Thursday, January 14, 2016

Down but not out

Well, I was sitting at work yesterday morning and thinking about my weekly weigh in.   To be totally honest, I was disgusted.   On Monday I weighed in 2 full pounds lower.  I didn't really eat crazy.  I ran a few miles.  I didn't have a bad few days!   And then voila....the scales were showing me up.   It didn't make sense.  However, I KNEW that it didn't make sense so I was determined to just show up those stupid numbers!

I was actually looking at hiking gear and hiking pants online and I was even more determined to get this weight off so that I wouldn't have to buy plus size (I'm on the cusp between plus size and regular size) clothes.That and we are talking about doing some backpack camping (ha ha friends and family may get a chuckle at MF roughing it) and if I'm going to spend the money for a good backpack, it would be nice to be fitted and have one that is perfect for the body that will be more like my long term (future) body.

I got off work at noon today and made my way home.  I was HUNGRY.  Bad bad bad place to be.  I was hungry at 10:30 and I waited until I got home to eat.  I got home at 12:30 and had some turkey noodle soup (homemade leftover from the night before) and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  And then I had some more soup and some Honey Mustard Pretzel bites.  GRRRR  I was STUFFED!  I knew I over ate.  I would have been fine with just the soup or just the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Or the soup and sandwich without the second serving of soup.  And what's worse?  I POSITIVELY did NOT need the pretzels.  (Luckily the pretzels are GONE now)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I'm NOT giving up.  I had a binge. I had a bad day.  (my calories were ONLY at 1500 for the day....including I still wasn't THAT bad!)   I'm going to be on this like white on rice!   I want to be thin and healthy!!!!   This journey is way to important!!!!!!

I stayed busy during the afternoon.  I helped my father with a project, completed a few things on my to do list (including making pies, bread and pumpkins for my dollhouse)   It was a nice quiet and productive afternoon.                                                                                                                                           I had plans to go to dinner with Jason but he ended up having to cancel. (valid reasons that I totally understand, and I knew it was a possibility from the moment we made the tentative plans)    I was understandably saddened by this (cuz in case you haven't figured it out...I really like this guy!).  But on the other hand, I was relieved.  You see, I wasn't all that hungry and I know me...I would have shoveled more food down my gullet if I had gone out to eat with him.  (I still ended up eating a Jersey Mike's turkey sub with my parents though!)

So lesson learned.  It really does just prove to me how tenuous my control is.