Saturday, April 06, 2013


Failure.   I feel like I'm failing.  Within the last few weeks (maybe months) I have been so gung ho about my exercise routine.  I've been planning and plotting.  The list of things that I've committed to and planned for include:
* Complete the C25K running training (completed)
* Commit to running through at least August 9th to see how my body really give running (jogging) a fair shot . (which includes a 5k run in mid May and a 5k run on August 9th)
*  Continue with Zumba 3 times a week (more if I can make it to the gym)
*  Walk with Sherry 2-3 times a week.
*  Ride in Pedal to Preserve in early June (the 20 mile ride) This requires me to ride in preparation.
*  Ride the full length of the canal in September (184 miles)  Obviously this requires me to build up my endurance for 3 consecutive days of riding an average of 60 miles
* Complete the 30 Day shred...thirty days straight during the month of April
* Get to the gym

I committed.  I've been totally determined to see success and finish these things and knock them off my bucket list and/or feel a huge sense of accomplishment in myself.    The problem is that I work full time.  I do 99.9% of the housework (dishes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc) around the house.  Logistically it's possible.  Seriously..Yes, I can get up and three mornings a week I can ride my bike.  Three mornings a week I can run.   Three-four nights a week I can go to zumba and the other two nights I can walk with Sherry and I can round out the walking series with our normal Sunday morning walk.  And since I'm getting up early to bike ride and run....I may as well tack on the extra 20 minutes early in the morning for the 30 day shred.  I mean, why as heck not!    My life is pretty it could work.  It gives me a purpose.  Does it matter that I'm waking up at 6AM...and not getting home until after 8PM.....and then trying to rush around and do the housewifely things????

Seriously, is this healthy for me?  Will my body even hold up to this?    Is it feasible.  All day Friday Todd and I were out and about in Lancaster, PA and I pondered this.  It was forefront in my mind because my arthritic knees were really bothering me.  I was torn.  I don't want to quit.  I don't want to fail.  I've spent half of my adult life running from things and thereby failing.  I've spent so much time being a failure.  I don't want to be a failure anymore.   I thought about it all day and decided that I would just push through.  Who cares...push myself.  SO my knees hurt...I can do it.  No pain no gain right?

And then.......two things happened that threw me over the edge in the opposite direction (toward failure).

The first thing was a talk with my husband.  He made it clear today that he doesn't want to ride much this summer.  Even though this was the year that we agreed that we were going to bike the whole canal..... Even though he has been talking about how much he wants to ride in Pedal to Preserve.......
he has made it clear that it was the garden or the bike....and he wanted the garden.  I personally think we can do both....but well............I've been overruled so my plans will be shelved.

The second thing was the onset of the garden season.  Spring planting started today.   We normally have our spring plants in by now...but it's been super cold and the ground was super wet.  So we planted everything indoors and just today we spent hours outside working int he garden and getting everything planted into the garden. (OK, not everything...we still have a few things to put in)   Every year when garden and yard work season comes up I am totally blown away by how much time it takes.  (Yes, we have a HUGE HUGE garden....and then it will be canning and preserving the harvest).  Today we worked for about 5 hours outside.  My job today?  I turned the soil to loosen it for the tiller.  We had gotten a load of dried manure (it pays to be friends with farmers) so I shoveled the manure into the wheelbarrow and carted it to the upturned soil.  I then emptied out the compost bins and carted that to the upturned soil. Wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow.  Todd then came through it with the tiller while I worked on the next row.  Hours of shoveling.   When we got  row tilled, raked and set up (we had to put up fencing for what was going in) we planted the seedlings that we started indoors.  I didn't want to pull out the hose yet for this I filled  5 gallon bucket of water and carted that around...refilling numerous that I could plant the seedlings. 

I didn't get to any kind of formal exercise today.  I failed on the 30 Day Shred.  Yet, I worked my body harder and longer than had I completed the 30 day shred. Most likely tomorrow I'll be out in the yard again....finishing the prepping and planting of the spring garden.....working on prepping and working in the yard.  WORKING HARD.

I'm failing......but realistically I have to say that I can't do it all.    I am going to have to say that I can't do it all....I'm going to fail.  And it bothers bothers me greatly.   The 30 day shred is going to have to go.   I'm going to attempt it when the winter rolls back around and when I'm stuck indoors.  When I'm not overwhelmed with all the yard and garden  that crops up when you have a huge garden. The bike riding....well, I still want to ride my bike and it is still my plan to get a road bike and ride.  However, like my running, that will be on my own and I will not be training to ride in Pedal to Preserve nor will I be pushing to ride the canal on three consecutive days this year.

I will however, be sticking with my commitment to run 3 times a week.  I've made it this far...if I stop now when I go to restart running I will have to start at the beginning....and I do not want to do that.  I am going to put this desire to rest one way or another.     This is my time to run.

Zumba is not going anywhere.  I need that for the exercise and for the social aspect of it.  It is my stress relief. 

My walks with Sherry are not in question.  How many a week, well that has always been a thing of scheduling...but my walks are not in question.  Sherry and I need our girl talk time.

I will fill in my mornings/days where I am not working in the garden with either a workout DVD (I was doing a step aerobic DVD in March and was diggin' it) or a trip to the gym.   

I'm not quiting exercise...I"m quitting the insane schedule and commitment that I had laid out for myself.  I'm not failing........I am evaluating where I'm at and I'm succeeding in recognizing the need that it's not working for me and being willing to face that fear of failure and readjust my plans and goals.


On to different news.  Yesterday Todd and I were in Lancaster.  I kept samples at the food places to a minimum.  I drank water.  I did great.  We stopped at our favorite chocolate factory (Wilburs in Lititz, PA)  I did NOT buy any candy for myself.  Todd did...but not I.  I splurged and got myself a new hat.  I've been wearing hats when I workout.  (and turns out work in the garden also). My hair comes free with the activity and then drives me NUTS while it flops in my face...a hat keeps it under control and tucked away.  I felt very happy with my decision.  I didn't need the chocolate.  I got a long lasting hat/