Tuesday, October 06, 2009


chocolate, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

GIMMEE!!! Will chocolate make the world a better place for me????? Probably not. Especially after I learned my lesson about using food as an 'upper' last night. But I will admit that I did have a 1/2 cup ice cream cup and I did add the chocolate from the bottle that you see in the picture (no, not the whole bottle). And I consider that a REAL coup! I'm wanting more food....comfort!!!

As if yesterday wasn't bad enough....today...on top of the issues from yesterday that are still there today, we got the call from that my husband's uncle was found dead in in his apartment. This is the last living relative from my husbands immediate family....he's lost everyone in the last 3 years. So just one more thing to add to the mix of emotions broiling around in this house.

I will not eat over my points....I will not eat over my points. I will control my eating. That is the only thing I can have complete control over. I will control my eating...that is the only thing that I can conquer! Cookies bad.....fruit good!

Eating doesn't make things better

Giving in and eating didn't make me feel better. In fact, it made me feel worse. It added to my blah icky emotional mood by making me disgusted with myself for caving and eating. What did I eat? Cookies. I had put the leftovers in the freezer.....and I remembered them and didn't just pull out one...I pulled out 4...popped them in the microwave and gobbled them up.

I do have to say, the other weekend when I was so determined to not let my emotions rule my eating. And I was determined to control my eating.....to control ONE part of my life. I controlled it and it really did give me a sense of empowerment. Even if it was only over that one small part of my life. Last night I caved....I had no control. I will admit.....I felt great for about 5 minutes (if that). That 5 minutes was coincidentally the 5 (if that) minutes that I was eating the cookies. But after that, my emotions just came back....and in a bigger way because I was then upset about eating.

Sooo my weight this morning 213.8. ARRGGHHHH

Stats for October 5, 2009

2 low fat homemade pecan sticky buns
Spinach Stuffed Shells
2 slices garlic toast
4 (or maybe 5) cinnamon cookies