Friday, March 22, 2013

The number game

Yesterday I was talking to a friend.  I was talking about the focus on numbers.  It is so easy to get totally immersed and obsessed with numbers on this journey.   It starts with the calories.(or points for when I was a WW girl).  I swim in the calorie count of the food.  I wallow in my caloric budget.  I jump for joy at the earned calories.  It's numbers....numbers....numbers.   As if that isn't enough to be focused on, I then live for the number on the scale.  I step on the scale and hold my breath waiting to see what number I will be blessed/cursed with.  I obsess about that number too.   And then I started running and all of a sudden there is a whole new realm of numbers.  How long can I run/jog before I have to walk.  How many miles?  Pace?   GRRRRR

At the beginning of the year I refused to set goal weight resolutions.  Instead I decided to just do what was right and allow the weight to come off in it's own time.  Does that mean that I'm not tracking my progress?  No.  I still track by weighing myself.  But I'm trying to take the focus off of the numbers.  That got me to thinking.  If I was in perfect shape would the numbers really matter?  If I was fit and active and all my healthy indicators (cholesterol, bp, etc etc etc) were in check would I be obsessed with the number.  What about if I looked like I was a size 6 but really weighted 250 pounds. Would I still be obsessed with the number?  How warped is my mind right now about the numbers?   I'm trying to learn to 'KNOW' the numbers but to not obsess with them.  I'm trying to take the focus off the numbers.

The numbers are not important to me.  I'm focusing on the benefits that my body is getting from these changes.  OK, that's what I'm trying to convince myself. Will I ever fully succeed....probably not, but if I can at least not obsesses with the numbers than I will call it a victory!

So tomorrow is a 5K on the battlefield.  I'm registered and ready to run! Sherry and I have decided to try to run it.  However, we are both in agreement that we are going to do what our bodies allow. If we end up walking more, so be it.  For a while we were totally focused on the number  "have to beat this" or "do that".   Yesterday we talked and that is not the focus any longer. The focus is the victory of completion!

All this talk about taking away the focus on the numbers, last week I hit my 20 pound mark. (big loss....probably gonna be a small loss this week, but I'm OK with that).  So on Monday I ordered my next charm.  I chose a tennis shoe.  During this 10 pounds I really worked on this running thing.  The jury is out if I will continue, but this 10 pounds lost can be identified with running....and also the shoe can mark the victory of actually completing the couch to 5k training program.  (pardon the weird picture...I don't know how in the world I had my hand when I took the picture, but my hand really looks's not!)