Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Kitten or Lion

I was in the shower this morning and wondering what in the world to write about today.  Seriously, what can I say?  My weight is up....still.   What more could I say?   I was down about it...and about my eating from yesterday.   I was really tempted to just chuck the idea of writing a post today. And then I saw a pack of small pocket packs of tissues (or whatever they are called...purse packs???).   I decided to take a picture and just call it a day.   But as I took the picture, strength grew from that deep place inside me and I knew what I needed to write.

First of all, let’s talk about my weight.  I haven’t smashed the pattern and yesterday I was hungry at work. I had a smashing headache.  I caved and went to the cafeteria.  I didn’t stick to a simple sandwich, I caved and got chips also.  Once I got to that point, I just didn’t care and when dinner came I didn’t care.  I tracked and I was still only at about 1600 calories. But there was a fair amount of carbs in my day.  (Ha...fair about a LOT).   I honestly didn’t care!

I cared this morning when it came time to step on the scale and I showed myself up in terms of poundage.  Self disgust and self doubt crept into my mind.  My weight has been dropping at a rate of a measley 2/10’s of a pound each week.  I probably just ruined that by eating all those carbs and the extra calories yesterday.  Why bother anymore!  I was feeling like a weak helpless kitten!

That is when I was tempted to chuck this week’s Wednesday post.  I didn’t want to give it’s a habit and i hated to pass it up.  But, what could I say?  

As I was grabbing my phone from beside my bed I saw the three pack of tissue packets.  I decided to share my tissues.    A few weeks ago my friend Sherry sent me an email with a picture of some tissues because of what it said.   I loved it and when I saw them myself, I purchased them.   I dropped them on my nightstand and forgot about them...until today.

The first pack of tissues.

Find your fearless.   Immediately I put that in perspective with my current struggles.  I am so fearful...fearful that my slow and steady plan won’t work.   Fearful on the mountain bike trails (sometimes..other times I feel free as a bird).  And I feel fearful of the scales.  Im fearful of sharing my writing with the world.   I’m fearful of NOT knowing how I am I weigh every day.  (And I’m glad I has shown me the pattern...if I only weighed on Wednesday’s I would not see the fluctuation and the lows and highs...I would just see it as a consistent high).  I’m fearful of never getting this weight off!  

Find my fearless....easier said than done...but it’s time to really search for fearless!

The next tissue pack?

Seize the moment.   There is no better time than now to make myself healthy.  Right now...every moment is a chance to seize the moment.   I may have indulged yesterday...but I have right now to do better.

And the third packet, the one that made me buy them?

Well then....believe in yourself.   Along the way I changed my blog title  o beliefinmyself. I need to remember to really believe in all ways of life!

It’s time to stop being a weak helpless kitten and instead roar like a lion!!!!

changed my blog title