Friday, November 13, 2009

"You must reach a point where you're angry at your old self, your old life, your addictions. You have to hate the way you were, and when this hatred and anger consumers you, then you'll have the determination not to go back there."

John Grisham, The Associate

The Ruler

Oh boy, it's going to be a long day. The internet at work is doing something funky. Not sure if it's been blocked or if it's ...well just being funky. Sooo a long day with no email...and very limited internet. Joy joy.

Other than my splurge on Wednesday I've done pretty good with my eating this week. I've kept things under control. The most important thing....I haven't mindless eaten and all is moving along. I haven't let the stress of everyday life get to me. I've laid out my plan for eating and I've stuck to it every day.

Ruled by food....or ruling over food. I admit that I've been ruled by food in the past. Food was the most important thing. I lived for the food. Even while I was eating one meal, my mind had already spun forward and I was thinking about the next meal. I shovelled in the food so fast that I could barely taste the food before the next food was shoved into my mouth. I could not enjoy any of the experience, the talking, the atmosphere of where you are eating or anything because it was an all consuming fire to get the most food into my mouth! That is no true existence. Ruling over that it where it's at. Sniffing the fabulous aromas. Savoring the delicious flavors. Enjoying the complex textures. And using my meal on Wednesday as an example. I think I ruled over the food instead of allowing the food to rule me. I ruled. I wasn't thinking ahead to the next food event. I wasn't thinking about anything but the food that I was eating (and the conversation with my husband of course...that goes without saying). I enjoyed the myriad of flavors. I sat back and enjoyed. No, I can't eat like that every day, because the food was rich in calories. But the essence of it. Eating purely for the enjoyment of the food is really where I want to be. I want to rule over food...and not allow food to rule me! Because if I am the ruler then I can control what I eat.