Still at It

 ​I’m still at it in terms of my exercise.  However, I may have  been lulled into a false sense of security!  

I used to run and loved it.  Well, of course I had days where I didn’t love it.  But I did love how it made me feel.  Refreshed, clear minded, powerful and successful!  I have missed it and decided it was time to restart!  I knew better than to think that I could jump in and just run. I knew that I had to start with some semblance of a training plan.  I have used the couch to 5k thing in the past and if you trust the training it really does work.  So I found a version of that and I started and that first run went great!  I could have done double the amount they wanted.  I came home and cleaned the house with an energy that was unheard of.  I wrote about how easy it was!   It was so easy that I was chomping at the big to go on my  next run!  (Which was pretty much a repeat of the first run in terms of run/walk minutes and length)   However, run two was not quite as easy. My legs felt it a bit!  I didn’t let it stop me though.  I completed run 2….and I headed out two days later and completed run 3!

Why yes, I was wearing the same clothes that I wore in run one!  But I promise you, they had been watched! Tomorrow is run 4.   I will go out and do it…pending the weather, which is iffy.  And if I don’t do it tomorrow I’ll still be inside working out during that scheduled  time and run 4 will happen at the first available time!

Today was honestly the first time I have tracked in quite a few weeks.  I’ve just been eating somewhat intuitively.  I’m cognizant, but just haven’t kept track of calories.   Surprisingly, in the last week or two I have seen my weight start to drop.

Which brings me to my final thought for the day.  I have always been a huge fan of weighing myself everyday.  In the last month or so I have not weighed daily.   It’s been a bit liberating.  I’m not sure how long the random weigh ins will last.  I fully expect to at some point go back to daily weigh ins, but for now it’s working for me.

Scales are stupid: and other stupid things

This is the politically incorrect post.  I will be calling myself all sorts of  things I’m sure!   And I will be sharing a bit of a victory...even on the stupid scales!   But really, stupidity  is what is the theme!  Scales are stupid!  Pictures and cameras and people are stupid!!!  They are all my nemesis!!!   I have had experiences with all in the last few days and all I can say is...they are stupid!!

Scales are Stupid

I weigh myself every day.  I do it because I want to know the fluctuations.  I have always had this fear that if I only weigh once a week that I’ll be having a high weight day on my official weigh in day...the one day of the week maybe, and I won’t get my true weight.  I want to know if the ‘high weight’ is a one day fluke or a true weight.  I also find myself panicking more if I don’t know how I’m doing.    

Seriously, weighing every day shows how stupid the scales are!  There really is is no rhyme or reason sometimes to what they say!   I have been spot on the last few days...limiting my carbs...good level of calories...etc and the scales go up?  Senseless!

In order to not get so totally bummed out with the fluctuations, I have started to look at my weigh in terms of ‘range’.    I look at my low weigh fans as long as I am within three pounds of that I consider it a maintain!   Monday and Tuesday , even though I was up a bit from my low, I was still well within that range.  So I was maintaining even though the scales were jumping all over the place!    And I am seeing the lower numbers a few times a week.  And the low numbers are slowly dropping lower and lower.  As in today.....today, Wednesday I saw 243.4....a new low (which means my three pound range changed...a maintain is anything from 243.4 to 246.4).   So I know I’m on the right path.  But seriously...scales are stupid!!!

Pictures are stupid

I wrote a few days ago that I joined an 8 week challenge   As part of this challenge I had to take pictures of myself.  Front view, side view and back view.  I did this last night...and uploaded them.  When I saw the pictures I was so disgusted!  How did I let myself get here?  What realm of fantasy have I been living in to think that I didn’t look ‘too fat’?    It was bad.  So bad that I don’t even want to post them here!

My self loathing began as soon as I saw them.   Seriously bad self loathing...wondering why Jason loves me.  Wondering why I even bother.  Wondering what in the world have I been thinking...I am so dumb!   

It has to change!!!!!   I have actually changed my diet recently I am working on it… I just need to not hate myself for letting me get to this point again.

People are stupid

So this weekend we went bike shopping for me. We went into one little bike shop and he asked what kind of bike I wanted to buy.  I told him a mountain bike for trails.   He walked me to the cruisers and told me all about the C&O canal ‘trail’.  When I corrected him and told him that I had a bike for the canal, but needed a mountain bike for real trails he just started to laugh.  Literally laughed in my face.  And repeated my request  incredulously!!!  Really?  Is it that odd for an overweight person to buy a mountain bike?  And furthermore...how absolutely rude are you.  And it was the owner of the shop!!!!   He didn’t carry any bikes that would work for me...he was primarily a repair shop....but even if he did...I wouldn’t be back.  I don’t need more of his shock and awe over my fat body riding a bike!    He he was stupid!!!

OK, I think all of my stupid things are out of me and I have vented enough. I actually am very proud of myself for the way I have been eating the last week or two.  And I’m tickled that my weight dropped again today!!    My body feels pretty good for the most part with what I’m eating. My downfall is still that snacktime right after I get home from work.But I am also working on that. On Monday  I ate two big marshmallows… So I didn’t exactly eradicate the snack but I’m going to say to giant marshmallows are much healthier than a bowl of chips! So a step in the right direction.

It’s ok until: My new weigh in/scales plan

This hasn’t been a crazy exciting week for me.   It hasn’t been a mind blowing week in terms of weight loss.  However, I have been thinking about some stuff in terms of weighing myself.  I’ve also been thinking a lot about some other things in terms of ideas.  

Weigh in

First of all let’s talk about what the scales said for my official Friday Weigh in.  I wasn’t expecting awesome things.  My weight has been hovering at a higher (like two to three pounds higher).   I didn’t eat crazy this week to warrant it though!  I didn’t go overboard on anything this work week.  But I just wasn’t seeing the scales move.   To add to my low expectations?  On Thursday I actually missed my water intake goal. By a LOT!  I only finished two bottles of water and that was it!  That’s not even 40 oz!   So yeah, not expecting great things.   So I was really shocked to see 246.8 on the scales this morning!   I’ll take it.  

Exercise for the week

I did walk on my breaks at lunch.  Every day.  And I even managed short walks on my 15 minute breaks!

Scales

The scales have long had a hold on me.  I weigh every day and just recently I started to drown in the numbers  .  I made some changes that seemed to work a bit...and in honesty even brought some of the excitement in getting my weekly official weight on those official days.   But this week I  read a few blogs this week and two different people (sorry I can’t remember who, it wasn’t until a few days later that the words really sunk in and made an impression upon me) wrote about how they are trying to not obsess about the scales and how they are ok with a range of numbers.  They made me really think!  And what I realized is that it sounded like it lined up with the plan I am working.   I am determined to live my life and not be so worried about every little bite.  My plan? I want to be able to have a piece of cake here and  there and to not worry about the ice cream indulgence on a hot summer day.  So that said, I should expect my weight to fluctuate somewhat.   So I’m going to start trying to think in terms of ‘never more than 3 pounds from my lowest (recent) weight.’   So this week my lowest weigh in recently was 246.6.  So my ‘it’s ok until’ number right now is 249.6.    When I see a lower number on the scales..let’s say 244.2. Then my ‘it’s ok until’ number is 247.2.   Three pounds.   This is NOT a foreign concept to me.  This was my maintenance mode plan that I was going to follow when I reached my weight watchers goal weight.  I just lost control too quickly back then!   So in theory if I’m practicing this action now, I’ll be better prepared to maintain when I reach my goal!!    I know I will still weigh in every day.  It keeps me focused on pushing forward.  But this plan of ‘it’s ok until’ will help keep me from those little bobbles upward that are disheartening....at least that’s the theory.  

Weekend beginnings

I am off work today.  I know my eating will be a bit higher as I’m going to lunch with my mom, sister in law, niece and nephews. And to add to that, Friday night is pizza and wings night here at the Jason/Maryfran mansion!    I’m up and showered early.  I’m planning on getting the groceries done early. And maybe working on a few things on my computer.  I have been editing some writing and I have also been going back and rereading old posts and labeling those old posts so I can find them more easily.  (I didn’t tag old posts back when I wrote them, so when I want to link something it takes me forever to read through a gazilkion posts to find what I want.)

Bummer

Some days weight loss is frustrating!   Totally frustrating!!!!!!

When frustration sets in we come up against some choices.   Here are three major options.  One, we can throw up our hands and give up. Secondly we can continue going on the healthy path with no changes .    Thirdly we re-evaluate and move on.   

So I was looking forward to my weigh in today.   Let me lay out the daily weigh ins.

Last Wednesday... 238.4

Last Friday....236.8 (woohoo)

Monday....237.4

Tuesday....237.4

Yes I really wanted to see the 236.8 again this morning but I was happy knowing that I would most likely see 237.4...which would still be a loss!!!

I woke up thirsty in the middle of the night and this morning which worried me....(I drank a ton yesterday too...so I shouldn't have been thirsty. Historically when I'm thirsty my weight is up a bit...water retention I guess.).  

Regardless, I stepped onto the scale. Dang it....238.4!    Really a straight maintain??????  

Ok so I'm glad it's not a gain!   I will put that out there right away!  

What in the heavens is happening with this?????

Ok so those three options I spoke of earlier?   Number one, giving up?  Not a valid option.

So that leaves me with continuing my healthy choices and reevaluating.  And I plan on doing a combination of the two.

 

Not too bad calorie wise since I aim for between 1200-1800.

 

Looks really good when you add in the exercise.

But this breakdown showed me what needs to change.

 

My carbs need to be cut back.   As sad as that is.   More veggies and fruits...which doesn't upset me in the slightest!

Other than that...continue onward.

As for running, I did miss my run yesterday. I woke up and it was cold AND raining.   Cold I will do easily.   Rain I will do when it's not cold.   But the combination of the two for me was a no go!   I had no regrets but I will say that I was bummed to miss my run!!!!!

Ruler of Numbers

I am giving my ankle another week of rest before kicking into running again. It was twinging a bit more than I was happy with earlier this week.....and just from normal walking.  I am starting to get antsy to get out and run though!    I am hoping to get out and walk and hike some this weekend.  The weather was originally looking to be rainy, but the percentage/chance of rain has been steadily dropping all week.  I think it's down to a 20% chance and the weather will be in the 40's   PERFECT temps!

My official Wednesday weigh in?   Not as good as I wanted.   I dropped about a half of a pound.  (But I was up a pound from where I was earlier in the week).   Not gonna worry about it.   The "Love Bites' Challenge is only for motivation.  I would LOVE to reach the goal that I have set.   But as long as my weight is lower on February 14th, I'll be a happy girl!  

After reading a post on LosingmyPuppy that talked about her 'daily to do list'.  I realized that in the shuffle of life during the turbulent last year that I stopped making my running list of things to do.   I still had my 'to do' notebook from when I was keeping my lists.   Sometimes the lists were daily to do lists.  Sometimes they are ongoing things to do in for the week.  I planned vacations, and packing lists.  I did EVERYTHING in my book.   And I stopped.   I pulled out my book and I have started again!  I have already been more productive today because I have a plan. 

This morning I was grabbing my clothes for the day and I grabbed a pair of dress slacks.  I haven't worn them in a while, so I pulled the tag forward to look at the size.  Size 16.  Hmmmmm. I wasn't sure they would fit but I figured why not try them.  They fit!   I remember when I got down to a size 16 before. In fact, I just alluded to it in my 10 year Blogiversary post the other day!    I was quite a few pounds less on the scale.   Like 30 pounds less.   How amazing that my body has adjusted and changed so much.   I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.  In fact, I'm kind of excited to see what size I will be when I reach my goal weight again.  So I'll take a size 16 at this weight.  But it makes me think about the numbers.   What do they really mean.   Does that size 16....or the ultimate size 10/12 I was wearing at my lowest weight really mean anything?   Do the numbers on the scale really mean anything?   Obviously I am weighing MORE now then I did when I was so proud to hit a size 16 before.   So why do we focus on them?

So often we become immersed in numbers.   It is really in any aspect of our lives.  But I have noticed that since I have started to live a healthy lifestyle there are a few numbers that I LIVE by.  At various stages of my journey I have allowed these numbers to absolutely RULE me.  I have been the queen of numbers.    

The numbers that are on the tags of my clothes.....AKA the size do not have too much of an affect on me.  I have long known that the cut and make and brand of clothes can affect the size like nothing else.   So I don't obsess about being a size 'perfect'.   But I can see the draw.   Yes....I LOVE to drop a size and say "I no longer wear that higher size"   Or  "I am a solid size 'awesome'.    Thankfully for me this doesn't rule me.  It is just a gauge of where I am in my journey.  But for some people I think it's the end all be all.   

The scales however;  for me, the scales have at times ruled my life.   I weigh almost every day.  I like knowing.  I like seeing the fluctuations and being able to say "well duh...of course your weight is up because every time you go out for Chinese for dinner the night before your numbers are up"   Yes, weighing everyday has taught me so much about the normal fluctuations.  I know if I wake up thirsty, that my weight will be up.  I know that Chinese food and Mexican food pops my weight.  I know a really big high carb day affects me on the scale two days after I eat it.  I know that my weight pops the first day of my monthly ick.   I like knowing.  But that said,  there have been times where I get on the scales and see an awesome reading and use it as motivation....but there are also days when I have gotten on the scales and seen a higher than expected number and I use that as a self destructive mission to sabotage my efforts.   I can not be RULED by the scales.    I have to sit back and remind myself that while the scales may not be showing my hard work, if I'm eating right and exercising the scales WILL eventually show my efforts.   Scales are awesome as a tool for measurement and for education.   They are only dangerous if we allow them to impact our feelings and our efforts. 

Numbers are good......as long as I don't let them Rule me!!!!

Routine

I weigh every day (or try to...some days......well, I'm not perfect!).   I know that some people are dead set against weighing daily. This post is not intended to spark a debate, I'm just saying that this is what works for me.  It is what worked for me when I previously lost 130 plus pounds.  It's what I stopped doing right before I subsequently regained some of the weight.  For me it's a tool.  I don't worship the scale.  I get on the scale at a certain point each morning. (after the bathroom visit but before breakfast...and preferably naked or near 'nekid').  I weigh myself and I move on.  For me, it is a mini boost to let me know that what I'm doing is working.  And sometimes, it's a mini lesson to say 'not good MF', tighten those reins.    Are there days that I look at the scales and say "Dangit??? "  Days where I just want to throw in the towel?  YES, but knowing that I am going to have to step on the scale the next day helps keep me in line.  Honestly, the days that get me down the most are the days where my weight remains the exact same for a few days in a row.

So why am I talking about weighing daily?   For a couple of reasons.   I started watching and weighing myself daily at the beginning of this past week...and the numbers on those darn scales sat at roughly the same number. I HATE THAT!  Yet I kept plugging on, doing what I needed to do.   Yesterday I struggled. I wanted to eat.  I was hungry....dinner was late and it would have been so easy to go to the kitchen and get an extra bite of food. However, I didn't have the calories for it...so I refrained.  I so didn't want to exercise.  However, I made myself.  Ohhh, don't think it's all that great....I didn't go long....I didn't go hard.  But 20 minutes is better than nothing!    So this morning I stepped on the scale...and the numbers had dropped.  VICTORY!  Just what I needed to see after yesterday.  A drop on the scales....a reward for my efforts yesterday.  Confirmation that the choices that I made were the right ones!     THAT is why I weigh everyday. (The thing is this......if I'm making the right choices, the weight WILL drop...maybe not at the rate that I want it to drop, but drop it will!)

So my plans are made for my eating today.  I've got plans for a trip to the gym.  I'm working on sucking down the liquid to get my water intake.  I'm hot on the trail!  I'm keeping up with the routine...the consistency.....it will pay off (and the scales this morning validated that!)

ahhh life.......

Here’s another two part blog entry.  This is simply because that’s how my mind works….a million directions at once.


 The first topic up for discussion is my relationship with the scale.   I have purposefully not set concrete goals for myself.  Or rather, I’ve set concrete goals but I don’t have a finite end for my goals.  I did not start this year when I recommitted to this journey with a statement that “I will be at my goal weight by my birthday (or whatever date)”  I didn’t want to put unrealistic expectations upon myself.  Even though it wouldn’t be unrealistic to say I would lose 70 pounds (or thereabouts) in 12 months, I didn’t want the pressure on myself.  I wanted to lose the weight but at the same time learn how to really live and eat healthy at the same time.  I have largely been OK with this approach.  I know how much I want to lose (initially at least, I may go lower than that previous low….I’m not cutting myself short this time.  I want to lose the WHOLE WAY!)  I have my goals but I’ve not been bothered with the ‘when’.   Until this week.  I looked at myself and I looked at this year.  I’ve been back on the bandwagon since January (actually I got myself back on track in December, but for the sake of conversation we are saying January).  I’ve lost about 35 pounds.   That is good.  I’m proud of that.  But then I started looking and I’m looked at it more clearly….that’s not quite 6 pounds each month.  I am working my arse off…I should be dropping much more rapidly.  I burn mad calories…by the book and figures I should have lost about 10 last month.  I started to let myself get swayed by the numbers and figures.  Seriously, that time frame and those numbers…..but then I had to sit back and think two things.

1.  My body will lose it at the rate that it needs to for me to be healthy.  I’m not doing a total strict deprivation style eating plan.  I’m eating healthy.  I’m allowing myself to be ‘normal’  (Not fat normal….but not anorexic normal either).  In losing this way and it is making me a stronger person.  My muscles are developing and physically I’m growing stronger.  Mentally I’m growing stronger because I’m learning to deal with the pressures and stress that go along with having a food addiction.    Weight loss is best kept from time frames.   When you start to focus on time frames it’s easy to get depressed and down about your progress.   I should be CHEERING about 35 pounds and not down because it should be more!

2.  The scales do show us progress…..and my progress is slow.  So why?  I could use excuses.  “I’m building muscle”.   Or I could say “I’m exercising too much” (which was suggested to me a while back…ha ha ha) I could even say that “it’s my age”   But those are excuses.  They play a factor but it’s not the reason I’m not losing weight.  So looking at things objectively, I’m not losing weight for a reason.  I struggled on vacation, but still managed to hold it to a very small gain.  I pulled it together enough to recoup my gain and then I’ve been sitting relatively still on the scales.  So what’s happening?   The answer is plain and simple….I’m pushing the boundaries with my eating. Seriously, I'm eating my correct calories. The problem is that I’m eating way too many carbohydrates. Really…..for me to lose I can have bread (and yes, I eat whole grains), potatoes, rice, and pasta.  But I can only have those things on a limited basis.  One of them ONCE a day is my limit.   If I cut back, I do better.  I love my carbs so this is difficult for me and I can look back and see those things creeping back into my life.

 So no excuses allowed.  I don’t care that I am 40 years old.  I don’t care that I am building muscle.  I don’t give a rats ass about any of that.  I will be cleaning up my eating.  Carbs need to be cut back and fruit and veggie consumption ramped up again.  This is my life and I’m taking control

Emotional eating…seriously?  How many times to I have to talk about emotional eating (and emotionally charged decisions about my health)?  Can’t I just get past this emotional eating stuff?  I want to be miraculously healed and never have to face it again.

Desi

So here we are.  Monday night at Zumba something clicked and I started to obsess about money…or rather our lack of money.  I was a hot sweaty mess…emotionally and physically when I left.  I got home and walked into the house and mentioned my stress, fears and worries to my husband, mentioning the need of new tires for my car, the property taxes that will coming out in the next week or two and one or other two big ticket items that HAVE to be attended to SOON.    My husband in his typical narcissist fashion alleviated my fears and worries so well (note the sarcasm). He decided that would be a good time to tell me that the mower was broke (again), he needed drum heads before the band that will be using the studio set in an upcoming session, ohh, Desi needed to go to the vet because he had this weird black lump that was looking really bad,and while we are talking about Dr.'s maybe he should go also for a weird pain he had,  his cell phone is acting weird and may be broke (it is...but I can't imagine we didn't pay for the warranty/replacement plan) and ohhh don’t forget that the AC guy is coming tomorrow (well today now that I'm writing this).   Yeah, kick me while I’m down…..thanks honey.    Stress levels and the emotions rose.  (as a side note...the relay has been replaced on our AC...we will be billed...but along with the bill will be an estimate for our blower that is bad..., Desi had an infected cyst that has been drained and he's OK other than a tooth that apparently needs to be pulled.....and the Dr. visit for Todd...well, he has chicken pox.  Yes, that part amuses me....it also worries me because if he ends up missing work...well, when you are self employed no worky means no money).

I didn’t let the emotions get to me on Tuesday morning.  I got out and ran. (it was a tough run but I persevered).   By the time my work day was over, I had decided to skip zumba.  I can say that my legs still felt as if they were boat anchors and I can honestly say that I had a headache. But I’ve gone to zumba with those ‘issues’ before and I’ve lived to tell about it.  The real reason that I didn’t go was because my emotions took control of my life.  Instead I went home and polished off the rest of the homemade bread that we had on Sunday.  Yeah, four slices of bread.  Warmed up with butter melting into it’s crevices and cracks.  DELICIOUS!   As soon as I was done I felt bad about it…..and I am proud to say that I DID stop right then and there and ate nothing else.  That WAS my dinner.  So I DID stop the binge.  But I allowed my emotions to control my actions and my eating. 

I will probably always have binges.  My emotions will always call out to me.  But I WILL work to keep them as far under control as humanly possible!

There is no ifs ands or buts, I WILL win this war against my weight.   Carbs and emotions will not derail me!   They will just make me stronger!

So this afternoon, after getting home at noon, making and eating lunch.  I took Todd to the Dr. (he was dizzy..ha ha ha) and I got back to the house at 4:30.  I could have scrapped my bike ride, but no.  It was scheduled so out I went. I won't conquer this if I don't ride it.

 I actually hate riding my bike on the road I live on it's narrow. It's up and down hills the whole way and the road surface is pockmarked and HORRIBLE.  I've hated it on my trek and I hate it just as much on my litespeed.  I do it though.....a    Yes, I could throw the bike on my car and skip it...but that's wimping out and I'm NOT wimping out anymore. (granted there will be and there ARE days where I will cart my bike out and ride, but not on a regular basis).  So I pushed through it.  I always ride the southern portion of my road as a point of egress to and from my house on my bike. The northern section I have ALWAYS avoided like the plague (on my trek too)  It's even more hilly than the southern section, and probably even more narrow, if that's possible.  So today I was out there and I actually saw the intersection for the northern end of my road.  I typically just go by it and loop back into my town and enter my road from the southern end.  Today I said what they heck.   I took the road.  It really wasn't bad.  It was actually kinda fun for most of the way. It did cause my bike ride to end on incline, but oh well, I did it!  (I actually think going out that way FROM my house would be worse.....yikes...so maybe I will have to make that a challenge someday!....)   Taking that road actually cut my planned bike ride down by about 3 miles, but you know what?  I don't care.  I faced something that has scared me and I WON!  (and no, I do NOT walk up any hills, that would be unacceptable....I go slow but I pedal the whole way up the hills!)

I think there has been an athlete lurking under all my fat and she just may be trying to emerge. 

Self inflicted pain

Why do I do it to myself?  Seriously!

I have a love hate relationship with the scales.  I used to be a proponent of daily weighing (and I will probably do that again when I am at my goal weight...to keep myself focused).  But this go round, I'm sitting back and trying to take the pressure off the number. So once a week is what I'm trying to do. I admit that I sneak a peak here and there, but I'm for the most part trying to stay away from the scales because I don't want to obsess.  This past weekend I decided to move my weigh in day until Sunday.  I had originally been emailing weights out to a Sunday challenge and also a Monday challenge...and I was using my Monday challenge as my official weight.  But the Monday challenge has folded and while the group is still around and making small noises, the Monday weigh in has sunk into the pits of oblivion.  Not a problem.  So I decided to make Sunday my official.  I weighed on Sunday.  I showed a loss! In fact, I hit my next 10 pound goal! (new charm is ordered for my charm reward bracelet already).  21 pounds gone since January 1.  (83.2 pounds total from my highest).  I stayed away from the scales on Monday...no problem.  This morning though.  I don't know what possessed me.  First of all I was dressed (Yes, I weigh in the nude!) and secondly I had tacos last night.  Do you know how much sodium is in the taco seasoning alone??????   My weight was up...substantially  My heart sank and I'm fighting off the spiraling negative thoughts.  I don't want another week of 'maintain'. I want to lose again.  I want to blow this weight out of the water.  And I'm depressed about seeing the higher number again.  GRRRR      But that is all self destructive.  If I allow myself to wallow in the NUMBERS I will begin to believe that I can't do it.  I KNOW I can.  This journey really is won in the  mind.  


Exercise today was scheduled to be a run this morning and zumba this evening.  I woke up and Todd wanted/needed breakfast at about 7:30.  I would have had to go out running at 6 or 6:30 this morning in order to eat first...I won't make the mistake of running after I eat twice) I would have been fine..but that early scared me.  Slipping on ice is NOT conducive to health.  So I postponed my run until tomorrow morning. (meaning I'll have two back to back runs, but that's OK also).  I wallowed a bit in my depressive thoughts about the number on the scale...but then I said "screw that" and I got up. (enough time and passed and I knew that I could get in a 1/2 hour exercise...just not enough time to get out and run) I dug out my steps and the original step aerobic DVD that I purchased years upon years ago.  I had religiously done step aerobics at one point during my original weight loss efforts but I eventually put it aside and never came back to it. Today was the day to resurrect step aerobics.  I set everything up and I was rolling stepping.  I have to say...I was sweating it up and my legs were feeling it!  I love that feeling (yeah yeah, I'm sadistic!)   Amazing....I remember when I stopped doing the DVDs that my body thought they were easy.  I love changing up exercises just for that purpose!  I of course had an audience while I exercised.....and I had to clear out the kitties who wanted to check out the steps and play around the steps!  But I got in 30 minutes of good exercise this morning (and low and behold....my calories burned are fantastic for step aerobics!)

I'm not really sure how I want to integrate the scales into my life this go round.  The obsession to check my weight is too great to ignore. I know this.  I just have to make my obsession (I never was one to weigh throughout the day...just once...in the morning) coexist in a peaceful way with my psyche.  Maybe it WOULD be better if i weighed daily again.  At least then I would be seeing a TRUE number instead of these stupid 'bobbles' that I am catching a glimpse of!  

Indicators of success

I planned my day carefully yesterday.  After my overage on calories due to the craziness of life on Wednesday, I wasn't going to let that happen on Thursday.  So I planned.  I planned carefully because I knew I was going out with friends after work.  I made sure I left enough calories for any eventuality (ie in case the meal I planned to eat was not available for whatever reason and I had to get something else.  I tell you.  I was READY)  I looked forward to my evening out all day.  I got off work at six....and arrived at the location.  My friend  had gotten there early and how polite of my friend......already ordered AND ate.  Seriously?  What freakin' kind of friend does that.  So they were ready to roll onward.  It didn't give me any option...other than being a bitch and saying "I haven't eat...so go ahead, even though I haven't seen you in ages I'm not going along because I'm going to eat".  I spent the time with my friend.  I'm trying to take the focus off food and enjoy interaction with friends and such more.  So it really wasn't a difficult decision.  (it's still incredibly rude of them).  Anyway...so I end up getting home at 10PM...and I STILL hadn't eaten.  And I had over 600 calories to eat.  Crazy, but my first thought was, 'how in the world will I consume almost 700 calories before I got to bed"...because that's a LOT of calories.   I ended up having a peanut butter and jelly sandwich....and I thoroughly enjoyed the extra spoon of peanut butter.  I also had a single serve bag of sun chips.  Voila....calories consumed REALLY quickly.  But I stinkin' ate at 10PM (later actually).  And I gulped that food down with a diet soda. 

I decided to step on the scales this morning.  It's really not good. WAY UP  I want to cry it's so bad.  Really????   My hope is that it was the late meal (and I weighed earlier in the morning than I normally weigh) and the sodium from the last two days!  I'm HOPING.    (let me pause to drink some water)

Even as I type my hopes and my fears about the number on the scales I want to scream at myself.  I'm in this to be healthy.  I'm in this to look good.  I'm not in this to be a number on the scale.  I'm not in this to have this super low pace when I run.   I'm not in this to measure my success by NUMBERS.  I'm on this journey to be healthy!  I"m on this journey to not be obese. I'm on this journey to win my life back.  Yes, I know that my numbers on the scales will drop as I win my life back.    I know that as I win my life back that my clothes sizes will drop exponentially.  I know that...and I thus I watch the numbers because I know that they will drop.  But I need to stop focusing on the numbers.  Numbers are just that.  NUMBERS...a momentary figure that is assigned to progress.  It doesn't define what I did yesterday, or this morning or this evening...it is a glimpse of ONE SECOND of my life.  I need to figure out how to take the focus away from numbers.  I thought I was well on the way do doing thise.  I had thought that it would be a good idea to set no number goals.  I have no clue when I'll get to my goal weight....I don't care. I will get there when I get there.  However, I find myself worried about the scales.  Saddened when I see higher numbers  today (which very well are most likely late eating combined with higher sodium in my diet...I hope).  I am living my life chained these numbers. 

I didn't want to be chained to food....and I don't want to be chained to numbers. 

SOOOOO while I will still plan to weigh and while I will freely admit that the scales were not kind to me this morning, let me share what I saw in the mirror mere moments after I saw the borderline depressing numbers on the scale.  I got dressed and I walked into the bathroom to fix my hair.  I saw myself in the mirror.  I wasn't posturing or sucking my gut in.  I was just being me and I was amazed.  I could SEE the definition in my body.  I'm shaping my body from a fat blob into a defined female shape.  That's a HUGE indicator that I'm doing something right!  And honestly?  Isn't that a better indicator than some stupid number on the scale????

The war within

I stood poised this morning.  I was in the bathroom.  My foot hovered over the scales.  I was ready to tap the scales and step onto them to see where my weight is.   I wanted to check it so bad.  But I had made my vow earlier this week....no jumping on and off the scales due to the risk of getting disgusted as the scales do weird things.  The mental dialogue about the scales started while I laid in bed immediately following the alarms annoying chirp.  I want this so bad.  I want to lose weight and get to my goal weight so bad. I know that this is a long journey. And I know I need to be patient.  However, I want it so badly and I want it so badly NOW.   I can taste it (OK, maybe that's a bad phrase to use for a food addict...lol) I want and need the affirmation of the scales.  Yet I know that the scales don't always move the way that I think they should.  So I've vowed that this week I would stay off of them.  This is a journey and I can't expect the scales to drop all the time.  I'm in this for the long haul...and for that you don't need to weigh every day.  Suffice it to say that as long as I'm doing right, I shouldn't be concerned with the numbers on the scale!  Easier said than done.  boy, I didn't realize how hard it was going to be.  My little sabotaging mini me stood on my shoulder and screamed at me to step on the scales.  However, I made the vow....I respect my vow and I threw up my hands and turned my back on the scales.  How many more days until I'm allowed to weigh in?????  

I'm doing good today.  The C25K program allows for a 5 minute cool down walk. I'm thinking I may need to add some simple stretches afterward.  Yesterday afternoon I was just stiff.   Not really achy per se (which I'm happy about since I pushed myself further yesterday) but just stiff.  Some stretching of muscles should take care of that.

Eating...today will be my rough day.  We are going out to eat while we are in Hagerstown...after our dentist appointments (just cleanings) and that way we will avoid the valentines day rush at the restaurants.  I can do this though!   I know I can! 

On another front.  I have realized that I really need to be working on following my dreams.  I love to write.  I have things in my head that need to be written.  So I'm going to make a concerted effort to REALLY sit down and become more disciplined about writing.  For a while I set a word count goal for each day.  I made myself write a certain amount of words each day...with an allowance for one day to miss the goal each week.  It was amazing how much that discipline helped me.  It really did open windows.  The first few days were difficult, but after the first few days the words flowed like honey.  Something happened and I stopped writing daily. I just haven't been able to get back into the swing of things.  (Well, with the exception of this blog...I seem to be doing OK with writing when it comes to this blog).   I don't know that anything will ever come out of my writing.  But I do know this...I love to write and I'm happier when I'm writing.   I also know that sitting back and doing nothing means total failure.  I will be happier in 10 years if I have folders upon folders of written work that went nowhere versus sitting back and wishing that I HAD written something and wondering if I would have had any success. 

For the love of Scales

I used to weigh myself everyday. However this time around I'm not weighing as much.  I am definitely weighing on Sundays (I have to report my weigh in to a group I am a member of) and also on Mondays which is my official weigh in day.   I have to admit that I have taken a couple sneak peaks throughout the weeks.  I've been OK with that.  It's all been good.  Until this Wednesday that is.  I stepped on the scales.  240.9.  What???? That is 1.1 pounds up!   What in the world?  I ate right.  I exercised.  Could it have been that I exercised the evening before AND ate a late meal???    I swallowed my disappointment and continued onward. I was in my caloric budget and I exercised again.    Wanting to erase the negative scale report from my mind I hopped onto the scales on Thursday morning.  Surely the scales would show some love.  But no...those scales were EXACTLY the same as Wednesday morning. 240.9  Seriously?   What in the world! OK, OK, OK Same thing...evening exercise...late meal.  Surely that was the reason.    Disappointed but not willing to let the scales win I plodded on.  This morning (Friday) I hopped onto the scales.  I KNEW that this scale travesty would definitely right itself today.  Seriously.  It had to!  I've done everything right. I've exercised...I've eaten right. I'm DOING IT!   All scale procedures followed (seriously...don't we all strip down to nothing,  pee and get every drop of waste out of us before hopping on the scales.....don't act like you don't!...cuz I know you do!.......) I stepped onto the scales.  I felt like doing a drum roll as I waited for the scales to register my weight.  And then it did.  I looked down.......and what wonderful number did my eyes behold?   THE EXACT SAME  weight.   Holy crud-a-moley! My mind immediately started to mess with me.  240.9.  What are the odds that my weight didn't move even a stinkin' ounce in the last three days.  Wait...is my scale broke.....will it not go lower???  I immediately rejected that idea because the other day it did register me in the 230's.   But then the next idea rolled into my mind.  240.9 is obviously the weight that I'm intended to be.  It will not drop any further.  240.9...this is it I guess.   Yeah my mind is warped....if you didn't know that before you do now!   

That negative talk though is getting me no where.  My mind is screaming at me to just give up  240.9 is where my body obviously wants me.  But I'm not going to give in to the temptation to listen to that negative self talk.  I am doing what I need to be doing for my health.  I'm going to keep doing that.  Besides...it's not even my official weigh in day.  So I don't know what my official number will be.  Seriously...all of this scale badness could right itself by Monday!   The choice is mine...give up or continue on and be healthy and damn the number on the scales.







 I'm choosing to damn the scales.  The scales are JUST a number.  It is not a true testament to the effort that I'm putting in.  Yeah, I know that the numbers on the scales WILL follow along with my effort.  But it just may not do it in the time frame that I personally find satisfactory.  But taking the scales out of the equation.   I have successfully completed week 2  of the couch to 5k program....I'm starting to run.  ME...a runner!   I'm smiling more throughout my days.  These last five weeks of having my food addiction under control has brought about a more self confident happy person.  I WANT to smile.  I WANT to sing.  It's not an effort to do these things.  I feel alive.  I feel confident and ready to actually face the world with my head held high.  I actually WILLINGLY take my picture (OK OK OK...face shots...lol).  I know that my 13 pounds (well 12 as of today) isn't really visible yet....it's the self confidence that is inside me blossoming and growing that is making amendable to picture taking.  So my question.....even if the scales NEVER show anything lower than 240.9.......aren't I still a winner????



Cathy nominated me for the Liebster Award....I figured it would be fun to play along.....

Here’s how it works-
The rules:
Each blogger posts 11 random facts about themselves.
Answer the questions the tagger has set for you
Choose 11 new bloggers to pass the award to/nominate
Come up with 11 new questions to ask your nominees
Go to their page and tell them about the award.
No tag backs!

11 Random Facts:

1.  I love "I Love Lucy"  My pets are all named after the show.  Sometimes it's funny because the show will be on and they will hear their name (Lucy, Desi, Ethel, WinniFRED, and Mertz) and they will jump up and stare at the tv because it's talking directly to them.

2. I am a bit sarcastic.  (just a bit mind you).  My husband doesn't get sarcasm (how did I end up with him...haa haa haa).

3. I used to be an elementary school teacher.  I left the profession.  It took me at least 10 years before I could even talk about the experience without crying......my last year was that traumatic.

4.  I like to write.  I have a novel in the works...I'm pretty excited about it...but just need to work on discipline to sit down and actually WORK on it.

5.  I am a jack of all trades...master of none.  I dabble in quilt making, cross stitch, crochet, scrapbooking, photography, etc etc etc.  I know enough about each of them to do a pretty good job.
6.  I get compliments for my photography..... but seriously....I just mash the button and hope for the best sometimes....and those pictures are some of my most amazing shots!  (ROFLMAO)

7.  I read....ALL the time.  I never thought I would switch to digital books...but I LOVE LOVE LOVE my kindle...and since switching to digital about a year and a half ago have not looked back and read EVERYTHING on my kindle.

8.  I am a kid at heart.  I don't know that I will ever really grow up.

9.  I always wanted kids.  It breaks my heart that circumstances have kept me from having that opportunity.

10.  I have a love hate relationship with living in the country. I like country life for it's openness...and the garden...and the seclusion.  I hate it for the critters and for having to drive 20 minutes to go anywhere (groceries, stores, gas)

11.  I gave up eating most meat.  Simply because a cow looked at me with the most gentle eyes.....and I knew that I couldn't do it.  I couldn't eat anything with such benign gentle eyes!

Questions that Cathy asked:
1.Are you a cat or a dog person?  Cat cat cat!
2.What is your favorite workout?  Zumba....it's a social thing too
3.What do you do for "me" time? READ
4.If you won the lottery (the really big one) who would be the first person you told? And why?  My husband.  It would change things in our life.....give more freedom for choices that need to be made
5.What is the strangest thing you can think about yourself? (What do you do, what do you own, etc)  Everything about me is strange.  haa haa haa
6. If you could go back in time and change anything, would you? What would you change?  I would have worked to lose the weight years upon years earlier
7. What is your greatest accomplishment?  Losing the weight the first time around
8. What was your favorite toy as a child? Dolls....any doll
9 Are you close with your family? Why or why not?  VERY.  Why?  because I love them!
10.  Empty your purse . . . what is in it?   money, debit card, sunglasses, chapstick, three checkbooks, a small calander,
11.  How did you start blogging?   I started blogging simply for me.  It was an online journal for myself. I never expected anyone to read it.

My Questions:

1.  If you could change one thing in your life what would it be?
2.  What is your favorite color?
3.  If you could go on a vacation anywhere in the world...where would it be?  Why?
4.  What is your favorite thing about your body?
5.  If you were shopping right now..what store/department would you be in?
6.  Favorite type of book to read?
7.  Longest distance you have ever ridden on a bike?
8.  Glasses, contacts or perfect vision?
9.  Toenails...painted or au natural?
10.  Best thing about your life?
11.  What kind of car do you drive?

My picks:  (dang this is hard, I read so many blogs)

Fixing myself Thinner
The Journey to a New Me
Paulawannacracker
Fatt 2 Fitt after 5
Losing the Shadow Behind
The Voices Within Unleashed
Body Works
Bringing Pretty Back
Dutch Girl is Healthy
Healthy Lovin
Timothology

Ghost or Gremlins

Yesterday I was so excited about my weight loss that was showing on the scales. I was in disbelief. I stepped off the scales and reweighed myself. It was the same. WOOOOOO HOOOO! I was ready to celebrate. But in the back of my mind I was thinking, "This is too good to be true". SO this morning I stepped onto the scales again......oh yeah....right back to where I expected it to be (a maintain for all intense purposes...possibly a small gain). I double checked it this morning...the same. Now there is no way that I gained 8 pounds!!! No flippin' way! So thus I'm convinced that my scales are posessed by the weight loss demon!

That's all I have to say this morning...I'm reeling from my weigh in. Even though it was what I expected all along...I'm still reeling.

Those lying sack of doo doo scales!

Ok, for some reason, the scales have been yo-yoing this week! It's driving me NUTS! I dont know from one day to the next what the scales will say! I've been good all week....worked out really good. So the scales should be friendly. HOWEVER,......oh heck!

I did stumble upon this webpage that has a cool article...which I'll copy and paste! I've got to remember this!


Why The Scale Lies
by Renee Cloe,ACE Certified Personal Trainer
We’ve been told over an over again that daily weighing is unnecessary, yet many of us can’t resist peeking at that number every morning. If you just can’t bring yourself to toss the scale in the trash, you should definitely familiarize yourself with the factors that influence it’s readings. From water retention to glycogen storage and changes in lean body mass, daily weight fluctuations are normal. They are not indicators of your success or failure. Once you understand how these mechanisms work, you can free yourself from the daily battle with the bathroom scale.
Water makes up about 60% of total body mass. Normal fluctuations in the body’s water content can send scale-watchers into a tailspin if they don’t understand what’s happening. Two factors influencing water retention are water consumption and salt intake. Strange as it sounds, the less water you drink, the more of it your body retains. If you are even slightly dehydrated your body will hang onto it’s water supplies with a vengeance, possibly causing the number on the scale to inch upward. The solution is to drink plenty of water.
Excess salt (sodium) can also play a big role in water retention. A single teaspoon of salt contains over 2,000 mg of sodium. Generally, we should only eat between 1,000 and 3,000 mg of sodium a day, so it’s easy to go overboard. Sodium is a sneaky substance. You would expect it to be most highly concentrated in salty chips, nuts, and crackers. However, a food doesn’t have to taste salty to be loaded with sodium. A half cup of instant pudding actually contains nearly four times as much sodium as an ounce of salted nuts, 460 mg in the pudding versus 123 mg in the nuts. The more highly processed a food is, the more likely it is to have a high sodium content. That’s why, when it comes to eating, it’s wise to stick mainly to the basics: fruits, vegetables, lean meat, beans, and whole grains. Be sure to read the labels on canned foods, boxed mixes, and frozen dinners.
Women may also retain several pounds of water prior to menstruation. This is very common and the weight will likely disappear as quickly as it arrives. Pre-menstrual water-weight gain can be minimized by drinking plenty of water, maintaining an exercise program, and keeping high-sodium processed foods to a minimum.
Another factor that can influence the scale is glycogen. Think of glycogen as a fuel tank full of stored carbohydrate. Some glycogen is stored in the liver and some is stored the muscles themselves. This energy reserve weighs more than a pound and it’s packaged with 3-4 pounds of water when it’s stored. Your glycogen supply will shrink during the day if you fail to take in enough carbohydrates. As the glycogen supply shrinks you will experience a small imperceptible increase in appetite and your body will restore this fuel reserve along with it’s associated water. It’s normal to experience glycogen and water weight shifts of up to 2 pounds per day even with no changes in your calorie intake or activity level. These fluctuations have nothing to do with fat loss, although they can make for some unnecessarily dramatic weigh-ins if you’re prone to obsessing over the number on the scale.
Otherwise rational people also tend to forget about the actual weight of the food they eat. For this reason, it’s wise to weigh yourself first thing in the morning before you’ve had anything to eat or drink. Swallowing a bunch of food before you step on the scale is no different than putting a bunch of rocks in your pocket. The 5 pounds that you gain right after a huge dinner is not fat. It’s the actual weight of everything you’ve had to eat and drink. The added weight of the meal will be gone several hours later when you’ve finished digesting it.
Exercise physiologists tell us that in order to store one pound of fat, you need to eat 3,500 calories more than your body is able to burn. In other words, to actually store the above dinner as 5 pounds of fat, it would have to contain a whopping 17,500 calories. This is not likely, in fact it’s not humanly possible. So when the scale goes up 3 or 4 pounds overnight, rest easy, it’s likely to be water, glycogen, and the weight of your dinner. Keep in mind that the 3,500 calorie rule works in reverse also. In order to lose one pound of fat you need to burn 3,500 calories more than you take in. Generally, it’s only possible to lose 1-2 pounds of fat per week. When you follow a very low calorie diet that causes your weight to drop 10 pounds in 7 days, it’s physically impossible for all of that to be fat. What you’re really losing is water, glycogen, and muscle.
This brings us to the scale’s sneakiest attribute. It doesn’t just weigh fat. It weighs muscle, bone, water, internal organs and all. When you lose "weight," that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve lost fat. In fact, the scale has no way of telling you what you’ve lost (or gained). Losing muscle is nothing to celebrate. Muscle is a metabolically active tissue. The more muscle you have the more calories your body burns, even when you’re just sitting around. That’s one reason why a fit, active person is able to eat considerably more food than the dieter who is unwittingly destroying muscle tissue.
Robin Landis, author of "Body Fueling," compares fat and muscles to feathers and gold. One pound of fat is like a big fluffy, lumpy bunch of feathers, and one pound of muscle is small and valuable like a piece of gold. Obviously, you want to lose the dumpy, bulky feathers and keep the sleek beautiful gold. The problem with the scale is that it doesn’t differentiate between the two. It can’t tell you how much of your total body weight is lean tissue and how much is fat. There are several other measuring techniques that can accomplish this, although they vary in convenience, accuracy, and cost. Skin-fold calipers pinch and measure fat folds at various locations on the body, hydrostatic (or underwater) weighing involves exhaling all of the air from your lungs before being lowered into a tank of water, and bioelectrical impedance measures the degree to which your body fat impedes a mild electrical current.
If the thought of being pinched, dunked, or gently zapped just doesn’t appeal to you, don’t worry. The best measurement tool of all turns out to be your very own eyes. How do you look? How do you feel? How do your clothes fit? Are your rings looser? Do your muscles feel firmer? These are the true measurements of success. If you are exercising and eating right, don’t be discouraged by a small gain on the scale. Fluctuations are perfectly normal. Expect them to happen and take them in stride. It’s a matter of mind over scale. (http://www.primusweb.com/fitnesspartner/library/weight/scale.htm)

Baby steps!

Well...the scales are slowly inching down this week. I like it this way. Sometimes when you get on the scales every day and there is not movement...no matter what you are doing it gets a bit disconcerting. This week however, each day I can see a little improvement in what the scales are saying. Yeah, I'd love for there to be a huge drop...but in my experience, those huge drops sometimes don't stay that way....the little inching stuff usually stays off!

I've been trying to watch very closely to what I'm eating. We are going out to Corsi's tonight...and i'm planning a low point lunch for me. I am saving many more points than I actually need for dinner...because I don't want to blow it anywhere. I'm also trying to watch my points more closely because I'm still not up to par with my exercising...what with my foot and all. So really my weight loss this week will mostly be attributed to straight up healthy eating! I know that 2.4 would be almost a miracle for me to lose this week... ( of course, this morning I was 201.0). I would be tickled to get into onederland. However, I'm not going to be disappointed if I don't get there. AND I'm not going back up if I don't. I've gotten back on the bandwagon...renewed my thoughts and processes. I'm being more anal about journalling EVERYTHING that I eat! I was getting lazy and journalling only ALMOST everything. That is not going to get me anywhere in this journey! Total honesty is the only thing that will help/allow me to reach my goal! I'm so close. My target weight range for weight watchers is 151-158 pounds. So we are talking 43 pounds until I'm within my weight range! That is SOOO doable! I mean...heck, I've done about that since I started weight watchers alone!!!!! Not to mention all that I lost before weight watchers! I've been saying 50 more to go...but 43 sounds oh so much more closer!!!

Moving Again

I've been tenatively watching the scales. I am happy to say that the numbers are going DOWN again! I know that this is because it is my first week back in the diet saddle again. However, at least I am moving! I'm still trying to be cautious in my excitement though....I know it isn't all going to be this easy!

It is just way too depressing sometimes to look at the foods I love and realize that to eat them would be to blow half of my food budget/allowance for the day. That depresses me. It also helps me realize exactly how I got to this position!

BIG LOSS

OK, yesterday I got on the scales and was roughly 229-230. Today, I get on the scales I and my first weight was 219. YES, I about fell of the scales. I got off and jumped back on...sure that there was a mistake. It weighed me the same. Off....on...off on. It was dead on (ok, I don't have the most expensive scales.....but still not dollar store variety...paid about 60 for them...so actually it was like one time it was 220 the next time 219. Back and forth). Todd told me not to look a gift horse in the mouth. :-) I think it is due to the fact that I was stalled in February.....REALLY stalled. I was eating ultra healthy and exercising daily. The only thing that I had stopped doing was drinking my water. When I got sick I fell off the bandwagon and never jumped back on. Well about a week or so ago, I started drinking TONS again. The only thing I can think of is, my body is now used to and expects to get that 64 plus ounces of water so it is not retaining as much water. In essence, it's not afraid that it is going to dehydrate because I am giving it plenty of fluids. So all I can think of is that my body finished shucking that extra water weight! I went through all Feb. with no weight loss (well, i would lose it and then gain that pound back the next day). Then all of a sudden it dropped!

Wooo hooo!

Scale Addiction

Ok, I'm addicted! To the scales that is. I woke up this morning and didn't want to get out of that nice warm bed. SOO I laid there thinking about getting on the scales to see where I was/am. I have noticed that my scales, even though they are a pretty good set of scales, are flucuating a lot. Not just from day to day (that is probably me) But I can weigh myself, get off and get back on and get a different weight. I think it may have had something to do with the fact that the bathroom floor isn't that great...it's a bouncy floor and a bit uneven. (gotta love old houses) PLUS, we drag them out from under the ironing board with our feet, weigh ourselves and then push them right back under there. That can't be good on them. SOOOO I drug the scales to the bedroom and they now reside in there. We'll see how that goes!

Meanwhile, I sent my weight to my own weight loss club group. I want to lose 100 pounds. I set a goal of my birthday...just to have something in mind. So that would be actually about 70 pounds by the end of our weight loss thing. However, my REALISTIC goal is 50 by the end of October. That is only a little over 5 pounds a month. :-)

I guess for a closer goal.....I want to be down to 225, or lower by my trip to Indiana in April. That is 20 pounds..in roughly two months. :-) I would love to definitely be in one size lower jeans by then!