Monday, October 04, 2021

Victorious Failure

 Have you ever had a time where you were victorious but still a failure?   That is where I am at right now!   while back I threw down the gauntlet!  I was determined to lose weight. I was going to embark upon a 12 week challenge/plan.  I vowed to use the upcoming 12 weeks to slay the pounds from my body.  I came out swinging and I was going to take no prisoners!   

I actually started the challenge out so strong. I was smashing my goals.  I had set a overall goal to lose 2 pounds a week and I was meeting my weekly requirements.  I was on fire!  Nothing could stop me! And then I hit the 3rd week and I hit a bit of a road block.   Yes, week three was not as successful!   I was determined to not let one rough week get me down.  So I kept pushing forward.  And I recovered and lost nicely the following week or two.  Then I hit another rough patch. And so the challenge went through the first six weeks.  Two steps forward one step back.  I was still progressing so I didn't worry about it!

But then the second half of the challenge came....the last 6 weeks.   And oh my, the rough patch started to settle in like a burr on the back of a donkey!   I would have momentary glimpses of loss but then I would settle into weeks of maintenance.  My weeks played out with mostly maintains but an occasional loss and even an occasional gain.   It was frustrating.  It was infuriating.  It was disheartening!  I felt like an absolute failure!   I wanted to crawl under a rock  and hide, because you know that chronicling a weight loss journey on a website and on youtube is embarrassing when you are not being totally successful! I was such a failure! 

And then one day in the shower whilst in the midst of my pity party had an epiphany!  This thought was profound.    I started this journey and vowed to lose 24-25 pounds.  I knew at that point that there was no way that I was going to reach that goal, short of developing some made sickness that caused me to lose an overabundance of weight or without cutting off my arm or leg!   Neither option of course is or was desirable.  So I knew that I was doomed for failure.  But then I realized.  I may not reach the 25 pounds, but how much DID I lose?    Sure, I failed at my attempt to lose 25 pounds....but did I succeed at losing ANY weight?   Did I lose anything?

At that point I realized that I was not a failure.  My body just chose to lose it in a different time frame than my mind wanted me to lose.   I was actually victorious because at the end of the challenge I am able to say that I did lose weight!  I lost more than 12 pounds!    

I could have continued to dwell on the fact that I didn't meet my goal and thus was a failure.  But I am choosing to dwell on the fact that I am down more than 12 pounds! That is more weight than most people lose in a year!  That is more weight than I would have lost had I give up and not even tried.   Those pounds lost make me victorious indeed!!!!