Friday, July 31, 2009

I was writing an email to a friend this morning, to give her my weekly weight in our competition. More on that later. And it just hit me that I am the only one that can control my weight. I make the decisions. Yeah, people influence those decisions. But ultimately, it is me and me alone that is in charge of this weight issue. No excuses or's all on me.

Ok, so that was my deep thought for this morning. Come on's Friday morning...give a girl some slack!

My weight. Well, it's down from where it was after my food fest last weekend. So that's good. It's still lower than where I was when I started this competition, so that's good. HOWEVER, it's up a bit from where I was before last weekend's feeding that's bad. But you know what...I made the concious choice to eat last weekend. I've made the concious decision to eat the last however many months to get to this point and it's up to me to make the concious decision to eat properly now to get myself back to the weight that I want to be at.

Soooo the other day a friend talked to me about how she's coming to the conclusion that her personal ideal weight may not be the best for her and that she is having to reevaluate her own personal goal. She mentioned that she was working to accept that maybe 10-15 pounds higher is her perfect weight and not her ideal weight (the weight that she wanted to be at.....the 10 pounds higher still keeps her at a good weight). She mentioned that to get to that lower weight that she had to work out like a demon and I know that most likely eat like a rabbit. She mentioned that she likes food and that she can relax and enjoy her food and stay at that slightly higher weight. It made me think. I was happy at 180 pounds. Yeah, I'd like to go lower...but I think it was a good weight for me. My body was regulated there for quite some time before I lost control and started to eat like a starving pig. SO my goal is to get back to that point! And then I'll just continue eating right and not let myself gain....but take whatever comes...either maintain there, or lose. NO pressure!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Tonight's dinner....turkey burgers and zucchini fritters. :-)

I made a half of batch of double chocolate chip cookies to bring in for our farewell party for my co-worker. I ate one this morning as they came out of the oven. I'm not tempted with them here at work. I kept out 2 for todd and I to have as dessert. They are ordering pizza for this farewell party. I plan on having ONE piece. I can do this. I know that it may push me higher on my calorie count. But I've got to learn how to manage these things without pigging out. I can have 1 piece of pizza. Once piece will not hurt me. One cookie will not hurt me either. I've got to get into the mentality that moderation of the good stuff is a good thing. I don't have to eat rabbit food (veggies and fruit) constantly. Yeah, I need to eat a lot of it...simply because it's healthy and it's a way that i can still eat 'lots' of food without ruining my calorie count for the day. But i'm really going to start focusing on quantity. Thus far, I've done the 'eat the smartest foods' so that I can eat a lot. I am going to start focusing more on portion control. I know that when I do eat less....I'm still satisfied. So I just need to do it. And I think it's going to be a thing of just forcing myself to eat less...I think I will always have that 'big eyes' thing that makes me want lots and lots of food.

Well, if that was not a ramble, I don't know what is!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I am going to make a concerted effort to write daily. Even if to simply write an update of how my day went or is going. I know that when I'm writing I'm more accountable.

Yesterday started out with a walk with my husband. I was so dead tired. Not mentally, but physically! It was terrible! But I went on that walk anyway. It was only a 30-45 minute walk, but at least it was a walk! I did ok with my eating. I splurged and had some popcorn in the evening, but I did have the calories left for it. The only thing that would have thrown me for a loop with it was the butter buds, which are not bad calorie wise...but sodium wise they may have affected me.

This morning Todd and I went for a bike ride. We did 35 minutes, once again, nothing major, but we did something. That's what matters. Eating wise today looks as if it will be ok. I've calculated my breakfast, everything in my lunch and also what we are having for dinner and I'm good calorie wise, so it's a good day. :-)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I haven't given up. I am just totally disgusted with myself. I stand in the closet and look at my clothes and I just don't know what to wear. Why? Because everything has grown tight and I will NOT buy new clothes the next size up! I'm disgusted with myself and what I write because I am constantly writing about how I'm going to do it this time...but then a few days (if that) later I'm back writing about how I failed...followed by another 'gonna do it' post....and then a 'failure' post. It's been a vicious cycle that I don't like. It's depressing enough to live in this cycle, but to write about it also is just ...well....more than I want to deal with.

Sooo I haven't given up. I'm just trying to regroup and get this figured out.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The baby gate that has thus far kept Mertz in her 'big cage' otherwise known as the bathroom, is no longer a viable solution to keep Mertz separated from the big cats.

whew, let me hang on, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

I'm a bit wobbly up here, but it's rather interesting!

Let me explore a bit up here, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Now that I've figured out how to balance, let me explore a bit.

Yeah, what of it, originally uploaded by mfcstotler.

Yup, I've gotten the hang of this perching on top of the gate.

Not only does the baby gate no longer work to keep her in the one room, she likes to perch on top of it and sleep. What a strange kitten. Ahhh but how to keep from loving her!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

My weight was dropping and all was good....and then I had two carb laden days and my weight has jumped again. No problemo though. I know what to do to get it back in line.

Sooo I've been MIA on my blog for the last few days. Why? Well, it's canning season. For the last three nights I've canned green beans...with more to do in the VERY near future. (We've only picked maybe a third of them...if that, so we've got a good deal more to do this week). Soo I work my 8 hours and then I pick and can around my time at work. Even more, I've been rollin' out the pickles and the relish and the jellies too. So I've been just incredibly busy. Haven't give up though..this weight WILL come off. I'm goign to try to plan a little better. During canning season I tend to gravitate toward the easy to fix meals...which sadly enough tend to be higher calorie/fat/ or all of the above actually. :-)

Exercise. On sunday Todd and I threw the bikes on the car and drove half way to harpers ferry. We jumped onto our bikes and rode the canal the rest of the way to harpers ferry. We would have ridden the whole thing (about15 miles one a 30 mile round trip) except that todd hasn't spent much time on his bike this year and I have been quite lax about riding the last month or so. Sooo I was nervouse about it. But I had not problem at all. My legs felt fine. I guess the constant standing an dmovement with canning is at least keeping my muscles limber. So anyway, we rode to Harpers Ferry locked up our bikes and walked across the bridge. We ate lunch in HF and walked around a little bit...looked in some stores, that sort of thing and then mosied back to the bikes and rode back to the car. It felt good to get out and do something. I think we are planning on doing something similar on Sunday. Although we are talking about taking a picnic lunch with us on the bikes and doing a ride somewhere. We'll have to see. :-)

Thursday, July 16, 2009

day two for one thing and 57 left for another

57 days till my next bike event. Uhhh yeah, maybe if I keep writing this I'll actually get my butt onto the seat of my bike and ride! :-)

Yesterday evening I stayed right where I needed to be with my eating and I feel good about what I did. Today is a new day and I'm determined to make today a success also. Howver, I already talked myself out of exercise this morning. On the flip side, I did go out for about an hour and picked raspberries. Does that count for anything???? So anyway, I'm working on day two of being back on track. Tonight, after dinner and after those raspberries are all attended to (preserved, canned, frozen, whatever the mood strikes me to do) I need to move the ironing board in the bedroom. It's blocking the exercise bike...and it was piled with all the work clothes I've worn this week. this morning when I needed to iron, I just pushed all those clothes (which honestly need to make it to the laundry basket) onto the seat of the bike. Uhhhhh no wonder I didn't ride. I can't get to the bike, and if I could it's piled up! Ahhh good times.

Good times...Lil' Mertz (otherwise known as baby kitty) is doing really well. She's playful and growing like a weed. Todd calls her the poop machine as she eats and eats and well...that creates the poop. She's somehow learned the instinctive know where a cat crouches down and shakes their butt in anticipation. She's doing really good. She goes back to the vet for her shots next week! She 'lives' in our master bath but LOVES to come out to plan with the other cats. the only problem...she wants to explore and is she can get away from us quickly. Today I had her on the bed with me and before I could even call out a warning, she had run across the bed and jumped off. Litle wily thing that she is. So yes, my new baby is doing well. On the flip side....she's 'locked up' in that bathroom so much, that I pull her out every chance I can get...and that takes time....time away from exercise and whatnot!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

It's been a few days. I'm still with it. Still struggling. Honestly I'm disgusted with myself for having to write that again and again! I've sat down and figured out every bite that I'm eating today...and I'm going to stick to the plan! I've already exercised today, so that's a plus. I'm going to focus on one day. Today. I know in my mind that the first day is the worst and that each day it will get just a bit easier. So I'm going to focus on today being that day that it all starts. ANd I look forward to tomorrow where hopefully it does get easier. :-)

I should be super motivated as my friend that i'm competition with has told me that she is looking at showing a loss. She peeked on the scales this morning and it was looking good. I haven't I've no idea how I've been doing. That scares me a bit. I like knowing. Tomorrow I just may have to say "lets not worry about 'lil mertz and just go about my normal daily routine." That's easier said than done though as she afixes her little cute eyes upon me and I just can't resist playing with here...and then it puts me out of my routine...and I forget to weigh."

I did push myself and exercise today. Let me tell you, it was ROUGH. No...not the muscles. Not the pain. I didn't experience anything like that. What was rough was the one and a half hours that I laid in bed reading.....THINKING about exercising. Dreading it. Trying to talk myself out of it! But i didn't. I got up and got on that exercise bike.(Come now, you didn't expect me to actually drag the bike off the porch and put on helmets and stuff like that and actually leave the house did you?) HOpefully that gets easier each day also...because I really do want to get myself back into good riding shape.

Speaking of riding. 58 days until my Thurmont ride!! WOO HOOOOO That alone should push me to ride ride ride!

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Game on!

I'm highly competative. Last summer I rode my exercise bike and walked like a madwoman. WHy? Because there was a competition out here in blog world that was giving away a new pair of sneakers. I rode and rode and rode. I walked and then walked some more. I kept detailed records of how long and how much. And when it was all over, I received my new pair of tennis shoes because I had won! I do not like to lose!

SOOOOO last night when a friend talked about coming to visit in September and threw in there tht she hoped to be down 10 pounds by then, I couldn't help but throw down the gauntlet. 10 pounds you say? Well, the person that loses the most is the winner...and the other person must buy the winner an article of clothing that costs between 20 and 30 bucks. (basically under $30!) Ohhhh game on! I can so do this! SOOO tomorrow morning I get my morning start weight and I'll be off and running! (well, off and biking)

You see, that's the other thing. I was biking so regulalry. But after the June ride in Lancaster, I kinda fell off the bicycle bandwagon. Not that I dont'want to ride...I just don't feel like moving at all. But that has to change. I've got 2 months left until my next ride! (which incidentally will be the same week that my friend comes to visit!)

So it's game on. NO more dilly dallying around. Today, has been a slow day at work (REAL slow). I'm toying with the idea of going back to weight watcher meetings. Financially I shouldn't...but that weekly meeting really is something that I feel I need! I'm happy counting my calories and all that..but.....who knows.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

GREAT read!

I had a friend forward this article to me this morning......this is a definite must read!

I've known for a while that I've been sabotaging my weight loss efforts. But I think it boils down to how to stop. And I think this article just lays it right out on the line!


In other news, my weekend was busy. I spent time with my brother and family. On sunday and Monday I ended up just not feeling right. I had no energy a terrible and could barely keep my eyes open. I do feel fine today. So I delayed my 'definitely going to start exercising religiously on Monday' until today. And I did it. 1 hour in on the exercise bike! I wasn't happy with my weight. It's up there. But I'm confident that I can face my demons and my fears and get it back down!

Thursday, July 02, 2009

I just feel bloated and icky! I don't know why...other than the fact that my bodyjust doesn't like this extra weight. But I faced up to the scales regardless this morning and found, much to my surprise that I was down some on the scales. (like really down...but hey who's complaining).

Gotta get away from eating cold cereal for a while. I don't do to badly with special k if I have a banana to add to the mix...but without, it just doesn't stick to me! But until I get the bananas, I think I'll be going back to oatmeal for a while.

I'm going to make tortilla cups tonight after work. Todd asked for them for the get-together this weekend, so I'm going to run to the store and I'll make them. Well, maybe I'll make the filling tonight and bake the shells tonight but put them together tomorrow evening when we get home. That way there is less chance of them getting soft AND storage issues won't be that big of a problem!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Happy middle of the year 2009!!! And happy july first!

Our food choices really do affect how our days progress each day. I know this. This should not come as a huge surprise. SO why then am I sitting here amazed and awed by this revelation today. Let me start at the beginning. The last time I went to the grocery store I had a really really good coupon for fruit loops. Now I loved fruit loops as a kid. So I looked at them and realized that the fruit loops with the coupon and with the store price (they were on sale) were going to cost me less than fifty cents for the whole box (the small box). So I looked at the calorie count and figured that the calories were not that far off of my normal breakfast foods. I bought a small box and commenced with the enjoyment of one of my favorite childhood cereals. Looking back, I can tell that I noticed that I was hungry for lunch earlier. Breakfast was just not holding me over. But it wasn't until today...the last day of the cereal incidentally that I realized what was happening. I slept late (this kitty stuff makes one tired...more on kitty later). I actually didn't eat breakfast until about 2-3 hours later than normal (8:30 instead of roughly 6). So I come to work. I should not have been hungry at all.....yet by 10 I found myself thinking about food! WHY???? What could it be??? Ohhhh hoooo......sugar! My cereal first of all has no or very little nutritious value but it's high in sugar content! It's not fueling my body as it my body was looking for food that WOULD fuel it! I know this....yet I'm in awe of this news. Our food choices really do make a difference. And no fears...I've had lots of fruits and veggies for lunch!!!

Baby Kitty is doing well. Stubborn little cuss though. She will eat on her own (without us coaxing her to try it) off of her plate...but ONLY if she's out of her cage and we are there with her. She will not eat if she's in her cage alone. Go figure. But, we are happy knowing that she's just about there in the weening process!

Didn't weigh myself....the sleeping in thing really threw me off course. Exercise....arrrghhhhh I need to get my butt into gear! I will turn this ship around and the second half of the year is going to be my year to shine in the weight loss arena!