Monday, August 25, 2008

sympathy for those struggling with addictions

Wow, I must have been a heck of a lot more tired last night than I thought. I was at my computer and I had actually composed (in my head) what I wanted to write about on here. And this morning it hit me when I sat down here at my computer at work......"I can't remember actually writing/typing my entry." I literally had to go look at my blog to see if I had written and entry yesterday. NOPE! Dang, I'm losing my mind! Well, upon further's already gone!

My weight...still holding steady. I am however at the top of my 5 pound range that I seem to stay within. So I have to be really careful! I am actually somewhat amazed that I'm holding steady. My eating of late has not been all that great. Ohhh it hasn't been terrible, but I've not been eating as healthy and as on point as I could be eating. I've been exercising, and I use that as my 'excuse' as to why I'm eating more. I say things like, "well, I'm eating this extra such and such, but I exercised today so it is a wash when it comes down to it." Well, my eyes were just opened by a somewhat innocent remark from a friend. If I want to lose the weight, I need to stop doing that. Exercise is NOT an excuse to eat more. Not while I'm trying to continue to lose weight. Yeah, I know that some days when I have a killer workout, that I may actually end up eating a bit more, my body will need it. BUT not on a consistent basis. For a while I would eat something and automatically calculate exactly how much exercise I would have to do in order to work off what I was eating. I did this especially with some of those 'special foods' or anytime I went above and beyond the planned intake of food. I need to get back to that. Because let me tell you, when I would realize that I'd have to ride my bike for such and such time, or walk for umpteen hours, or whatever.....the food just didn't seem worth it anymore!

Yesterday, I was very active. We got up and did the whole gym thing. However when that was over we went to Williamsport. This past weekend was the annual Canal Days there. Now Williamsport isn't a huge thriving metropolis or anything...but we parked in the middle of Williamsport and walked down to the basin (on the canal). We walked around down there a bit before getting ready to head up to the park at the other end of the town. We actually were going to pay the $1 a piece and ride on the trolley up to the park (they had a trolley running back and forth all day). We waited for the trolley, but when it came, it was full of people and there was no room. SOOOO we decided to use shoe leather express. We talked about it...and how we should have opted to walk in the first place. So we got to the park and did the whole circuit around the park. We stopped to talk to some people that we knew but we were on our feet the whole time. :-) Not to mention some shopping.....and the grocery store(and putting it all away, cleaning and preparing the fruits and veggies....and dishing out the ice cream into individual containers and all the prep work I did on the food when I got it home!)

While we were out in our travels yesterday, I saw a sale on bathing suits. Now I have a bathing suit.....but uhhhh it's a size 24. Teee hee hee. I used that one last year. I don't have a place to swim this is pretty much really only at a hotel when Todd and I are travelling or something, and it's more a relaxing swim and sit in the hot tub, so I've just held onto the suit with one hand and gone with the flow. BUT, this sale.......they didn't have many options for me....but $8 bucks for a suit that normally cost $40 or $50 (these are suits that I've looked at all summer because $40-50 is still a good deal in it's own right). I couldn't pass it up. The problem you may be asking???? Well, they didn't have my size...yeah yeah yeah, like I even know what size I would wear. OK seriously, I'm wearing most size 12 stuff. They only had the suit in size 8. I bought it. I told Todd..."if I never wear it, then someone at goodwill will have a brand new suit...and we will have just made someone very happy" Well, I brought it home and just for a laugh I tried it on. I know that bathing suits have a little leeway for sizes. Yeah, the suit is tight...but if I had to wear it tomorrow..I could. Crazy crazy crazy....does this mean that I may actually get down to a size 8??????? Even if it is just a bathing suit???????

We have a family member that has a drug and alcohol problem (on my husbands side of the family). He's been totally sober for the last few in a 'safe' setting. He moved away from that setting on TUESDAY into a place of his own. But just on Saturday night he went off on a binge...called us all drunk (and yesterday also). In the past I had no sympathy for him when I heard about it. But you know what.....having come to grips with my own addiction and how much of a pull it has on me.....I actually really feel bad for him. Yes, he is in control of his own destiny and I do not condone it at all...but how many times to I fail with my own addiction to food? Over and over and over. Yeah, I have to confront my addiction numerous times each day and an alcoholic can take steps to avoid the temptation totally....but when I fail, it's not life threatening (generally speaking) means I gain a few pounds. I just actually could really empathize with his situation, even while we were telling him on the phone that if he doesn't get himself straightened out, our support that we give him will end immediately. But it was just really interesting to view it from the perspective of having now freely admitting that I have an addiction also.

Woke up early this morning and rode the bike for 45 minutes. My calves are sore now. I guess it's a combination of yesterday and today's exercise. Who knows!

I'm determined to stay 100% on this plan today!!!! No ifs ands or buts!