Friday, May 28, 2021


I have been totally indifferent to my weight loss journey for the last week or so.   I’ve been just existing.   I know it’s not good!  I saw something today though...and it opened my eyes.

I am going to blame some of my issues are centered around work.   Work has been horrible.   As in dreaming and nightmare inducing horrible!  Yes it’s infringing upon my sleep.  Many nights I wake up from dreams about this job.  And it’s not good.

I have also been wondering about the fact that EVERY Friday night I have been wide awake most of the night, unable to sleep.  I have wondered if it was what I’m eating on Friday nights.  I have pondered the fact that on occasion I drink a soda on Friday nights.  But I think I have figured it out.  It’s none of the above.  It is the fact that I am so emotionally whipped at the end of the work week that my mind can’t relax.   I was off work today...on a Friday and I was curious about what my sleep would bring...and last night...Thursday night I was awake most of the night...with my mind racing...and dreaming about work.     ~sigh~  

food wise.  I’m not actually doing too horrible.  When I do track I find that my food is right around 1500 calories.  Not bad.  My weight is staying in a 2-3 pound range.  And I want the weight gone!!!

I was off work today.   It worked out well because I was able to spend an hour or two with my good friends who were traveling through the area!  It was a blessing!   

Before I met up with my friends, I ran some errands.  I was leaving one of the stores and saw a lady laboriously getting out of a truck.  She was huge.  She was probably my age..or younger.   She was struggling to walk.  Her partner walked slow but still outpaced her pretty quickly.   And my heart stopped.  That is going to be me if I don’t clean up my act  I’m not going in the right direction.    And let’s face it....maintaining at 250 pounds (ok I rounded’s 246-248 most days) is not healthy either.  Sure I’m happy with a maintain...but  pathing about that weight is healthy. 

I am killing myself by my current apathy.  Sure, I’m not actively taking a gun to my head...but I am nonetheless killing myself with my actions.

this has to change!