Monday, March 01, 2010

Really trying

The "mertz-ter", originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Ohhh to live the happy go luck existence of Lil' Mertz.

I have switched my weight watcher meeting to Saturday mornings. Why? One, so I can go back to the weight watcher center that I like. Secondly, it's in the morning...EARLY. It will be time I cut out of my sleep and not taken away from any other responsibilities. On the weeks that I work Saturday mornings, it will be tight. I'll have to leave the meeting and fly like the wind back to Sharpsburg, but I think it will be worth it. And thirdly, and possibly most important. A friend (Hi Sherry) and I are goign to go to that one together.....and help with the accounability thing. So i went this past week and faced the music.

Saturday I did really good. Yesterday just was crazy. I was on the go..and running literally from the moment I woke up. I ate out twice...and I'm sad to say that I had french fries in the evening (at lunch I got a salad to go with my sandwich). Oh yeah, I indulged an got an amaretto sour tooo. So liquor on top of it all. (it did taste mighty fine).

Tired of sabotaging my efforts. I can clearly see that I lost the weight to try to fix some problems in my life. I lost the weight and those problems didn't go away. And I was forced to face the facts that the problems were not my weight....and without the weight I no longer had an excuse.....and I think that my will to keep the weight off was damaged. Without really thinking about it, I gained and didn't care what I ate.....because if I gained, I could once again blame my weight. No more. The weight has to go FOR ME! And these problems......they are not mine to correct. I am just an innocent victim.

I'm determined to get my butt back into exercise. I'm strugglign with the will power to do so. But I've GOT to!