Friday, February 26, 2021

The mind tricks

For the past week my mind has been playing some nasty tricks on me.   Ironically not in the arena of weight loss...but for life in general.  But I guess that affects everything...even that weight loss effort!

I have been looking deeply at where I am in life.  No, not in my relationship.  I couldn’t be happier with Jason!  I am more in love each day and couldn’t be happier to be engaged and thinking about a wedding.  No, I am talking about my professional and financial life.

What do I want put of life?   I know my current job isn’t my life passion.  But what is?

What is my mission in life?  What are my passions?  What are my desires?  I’ve been diving deep.    And somehow I have come up blank!  Sure I have some things I like.  I like to read.  I like my dollhouses.  But I dabble with those things.  The question is, what do I want to do with my life?   

Is this a mid life crisis??  I am 48 you know!

Passions....the only thing I came up with for myself is that I spend a lot of time focusing on weight loss.  Not successfully so it seems a lot of the time (although I don’t weigh 330 pounds anymore and while I am not at my goal weight, I’m no where close to that so I guess it is somewhat successful).   Weight loss....really?    I don’t even know if it’s a passion or just that it has been the sole focus of my life for so many years and that has maybe squeezed out everything else.

What in the world?  How do I even know what direction to turn?   I just feel totally discombobulated and lost!

As for weight loss????   I am holding the skin of my teeth it appears this week. My bike riding on the exercise bike to get my mandatory miles continues without fail.   We continue our evening walks.  I even got in a lunch walk in this week.  

While I did manage to avoid the deluge of sweet treats over the weekend, I immediately got hit with the monthly scourge.   And that skewed my weight for the week.   I was slowly recovering and it was looking like a maintain for me!  And then last night I ate a super high sodium dinner.  Yup.  I knew it was not going to be good when I woke up and laid in bed.   I could see the signs!   And so I ended up with a gain this week. A gain of exactly one pound!

I’m not out for the count with my weight loss....I’m just regrouping...drinking lots of water and planning another one sweet treat weekend!!!

I will continue to ponder the direction of my life....and my passions. There had to be an answer out there for me!!!!