Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Self worth

I have no idea where this post came from or why...other than maybe I just needed to say it out loud to myself.....

Loving ourselves....self esteem.

That's a really difficult thing to do sometimes. But it's so necessary because if we don't care and love ourselves, then we tend to not want to take the time and effort necessary to make the changes (and turn them into habits) for weight loss and a healthy lifestyle.

I've been kicked to the ground a bunch of times in my adult life. Starting with college when I was told by the resident director that people hated me...that 'people see you walking toward them and they move to the other side of the hall/street to get away from you'. Yes, that is a quote of just one of the many things that were spouted off to me. I sunk into a depression and actually believed what had been said to me. My friends gathered around me and told me time and time again that it was NOT true....and that it was the work of a jealous person that was good friends with the RD. I learned the value of TRUE friends...but it was still a real blow to my self esteem.

Fast forward through years of trying to get a teaching job....rejection upon rejection. A good friend stabbing me in the back. (not literally...quite figuratively). A job teaching that turned really really bad. That pushed me once again into a depression....and rocked me to the core, totally knocking my already fragile self esteem. I'm currently in a situation that is threatening to destroy what is left of my self worth. I'm struggling...I'm angry at God about situation...but I'm trying to not focus on that anger or the way that this situation is making me feel (worthless....unworthy...etc etc etc) and to take time for myself, to make sure I am at least operating daily as if I cared about myself.....It's a hard hard battle to fight....right now I'm just fakin' in.

That weight is holding steady thus far this week. I'm happy about that. I did my hour of zumba last night and I will go again tonight. This morning I bee-bopped around the house vacuuming, steam vac'ing the carpets, sweeping and mopping, laundry, etc etc etc. So at I'm getting my activity in. Thinking about trying to make it to the gym tomorrow morning! I've got to make exercise a priority in my daily routine!