ‘it’s water retention due to your out of what  cycle’. But even saying that is doesn’t take away the frustration and hopelessness that one feels when you see that  a week of great efforts meant nothing on the scales and in fact garnered a gain!  

I didn’t allow myself to stop though.  I kept telling myself, ‘stay the course and your efforts WILL pay off’.  I kept my calories at my weekend goal level all weekend, I didn’t let up!

This morning I woke up and like normal I stepped on the scale.  Not for my official weigh in, but just for a wee little check on progress (I weight daily…but only count one specific day as my official weigh in…this works for me.). I was soooo happy to see that my weight went back down to what it was before this last seesaw week.   Can I hope that I can get back to losing???   

The seesaw was crazy during this week of weight loss efforts.  Pride in my weight loss efforts fought with the frustration at the numbers on the scale.  The question is, what won that battle?  What won  was the drive to succeed and to make week three a great weight loss week!  The drive to see the results of week three!   So watch out, I’m planning on hopping off the seesaw.  I’m planning on having a spectacular week of efforts coupled with an amazing weight loss!!

​

I've got this!

 I have now managed to make it exactly one week in this new weight loss journey!  I have experienced the highs and lows of losing weight all within this first week.  I have gathered my motivation and I managed to make it through a complete week and still feel just as strong today as I did a week ago!  But did I lose weight?

It was a week ago that I wrote about how I want to change my weight so badly.  I also wrote about how I realized that if I wanted my weight to change that I would need to change myself.  I can't expect to get different results from the same actions.  I have been on this journey for a LOT of years (Seriously....it's been a little over 15 years since I started this site!  WOW)  During those years I have learned a lot about my body and how I lose weight.  So making my plan of attack to change myself so that my weight would change was easy.  

      1. Track my food…RELIGIOUSLY!

      2.  Water….64 ounces as bare minimum

      3.   Calories UNDER 1450 at least 6 days a week!

     4.  Forgive myself for my mistakes and missteps!

     5.  40 miles of exercise/movement a week (this is the minimum I need for my 2022 mile challenge.

     6.  Work to add additional formal exercise into my week.  I’m not sure yet how/when/where but stay tuned.

So How did I do?  I am proud to say that I nailed my goals for the week!  I tracked every bite and nibble that I put into my mouth.  I actually didn't put anything into my mouth until it WAS tracked.  I planned out my days and managed my calories accordingly!  On the weekend where I struggle a bit more with eating, I allowed myself to be at the high end of where I want my calories to be.  But on the weekday's I was lower.   Water you may ask?   NO problem.  I wasn't much above the 64 ounces some days, but I managed to consume my bare minimum.   The miles for the challenge?   Done!    I didn't have any major misstep or mistake, so I didn't have to practice forgiveness for that.  But I did remind myself frequently that I was allowed to live and that means that an indulgence is allowed on occasion if it is accounted for and if it is not ALL the time. 

I did not manage to get any additional formal exercise in.  That is where I struggled.  But that is ok also, it gives me room for growth and improvement!

So where in the world am I at after one week of staying the course and actually changing myself and my behaviors?    I am proud to say that I lost 3.6 pounds!  Yes.  3.6!!!!    I was hoping for 5 for my first week back...but I'm more than ok with 3.6.

Onward to week two!  I did it for one week....and I can do it for a second week!  I've got this!

Time for change

 It is time for change!  Big or little, I don't know yet!   But this weight loss journey has been full of ups and downs and lots of changes along the way and I think that another change is imminent! But what changes are coming?  

Weekly Weigh In

Let me start with my weekly weigh in.  I officially weigh in on Fridays and I weighed in at the same weight that I was last week.  To the ounce.  I have been maintaining for the last few weeks.  It is NOT for lack of trying.  I am eating within a caloric range that should have me losing mad weight in a healthy manner.  But it is just not working.   Furthermore, it is seriously depressing and disheartening!  I can't tell you how many tears I've cried recently over this journey.   Sure, I know; a maintain is a victory.  Still being here and present is a victory.  But it's a shallow victory and not one that is bolstering me for the journey still ahead of me!

Changes

So what changes am I going to make?  I'm not exactly sure.  I simply know that what I am doing right now is NOT working.  Sure, I'm losing weight here and there.  But it is in fits and starts.  I will have a week where my calories intake is not that bad and I gain.  There seems to be no rhyme or reason.   It is making me look deeper and I came up with a few different thoughts.

**  I am cheating on my plan and have no willpower.  Even as I write this, I know that that is not the case.  I am quite honest with myself and the food that I put into my daily food/calorie tracker.   My calories that I report are what I am eating!

** My calories in versus calories out plan is no longer a plan that is working for me.  This made me wonder if I should go back to trying Weight Watchers.  I lost a heck of a lot of weight years ago on WW.  In fact, I made it to lifetime status with the program.  However, I regained and while I tried to lose with the program I needed a change so I stepped away.   More recently, in early 2020 I rejoined WW...it was right before the pandemic and I stopped shortly after the pandemic reared it's ugly head and went back to calorie counting.   

**I have learned valuable things.  Complex carbs are my enemy.....where my body needs to be in terms of calories for optimal weight loss.....etc.  Shouldn't I be able to come up with a plan that is satisfying to my soul and my body??

** Exercise is good for my fitness levels.  My body needs exercise.  But I know that weight is lost in the kitchen and not the gym.

So where does my thoughts lead me?  It is leading me to reading books and researching.  It is leading me to look for a happy medium and a long term solution to my problems.  I will not.....NEVER.....do any fad or crazy diet plan.  That is not sustainable.  My goal is health and that is my first priority.  BUt I'm looking....I am searching....I am reading.   

I am currently reading a book that has made me feel better about where I am and my frustration levels.  It is in the opening chapters but it makes a lot of sense and I am hopeful that it will give me lots of amazing insight for getting back on track in a way that works for my life and my body!   I'm still reading though!  

Stay tuned....change is coming.  It has to.  For me to continue to do the same thing in this weight loss journey is sheer madness.  It's not working...which means that SOMETHING has to change if I want to change!

It's a see saw weigh in!

 I gained.  I gained weight on my official Friday weigh in!  And no, I'm not happy about it!

Ok, I got that right out there didn't I!  No beating around the bushes.  I just had to say it!  I gained about 1.5 pounds in that week stretch.  I sit back and I want to say HOW.....I'm not eating horribly!   On my indulgent days, I am eating about 1600-1800 calories.  And I gain!  What is wrong with me!

OK, so enough about the whining!  This  is a chapter that repeats time and time again for me.  I KNOW that I can't eat 1600 calories...yet I continue to try!  I want my body to be 'normal'.  I want my body to lose weight at that range that should allow me to lose a pound a week ...if I am going strictly by the numbers.  BUT, my body is not like that.  My body has it's own unique sense of how weight should be lost.  Unfortunately for me, that means that I need to keep my calories closer to the 1200 range.  I can sneak it up to 1400  but that is my range.  1200-1400.  When I eat within that range, I lose.  Plain and simple!

Now, I HAVE talked to my doctor about my calorie range.  She knows that I don't lose at 1600....but I do at 1300.  And she simply said "well you know what you need to do and what your caloric goal needs to be".  So eating at that calorie range is doctor approved for me!

But why???  Why do I have to eat like a bird?   (which honestly...birds eat CONSTANTLY, so I don't get that saying).   Why do I have to watch every bite knowing that if I eat an extra piece of bread that the weight will pile on overnight?  Why do I have to restrict to 1200 calories, and existing on nibbling on raw carrots? (Not really, simply because I hate raw carrots...but that's what this journey feels like sometimes!) Why do I try so hard and not lose weight?   WHY WHY WHY!

Yes, I'm having a pity party!   I'm not giving up.  I know that I am worth every ounce of effort that I make!  BUT, dang if it isn't a difficult journey!

First Friday Weigh In

Yeah yeah yeah, I know that this is posting on Monday and it is about my Friday weigh in.  But that is just how it’s going to be.  I will explain the change and everything today and I will also share my weigh in results!

No Stress Weigh In Day

I recently changed my official weigh in day back to Friday.  I had weighed in on Friday's before…but months ago, I had decided to change my weigh day to after the weekend in an effort to keep myself on the straight and narrow over the weekend.  Yes, my weekends are always the tough time for me!  In theory it would work!  I mean, it worked when I was on weight watchers and weighed in on Tuesday (which due to my whacky schedule was the first day of my work week).  But this time around it was working but only to an extent.  It was also filling me with anxiety and stress.  I do indulge a bit on the weekends (the typical rule is ONE sweet treat for the week and I indulge on a weekend). Plus, we eat out on the weekends….yup the kitchen is closed on the weekends!     So the stress came naturally.  Each time I ate my sweet treat I panicked about what it would do to my weight.  If I ate something that was a night higher carbs I stressed.  Out and about and drinking a bit less water on a weekend day….stressed and anxious about what that would mean for my weigh in.  

That is not living!  I want to be thin and healthy, there is no doubt about that. But I also want to live a happy life. If I’m stressed and anxious about every bite I eat, then that is not living!  There has to be a happy medium.  So back to Friday Weigh days.   I can have my tiny indulgence and I can eat at a restaurant where I may not have as much control.  If I slack a bit on water, It’s ok, as long as I pick the reigns back up on Monday.   There isn’t a ‘day of reckoning’ immediately following my rough days!  That said, I don’t want to play catch up all week long and have to lose what I gained over the weekend.  So I’m not allowing my weekends to be a free for all.  (Jason’s  birthday weekend was an anomaly and something special…so we won’t count that!)  

Stress free Posting

Changing my weigh in day back to Friday but continuing to post the results on Monday also helps me in actually being able to post and think about what I am saying and doing.  Work had been crazy recently.  It was difficult for me to actually weigh in on Monday morning and find time to post about it that same day.   Thus,  some of my delayed posts and missed posts over the last few months. With Friday weigh days, I have the time over the weekend to actually formulate my thoughts and post!  That is a plus also!!!  (Thanks for putting up with me during my less than stellar posting habits of late!)

Weigh In Time

So the moment we have all he waiting for.  How did I do on the scales?

I lost 3.0 pounds this week!  I am over the top happy!  That is a blessing that I was NOT expecting!

I am moving in the right direction!   I am still a bit behind in my quest to get to the weight that I was when I met Jason by our vacation, but not by much.  It is still attainable. The average I would need to lose each week would be 2.3 pounds.   Tough…but totally doable.  I’m still aiming for it (even though over two poutines a week is not sustainable…I do have a fair amount of weight to lose so it is possible).   But even though I am aiming for it, I am NOT going to be upset if I don’t make it.  Not at all.  If I get close….that’s a win.   The fact that since I started my 12 Week Challenge I have lost about 13 pounds is a win!  If I am losing (or have lost) then it is a win!

I am over the top happy with my progress and I can’t wait to see where this new improved weight loss journey takes me!  I am in the process of obtaining my next reward.  I am rewarding myself every 10 pounds loss…and this three pounds took me over that 10 mark and into a new weight decade.  I am also in the home stretch to get my 2021 miles in the year 2021 completed.  So stay tuned!