Thursday, October 11, 2018

Friday fun: tired but excited

The end has come. It is Friday. I have finally reached the last day of work before my vacation starts! The end of my long wait has come. It’s been quite a while since I took an extended period of time off for vacation. (I am talking like more than two years…maybe three) this upcoming vacation is long overdue. To say I’m excited is an understatement.

Before I roll into vacation, I need to wrap up this week. (And get my last day of work done.). So let’s get on with it.

Highlights of the week

I work my normal schedule every day this week, and I stay busy every evening with working Through my list of things that needed to be done before vacation. What kind of things? We needed to clean out the car and his work van, (the  work van so that if his boss needs it, his personal stuff was out of it) laundry, packing, organizing… Etc. I am a list maker and us started gathering things as early as Monday night. It made for a busy week, But will pay off tonight and tomorrow morning when we just have last minute things to do versus running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to pack everything at once.

Eating for the week

I went off target this week.I want to say I did really bad. I kept my calories right around  1600 to 1800 calcal each day. It could have been a lot worse. But, it could have been a lot better. I don’t know what happened, one night I ate dinner and found myself ravenous before bed. One day I found myself exceedingly hungry at work. I did not binge on any of those occasions but I did indulge.

Weigh in  results for the week

The indulgence from my hunger...well I maintained at least!

Failure of the week

This weeks failure actually pertains to commenting on other people‘s blogs and replying to comments on my blog post. About a week ago I became unable to post any comments or replies using my iPhone. It doesn’t work on my iPad either. I can post on my computer and I did a test, and using Jason’s  phone and it worked just fine. I am frustrated beyond belief. I comment almost solely using my iPhone or iPad and have for years.  I do a lot of my reading and posting at times where I find myself having a few minutes, but not enough time to go get a computer or be near my computer.  Have I mentioned how frustrated I have been? I think I may have fixed it!!! (By downloading a different web browser on my phone...). But any other suggestions would be appreciated!


I have had lots of deep thoughts this past week.  Concepts and ideas  hit me in regards to weight loss and my healthy lifestyle that I am trying to create. There have been way too many for one post… They are written (for the most part) and will be posted while I’m on vacation. So stay tuned for my thoughts on addiction, sacrifices and One or two other thoughts that are swirling around in my head.

We have a fun vacation planned. We are spending some time at the beach. We are spending some time in the mountains. We have hikes and bike rides planned. On the agenda is a trip to Field  of Screams. And we plan on getting some relaxation in. The hotels are booked so I know for sure where we are going… The rest will happen as it’s meant to happen.

I know that there will be indulgences in terms of food. I also know that if history is any indication that the trip to the beach will result in one of two things… Maybe both.  There should be lots of walking and/ or lots of miles on the bicycle.

Of course there will be a recap post when I return. Until then…

Tuesday, October 09, 2018

An inspiration like no other

Throughout my weight loss journey I have come across people that have greatly inspired and influenced me.  While my drive and motivation to lose weight is my responsibility,  these people are what helps me to push a little go a little stay the course.  These inspirational people have come into my life at random times and through many different ways.   Sometimes it is a virtual influence....I might read  an article about someone’s weight loss success online  and it inspires me.  The inspiration sometimes may come from my friends who double as accountability partners.  I have even received inspiration from people that I call angels...random steangers that make comments and compliments...for me this is usually while out running.  Such as the touchy guy and the safelite guy. Inspiration is awesome!

The other morning when I was out running a song started to play in my headphones. It was a song that we  used in Zumba. Immediately memories started to flood  through  my mind. I remembered my first night at Zumba  and how I hid in the back room. I remembered the emotionally battered woman that I was when I started. I remember how I had to exert my independence and wishes within my marriage just to  attend Zumba. I looked back and could clearly see how my independence and confidence grew each and every week of Zumba. Zumba, was a life saver and a life changer for me.  My fitness level skyrocketed and I was inspired almost weekly with each and every class I attended. It wasn’t just the hour of exercise that changed my life and inspired me. It was one lady… The instructor.... Anita. (And yes, I was indeed crying while I was running and reminiscing... it was from the incredible onslaught of memories. Doesn’t everybody cry while they run?)

Anita. I don’t even know where to begin. This lady is just all around incredible.

Anita  is my mothers age, but don’t let that fool you. This lady can out exercise most people. I remember after one class talking to a group of people and we mentioned how the hour long class had been a real tough workout. We were blown away when we realized that Anita had already taught four such classes just like the one that had wiped us out....that day alone. Anita is constantly searching, learning and bringing new techniques and exercises to her classes.    She also practices what she preaches. When you talk to her or glance at her Facebook page you will quickly see and hear that she take the steps to secure her own fitness levels. She doesn’t just rely on the 20 some classes that she teaches to stay in shape...she works out on TOP of leading multiple classes. (I think at one point she told us she was teaching over 20 classes a week… but I could be wrong on the number.).  She leads her classes in a way that all levels of fitness are reached and made to feel welcome and pours herself into these classes.   She reaches everyone in that room, in spite of how she is feeling personally.  And we all work harder because of her example!  This lady is a true dynamo!!

Anita is inspiration like no other. I have seen this lady push through tiredness, pain and sickness to still lead a kick butt exercise class.  I have seen her dancing and exercising with what she suspected was a broken toe… She still stomped her feet in time with the beat!   Surgery/ Procedure on her hand earlier in the day that required her to keep her hand elevated? Anita didn’t cancel the class that day! She arrived, got on stage and lead that class with the same energy level that she always did. She did it all while  keeping her hand elevated for the whole hour. I even saw her lead a class with a case of stomach bug. What an incredible inspiration. She truly leads by example. It’s easier to push through the pain of a hard workout when you see your leader push through her pain.  ‘If she can do can I!’ When you have a leader like that, it makes you realize that you can push through and accomplish so much.

Have I mentioned how fun Anita is?  She makes her classes smile.  Holidays are always celebrated... She dresses for each holiday!!!
Yes, those are indeed her legs!!!

Last but not least, I want to talk about the compassion that Anita shows. She is very passionate about making sure that the attendees in her class get a good workout. But what really sets her apart from any other leader, is her compassion for each and every person in her classes. I can’t tell you how many times I arrived for my hour of exercise and received a hug and words of encouragement about life issues I was  facing.  One of the  best examples of her compassion was the last week before I announced my pending divorce in 2014. I was an emotional wreck and could barely hold it together. Anita took one look at me and gave me a long hug but didn’t say a word...just gave me her silent support. A week later  when I announced  that I was getting a divorce, Anita made this comment, “I could see the turmoil within you last week.   I could see that you were barely holding it together. And I knew the only thing I could do was hug you to let you know you weren’t alone and that whatever you were dealing with was something you had to wrestle with on your own.”  Once I made it public,  she was right there continuing to offer her support for me as I went through that difficult change.  How’s that for compassion?  But the compassion doesn’t end there,   I had to stop attending zumba due to schedule changes that prohibited me from attending her classes. Yet, three years after I stopped attending,  she arrived at the viewing when my father died. (I’m sorry for sobbing all over you when you hugged me that night… I was working hard to hold it together, seeing you and feeling your compassion gave me the much needed release for all that pent-up emotion.). Anita is the real deal.    If I can have half the compassion that she  displays, I will consider myself lucky.

This lady is the complete package.  Incredibly fit, tough as nails,fun and compassionate!  I have been blessed to have her in my life.  

A few years ago the local newspaper did an article about me and Zumba. It alluded to and talked about how Zumba had change my life and it even mentioned lightly the inspiration that Anita had on me.  But the article didn’t make it clear enough.   Anita has inspired me in so many ways.  I want to be her age and in the physical shape that she is in.   I push myself through aches and pains when I exercise because of her long lasting influence.   And I try to show the compassion and love toward others....the same behavior she has continually shown toward me.  She really is my inspiration.  And Anita, I thank  you from the bottom of my heart!

Monday, October 08, 2018

Exercise: when is the best time

How many times have I (we) said ‘“I’m starting my new routine tomorrow”?   Or on Monday, the beginning of the month, New Years?  Basically a plan to start at anytime in the future?   I know for me it’s been plenty of times.   

I have been writing a lot about my fitness levels lately. I’ve talked about how they are in the gutter and how I really need to fix it!  That was just one link to a plethora of posts...all within a few week period!  It’s been on my mind a lot!

I’ve worked out some thoughts and ideas in my mind...a plan has been created.  And I was ready to roll.....except one thing.   Do I want to try to start a new routine a few mere days before vacation?   Why start now?   Why not wait until our vacation week is over and I’m back in the groove.

My mind was warring on Saturday!  Why start my ‘new/old’ routine when I know that it will be not happening next week when vacation time hits!  Seriously...a waste of time right?  But then I had a different thought?   Starting now, right before vacation  might be good...I will roll into vacation on a high....I will be active on vacation.  (How can you not be active at the beach..which is the first few days of the vacation.....or the mountains which we will be visiting toward the end of vacation.).  There will be lots of walking, hiking and biking....and yes our bikes are traveling with us for this vacation!  And when I get back from vacation I’ll already be in the ‘active’ mode and ready to create new habits!

I eventually decided that there was no time like the present to start working to get back into shape.  Why wait two weeks?  True I won’t be able to get into a good consistent routine until after vacation (this week will be nuts as we try to get stuff done in the evenings to be ready to roll bright an early on Saturday.). But every little effort is a step in the right direction!  

So this weekend I laced up my shoes and I went out for a run!!!  

It was my first run since July 7th!  Almost exactly three months since my last run!  I went out with a bit of trepidation...I didn’t expect this run to be ‘pretty’ at all!  I expected it to be brutal.  I expected to have to walk a fair amount.  I expected it to be slow.

It was slow.  Very slow!  But I ran every step!   It wasn’t brutal at all.  It was actually a good run...with the exception of the really slow time. It was so good that I didn’t even take a picture!!!

Now is the time!!!!

We got a fair amount of walking in this weekend also.  And I even played around with photography a bit!

Friday, October 05, 2018

Vacation: the perfect motivation

I have written about motivation so many times. It’s crazy how many times I’ve probably written about motivation.   I wrote about it recently when I wrote tips for motivation   But it happens because  motivation is fleeting and ever changing.

In the past I have been motivated to lose weight for various reasons. Sometimes it was competition with a friend, once it was even a personal competition with an enemy who I didn’t want to show me up. I have lost weight to get into goal clothing. And I lost weight trying to make my ex husband love me.  I have probably been motivated by a gazillion and one different things. And that’s OK, because it worked.  

I have a few current motivations running through my mind. There are one or two things that I am not quite ready to share  here yet. But let me tell you, they are good reasons!

But a real big motivation?

We have vacation in one week!  We are planning and hoping for a very active vacation. I know that my fitness level will hold us back a little bit. I also know that my lack of fitness will mean that what I do, will cause me to ache. I am OK with that. However, we are starting to plan our vacation for next year. It’s going to be a big one.  I am not OK with passing on some opportunities that may crop up during that vacation due to my lack of fitness. Nor am I OK with pushing myself through and then aching  miserably for the rest  of the vacation. I WILL have my fitness fixed before then. How’s that for motivation?

Wednesday, October 03, 2018

Combating headaches

I keep vowing to start exercise and to get back in shape. I have the greatest and grandest intentions. But it seems like something always happens to keep me from starting and continuing the fitness routines.  Honestly, they are always valid excuses and reasons. We have had a lot of rain and that has kept us from getting on our bicycles.  We get home from work late.  We have also really struggled with headaches. Sinus pressure and allergy headaches to be exact. Debilitating on some days… And it take everything in us to just make it through the workday. Exercise gets pushed way far down the line in importance. I told you these excuses were valid.

This past weekend we were lounging around at home. We felt sluggish and exhausted. We had massive pressure headaches. The gorgeous weather? We forced ourselves to enjoy it as much as possible, but we felt horrible. That horrible feeling sparked a conversation between us....

When Jason and I first met, I was in incredible shape, probably the best I have ever been in. I was doing Zumba multiple times a week, I was walking a lot and I was consistently running., I was coming off of my training for the aborted half marathon. I do not remember any weekend that I had to cancel a hike because my head hurt or because I felt sluggish. In fact, many Saturdays I would wake up… Go for a 3 mile run… Get home push mow for an hour… Shower and then meet up with Jason to go hiking. I wasn’t kidding a few posts ago when I admitted that my fitness level is currently in the garbage can, because I don’t think I could do that right now.

That first year that Jason and I were together, we never had to cancel a hike because of his allergies. Oh yeah, he may have mentioned them in passing but they weren’t the debilitating kind that make you want to curl up in a ball and do nothing. We talked about this the other day. It was almost a year to a year and a half before his headaches kicked in really bad. Now I have mentioned that his headaches are allergy induced. So did we just luck out with easy allergy seasons up to now???  Maybe. However I think it has more to do with our fitness levels.

During that first year or two, we were hiking mad miles. In the afternoon and evening when we were free from work, we got together end went out for long walks. Miles of walking. Our relationship grew strong during that activity. Our bodies grew stronger during that time too. And I personally think that we were healthier and that our bodies were able to fight off the allergies and the symptoms that go with the allergies much easier.

Last week I was in charge of The morning inspirational quote at work. I chose two quotes from Theodore Roosevelt. While I was looking at them, I read a little bit about our 26th president. As a young child he suffered from severe asthma attacks. By accident, he figured out and learned that strenuous physical activity actually made him stronger and his body reacted in such a way that the asthma was contained and managed… It was under control. Some skeptics will say he just grew out of it, but he fervently believed in the strenuous activity… And strenuous living. Push oneself to the max was his belief. He actually lived his life strenuously… Choosing the hardest route and then reaping the greatest rewards.

Maybe I’m way off base here. Maybe the allergy seasons have just been that horrible the last two years. Maybe I have picked up allergies that I never had before. But maybe… Just maybe the fact that I have become a slug is playing a part. Well, do you know what? I can’t change how bad the  allergy season is… Mother nature decides that. I also cannot change how my body reacts to these pollens (not without medicine). But, I can change my fitness level.

Monday, October 01, 2018

You don’t see old fat people

A few weeks ago Jason and I saw a clip on tv about an eighty seven year old triathlete.  It was inspirational. So much so that I wrote about it a few posts back .   I wrote about it but it hasn’t left my thoughts.  

Again yesterday the one concept from his list of  attributes to his long lasting activity levels was brought up in a conversation.   That concept?  “You don’t see fat old people”.   Now when I think about this I am not talking about old as in 50 (since I’m going to be 46 this year, we are definitely not calling 50 old!!) or even 60...I’m talking about old as in 80 or 90.  Ok ok ok, there are probably exceptions to the rule...but these words ring true.  You don’t see overweight older people that are living life to the fullest....if you see older overweight people it’s typically ones that are usually struggling in some way physically.  

So as I get I want to be living life to the fullest?  Or do I want to be overweight and struggling?   The answer is obviously living life to the fulllest!!!

We went to the zoo and walked quite a bit this weekend.  It was a good time.  But after hours of walking?  I was so sore!   Just a few short years ago I was able to walk for hours upon hours and it didn’t affect my legs.  I was strong.  This zoo visit was an eye opener.  Because I know I have to get it fixed!  We are planning on going to Maine next year (Acadia National Park amongst other places) and it will be a very physical vacation with lots of hiking and biking and other activities.   I have about 10 months or so to really fix this problem...because I want to enjoy that vacation to the fullest!!!!

Friday, September 28, 2018

Check in

Rain rain go away!   I think I’ve talked about this before!   It was another rainy week.   That seems to be par for the course now.   It really does affect everything.   I feel more wiped out and sluggish and I know it’s the weather.   It also affects my lunch time and break time walks...because I can’t get outside as easily.  And of course there is no bike riding.   It was a standard week with nothing exciting to report.  But here’s the update.

My weight is doing the same thing it has done for the past months it pops up at the beginning of the week and starts to drop at the end of the week.  I’m staying within a loose range of weight so I’m not too upset....but I would like to see it drop.  I’m not eating mad amounts of food , I am in line calorie wise and I’m not eating tons of carbs (my nemesis).   

What exercise?

Victories for the week
I’m starting to feel more balanced again with my eating.  The sweet treats and indulgences are not ruling me anymore.  (As a side more straight up restriction for me!!). I feel like I’m back in a better place in terms of my relationship with food...not perfect by any means but I feel like I’m going in the right direction again.

Struggles of the week
Exercise!  I had such grand plans and nothing materialized!!!

So other than exercise it wasn’t a bad week...a maintain and one where I worked on that relationship between food and I!!!  

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Not giving up

I feel like I am spinning my wheels and getting nowhere!   My weight is not moving.  My best intentions for exercise and activity don’t pan out. I’m just spinning and twisting aimlessly in the wind!

Let’s start with exercise.  We decided and vowed to get back to our after work bike rides this week.  Starting Monday.   It’s Wednesday and we haven’t done it yet!  Why?   Well it’s a valid’s been raining constantly for days....again!   I vowed to get serious about walking on my breaks and lunch again.   And I haven’t.  Why?  It’s raining!  But then again I said I could walk in the parking garage.  Why haven’t I?   Well a comedy of day the sole of my shoe came loose and was only hanging on by a walking was loud and a bit dangerous as that sold flapped around. So stuff like that.   I had a thought the other day that I need to just wake up early and ride the bike trainer.  I vowed to do it on Tuesday...and forgot to set my alarm.   Tuesday night I remembered but the thought of waking up earlier (I was so tired) ...wellbit didn’t happen!!!

My eating is spot on!   I’m holding my calories right around 1200-1300 calories.   I’ve added in some protein at lunch as recommended by a friend.   My weight just sits within the same 3-4 pound range that I’ve been sitting at for the last almost two months!  

I know I’m on the right path.   My relationship with food and the aspect of learning to live with food and not let it rule me is my goal right now.   I don’t want to sit back and always eat bad but I also know that I need some indulgence in my life.   A healthy relationship is my goal.    I know my weight will catch up with my slow and steady efforts.   But until then...well I just have to keep my chin up!

Monday, September 24, 2018

Mental battles

A large part of this journey to health is mental. Or maybe I’m just a basket case...hahaha!  No,  it’s definitely a mental game. In the last three weeks I’ve had at least three mental battles that I can quickly and easily remember. I’d like to say I won the battle for all of them but alas, that’s not the case.

The first mental battle came after I broke the no sweet treat fast  The two weeks of restriction set me back in that healthy relationship that I was building with food.  I all of a sudden  was back to wanting the sweet treats  all the time...because I hadn’t had them. Sure, I knew that I could have them again and that I was not doing the restriction thing anymore. But holy moly try to convince my mind of that fact! It really has been a battle in my mind to try to remind myself that sweet treats are not forbidden, nor are they something that I need to eat like there’s no tomorrow… Because if I want I can have them again tomorrow. So, yes I did dive headfirst into bad food for those first couple days and that is a definite failure. Well, we’ll call it a half failure… I learned something very valuable about myself. What is that? Restrictions only makes me want it more! (absence makes the heart grow finder… Maybe not fonder in the case of food but it certainly does make the desire for it grow more intense).

Last Monday I went to see the doctor . The doctor was very happy with my blood work and worked with me to set a goal for weight loss. OK, in reality she did not work with me she just told me what she wanted me to lose in the next year. My year goal is 10 to 20 pounds. (I’m sure the lower number has something to do with the fact that I told her my slow, learn to live and just be healthier plan where I restrict nothing, which she liked and approved of.) But seriously 10 pounds? That’s not much for a year long effort. And here is where my mind started playing tricks with me again. So… 10 to 20 pounds… If I maintain for 10 months I only have to lose weight for two months of the year. My mind started to scream at me… I call these voices my “mini me”, and they were saying take a break, you got a whole year to lose a measly little 10 pounds and  don’t  bother counting calories this week...don’t bother next week either… start next month… Better yet start after your vacation in October. Yes, my mini me is very distracting and determined to derail me!   I know that listening to those voices is not the best option and plan for me… At all. But the thought was really hard to get out of my head. It’s been a mental battle.

Last but not least, Friday lunch. It was cool outside on my first break when I walked. It looked like it was going to rain any second. And I started to think about taking just one more day away from walking and eating my healthy lunch to grab and instead grab food from the cafeteria. I went back and forth for two hours and 15 minutes until my lunch break. One minute I was going to go to the cafeteria. The next minute I was determined to stand strong. The battle was fierce in my head. I looked at my calorie counter (MyFitnessPal) and I pondered. I did come up with an alternative little ground. I walked. I did eat my healthy lunch. And I allowed myself to buy a few pieces of Reese’s pieces. So it wasn’t a total victory but it wasn’t a total failure. The battles in my mind

The battles in my mind are the worst deterrent to lose weight. I wish there was a nice way to stop those voices that tell me to go ahead and eat, or to skip my walk. But they’re not easy to eradicate.  Will power, will power, will power.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Fitness level check in: it’s not good

A few years ago I used to be relatively fit. Something happened though and I find myself in a very unhealthy place or rather unfit place.  I’m not talking about my weight (although that needs to change also).  I’m not even talking about the healthy/unhealthy foods I may or may not eat (although I actually eat relatively healthy).   I’m talking about muscle tone and the capability of my body!

While my doctor was totally satisfied with my numbers from my blood work and labeled me as pretty healthy despite my weight, I am not fit!

Three, four, five years ago I was fit. I was still overweight, but I was incredibly fit. It was nothing for me to go to back to back to Zumba classes and work out for two hours straight! And usually, in the morning before the Zumba, I had gone out and  run a few miles. I was capable of doing amazing things. I remember one day many years ago riding my bike for an hour or two , getting home and going for a three mile run.....just because.  

When I met Jason I was still running and going to Zumba and  as I started to hike with him it was easy...because I was in shape.   Thank you Zumba!   But then my beloved Zumba class ended .  I couldn’t find a class that worked with my schedule so I lost that exercise outlet.   I didn’t see a difference immediately....we were still hiking heavily...and walking mad miles every evening, so I was still moving.  I thought I would be fine.

I started to notice a difference about 9 months later...I didn’t feel as toned and strong.  But I was still moving and active.   We added biking into our repoirtoire.  I should have been fine...right? Maybe...maybe not!!  

A change in jobs and we didn’t get out as much...and I couldn’t run as often.  And it all went to pot!

I am appalled at the shape I’m currently in!  My body protests at the simplest things.  I still push myself forward.  I still am riding (when the weather cooperates...which hasn’t been frequently in the last weeks) and I still walk as much as possible (with a few days skipped here and there) at work. But my body aches when I body ached after just a few hours of walking at the fair    My body is not thanking me for taking care of it!!!

We saw a clip the other night on tv (it was part of some show on human bodies on PBS) and they were talking about an 87 year old triathlete.  Yes.  You read that right!   87 and actively competing AND finishing triathlons and Ironman competitions.   I looked up his website  and he had some words of I am including goes to Lewis Hollander

2. Go hard, live long.
3. Go anaerobic every day.
4. Eat well, fruits and vegetables with abundant supplements
5. Set your plans well in advance and have achievable goals.
6. Have a stress free relationship.
7. Keep socially active and interested in life and it’s challenges.
8. There are no fat old people so watch your calorie intake.

Use it or lose it....yeah, I’m losing it!  

I know I need to do something!  My work days are long and busy.  But I know that’s an excuse.  Jason and I were talking and we have vowed to get back to riding after work each day (those  really hot days followed by a week or two of rain derailed us). But even if we get derailed by weather (and darkness when the time changes) I have a bike trainer .  (Amazon Affiliate Link)  It’s even set up with my old TRek! 

So that’s one step.  We are talking about doing some serious hiking this winter...which includes purchasing a new year pass for the Shenandoah National Park (we will most likely pay  the extra 25 bucks and get the National Park pass for all parks).   I would ultimately like to run a bit also...   so lots of activity forecasted.  But the other component....I NEED to add some strength training back into my daily routine!!   It doesn’t need to be huge and heavy.  I was toned through Zumba...and that mostly relied on my own bodies resistance and not heavy weights.  I can actually use the stability ball  (Amazon Affiliate Link) that I have..which is already blown up!!  I can also use the “perfect push ups(Amazon Affiliate Link) that we have (Jason had them...I’ve not used them yet!).  I can do it!  I just need to make it a priority AND a habit in my daily routine!!!

Things need to change!   

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

By Request

This Wednesday post is going to be some requested information, some updates and maybe one or two random thoughts.   The requested info is pictures of my dollhouse.  The updates are the results of my doctors appointment and the aftermath of the no sweets two weeks.

Doctors appointment 
My doctors appointment went well.  This appointment was to get appeal paperwork  signed  so that my health insurance cost is manageable!  I wasn’t eligible for the ‘non-obese’ discount without the paperwork signed by my doctor.  She did sign it.  I will have an answer in a few I’m still on pins waiting to get approved for my appeal.   But back to the visit.   I  told her exactly what had happened when my father died   (I dove headfirst into unhealthy eating and gained a fair amount of weight in a very short period of time).  I told her honestly that I was working on it..and was almost back to the weight that I was at before my fathers death.   I was very open about my accountability plans (friends that I email...this site...challenges that I am part of) and I told her about my daily tracking and weigh ins.  I also told her my current belief that I want to take this really slow...and restrict nothing...even if it takes me longer to lose because I do randomly eat some cake...or funnel cake at a fair..   I also admitted that the day before I went to the fair and indulged in some funnel cake....and that I wanted more but I had said only ONE  indulgence at the fair and how I was so careful about my decision...circling all the food venders before making my choice!   She was happy with that attitude.  She was in total agreement with everything.   She signed the paperwork, set a goal of 10-20 the next YEAR....and told me that since my recent blood work (I took the results of my work health screening blood work) was all good that I could just skip my yearly physical and just come in in about 9 months (instead of November when I was due for my annual physical).   So a really good report!

Sweet treats
After my two weeks of disallowing the sweet treats...I have struggled to find the balance again.   Not having them made me want them all the time!!! So I have indulged EVERY night since allowing them again.  My mind went back to the ‘it’s not allowed so I better gobble up everything I can’ mentality.     I am working on getting back to the point of saying ‘I don’t need them...I can have them anytime...but I don’t need them all the time!!!  Basically I need to regain my foothold on the healthy relationship that I was building with food.

I have been spending a lot of time on my dollhouse.  So by request, here are some updates pictures!   The kitchen and bathroom are mostly done...the bathroom can be seen on my dollhouse blog.  Wow, I just glanced at those pictures and they need to be updated too...I finally got the trim up in the corners and around the ceiling!  The blog does have some posts about the kitchen but there are no completed pictures (as far as it is currently completed) on there...yeah I need to fix that also!   I didn’t take new pics of those rooms because they are kinda ‘construction zone’ looking right now as I do major work on the other rooms...not to mention I’ve been sanding floors so it’s really dusty.  I’ll update the pictures soon though.    So for now I’ll talk about the rooms  I’ve been working on one at a time

Master bedroom

It is papered (trim is not up) and the flooring hasbeen laid and sanded.   I’m waiting to get the other floors completed before I stain...I’ll do all the hardwood floors at the same time to get a consistent color!  The little turret room is still a question.  (the little room on the right of the pictures). It’s too small to carry off a cradle....or the desk I have.  I thought about bookshelves along  the walls...but I’m just not sure. Lots of small touches to add for this room! Such as bedding, throw rugs and those little touches that make it look ‘real’ and lived in.


The hallway is papered and the floor is laid and sanded.   (Pardon the messy bathroom off to the right..some of the items have fallen off the shelves and is laying on the floor!)


The floor is laid but not yet sanded (you can see the difference between that floor and the hall floor in the picture) the wallpaper is up but needs some work as it didn’t adhere well and started to come loose (by the window). The rocking chair is painted and the crib has been constructed/made and needs to be sanded and painted....white also.   I need a dresser...bedding, curtains....and all the fun little things for the nursery!

Living room

Lots of painting has been done.  The wall behind the steps will be papered to match the hallway upstairs...(which is why the corner paint is not crisp and clean lines).  Flooring will occur soon...and the fireplace needs sealed and the stones weathered to look used.  I have no idea on the furniture in here yet....I do have a radio cabinet that will work in this 1950’s themed house.

I have lots of projects in my many little time (and money)!  But that’s the fun of dollhouses!!!

So life marches on.  I’m still here working on my weight...working to find the balance between living life and being healthy.  I’m still working on the dollhouse.   I’m still holding on.   But right to work I go!!!

Monday, September 17, 2018

Today’s the day

It’s Monday!   And there is no work for me today.  I have the day off!   I have plans and I’ll be on the go all day!  Just as busy as a normal day...busier probably!  

The weekend was fun.  

 I spent a LOT of time working on my dollhouse!   Much progress was made!  The nursery has been papered and flooring laid.   The living room has been started also....lots of painting happening there!   I have also started the process of making a crib.  Yes I said making!   I decided to try my hand at making my own furniture...a crib.   Hey, why not?  So all of my pieces are cut for that....and the forst step is glued and drying!!!  (Probably dry...but maybe I’ll have time to glue the next step before I head out this morning!!!). I’ve got the bug to work on it again!!!

We spent most of Sunday roaming around “The Great Frederick Fair”.    We checked out all the fair entries....roamed the barns....circled the midway...checked out the venders.   And when we had completed one complete circuit of everything, we did it again!   And again.   Until we were absolutely wiped out!!!

I chose to allow myself ONE fair food indulgence.   I chose a funnel cake.  It was good..and I didn’t eat the whole thing. 

I didn’t drink enough and it was hot!

My weight is way out of whack today.  Grrrr!  I know why it’s out of whack, but that doesn’t make it any better...because today is my doctors appointment for that appeal for my pay quite a bit less on my health insurance!

This weekend we stopped by my mom’s and I also stopped in to visit my brother as he recovers.  Recovers?   Yes he is an avid bike rider.   On Labor Day he was out riding with a group of people and had an accident.  (Nope...not hit by a car...which was my first thought when I heard he was in the hospital.).  He broke his pelvis and had surgery but is home now.  He is doing REaLLY well!  Much better than I thought he would be doing.   

But why did I bring this up?   Because I want to be like him!  (Ok, I’ve always wanted to be like my amazing brother...cuz I had one of the best brothers a girl could ever have!).  But this instance?   My brother bikes a LOT!  Day in and day out he is out on that bike pedaling mad miles!    He is in incredible shape and you can see it...but two stories highlighted it...and one in particular hit me...

The first story was about how he was in the ER and had been there for hours.   He closed his eyes and started to drift off to sleep.  And the monitors started to sound an alarm.   Why?  He was just sleeping!  It turns out that his resting heart rate is really low because of his incredible fitness level and  it set off the monitor!  Isn’t that nuts? 

But the second story is the one that got me.   The EMS that arrived after they called 911 was  trying to get my brother up and walking...advising him to ‘walk it off’. Now seriously, he rides 8000-10000 a  miles a year.  That’s a lot of don’t do that without pain and lots of aches.   But my brothers comment.  ‘I do pain for fun’. (In regards to his long rides).  And THAT is the comment that has stuck with me.   He is in amazing shape....but he runs TOWARD pain in order to get to that point.  Most of us shrink away and retreat from the aches and pains of bettering ourselves.       He runs toward the constant Aches...not the pain of a broken pelvis!). It’s a different mindset...and one I really need to ponder more fully in regards to my personal quest for health!!!

And finally..some fair pictures!

Friday, September 14, 2018

The results are in!!!

Another week bites the dust.  I am so ready for the weekend and HOPEFULLY some sun.   No, we don’t have any plans, but we will surely come up with something!!!  The work week was, well....ho hum, which I guess is good.

It was really rainy this week and I really missed my lunch break walks at the beginning of the week.  I braved the overcast and threatening skies and walked when I could, so I got in two lunch walks.  They were muggy as all get out but it felt good to walk and get some fresh air after being cooped up for days!  One one of them it started to sprinkle right at the end of the walk.  So I consider myself lucky that I didn’t get wet on my walks!   The forecast is actually not too bad for the weekend.  However, it’s been so wet that anything outside is going to be a waterlogged muddy mess, so that limits us a bit.    Sadly, the forecast for next week is not looking pretty.  Oh well.  Nothing I can do about it!!

Victories for the week:
A while back I had made a statement that I could go without a sweet treat for two weeks.   I put my money where my mouth was and actually completed the two weeks.  There were some moments that were difficult. (Honestly,  the edible cookie dough I made for Jason was the only rough thing I encountered...making it AND seeing it in the fridge for the next few days just about killed me....and yes, I’m being a bit melodramatic with the ‘killed me’ comment!). But I was victorious...I actually made it 16 days before I broke!

Lessons for the week:
Denying myself something made it a huge deal in my mind.  I was; before the ‘no sweet treat experiment’, doing fine with denying myself the sweet treats with just an occasional indulgence.  Once I started the challenge, having a sweet treat was ALL I could think about!  I thought constantly about what I was going to have when I broke my sweet treat fast.  I planned and plotted.  My mouth watered thinking about it.  It was a huge deal.   So it made me realize that for me, very definitively; restriction does not work. 

Failure of the week:
I managed to stay within my caloric range all week long.  Actually I was even at the low end of that range.  My night I wasn’t really hungry but the food was so good that I kept eating, and eating, and eating. And ended up feeling miserable and sick ALL night long and even midway through the next day.  I failed to listen to my body!

I am showing about a half pound loss.  That is with no sweet treats and staying within my calories.  But’s a loss!!!!  (The pattern is still there...I didn’t pop up on the scales last weekend but I sat and maintained all week and on Friday showed the loss..go figure!)

So, my sweet treat exile didn’t make much of a difference....(ok I did drop a half pound so it did play into it...but I didn’t have any mad loss). Thus,  I’m going back to reclaiming my quest for a healthy relationship with food.  That means sweet treats are not out of the realm of possibility...just not every day!    I’m going to keep pressing forward to make me the healthiest version possible!

Tuesday, September 11, 2018


I want to lose weight.  I need to lose weight. There’s no way I can deny that I’m overweight. My work even tells me I’m overweight through a  health screening  that they do yearly.   I resent the work reminder though.  I resent it a lot!

OK, let me explain the work insurance. We have the price of our insurance which is quite pricey.  We get a ‘discount’  if we sign a statement saying that we are tobacco free and if, during the yearly health screening we either show a weight loss or we are in a healthy weight range. Last year since I was a new employee I was exempt from the health screening. This year I am subject to these rules. So my weight has been on my mind a lot and has been since my health screening.  I do have an appointment with my doctor. Hopefully she will sign the appeal paperwork so that I can still afford health insurance.

I resent this policy. Not for the reason you might think. I know I’m overweight and I know that causes health problems which is what makes the added money on the insurance. What I resent, is the fact that I am really working to overcome the diet mentality. I am really working to overcome that big focus on the number that the scales show. I resent the fact that my work is forcing me to think about it and worry about it. I resent the fact that this policy makes me want to crash diet.

I got back on track this summer and I was losing...slowly but surely.  And then this health screening came into play.  Is it a coincidence that my weight loss stopped right then and there?   Maybe...maybe not.  (I also think it might be partially due to my out of whack female cycle...along with the stress and change of focus!)

Following the health screening I made an appointment with my doctor to try to get an appeal for this added expense.  (I see her next nine day) I am worried.   I saw her a week (almost to the day that my dad died) and I weighed a few pounds less than I weigh right now.  My dad died and I gained 30 pounds, overnight.  (Ok not overnight...but within a month.). So with all this worry about the insurance and my weight,  I started to stress and I started to think about crash diets!

I wanted to crash dirt so bad!   But I didn’t.  I stayed the course but I stopped losing....however....I maintained!  With two weeks left before the appointment,  I broke my ‘stay the course’ and decided to cut sweets for the two weeks.   Yes I allowed the stress to overrule my common sense!!  

I am a week and a half into my no sweet decree.   I am determined to complete it...if even just to prove to myself that I can!  It’s a test of my willpower and I WILL win!   But that said, I resent the fact that I did it!   I was actually  working on accomplishing a healthy attitude toward sweets...and this two weeks of restriction have made me crave and think about these sweets MORE than I did before!   I am serious, I sit and think about what I’m going to eat first when I break the sweet treat-fast!  My mouth waters as I think about it!  (I’m thinking it will be edible cookie dough...I made some for Jason during this stint...and I’m very proud that I didn’t even lick the spoon!!).   

I’m working on developing a healthy relationship with food. I’m working on developing a healthy relationship with the scales.  I’m working on building a healthy life.   And I have allowed the stress and the work insurance policy to push me backwards in my learning process because they are indirectly pushing me..    I will finish off the two week moratorium on sweets (’s only until this weekend), but then I’m going back to exactly what I was doing before.  Allowing myself the occasional indulgence...IF it works into my calorie count for the day.    Back to the basics...and hopefully back to the slow but steady weight loss!!!

Monday, September 10, 2018

Rain rain go away

Ahhh we are again!   You keep coming back...and I don’t particularly like you!   But alas, all weekends must end.  

Weekend Shenanigans

Well honestly, we didn’t have wild and crazy shenanigans this weekend.   

We got home on Friday night... about 3 or 4 minutes before I got home the skies open and it started to pour down rain.  No worries.  Friday nights are our order for delivery,  pizza and wings night.  We stayed in and watched tv and relaxed after the work week and long days.  

Saturday....what can I say?  It poured!  Yup, all day it was a deluge of rain.  We got out and did our grocery shopping and a few other stores just for fun. But it was just a day to be lazy.

Sunday… Were you expecting anything different? It wasn’t. Rain, rain, rain! First of all;  it limits your choices on what you can do when it’s this rainy. We did get out a little bit on Sunday also but just running from the car to a building and we were drenched. Plus, this dreary weather just made us want to curl up on the couch, watch movies, and play games. So that’s what we did.

OK, I did have a bit of productivity. I worked on my doll house.  I started to sand the floor of the master bedroom and I wallpapered and laid the flooring in the hallway. (With the exception of one small piece that needs to be cut and trimmed for a quarter.).

Weigh in results

So far so good, this might be the week that I am able to smash the pattern.  I am talking about that pattern that had been happening on the scales for me. The pattern being that I show a low weight on the weekend  but by Monday I’m back up. This week, I have been able to maintain all weekend… Even this morning!!!   Quite frankly, I was worried about this morning because I ate a lot of chips last night. They were accounted  for in my tracker, but chips are high in sodium. Coupled with the sodium is the fact that I drank  very little water yesterday.  (Bad me!)


Nonexistent. Other than getting out and walking in the mall and stores, I have done nothing. In fairness, those walks were very deliberate because we knew we needed to do something. They count right? Ha ha Ha

So, this weekend was a bit of a bust for everything except my eating habits. And quite frankly, this upcoming work week looks like it may also be a bust for movement and exercise. (Lots of rain) That’s OK, weight loss can still happen in the  kitchen with my food choices. I’ve got this!!!

Friday, September 07, 2018

Friday review

Happy Friday!   I am so thankful that this hotter than blue blazes week is just about done!   Especially since the weather forecast is calling for a break in the heat and humidity.  The week was rather lackluster in most ways that count.  Nothing exciting or earth shattering to discuss.  

Victory of the week:
About a week or so ago, I decided to go totally without sweets for a few weeks to see what would happen.  I don’t plan on doing it forever...I do plan on going back to the random every once in a while indulgence...because that is a more sustainable lifestyle for me.  But hey...a few weeks sounds doable. 

I have held absolutely firm on this.  One evening I was having a banana with peanut butter and I was so ready to drop some chocolate syrup on top.  The syrup was in my hand when I realized that the chocolate would take my healthy evening snack into the realm of ‘decadent sweet treat’.  I put the syrup back.   The hardest evening was the night that I made a batch of edible cookie dough for Jason!  I wanted to cave!  I wanted to sneak a little bite!  I struggled to not lick the beater from the mixer or the spoon.   But I resisted!   I can tell you though...that just may be the treat I break my self imposed sweet treat fast with when my pre-determined time frame is over!!!

No matter what the scales say...loss, gain or maintain...I will refrain and make my goal of two complete weeks without a sweet treat!  (It actually is longer but I didn’t start paying attention and make my official vow until last Friday)

So a victory!  A huge victory over my addictions!  

Struggles of the week:
The heat!  The heat made riding our bikes pretty much non-existent!   It made walking outside on my lunch break and my 15 minute breaks absolutely miserable.  It just sucked the life out of me (us).

My calorie count was spot on all week long!  (With the exception of last Friday...we order pizza and’s my cheat meal!!!)

My carbs were a bit more than normal, I felt. But according to the macros workup in myfitnesspal, I was under goal most days on my carbs.

So the big question, how is my weight?   As I mentioned previously, I gave up my occasional sweet treats, so I was excited to see my weight drop! Well. All week long I maintained and saw no drop!  

My week wasn’t a bust!  There were some definite good parts and victories!  Hopefully the cooler weather  that is forecasted will help us get back out on our bikes!  And maybe...just maybe, the weight on the scales  will finally really start to consistently show my weight loss efforts!

Wednesday, September 05, 2018


I wrote  about fear the other week when I was getting ready to announce my book being published and available for purchase. I touched on the concept of fear, but I knew that I had to just get out and say what I needed to say about my book and I didn’t go into depth on the fear aspect. Since then I’ve had lots of thoughts on it and I thought it was time to share.

Fear is paralyzing. There is no other way to put it, it will stop you dead in your tracks. No matter what you think it is huge. When you allow your mind to buy into the fear and except it as a valid fear you are just feeding it. By feeding it, the fear grows bigger and bigger in your mind. Honestly, you have to get to the point of saying I’m not going to let this fear rule me and rule my decisions, my beliefs, thoughts and actions. You have to say, “I’m scared senseless but I am going to do it anyway.” You have to say, “damn the fears” and go full steam ahead.

With that said, Those fears that have paralyze me? The ones that I have faced? When I faced them, it turns out that those fears were silly!!!  I conquered them all like a champ and nothing bad happened!!  I was really proud of myself actually.   And...I was also chagrined to remember how huge these fears had become in my mind!  Seriously!!!

This mountain bike thing is one of those instances where fear threatens to overtake me. I’m afraid of hurting myself. I am not naïve enough to think that I’m never going to go down on one of these mountain bike trails… And by go down I mean wreck. Slowly though, I have noticed something. I will be out on a trail and well maybe not handling it like a champ, I am holding my own at least. But then I allow my fear overtake me. And that is the exact minute that the bike ride becomes difficult. That is the exact moment that I began to struggle with the ride!  The fear paralyzes me and convinces me that I can’t do it. No I’m not saying if I was fearless that I could handle every feature on a trail, quite the contrary I know my limitations. However, when the fear takes over in my mind it diminishes the skills that I do have.

Fear is a crazy thing. We all face here at one time or another. The question is this, are we going to push through and conquer or we going to shrivel up and let that fear BD hindrance that makes our life not as full and complete as it could be.

Monday, September 03, 2018

Healthy Living

Happy Monday!  No work for me it really is a happy Monday!

Once again, we have had a lazier weekend.  We had been planning on going away for the three day weekend but our plans fell through.  It was probably a good thing. One night I slept in a few hours later than normal..and then napped on and off through the day!  It was just one of those weekends again I guess.  I'm still in relaxation no utterly deep thoughts today!

My weight has thus far held steady and is maybe even dropping a bit.  I'm pretty happy with that.  (Even the holding steady part!).  I am still weighing myself daily though.  It works for's a habit and a touch point for me...I know every morning how I am doing!  The 3 pound range is working for me.  I do NOT like my weight to be higher than my lowest weight, but I am ok as long  I'm in that three pound range.  There have been one or two days where I popped over that three pound range and it really made me focus on what I needed to do!  While I want to be losing consistently, I am happy with this plan!  It keeps me focused and it is setting me up for a LIFETIME of maintenance!

I am really working to make a plan that works for me.  One that I know will be doable for a lifetime...that's why I'm NOT giving up pizza and cake.  That's not doable for a lifetime.  I tried it before and I lost weight, but I regained because it wasn't doable for long term.  So I have adjusted myself away from total deprivation to something that may be a slower loss, but will benefit me in the long run.  Some things though, worked for I'm slowly trying to reinstitute them. 

When I started to think about some of the things that I was doing when I was losing.  One of them was that I was part of challenges.  I was a part of some challenges at various of which was in the community forums on Myfitnesspal.    (and a few other places).  I recently joined a challenge...but it's harder for me to get the pictures taken that I need for that challenge.  (I know...excuses.)  But it made me start to think about myfitnesspal.  I wondered if they still did stuff.   I finally made my way to the community forums and checked it out.  And what did I find?  Golly Gee!  They  have some community run challenges!   I joined the Biggest Loser challenge. It is individualistic...and also team hits both fronts.  It only requires me to weigh in on MY chosen day!   There are mini challenge options....simple stuff like posting daily if I track and exercise.  I couldn't wait to start!  So I am working on that now too!

Jason and I had a long talk yesterday while we were out and about about my weight.  He is an awesome guy and offered to refrain from having the sweets and snacks in the house...or to hide them. I honestly said NO....I don't want him to have to hide and sneak food.  The food issue is MY problem!    I did honestly ask him to help me get in at least 20-30 minutes of activity each day. I will talk myself out of doing it....but if he is there gently encouraging me to join him....I will most likely drag my sorry butt out!    He is on board 100% with that plan and that cry for help....but not before reminding me that he doesn't need nor want me to lose weight.  He loves me just like I am!  But he did say he is on board so readily because he wants me to be the healthiest version of me!  Yup.....I tell ya....I found me a good guy!

So that is where I am at......working a weight loss challenge......having the love of my life offering to help me in any way possible.  And just slowly working at this thing called HEALTHY LIVING! (nope, not a diet!)

Friday, August 31, 2018

The battle in my Mind

I was driving to work the other morning and started to think about where I am in this weight-loss journey and I was filled with mixed emotions. I have mixed emotions about where I am, where I’ve been, what I’m doing and everything. For me, the best way to work things out is by putting you down in black-and-white. So here goes.

I am still immensely proud of myself for what I have accomplished in the weight-loss arena. How many people can say that they were once over 300 pounds and lost down to where they were considered healthy and the perfect weight  (according to my doctor I was right in line) I am proud of that fact. But, on the flipside I am embarrassed to be the weight that I am right now. I know that the weight regain is all my fault. I can attribute stress of a divorce, changes in life, and a whole variety of other life situations as reasons why I regained…excuses.   But I am the cause!  What conflicting emotion!   Pride wars with self shame!

I want to lose this weight fast! Who wouldn’t. I did the restriction thing before, and it does work. (Obviously since I lost well over 100 pounds). I’m not restricting my diet this time, well  I’m not instituting major restrictions.  Consequentially, the weight loss is much slower this time around. I am not having the 2 to 3 pound loss each week like  I had the first go round with this weight loss journey.  However, I am also still eating pizza, ice cream, cakes and candy.  It’s just in moderation!   It’s slower.....much slower!  But that is where my mixed emotions come into play.  I have a friend on weight watchers who lost about 10 pounds in August!  (Go Julie). I have lost 12 JULY and August!    I vacillate between the desire to knuckle down and strictly  re-strict and lose this weight  fast (relatively) and the desire to stay the slow and steady course. I have chosen this course simply because the fast (faster) way worked short term, but it didn’t teach me how to live and still have a balance with the foods I love.  (Cakes, candy, pizza, etc).

Now if I have learned anything from writing a weight loss blog over the past 13 years, I have learned that best laid plans are subject to change!   I have written extensively about a belief or idea only to a year later do an about face and go down a different path.  Life changes, our bodies change as we age, our circumstances change and with those changes come alterations in our plans and beliefs.   I’m ok with that. What is working today may not work tomorrow.  Right now, even though I am vacillating in my emotions on my path, I am continuing forward with the belief that my path is teaching me long term eating habits that will set me up for a lifetime of healthy eating along with a healthy weight.   

So the warring emotions?   Let them battle...I’m still pushing forward on my chosen path!   Health is the end result, that’s what matters!!!

Victories from this week:
* I made cheesecake on Sunday...I ate NONE!
* I made cookies on Thursday....I didn’t stuff myself full of cookies!!!!!(in fairness I had two..maybe three...small cookies)

Trouble spots this week:
* I have discovered a delicious edible cookie dough recipe.  (I sometimes wonder if it’s even worth my time as I’ve been eating raw cookie dough with eggs and unbaked flour since I was a wee lassie).   It’s hard for me to resist when we have it in the fridge!   We finished up one batch and I was asked to make a second batch!  Yeah I didn’t say no, I made it...I ate it!

* I have in the past dealt with a sore aching hip..the pain radiated down the back of my thigh.   That has reared it’s ugly head!!!!

Lessons learned this week;
*Just because I love something that tastes delicious (like the edible cookie dough) I don’t have to have a huge serving.  I can easily make the very worst I would have to pick up an ingredient at the store which would delay the treat by a day at most!!! (Who am I kidding, I always have the stuff to bake something!). There is NO need to eat a ton....a small bite or two would be sufficient to satisfy my taste buds!!!  (The first bite is the aha moment anyway!!)

Weigh in
I have been holding steady at my current weight.  Not losing...not gaining.   I want to lose but I’m ok with the maintain.  After the crazy month of fluctuation this is a welcome relief!  Maybe my body is finally adjusting to whatever was causing the weight craziness!!!

Weekend plan
We have no major plans as of yet.  We have talked about going away.   Plus there are a few line items that have to be done (laundry, groceries, house cleaning) and a few line items on the list that are a want (shampoo the carpet, wash the quilt on the bed).   We have talked about wanting to do something fun and unless life gets in the way that’s a definite!!!   Time will tell!!!

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Frog or Prince

I have been struggling with something. It is not really weight related per se. It is however totally related to me and my emotions. We are talking about fear specifically about going public on a short book I wrote. 

Fear is crazy...I have feared losing weight..and it HAS sabotaged my weight loss efforts.   I know when I fear a trail on the mountain bike I struggle and ride horrible.  When I’m fearful I don’t have as much success.   When I’m opens up.  So how does this pertain to now???

A few years back I had written out my online dating experience as it happened, ending up with a cohesive chronicle/book.   I’ve always had this thought in the back of my mind of doing something with it, but I never really knew what to do.  And in the honesty,I never  have the time to really pursue anything too heavily. A few months back I decided to self publish this book on Amazon. I spent a little bit of time here and there on my weekends and I had some other people spend a little bit of time reading it.  Eventually, it was ready to roll. But then, I was overcome with fear and I didn’t do anything!!!

I have written some things before and published under a pseudonym and it wasn’t a big deal… No one knew it was me…no fear!!!  But this time it was totally different, I would be publishing a nonfiction piece under my own name. Everyone that read this would know this was my work. Talk about fear? Huge!

 A week or so ago I was talking to my friend Sue and mentioned that I was about  to pull the trigger and go live, but I was so fearful.  She gently encouraged me but I still didn’t come clean with the world!   But then last week I saw and heard a few quotes about fear and I knew that I couldn’t let my fears rule me any longer.  

So without further ado.  I announce the self published book written by yours truly!!!   It is available in print or as an ebook through Amazon.  (Through the link above if you want the easy method).  :-)

Frog or Prince by MaryFran Clingan. 

Monday, August 27, 2018

Weekend slug

Noooooo. I don’t want the weekend to end!!!  I am dragging on this Monday morning!!!!   We had a really low key weekend, which is what we probably needed. Our low key weekend gave me some insight to the weigh in pattern that I have been seeing, so that was good!  But in the grand scheme of things, my eating was horrible!!!  So without further ado, let’s get into the nitty gritty of my weekend!

An Indulgence
Friday at work I developed  a bad headache that drove me to the cafeteria looking for caffeine.   I found caffeine...and a chicken salad sandwich and...

It didn’t help...I really needed a second package to take the ache away.   But...I didn’t get it!!  I just ate the one package!!!  And boy was it delicious!!!!  I don’t feel you know how long it’s been since I indulged in one of these???  My favorite candy???   The important thing is that it was ONE package...and I was done.  I didn’t buy more over the and done!!!  (Oh and even with the caffeinated drink...I still made my water goal for the day!  I drank the soda alternately with my water while at work!  And I already had almost three down by the time I got the soda!!)

Bike riding
We actually hopped on our bikes on Friday evening and did a small jaunt on our local path.  We had skipped Thursday and felt like we should go on Friday to make up for the skipped day.  I can slowly feel my legs getting stronger!  

We didn’t sit on the bike the rest of the weekend!  No big ride like normal!   On Saturday we just felt like slugs and had no energy to do anything more strenuous than to walk through a store or two!  What happened on Sunday?  We had family obligations.

Slug activities

As I mentioned.  We were total slugs!   On Saturday we did our errands and went into a few stores. It was early on that we knew a bike ride was not in the cards for us. So we instead hit up the antique store near us and then went on a search for a retro game system!   We ended up buying the Sega retro system   It’s so neat to play the old games!  I see another purchase or two in the future, the Nintendo version and the Atari version!

 But other than that, we relaxed on Saturday. (And played video games)

Sunday we hit up another antique store, visited my mom and spent some time at Jason’s parents house to celebrate his belated birthday.
Of course we had to try on the fun hat at the antique store!

Well, let’s just say that my food was delicious this weekend!   It included fried macaroni and cheese, pizza, French fries (baked), edible cookie dough, chic-fil-a milkshakes and of course birthday cake.  I had veggies and healthy things also!

I actually smashed the pattern of my weigh-in’s this weekend!!!   Yes I did!  It wasn’t all good.  I never dropped to my Typical Saturday low weigh in weight. My weight stayed steady through out the weekend.  Im actually happier with that than with seeing the really low weight on Saturday just to see it pop back up by Monday!  

Some theories about why?
* We didn’t ride this weekend!  I have been wondering if the intense hard ride on the weekend is affecting my weight!  
*I drank no diet soda this weekend (typically I drink a fair amount on the weekends)

Who knows...but I’m going to try to keep the diet soda away!   And the biking...well that’s returning!!!

Sometimes, you just have to listen to your body and be a slug!   Sometimes our bodies need the rest!!!  Next weekend is a three day weekend.  I’m already counting down!!!!