Saturday, March 12, 2022

Over the Hump

​I am hoping that I am over the hump of the slump that naturally occurs during a weight loss journey.   The hump for me is usually in that second  to third week of loss.  It’s that point where the excitement of the journey starts to wear off and the sheer immensity of the journey I am (once again) embarking upon hits me.  But I crossed over that hump and I’m on the other side still intact!

Week Three of my Weight Loss Journey 

Last week I wrote about my week two.  It was a seesaw of emotions for sure.  I was spot on with my efforts but the weight didn’t come back off!  In fact, I regained what I had lost in week one!  Can we say frustrating?  I tried to remind myself that my monthly  cycle was to blame (and I use the word monthly as it is more like every two months at this point….just come on and end already!).    But even knowing how my body reacts to my cycle, I was still discouraged.  I didn’t let up though.  No, I stayed the course!

I rolled into week three determined to stay strong and stay the course.  I am convinced that  my plan of lots of fruit and veggies and my weekend calorie goal of 1500 or under and my weekday calorie goal of 1300 or under is solid and a good one for me.  A nice balance of splurge and restriction.  And even though that 1500 (for me) won’t let me lose a lot of weight…it should at least keep me from gaining.  Yes for me, I typically struggle to even maintain my weight with any calorie intake 1500 or above.    I stayed strong over the weekend.  And on Monday my weight rigged itself back to what my previous weeks weigh in number had been.  I let out a huge sigh of relief and vowed to settle in for a work week of healthy eating.

I would love to say that my weekdays were all perfect. However there was a cheese incident.   One day for lunch I went to cut a slice of cheese to have with my lunch….totally accounted for and budgeted into my caloric budget.  But it tasted so delicious and I lost control of my addiction.  I didn’t lose control that day.  No I held myself to the single slice of cheese.  It was the next day that I lost control.  I ate my lunch and I did not have cheese on the plan but all I could think about was that cheese and how good it was.  I caved and had some cheese….and then some more…and well, I  ate around 500 calories of cheese!  I say around…I was eating out of control.  No counting, weighing or measuring.      I pulled myself out of my madness though.  It was a single incident during the work week.

Emotional Wreck

Jason and I went house hunting and toured some houses with our realtor.  We saw one that we liked, but there are some reservations. We are not moving on it.  The realtor advised us that that house will move fast (almost everything is selling within days).  Since we were not in love with it, we are holding off.  We are praying for the right house for us.  And in those prayers, if that is the right house, then we are praying that for whatever reason it won’t sell quickly.     I enjoyed our day of looking at houses…but stressed about finding a house and everything involved.

Work is continuing to totally stress me out.  Really badly! I am not even going to go into it the particulars.  Bad enough that I’m not able to sleep some nights with worry and the stress.  Some of their actions make me feel as if my job is no longer secure.  The things they ask us to do is near impossible.  And the instructions they give are faulty and if you ask you get three different answers, and if you ask for clarification well…it doesn’t go well.  (I’ve been reprimanded for pushing for clarification on something that was unclear and/or obviously incorrect….I’ve been on the team longer than most of my superiors…so know the program inside and out…and some of them seem to like to answer questions, not by saying ‘I don’t know but let me check’ but by making a decision on how they think we should proceed without checking with our clients or their coworkers. And in ways that I know will not work along side of other directives that we have been given).

Yesterday while we were house hunting we ended up driving through Sharpsburg, the town I lived in when I was previously married. We drove by my old home.  (My word he has it looking like some hillbilly place with junk out in the yard….ha). But that drive by sparked the conversation and memories.  And not the good memories…the negative.  And I started to cry…and couldn’t stop.  The mental /emotional abuse has obviously left scars that are still tender, just buried deep.  The biggest thing that I realized…it’s all making more and more sense.  I am just a doormat.  I am a bit of a doormat For this person in my life that I love (and I know they love me in their own way) that occasionally hurls negative comments at me.  Work that keeps pushing more and more work on me….yet seems to delight in telling me how I’m not doing enough or doing so much wrong.  (In fairness, most of my coworkers that are in my position feel the same way so this is not myself.   But I’m a doormat for my employer and they wipe their feet on my frequently.   I was a doormat for my ex husband for sure.     It wasn’t a pleasant revelation.   Even worse…..I have no clue how to not be.  I am just me…and apparently ‘me’ is a easy target for doormat status.

Week Three Weigh In

I had my official weigh in for my third week of this newest phase of my weight loss journey.  I wasn’t expecting much.  I have been up and down all week.  But step on the scales I did.  After all, I do it every day AND I needed to weigh in for my official weekly weigh in.  I am not a proponent of skipping a weigh in simply because I suspect it may be bad.  I want to see how bad so I can celebrate the next week when I see that ‘hopefully’ temporary gain disappear.  So even though I didn’t expect greatness, I stepped on the scale!  Ahhh I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I lost!  The weight that I had temporarily gained last week (most likely due to my cycle of ick) was gone.   Not only was that weight gone…but another pound had disappeared!   In total, during the last three weeks I have lost 4.7 pounds.  I’ll take it!!

I don’t know the answer to the Maryfran is a doormat problem, but I’m going to work on it.  My weight loss journey isn’t just about losing physical pounds.  It is about losing the pounds of baggage that I carry within me. It is about making me healthy inside and out.  I’m heading into week four of this new phase of my weight loss journey.  I’m excited to see what week four will bring me.   There may be more tears.  There may be sweat.  There may be less food than what I WANT.  But I know that I am planning to give it my all!  And in the back of my mind…I’m saying Geronimo!  Because yes, I have a real live goal/motivation!