Sunday, November 30, 2008

I feel as if I've done really well with my eating yesterday and today. I feel as if I made good choices and ate wisely. My weight....well, my scales were not working. Every time I tried to weigh myself I got an error message....not cool. I even walked away and tried 15 minutes later. Oh well..hopefully tomorrow.

The bad new...I"ve got some kind of sickness going on. The glands in my throat are swollen and sore. Not only sore to swallow...but sore to the point that I will yell if anyone touches my throat.

Saturday, November 29, 2008


Well, I weighed in this morning. At the highest in the last week I had seen 197.8. I was SCARED to get on the scales this morning because...hello...Thanksgiving! BUT, my weight was 195.4 this morning. I was satisfied with that! I just need to be really careful today and tomorrow...the last two days I'll be with my brother and his family....which offers more food temptations than I like. BUT this weight is going DOWN!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Summing up Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Day.

I feel as if I did really good. I did splurge and have one chocolate chip cookie. But ignored all the other desserts. For the meal, I ate mostly fruit and veggies. I have to say mostly because I made a decision going into the meal. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my mom's stuffing. So i decided that i would eat the stuffing. BUT I would skip the mashed cut back on the carbs/starch. I knew I really wouldn't miss the mashed potatoes as I make mashed potatoes fairly often at our house...but stuffing...for some reason, I just don't make it (yeah, I have my mom's recipe and I've actually made it for holiday meals that I've hosted...but I just don't make it at other times). So pretty good with my eating at T-day dinner.

For breakfast I had my normal oatmeal....and for dinner todd and I were home so I whipped up a little pizza for us. (fat free cheese which really cuts down on points!) So all in all I feel as if I did better than good.

I did not however make it to the gym like I had wanted to (they were open between 8AM and noon on Thanksgiving day). Cindy and I did take a long walk after the at least i did 'something'.

Today I'm back at work for a long long day. After work I'm going to head to H-town to get our two week supply of groceries. (hey, I've got a 10% off the whole grocery bill coupon to use before Sunday.....i'd be a fool not to use it). So it will be a really long day by the time I calculate from wake open to close (7:45am until 6:15 pm) day of work, driving to and from h-town, the actual grocery shopping (and a quick stop at the liquor store for some wine and guiness...todd's request) and then home to put it all away....yeah....long day! I of course packed my lunch for work...but so that i woulnd't be tempted with eating something bad in town...or picking up all kinds of bad things at the grocery store. I also packed a 'dinner' for me to eat on the way to town. So I'm set.

I did not weigh myself today....I was just out of the loop. I'll check my weight tomorrow morning for sure! And we'll see what the damage or good news is!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Family means love

Family means love, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

We exchanged Christmas gifts with my brothers family early this year as we will not be seeing them during the Christmas season. It really sucks to live so far away from those you love.

I feel like I ate too much yesterday. No use crying over spilled milk....just move on today and do my best. I'm not going to stress out over it. It's thanksgiving. I've set out on a course to chage my life...NOT live like one in a cloister. Yes, my weight is up and no I don't want to go up any further (actually internally FREAKING out about possibly going over the 200 mark) but mental happiness is also important. My plan is to eat sensibly today (honestly I really didn't eat too bad...I just felt stuffed from what I ate...and I didn't do all my fruits and veggies that I normally do). Do my best....enjoy my family and the social time that Thanksgiving provides and not worry about it. If I'm so stressed about eating, then I will not enjoy my brothers family nor the time with my parents then while it is worth's not. Does that make sense? There is a balance.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

rose-collage, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

My weight is up a bit this morning, but I"m not going to worry about it....I ate perfect yesterday, so there is no reason.

I've been super productive this morning. By 8AM, I had already cleaned the house really well. And by 9:15 I had exercised for an hour and I was already out of the shower. Now, I'm just sitting around being a sluggard until it's time to go to work. I only have to get dressed (finish drying my hair if it's not dry by then) and eat lunch. Ohhh yeah, I have to do the dishes yet...but I'll do that after I eat lunch. :-)

Monday, November 24, 2008

I've been really struggling with my new lifestyle. I won't lie. I wish I could go back and live the existance of not worrying about what I'm eating. Just living life to the fullest (eating wise). Oh yeah, I know that the results of the newer me is soo much more important and actually adds so much more to my life, but I sometimes can't help buy mourn the loss of my old

That said......I needed what is coming next....

Oh wow......I just did this test to find out my expected life age. I did it plugging in my current "new" lifestyle. There were definitely things that I can do to help my life expectancy but my life expectancy with my current lifestyle (eating healthy foods for snacks, no red meat, my current exercise levels...all of it) is 95 years old. SOOOOO just for shits and giggles I decided to go back to the start and answer the questions in the manner that I would have answered just a few short years ago.....answers that parallel what I've been crying about and wishing that I could go back to. Are you ready for my life expectancy with THOSE answers????? 74 years old. That is a difference of 21 years!!! TWENTY ONE CRAZY years????

THAT is food for thought!
I helped mom with a catering job on Saturday night...and ate WAY too many of the leftovers! I didn't weigh in yesterday...but kept it somewhat under control yesterday...not was well as I should have though...I KNOW I went over my points. SOOOO imagine my surprise when I stepped onto the scales this morning (I almost didn't) and found my weight down to 193.4 Today and tomorrow shouldn't be tooo difficult for me as I'll be home..normal routine all that. Wednesday we are celebrating Christmas with my brother and I'll be up there all day...and then we are taking Todd's uncle out for eating out. And then obviously Thursday...turkey day. Friday will once again be no problem as I work open to close (LONG day) and I usually do really well with eating when I'm at work. Saturday and Sunday I'll be back up there. So I've managed two days up there and I have a total of 4 more days of temptation. And yes, mom's house is totally tempting. She is from the school that you feed people...and that's how you show love. She doesn't mean to...but that's just how our family (my grandmother) was also.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

You know, sometimes you wonder why in the world God is doing stuff. WHy he is putting so much on your plate. Yeah yeah yeah,I know that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle...but the stress!

Yesterday I was drying a load of clothes while I ate lunch. I stopped the dryer when I left, simply because we don't like to leave stuff on while we are not at home (my husband has a fit about a crockpot!). The clothes were only half dry. I was walking through the house after I turned it off and noticed that it smelled really hot. Kinda worried me for some reason, but I sniffed and figured it was just the hot dryer smell. It was enough of a worry that I actually went back inside and checked one last time. But it was all good. forward to me once again being home and suddenly remembering that I have half dried clothes in the dryer. I swung into the laundry room and went to start the dryer. ohhhhhhh noooooo......stupid sucker wouldn't turn on. No, I am not joking!! The brand new heatpump and heating system on Wednesday..the dryer now! I checked the breaker and fiddled with that sucker...nothing. Deader than a doornail. It is almost as if it is not getting power. Now let me back and reminisce about my dryers. I bought a washer and dryer in 2000. August to be exact. I had the extended warranty....5 years that time. Used the dryer....and in SEPTEMBER of 2005 the stupid thing broke, ONE MONTH AFTER THE WARRANTY EXPRIED! (it had to be a conspiracy...I think Kenmore/Sears must have had a bomb in it to blow up right after the warranty expired) It was more costly to get it repaired, so we junked it and bought a new one. We went maytag this time....good brand. I did get the extended warranty. In April of 2007 the moter was replaced in the dryer. NOOOOO I'm just washing and drying normal loads of clothes. Heck, there is only two of us! Anyway....back to this current breakdown....I panicked. It is November of 2008. If we bought a 3 year warranty we are totally out of luck (like we ever had it in this case anyway) because it's 2 months past the 3 year mark. I did look and I can breathe a bit of a is a 4 year warranty. Todd just ran to the studio to get stuff from the electronics workshop. He wants to double check the power supply to the washer and the connections and stuff that we are responsible for. BUT at least if it's fried, we are covered. At that point, it's just a waiting game to try to get someone here (on thanksgiving week...RIGHT) and work around our work schedules (HA)....and in the meantime, have clothes hanging all around the house drying!

Missed my weigh in this morning.....I was a little pre-occupied.

Last night I ate horribly. I worked on a catering job, helping serve and keep platters full. Yeah, I ate there food is NOT health concious food.

On the good brother and his family arrived safely yesterday!!!

Friday, November 21, 2008

My weight....sitting right around the same. It seems as if i'm hovering between 192 and 196. I know that some of that is me...I'm so focused some days..but then others I struggle. I haven't been to a meeting this week. I was plannign on going this morning and then last night I wasn't thnking and we had popcorn and I drank it with a diet soda. I've figured out that when I drink a diet soda in the evening, that my weight is up...I guess the sodium...which doesn't seem that high, but you know. And couple that with popcorn...I knew immediately that weighing in would probably not be the greatest of ideas this morning. And sure enough, I was up 1.5 pounds. SO I skipped it...bad bad bad...I know! I don't know if I'll be able to get there next week....with the holiday and my brother in town...but I've GOT to start going religiously to a meeting each week. No ifs ands or buts. I need it for accountability and motivation!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I weighed myself this morning. I was quite nervous. yesterday I made pancakes and turkey sausage in the morning. Chili and cornbread for lunch. Chicken and rice casserole for dinner. I had a banana with peanut butter for a snack AND a jello pudding cup. Yikes! But this morning I was at 194.8. So it could have been worse.....overall that's pretty much the same as I was last week. I need it to go DOWN DOWN DOWN!

I did exercise this morning. 30 minutes on the exercise bike!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Well.....for all that talk I didn't weigh myself today. Not because I didnt want to...but life kinda got in the way. This morning we awoke at about 5....I don't know what woke me up..but I decided to go to the bathroom. BRRRR it was cold. Todd got up at the same time (same reason I guess) and he commented on how cold it felt. He went out to the thermostat...."Uhhhh MF it says it's 50 degrees in here" It showed that it was 23 outside...and the heat pump/fan was not running AT ALL. The thermostat showed the aux heat on...but it was blowing COLD air....obviously at 50 degrees inside. Todd went out and checked the breaker on the heat pump...all was well. We flipped the indoor breaker to shut down the heating system totally...hoping to reset it. We waited, we turned it back on....Todd noticed that we had the option for 'emergency heat'....well this sounded like an he chose that option. It ran and it was blessed warm air for about 5 seconds...and then silence......we waited for the heat pump to re-set itself again. I don't know what happened but when it kicked back on this time, the aux heat came back on and it seemed warm. The aux heat worked for us and brought us up to 'livable' temps within the next hour...but by that time, I had already forgotten about weighing in........oh yeah, I'd already also made pancakes (with pecans for Todd) and fried up a little bit of turkey sausage..

We are trying to stay closer to home because we dont' know what's up with the heating system....the guy will be here late this afternoon/early evening.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I'll take it

I had such good plans yesterday and then I went out for dinner with mom and dad. I didn't order too badly. I ordered pretty much my normal. I got a salad, a baked sweet potato and then I got a side of baked beans. My problem...the rolls....with the cinnamon butter. YUMMY! I indulged...oh yeah, I indulged in some peanuts also!

So this morning I was contemplating not weighing myself...because I assumed that my weight would be up (even if just from the salted peanuts...not to mention the bread and butter) But, I had just the other day written about how I do better if I weigh myself every day, so I did it. I stepped onto the scales (remember yesterday was 185.8) Today was 184.0! I don't know...but I'm not asking questions! I know that I will have to really watch today because I know from past experiences that I can fight through ONE day of poor choices, but not two or three!

Nope...didn't exercise this morning......just couldn't get to it. I did however get most of the laundry completed! (one more load to fold when I get home). I also put together the casserole for dinner's in the fridge and there is a note for Todd to tell him what time it goes into the oven this afternoon. So at least it wasn't an unproductive morning...even if it wasn't what I really should have been doing!

Monday, November 17, 2008

bear nativity

bear nativity, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Just had to take a picture of the most adorable nativiy scene that I found and purchased. Bears!!! :-)

Mom and dad took me out to eat tonight...can't say as I did all that great foodwise. I could have done better, but it still wasn't as bad as it could have been.....ohh well, I could have done without the extra roll!!

eii yiii yiii.....I KNOW that when I dont' weigh in, I tend to 'slip'!!! This morning i was back at 195.8! ARRGGGHHHHHHHH

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I'm not sure where my weight is. I didn't weigh yesterday morning...nor did I weigh this morning. Yesterday morning was by choice, this morning I plain and simple forgot until my breakfast was halfway down the hatch. This is bad. I nee to be weighing myself daily....for me it keeps me on track. I'm motivated when I see loss...and conversely, Im motivated when I don't see loss. Honestly, it's the days that I don't weigh (and lets face it.....I'm not as religious about weighing for the most part when I've been not the greatest with my eating and exercise) I tend to lose control more quickly!

Yesterday....didn't exercise. I woke up bright and early to exercise before going to work and I just couldn' do it. I reset the alarm and slept for that extra hour. And getting to it later in the day...well I didn't even sit down until somewhere near 7 or 8 pm..I was on the go all day. Oh well, you can't win them all. This is life and life will do that to sometimes!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Dropped a bit more on the scales this morning to 192.8. WHEW! I'm actually somewhat shocked with that as I woke up thirsty (not a good sign) and well..there are other factors that would make my weight a bit higher....ones that we will not go into detail here! :-) So I'm pretty happy!

At 6AM I was hot on the trail...well the exercise bike trail. Woo hoooo!!! I only did about 30 minutes...but that is 30 minutes that I did. I know that I can make grand plans to ride or exercise in the evenings, but it just doesn't seem to happen. Life and it's obligations just seem to get in the way. Oh well. :-)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Meeting results

Well, I wrote yesterdays post really early in the morning. I'm happy and proud to say that I did force myself to go to an early morning weight watchers meeting shortly after I posted yesterday. Officially, I was up 1.4 194.4 pounds. (my home weight was 194.8) BUT that's not taking into effect that I had gained and gone even higher but had pulled myself back down a bit. Oh well....I'm determined that the numbers will continue downward...officially also! :-)

After my meeting, I hightailed it to the gym. I had a great workout. It flew by...thanks to my friend Sherry who I ran into at the gym. We got to talking while we exercised and the time just FLEW by! :-) I helped mom and dad move furniture and Todd and I worked outside clearing more land. (will that job EVER end???). So I was pretty active yesterday. I ate a little over my pointage but I felt pretty good about my day overall.

SOOOO this mornign I weighed myself. 194.2 That is a loss of .6 from yesterday morning. WOO HOOOO! I rode the exercise bike this morning for 55 minutes so I'm doing good thus far. I've eaten right and I'll be ok tonight I feel. :-)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Days off

Yes, I had yesterday off from work as the bank was closed due to Veterens day. What did i do with my 'landfall'? I cleaned the house, what else? The house is spic and span. I moved the furniture around so that it is basically ready to decorate for Christmas. I anticipate doing that next Wednesday as the following week is Thanksgiving. Yes, I'll be decorated before Thanksgiving. This year my brother and his family will be travelling to spend Thanksgiving with us (Christmas they will travel in the opposite direction and spend it with my brother's in-laws.....we switch back and forth every year). Soooooo since the Christmas stuff starts so soon, I figure to decorate. Actually I know from experience that if I don't decorate before they come, when they leave I feel like Christmas is partly over...and I won't have it in me to decorate. :-)

Yesterday I woke up and my weight was 195.6. This morning I woke up and I was 193.8. So that is a nice drop. Yeah water weight.....I'm so happy that you are 'departing'!

Monday, November 10, 2008

You know.....when it rains it pours. The dog at the farm/studio passed away today. We are really bummed!

Thank heavens I have off tomorrow. I feel as if today was the same as a full week! Longer!

On a different note. I had a super healthy meal tonight. I made Szechaun Chicken Stir Fry. YUMMY.
Today is a super stressful day for Todd and I. I'm not going to go into details here, but suffice to say that we have a lot riding on this day! I'm sitting here at work and worrying about things that I have no control over....which is pointless I know. But that's easier to say than to follow.

I did not weigh myself this morning. Yesterday, while I did walk quite a bit....I KNOW for a fact that I was really dehydrated. I was dying of thirst at one point. Toward the end of the day, I had picked up a headache. I'm almost 100% positive that it's because of my lack of drinking. What did I drink? In the morning with my oatmeal I had 'maybe' 8 ounces of water. I didn't have anything else until lunch (which we ate at about 1:30 or so)...and that was a diet coke. I drank about 3/4 of the bottle. NOTHING else until we got home at about 8PM. And then I downed 3..count em...THREE cans of Diet Sunkist! Does carbonated beverages count??? I know that the sodium in those drinks will also have an affect on my weight today (I've noticed that they always do) we'll hold off.

However, this morning on the drive in to work (ohhh the whole 2 mile drive...yeah yeah yeah...I COULD ride my bike..but it's a winding country road and it will be dark when I get off of work!) I thought about how I need to shake myself out whatever diet lull I'm in (oh wait...I don't call this a diet....but you get the point) and get my butt in gear and get myself back down to my goal weight so i can STOP PAYING FOR WEIGHT WATCHERS! I did it....and thoroughly enjoyed those two or three free months until my weight sky-rocketed!

On to the bad news of the day. Yesterday morning...early in our sojourn in DC, I was walking and my foot flipped out. I'm not sure if my ankle simply turned (it does that) or if I stepped wrong on something uneven to cause my foot to twist...but regardless I hurt my foot. Todd knew it happened and I forced myself to continue walking. This is a common thing that happens to foot twists quite usually hurts for a few minutes and then the pain subsides. So I just told him to continue walking and it would be all right. I didn't want to tell him that while it did ease up continued to bother me all throughout the day. Granted I was on my feet the whole day (this happened within an hour or our arrival in DC). I hoped that it would ease up some after I was off of it. I was wrong. That was my first thought this morning when I woke up and my foot hurts. FU...........DGE!!!!!!!!!!!! (OK, that was for anyone that is a fan of The Christmas know..Ralphie...You'll shoot your eye of my husbands all time favorite he could and does watch OVER AND OVER again).

So there is where I'm at.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

white house

white house, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Didn't weigh myself today....nor did I eat all that well....nor did I do any formal exercise. Does it count that I walked ALL day???

Woke up this morning and both Todd and I just knew that we wanted to do 'something' or go 'somewhere' today. We didn't want to stay at home. We began running through options in our head. Manassas Battlefield, Monocacy.....should we do the official tourist thing and stay in Sharpsburg and officially tour the Antietam battlefield (living here you tend to take the historic significance for granted). The list went on...the Baltimore Maritime Museum, the aquairium, The Cass railroad in West virginia, New Market, VA, Lurray caverns? We went round and round. We finally settled on driving toward DC and hopping the metro and spending the day on or near the mall. We hit up a few things (the White house visitors center, THe Holocaust Museum, THe Hirshhorn, and we briefly stopped into the National Art Gallery). All in all it was a good day and good to get helped me forget about my worries that have been keeping me 'down'."

The bad thing.....the cafe where we ate our lunch...I caved and had a dessert...YUMMY!

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Lets seee.......

**I didn't weigh myself today. I just plain and simple didn't feel like it!

**Even though I felt not at all charitable this morning toward this 'journey' to lose weight....I did get on the exercise bike and ride for about 30 minutes early this morning (before I even went to work)

**Currently working on taking all of our old pictures (digital) and pulling them into the photoshop elements organizer. The pictures stored on my computer are done....just started the ones stored on Todd's computer.'d we get so many pictures! It's gonna be fun for me though to go through them...look at them all. (also a headache on some...trying to figure out where and who!)

**Still just feeling blah....snap out of it MF!!

Friday, November 07, 2008

The life of a cat

The life of a cat, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Not much happening here today. My weight as up this morning. I didn't do to badly today....but then again, not that great with my eating. My positive for the day.....I did 70 minutes of exercise!!!

Thursday, November 06, 2008


I'm still feeling really blue and well, miserable. I know that some of it can be attributed to the monthly ick, which has arrived on my doorstep. But I will also say that usually I feel down UNTIL it starts and then once it actually arrives I'm ok. Not this month. SOooo I just want to sit here and cry. Not doin' it.......why? because I'm at work.

I should be jumping up and down for joy. This morning I was getting ready for work and I was in the closet looking for something to wear. I just couldn't find anything that interested me. I looked up on the shelf and saw a corduroy skirt that I bought on sale last year, in a size 10 (hey, that's all they had). I tucked it away because I couldn't' wear it. Something possessed me to try it on this morning. I did and guess what I'm wearing to work. Yep, a size 10 skirt. No, I'm not a true size 10...but it's a size ten that I'm wearing right now.

As for my weight 192.0 this morning. Typically, if things are true to history, the ick weight will drop off in about two more days. I'll be anxious for that. If I'm lucky it will drop me back into the 180's! :-)

Worked out at the gym for almost an hour and a half yesterday and I did get on the exercise bike this morning and rode for just shy of an I'm working on it!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

reflection of change

reflection of change, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

As I've pondered where I am in my weight loss journey, I started to think about how much I've changed. So a reflection of my image was fitting for a picture, even though that wasn't my original intent. Is it even more fitting that it's a reflection in a cooking pan????

My weight was up a bit this morning. It could be any myrid of reasons. It could be the delicious Apple strudel that I made yesterday. It could be the hot dogs that I roasted on the fire last night, salt city. Or it could be the fact that the wonderful (note the sarcasm) ick should be here within the next week or so. Hmmmm.

Apple Strudel......ok, so yesterday morning I decided at the last minute that I wanted to try my hand at apple strudel. So I read a bit about apple strudel online and whipped one up. Let me say, it was super tasty! I actually did have the points for it. (I think...I need to work up the points today).

The Hot dogs. Todd decided yesterday that he wanted to cook a steak and potato over an open fire last night. Now I'm still on my ban of beef a steak was out of the question for me. So I got to thinking..what's the next best thing over an open flame...HOT DOGS! Nooooooooooooooo. I bought turkey dogs....100% fat free. But, even though they are fat free they are still high in sodium. So I fear that may have affected my weight. OOOPS....I forgot, we also roasted a few marshmallows (which I forgot to put into my daily food log.....uhhhh ohhhh). We forwent the chocolate and the graham crackers though! (I did have them...but we decided to just go with marshmallows to save calories/points).

The ick....well.....there need be no explanation for that. That is self-explanatory.

So, we woke up early this morning. We got dressed and headed out. By 8AM, I was done voting and Todd and I were on the canal taking a nice walk. We were out for about an hour and a half. Fall is such a wonderful time of the year!

Monday, November 03, 2008

Monday duldrums

Sherrick Trail, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I may be quiet...but I'm still plugging along in this journey. ON saturday and Sunday both, Todd and I went out hiking. The picture above is from the trail that we hiked on Sunday...don't you just love the little log steps that they put in on some of these trails (this one is from the Sherrick trail on the ANtietam Battlefield). On Saturday we walked the C&O Canal. This morning I rode the exercise bike. :-)

Just writing that last paragraph I'm blown away at how blessed I am that I have two national parks within walking distance from my house. And parks that are peffect for hiking, walking, and bike riding!

My weight is down to 191.2 from the 193 that I was at on Thursday morning.

I don't have much to say today. I"m feeling a bit blue.......

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Weighed myself this morning. I did so with some fear and trepidation because I have eaten over my points value each and every day. But I'm down to 191.8. So that is 1.2 pounds in the last two days. I'll take it!

Last night I curbed my nighttime eating desire by eating tic tacs. It worked!!! I know I used to eat the WW fruities in the evening when I felt the urge to eat......I forgot about that trick. IT WORKED! WOOO HOOO!

I got up an extra hour early this morning and I hopped on the exercise bike. I knocked out 45 minutes. I was watching the biggest loser (australian season three). They had the contestants doing some type of drills on the and then a walking recovery. Well during the recovery they asked questions. The one question was "name one thing you like about yourself". The first guy rattled off "I'm a funny guy" but then they got to the next girl. She just stood there and you could see the blankness on her face. She really didn't' have a clue as to what to say....and she couldn't think of something. It got me to many overweight people put up this wall of 'fatness' around themselves and they stop (or can't ) see the good in themselves. I think is some ways that I have in the past and honestly even in the present experienced this. I think where I"m at now is that I can see the good stuff but it's sometimes hard to believe the looks part because I still struggle with seeing myself as a thinner person.