pity party

My weight held steady today...exactly the same as yesterday. Still up, but I'm determined it's going to go down! I"m hoping that I can make a weight watcher meeting tomorrow morning so that I can get that pesky paperwork processed to make me officially a lifetimer. That will be a huge relief!

I got up and went to the gym. We were there just shy of two hours. I did over an hour of cardio and the rest of the time I did my strength training routine. Felt good! I've kept my eating under control today also....so that's a good thing!

Not much else happening. I'm feeling a bit of a pity party for myself. I had packed my dinner to eat at my parents house tonight....they went out to one of my favorite restaurants. However, it is a place that I struggle with. My packed dinner had some things that needed heated...so it would have not been easy to take it along....NOR would I have had the will power to resist the food there. SOOOOO I came home. Yeah, I cried the whole way home. I so wanted to eat with my family. And yeah, my brother doesn't get in often..but I have to stop the spiral of eating horribly!I had already eating my big meal of the day.... I had to make a choice.......I chose health...and it hurt! I just know that I couldn't afford to do it...and I would have hated myself when I was done.

Am I digressing?

I don't know what came over me today. Maybe it was something in the air. I dont' know. But, this morning Todd and I had an early morning appointment. We stopped at the Waffle House for Breakfast on the way home. I knew what I was goign to get. I had previously measured the size of their waffles...I knew exactly what I wanted. One waffle....I knew the points...etc etc etc. Well, we sat down and I saw the sign. "We now have Chocolate Chip Waffles". Mmmmm doesn't that sound good. I debated. I finally decided to go ahead, take the knock and live on the edge. I was getting the chocolate chip waffles. As I was waiting for the waitress, I made the mistake of actually looking at the menu. Wow...did you know that you pay 2.35 for one waffle and you can get a double for 99 cents extra??? Wow...99 cents. Before I knew it, I had ordered a double! No....it's not just a little bigger....it is TWO waffles! NO.....I didn't put one aside and eat two. I enjoyed every dang bite of those waffles! Well, at the end I was finding the chocolate and accompanying syrup too sweet, but I still enjoyed each and every bite!

It just goes to show me that I still really don't have control over what i am doing. I honestly don't know what happened to me. I saw it and before I could think, I blurted out that I wanted it. I really didn't want it...and I know that! However, I do know that I need to get this weird urge that just washed over me under control. I need to if I am going to win the war. I may have lost that battle...but I'll refight it over and over again during my lifetime I am sure! I need to win!