Monday, June 08, 2020

Apparently I’m brain dead and really am weary

So, I have a habit of writing a short sentence about my ideas for future posts...and I put them into a draft and then go back and go back to expand on my ideas a bit later..a few days...a few weeks..whatever!   I did this the other day based on a comment that I received on a post.  Except, like a fool....I somehow published it and didn’t catch my mistake until this morning!  ~slaps forehead~~

So while I was going to wait to write about it, I am going to comment and write about it further right now.   As a side note...I’m not sure where my mind is lately...just yesterday I made macaroni salad I was mixing up the dressing and totally forgot to put in the sugar.   What’s worse is I sat there whisking the mixture to incorporate the sugar that I failed to add.  Eiiyiiyii!

So what is the subject today?   It is how this journey had been so long...and how I’ve grown weary.   A faithful commenter, Paula C. reminded me of this and as soon as she said it, the lightbulb clicked on and I knew that her words were so true...and that what I was feeling was normal!!!     (As a side note, there is no link in the comments to a page of her own...but if there is any Page, I would LOVE to visit it as she always has great insight!).    

I started writing on here 14.5 years ago and my journey started earlier than that!  I’ve had success over the years but I’ve had more failure.  14.5 plus years of this near constant struggle!  That is a long time! This journey had not been short by any means!

I’ve written in the past about growing weary and getting bogged down by the sheer slowness of this journey.     I wrote about it in 2019 and this post in 2016  just to name  two of the multiple times I’ve written about this looooong forever journey.  This is a long arduous journey and it weighs heavily.  And sometimes, I think my mind just has to step back because I become a bit overwhelmed at the long road travelled and the long road ahead!

That said, this weight loss weary girl is still very much wanting to lose weight.  Paula’s comment sparked me to say to myself, your are just feeling get your butt in gear.  I am clawing my way back and trying to find a balance.   I am trying my hardest to track (in fairness some of the lack of tracking is due to just being out of the habit and forgetting to track my food).  I am trying to keep my calorie count low.  I am trying to eat healthy foods in a healthy portion!

So yes...let’s talk about the victories...not the failures of my apparently feeble mind!

*** We got in a 20 mile bike ride yesterday! 

*** I have tracked my food the last two days!  My one day was a bit high in calories...but it was tracked.

*** my heart and mind are focused on losing weight

I am not going to say that ‘I’m back’ at this point.  I know that I’m not. I’m still bone weary from the constant pressure of this journey.  But I’m trying to re-instill these healthy habits into my life.  I’m trying to change my habits and live healthy regardless of my present predicament.  I’m still pushing forward...because if I keep allowing my apathy and weariness win, the journey will only get longer as I gain more weight!  

(And I promised Jason a new batch of macaroni salad next week to go with our cookout...and I’ll nail that batch!)