Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Deep inner babbling

Don't really know what to talk about today. My weight is down (by roughly half a pound) so that is a relief. My schedule is most likely going to be changing here soon...so I'll be back on the lookout for another weight watcher meeting. I'm seriously thinking about going to a WV meeting. It's at the same time as my old meeting. That time slow just really seemed to work for me. The problem....that meeting place doesn't use the same system as my current, so to switch back and forth is a pain in the butt. They also don't sell and really use the monthly passes, but they do accept them as payment (at least they did last time I went) so they have to fill out extra paperwork when I go with my monthly pass. And thirdly, their products are more expensive than the products at my MD meeting. Go figure. But, I think I'm going to switch to that next week. It will be easier for me...I won't break into the middle of a day, or push me to get to work or anything like that. I won't have to worry about my work schedule changing and interrupting my meeting time, etc etc etc. What I'll do when I need products. I'll stock up in MD tomorrow (I think I'm going to go to a morning meeting tomorrow...Wednesday) and then I'll be good for a month or so. When I run out of stuff, I'll go to my normal meeting in Kearneysville but then make a special trip up to the MD/Kenley Village location for a second meeting that week...and buy my products up there. I don't buy all that many products so it won't be too bad. (I think i bought about $20 worth of stuff back in the beginning of January.....and I'm just now running out.....)

This morning I was exercising (yep, 70 minutes down on the exercise bike......I wanted to get in some this morning as it will be a long day of work for me.....9 until 6:15...and then I need to go to Robbery Training tonight. That will be from 6:30 until approximately 8. So we are talking about an 11 hour day. I'll get home....make (finish making, Todd should beat me home so he'll start dinner)dinner and then eat...and then watch The Biggest Loser. I hope to ride a bit during the show. But I know that after a long day like this, that riding may be the last thing that I want to do tonight. Anyway, I was riding this morning and watching an episode of The Biggest Loser Australian season 3. It is nearing the end of the season.....when they do the typical hike where they have 'gates' and at each gate they have to add sandbags to their backpack to symbolize the weight that they lost each week thus far in the program. At the top, one of the contestants, Michelle was talking to bob and Jillian (yep, they are on the show) and Jillian was asking, "what's in the backpack". Michelle was having a hard time answering. It got me thinking.....what would I answer. I immediately knew what my answer would be. "Pain, misery and sadness". Jillian finally got Michelle to answer and Michelle answered very similarly to what I responded with. But then Jillian pushed and made her answer the question of why she wanted to feel that way....and something clicked with me. My weight was maybe not put on for this reason, but it became a defense mechanism that I used. Defense against what? I am a preachers daughter and it was known around my high school that I was such. I never gave ANY indication that I was a rebel and wild. But it was a well known fact in my high school that preachers daughters were wild and would do anything with a guy. (I guess there were a few that lived up to that typical stereotype that made some of these guys think that I would be that way). I was asked out a lot in high school.......but the conversation would usually turn to something like this. "I hear you are a preachers daughter.....I've heard about preachers daughters.......you wanna go out on Friday night?" 9 times out of 10 it was pretty easy to deduce the reasoning behind the invitation. As I gained weight in high school, the invitations decreased....(they still came, just not as often). It was easier that way, since I wasn't going to go out with those guys anyway (yes, I declined each and every one of them). Thus the weight became a defense mechanism....a way to help protect myself. I don't need that defense anymore.

Well, my fingers are cold, so I'm going to end this post.