Wait! Hold the horses! You mean I'm actually on here writing and it's only been 10 days between my last post and now? What in the world! It's gonna snow or something!
Honestly though, I jest about it ONLY being a week and a half since my last post but that is still pretty lame to go that long. As always, it's not because I don't want to. It's not because I don't have anything to say. (When have I EVER not had something to say.) It is plain and simple that I am so busy and so tired.
Busy and Tired
OK, sometimes I don't rightly know why I am so busy. It feels like I should have all the time in the world. I mean, I do work at full time job. Sure, last week my 40 hours stretched longer (not including the 20 minute drive both ways). But still, that shouldn't take up all this time. I am working on one or two writing projects....in my spare time. (So not too much in the last week.) Sure I have animals to take care of. But it just feels as if I am constantly on the go with no time for anything.
Exacerbating the busy feeling is this overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. I am just flat out tired. I will be in the kitchen making dinner when Jason walks in the house and he takes one look at me and says "You look whupped'. I can only agree. There has been nights where I get home and I just cry. Not because of any issue.....but just because. (OK, so I cry spontaneously when I'm tired.....over anything and everything. It's raining....well that might bring on tears. I can't find the ketchup bottle in the fridge......tears.) I've just been tired.
So why have I been so tired and so busy? The gym. I blame the gym. Or to be more specific, I blame my harebrained idea to sign up with a personal trainer. I told my trainer the other day that I truly believe that he must have been one of those kids that took a magnifying glass and burned ants for entertainment!
Nice enough guy. And honestly, just doing his job. He can't help it that I let my muscles disintegrate to nothing! But still....he's sadistic!
Personal Trainer
As I said, he is a bit sadistic! Literally. We meet once a week and then he wants me to do 3 work outs between our sessions. This past session I arrived and didn't have a water bottle. I don't take it to the hour session. I know me. I'm not going to drink it during the session. (When I link my strength workout with zumba I definitely carry it...because that's a two hour window). I used to rarely drink when I ran.....or when I went to zumba. In fact, if I'm just going to zumba, I take water but I RARELY drink even a sip. However, I do chug it when I'm done. That is just what works for me! (Yeah, I"m weird.....I don't deny it!) So trainer dude was like, "where is your water". I answered honestly and told him in my car....and reminded him that I wouldn't have drank it anyway and would have been a nuisance and if I got really desperate there was indeed a water fountain!. He flat out told me that his mission that day was to make me regret not having my water bottle. Ha. (And nope, didn't regret it.......even though admittedly I was thirsty and downed like 40 ounces of water in the half hour or so after I got home.) See, he is sadistic!
But......lets be honest. I am SORE after the workouts. He pushes really hard. Pushed me on some machines to the point of failure. He is finding out what my current limits are. Because once he found that, when he assigned my workouts for the week, I am lifting just underneath that breaking point. Fine by me because what's the use of lifting something so light that I is barely working. I am paying an ungodly amount of money for this trainer dude......so lets get the most out of it! But that pushing to the limit......seriously, Jason and I were out and about later in the day and I used the restroom while we were out and I told Jason when I came out. "I almost had to tell a lady in there to go get my husband to help me get up off the toilet!" I kid you not.. I was Sore! I didn't even sleep well that night because every time I moved an inch in bed my muscles screamed out in freakish misery! The next night I took an advil to allow me to get a good night sleep!
Trainer dude wants me eating 1600 calories. Typically I don't lose weight at a calorie budget of 1600. But I am listening to him and rolling with it. He wants me to up my protein levels. (ARRRGGGHHH I struggle with protein!) . And he has told me not to expect weight loss this first month.
The trainer dude wants me to do at least 3 strength sessions on my own each week along with at least 3-4 hours of cardio. So I have been continuing my zumba classes (Yeah, lets be honest, that was non-negotiable for me anyway, I like my zumba classes!) With the strength training, I may not push myself as hard as trainer dude does....but I am trying to push myself as hard as I can. Why? It's ungodly expensive and I need to make the most of it and not squander the time that I can afford to go. (Ok, ungodly expensive may be too over dramatic.....but yeah, just shy of $300 a month for 1 one hour session a week......more than I really want to spend!)
That said, what are my thoughts right now after two trainer sessions?
* I have flat out told the trainer that has the three month commitment that I signed up for to show me that it is worth the money! He seems confident that the results will come easily.
* I went into this trainer thing with the plan to be completely all in. So during my initial meeting and first sessions I was very open with him. I flat out told him my diminishing mobility and told him where I seem to be having the most issues. Yeah, he would have eventually found the weak spots, but by me telling him up front we saved a lot of time and he was able to go right to the crux and start working on that. It is the same concept of why I was OK with him pushing me to the point of failure each week.....it saves time and gets us to where my workouts NEED to be faster.
* We are going after my weak spots. So there is a lot of exercises to strengthen around my knees. It has been beneficial to have him walk me through the exercises as I am like "oh yeah, the knee pain kicks in at this point" So trainer dude usually can tell me to adjust the angle of my foot or leg or whatever and we try it again..usually with better results.
* While I don't like the pain and soreness, I know it's necessary.....and in some weird way makes me proud of myself.
* Somewhere, somehow in the last 15 years since I used to go to the gym regularly, I have become embarrassed about myself and how far I've fallen. When I used to go to the gym I marched in boldly and used the equipment and held my head high. Yeah, I don't do that now. That confidence is gone...and I didn't realize how badly it is tucked away and hidden (I refuse to believe it's gone) until this gym experience.
So why am I tired? I personally think it's a combination of two things. One, on top of the 3-4 hours of zumba I had been doing at the gym....I am now going an extra 4 hours a week. That puts a dent in my daily schedule. And secondly, I imagine my body is working overtime to repair and restore those muscles. I'm giving it a few weeks and then we shall see how I feel! Right now, I am just tired! So tired!
