Sunday, February 06, 2022

Enough is Enough

​The last week had been a crazy one for sure!  I’ve learned a few things (or rather learning) about myself and really opening my eyes and seeing maybe why I am the way I am.  I’ve been busy and stressed out at work. And my weight…oh my weight loss efforts.  Enough is enough.  It is time to draw the proverbial line in the sand.  I have got to fix my weight issues and I have got to stop dithering and giving half efforts!    

A stressful Work Week

Wow.  Just wow.   Work has been so insane lately.  A lot of micromanaging that doesn’t help the situation.  A lot of negativity reigned down upon us.  And just really busy.   And yes, my coworkers are feeling the same angst and stress, which does make my burden a bit easier.  (Misery loves company.). At least I know it’s not just me they are singling out.  It’s the whole group of us that do this one aspect of work on our team.   And let’s just say that it’s bad. 

This upcoming week or so should be a bit better for me.  I will be working with training some new people for our team.  So I will be removed from a lot of the petty bull that is happening.   And of course I really enjoy training.  (Which is no surprise to anyone that knows me!)


In the last months I’ve been starting to realize that there is a force of negativity in my life that directly affects me and who I am.  Comments made that are hurtful.  Example, ‘the dress you got married in makes your butt look fat’…who says that to a happy bride?  Just this week I started to think back and realize that it’s been going on for a long time.  I confirmed that last night by going back and reading some excerpts from old journals.  Yes, I have close to 20 journals in storage.  When I was younger there were some gaps in years…but I have sporadic journals from back as far as third grade and I started to journal more consistently when I was about 13 years old.   As I read bits and pieces of these journals I was clearly able to see the pattern of behavior for many years.  (Which made Jason feel better as he apparently had worried that his presence in my life had created the issue…but no it was an issue from long before his presence.)

So yes…journals galore.   I pulled them out and read some last night. Jason and I had fun laughing at some of the entries I made from very early in our relationship.  I then had fun teasing him and reading about the mixed messages he was giving me about marriage for years!  One week commenting about how he was all in with marriage but the next week against marriage due to previous experiences…..I can laugh now but back then it was a seee-saw!  (And ultimately I decided that I would rather have the man…even if it didn’t come with a ring because it came with lots and lots of love!  And what do you know…it came with the ring anyway!)

Married Life 

Married life treats me well.   I make it through my work days because I know that come 5 or 5:30 when Jason gets home that I’ll get a kiss and hug that will make my world all ok again!

We are excited about getting a house and moving.  Sure there is a lot more responsibility with home ownership….but there are a lot more rewards….not just financially.  More space.  Things exactly how WE want and not how someone else wants. Space to actually can..yes my kitchen is so small that canning and preserving food would be possible, but difficult. And where would I store my preserved items.  Just no space! Oh and to have a garden and all that fresh produce to eat!  Did I mention more space?

I have been having so much fun writing letters to Jason’s four year old niece.  Ok, maybe not ‘me’ writing….kiwi our bird writes to her!  Hahaha. It is fun to share our life with her written from the eyes of a parrot.  (She lives about 4 hours away and we don’t see them often).  It has been one of my great pleasures recently…and I find myself planning throughout the week/weeks and taking pictures just for her letters.  Such as the ‘kiwi for your letter’ picture.

Weight Loss

Ok so I titled this section weight loss.  Maybe I should have added the word what and a question mark to make it ‘what what loss?’.  No weight lost here.   And I can’t blame anything but myself.  I haven’t been committed.  I have gotten in my miles and ridden the exercise bike.  But I haven’t really put forth much (any) effort to lose weight and let’s be honest…it takes effort!

But enough is enough.  I’m tired of being fat and the only way to change it is to be serious.   A few months back I did a 12 week challenge and had some success.  I like the shorter goals and terms.  It seems more doable.  I liked that challenge and it worked.  I like the exercise portion but that is what burned me out…getting in my miles plus the exercises for the challenge. I was doing it all on my breaks and lunch at work which was difficult.   So I am going to do a similar version. Focusing mostly on the food and water aspect.  (All the while continuing my 2022 challenge of course). For me the biggest issue right now is calorie and water intake!   I need to fix that…and I need to do it now!  So I am just going to focus on one week at a time.  Calories and water this week.  That’s my goal for this week.  Calories in check…1400 calories or thereabouts (simply because I know my body responds at that level…years of watching have taught me that). And at least 64 ounces of water each day.   That is the goal for this upcoming week. I need to get this ship turning in the right direction!

Like I said….enough is enough!