Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Rain rain go away

Rain?  Fear?? Body sending me a message?

Let me back track and start at the beginning.   I ran over the weekend. I Advil'd myself up and I managed to make it through the rest of the weekend with only minor aches.   What was concerning was my knees.  Yeah, the arthritic ridden knees.   I didn't let it stop me.  On Monday night I went to zumba....and my legs ached.  You ask how my knees did?  OUCH.     I ate dinner later on Monday night and almost immediately I felt 'odd'.   Not really sick, but just not right.    I still felt off kilter on Tuesday morning.  Enough that I didn't run my 5 miles.  Like I said, I wasn't really sick, just not normal.   I was able to eat ok...and other than a few minutes of queasiness I was fine...just off kilter.  I was ok with my decision to not run.  

As I navigated through the day I could feel that ache in my knees that comes from the arthritis.  Grrr...What is with this.   It wasn't constant, just sporadic pain.   

This morning I woke up early enough to run.  I checked the weather and there was a window of opportunity for me to run. (It is scheduled only a light run, but I do have to make up that 5 miler from yesterday) I was achy as all get out.   I got out of bed and trucked up the stairs.   It wasn't until I was coming down the stairs that I totally got scared.  My knees hurt BAD and not only did it hurt, it actually wobbled and I had to grab the hand rail because I thought I was going down.   

!(*&(*^(*&#(*&(*&@(#*^%   (that is my choice words for the betrayal of my knees)   Is it the long run that threw my knees into a fit of despair?   Is it my fears that circulate through my mind that are making every little ache and pain seem much worse? (our minds are totally capable of playing those kinds of tricks).   Or is this just a sign.  

Either way.....No running for me today.  

I'm still not calling this half marathon a no go.   I don't want to quit.  I want to persevere and do this.   The weather is NOT going to be cooperating with me.  Rain is forecasted for the next umpteen days.  I don't have access to a treadmill....and running in the rain....well. I guess it could be fun.  (I'm very skeptical.  Being out and soaked in clothes and running for an hour just sounds miserable!)

Meanwhile....I'll admit it.........

Today was just that kind of day for me...and I couldn't resist the chocolate and peanut butter.  And yes, I know.....eating and indulging in this yummy goodness will just make me cringe because of the calories and only brings the cycle back around full circle, making me more emotional because I have goals and plans that are hindered by the weight....which is hindered by the indulgence....which is hindered by the emotions....which brings on.... yeah yeah yeah.