Thursday, December 28, 2023

The Close of a Year and the start of a new one

​I for one am ready to say good riddance to 2023.  It’s been a crazy year….and full of stress and angst.  I can honestly say that the year has flown by though!  For this post, I’m not going to focus on the bad, the depression, the hardships and stress.  This is all about the positive, the good and the hopes for the future!

2023 in a nutshell

We started the year with Jason still healing from his run in with the axe.  I enjoyed having him in the house while I worked.  It was nice to have someone to chit chat with on my breaks/lunches.   It was also fantastic to have him home after work versus having to wait 2.5 hours after I get off work for him to get home.    However, when he went back to work it was a sigh of relief to have the return of his income after 6 months of being off work!

In January we got a dog.   Jason had told me from the very beginning of our relationship that he wanted to someday get another Newfoundland. 2023 was the year.  She was so cute and was 30 pounds when we got her!

She takes a LOT of time…lots of walks outside and lots of play time.  And she grew….she is now about 100 pounds and still growing.

We were able to get in some hiking, but not too much due to Jason’s injury and having a young dog.  (Recommendation is to not exercise Newfies too long or too hard in the first year of their life due to growth plates and joint development).    But we still got in some hiking.

We powered through the summer with push mowing our property again and we planted a small garden (bigger one coming in 2024).  And we finally got our barn painted!

It wasn’t a year full of crazy fun things…but we were busy!

Looking into 2024

I am looking forward to 2024.  I have not totally adopted the ‘I’ll start in 2024’ mentality.   I have started to watch my eating and been working to get back into the habit of tracking my food.  I have not recommenced with any exercise plan.  I was set to start and hurt my foot.  I limped around for a good week or so.  It still gives me twinges of pain but it is much better and if I watch what I do (low impact) I should be ok to start soon!

I have a slew of medical tests set for January.   I’m nervous about the results.  But am heading into them confident that all will work out.  One step toward taking care of me!

I’m not setting any fabulous goals and resolutions for 2024.  But I do have some plans and dreams for 2024.   Of course…get healthy is the biggest plan for the year.   I know what I would LIKE to lose in 2024. I know where I would like to be at the end of the year.  But I am not setting goals to be there.  I’m just saying that I am going to work to make 2024 my year to move toward those goals!  

So yes, exercise, tracking my food, exercise,  drinking my water…all of those healthy habits will be on the agenda for 2024.

The ONLY serious goal that I am setting for myself is to complete the goal of propelling myself 2024 miles in the year 2024.  I have done this in previous years and it really pushes me!  I don’t like to fall behind in my mileage!  One year I was done with my miles by September!  I have also challenged Jason to a mileage challenge.   We haven’t pounded out the reward yet…but a good friendly competition is always motivating for me.   (Hopefully he steps up to my challenge).     The goal of 2024 miles (bike, walk, run, swim, row…any miles count) is a good one for me…it keeps me focused and active!

I don’t know what 2024 will bring.  I don’t expect the depressive cloud to disappear overnight. But I am determined to focus on making me the healthiest and happiest version possible in 2024!

Tuesday, December 19, 2023

Why wait

​I don’t even know what to say.   I feel like a broken record when I talk about how difficult life has been lately.   I want to write cheery posts.  I want to write about fabulous stuff, yet it seems as if we are in a period of our lives where things are just…..difficult.  We just keep getting bombarded with more drama and trauma.  We are surviving it together, hand in hand. But my word, it’s stressful.

Some of what is going on is not my stories to tell so I won’t go into it here. What I will talk about is where I am at with some of the things that are my personal stuff…which I’m an open book so I will share.

My Health

A few months ago I wrote about how I ended up in the ER and was diagnosed with GERD.  I wrote about how due to poor/incorrect advice from my then family doctor that it had been unchecked and not managed for quite a few years.  I read up on it, found a new family doctor and I’ve been trying to manage it on my own for a while.  The medicine really doesn’t seem to help but I’ve been pretty good about tracking my food in my daily planner and actually tracking my symptom after I eat.   For example, I can do my cheerios for breakfast and no sign of a cough.  Same with a PB&j sandwich for lunch.  Two pieces of pizza one night was symptom free, but three pieces the next week gave me the coughs!  My Thanksgiving meal with Jason’s parents I was ok, but when I ate the leftovers I was not.    The takeaway this far?  It’s not as contingent upon WHAT I eat, but rather how much I eat and how fast I am eating it.  Sure, Italian foods (acidic tomatoey stuff) is also a bit more problematic…but I ate pizza and with a smaller amount I was ok.

So yesterday I had my first appointment with the gastroenterologists.  As I expected, they want to do an endoscopy to see if there is any damage due to this having been left unchecked for a few years.  They want to do a barium swallow to see exactly what is happening.   I am still on the protonix….but we have adjusted the protocol of how I am taking it.  I told the doctor flat out that medicine long term is not something I want and he told me that he agreed and would be happiest the day that I walked out of his office with no medic w prescribed.

Of course he can say that….he knows that my father passed away from colo-rectal cancer and that means that I will be a lifetime patient to get colonoscopies.   Of course I am scheduled for my first colonoscopy now too. 

Mental Health

My mental health is up and down.  Some days I feel on top of it.  I feel as if I can handle this thing called life.  But quite a few days I feel overwhelmed and lost.   The same stressors that I have been dealing with for the last months hit regularly and it doesn’t take much to push me into a ‘sad day’ where I am fighting the tears constantly…and where I struggle to put one foot in front of the other.  But I’m pushing through.  This dark and difficult period in life will pass….right?


It’s ugly!   So very ugly!   Ok, it could be worse, I haven’t gained weight.   But I’m not losing!    I shouldn’t be upset though.  It’s not like I’ve really put forth any great effort!   I mean seriously, have I tracked anything for calories?  Nope (I write down my food in my planner and write symptoms but I don’t carry it to counting calories).  Do I drink enough water each day?   Not really.  Some days I do better than others!   Exercise?  Ha, as if!

I want to lose!  I want to lose weight badly! I see the health issues around me (which is some of current craziness in life) and I know that my weight puts me at greater risk for bad health issues!   And let’s be serious, losing weight could possible fix my whole GERD issue.   I’m tired of hurting…because carrying around this extra weight is rough on the body!   I know I need to lose!

So obviously we know what my New Year’s resolution would be.  Hahahah.  But I’m not waiting for New Years.  Now is the time.   I started tracking my food….for caloric consumption as well as for GERD symptoms.  I haven’t started exercise yet, but I have taken steps to prepare for it (fresh batteries in the remote to turn on the tv….made sure my exercise area was cleaned).

I am planning on trying for the 2024 miles in 2024. I haven’t signed up for any official ‘race’…and I waffle back and forth about being official or doing it rogue on my own.   Time will tell!  :-)

I am going to make 2024 my year!!!

Life is tough right now.  I cry more often than not.  I’m sad a lot of the time.   But I’m not going to let life win! I have a lot worth fighting for.  Just look at this picture and it’s obvious that I have a lot to fight for!  :-)

Saturday, December 02, 2023

Time Flies

​how has it been a month since I last wrote anything?  It feels like yesterday!  I wish I could say that I was doing fantastic and had dropped weight, was always happy and felt confident in my job.  But I can’t.

My job.  What to say?  I am thankful to have a job.  I am so very grateful.   They have laid off people.  My team is a trial.   I am made to feel like I can’t to anything right.   The stress of that gets me flustered and that just causes me to make errors….a vicious cycle.   

I remain stressed about a few aspects of life. Can anyone say finances?   Jason being off work for six months with no pay really hurt it’s going to take quite a while to recover.

My health.   I am on protonic for acid reflux.  It doesn’t seem to help.  Some meals are worse.  Some things don’t seem to affect me.   I mean, my morning bowl of cereal doesn’t affect me!   But a girl can’t live on cheerios alone can she?   I also seem to be good with a pb&j sandwich at lunch….only the sandwich.  Adding anything to it is a crap shoot to the appearance of ‘the flux’.   I have decided to add a bit of probiotics to my life.   Maybe my gut health is playing a part in this mess.   So far no change.  Honestly, am I eating too much?  Am I eating too fast?  I’m trying to curb how much I eat and how fast…but I find myself shoveling food in.  It’s a bad habit that is proving hard to break.  I have an appointment in about 2 weeks with a gastroenterologist.  I needed to go anyway to have a colonoscopy (my dad died of colo-rectal cancer).   But one of the main topics of discussion at that appointment will be the GERD diagnosis and acid reflux.  Jason made a comment a few days ago…and it’s not something that I haven’t thought….he said ‘I’m wondering if you were misdiagnosed’. Since the medication isn’t touching it, it does make one wonder.  So I’m just waiting for the appointment with the specialist.

My weight.   Exactly the same.   I dropped weight the week after I was at the ER.  I felt so miserable I could t eat…and didn’t eat for about 3 days…and then for the next week I only at about 300-600 calories a day.  And I lost weight.  I was looking fabulous on the scales.  The following week I got back to it and ate between 1200-1500 calories and my weight went right back to the ‘unhappy happy weight’ that I am stuck at.   It is super frustrating!    I’m not giving up…tracking my food (for the Flux as well as for weight loss.  And I have vowed that I will get back to my daily workouts.  This journey to lose weight is so difficult.

So that’s where I am at…my angst and worries in life.   November flew by and I can’t imagine December will be any different.