Saturday, May 16, 2009

I always denied that I was an emotional eater. I mean, I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad. I can pretty much eat all the time. But just in the last two days I've realized that yes, I am an emotional eater. It comes with being an addict. A food addict that is. When I'm upset, I know that food will give me that momentary high, it will take whatever pain I'm feeling away, temporarily...but it's a good thing. On the flip side, when I'm feeling good and on top of the world I think about food and know that if I just eat a bit more, then I'll feel even better. It's the mentality that 'things are already so good, and the only thing that would make it absolutely perfect would be to eat something super duper yummy!" (and thereby get that 'high' that 'rush of pleasure'.) That is simply another form of emotional eating. The list goes on...I'm tired, so I eat because it will fill me with a sense of satisfaction and well being...something that sleep and rest would do. I look to food for everything because I know that whatever I'm doing, food will enhance it.

An addict...I am plain and simple an addict. Food is my vice. I use food to enhance my moods, to change my moods and as a crutch to get through life.

So why do I talk about this today. Yesterday morning there was a bit of a marital spat in the house. I tried to deny my mood all day. I tried to push it to the back of my mind refusing to acknowledge that anything was wrong. No one that talked to me had a clue. But the emotions were simmering. And I managed to only eat the amount of pizza that I had allotted for myself at the work birthday party. I however later in the afternoon added and extra cupcake to my food eaten list. Ohhh and some ice cream. I then went home and didn't stick to my eating plan for dinner...but added a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (on top of my dinner food) and another cupcake and later I made popcorn with lots of butter. So it eventually caught up with me. Sooo today was spat part two before I came to work. And I'm bound and determined to not let it affect my eating today. I will not will not succumb!!! I will not medicate my emotions with food today. (and yes, today it would be medicating my emotions...tomorrow or another day it may be enhancing my emotions...but today it would definitely be medication.

Yeah, yeah yeah...the weight is up today. Not surprising!