Friday, August 28, 2020

Surveying the damage from my weight loss failure

Losing weight is so very difficult!   How can it be so darn hard?   In theory it sounds so easy, use more calories than you eat!   But this weight loss journey is nowhere near that simple!   In the last few weeks I have struggled.  I have struggled big time and now it’s time to survey the damage.

Weight loss struggle

Over the last few weeks I have been struggling.   My weight loss journey has not been easy.  I have moments of pure success for sure.  But those moments are evened out with weight loss catastrophe! And then August happened.    It started with Jason’s birthday cake that I baked.   Of course I had a piece.  And I had a second piece the next night. And then we went away for the weekend and I splurged with a Cinnabon, a donut and finally cookies.   We ate fast food and while I would have been happy with the sandwich, of course this food addict couldn’t resist the fries also.  We came home from the weekend and it would have all been ok if I had simply tightened the reins.  But no, I had opened the door wide and I couldn’t get it shut...the food frenzy continued.

Voice in my head
Losing control of my eating like that allowed the voices in my head, that negative reasoning that I am so adept at doing, to regain control.  I call it my fat mini me.   That is the ‘voice’ of reason (insanity) that talks me out of making the healthy choice.   On more than one occasion I stood on the precipice of weight loss disaster and asked myself if I wanted to really eat that?  Was it worth it?  Did I want to eat and be fat or not eat and be thin?    And that darn mini me voice/reasoning was so loud that I chose the path to disaster!

Control over my food addiction 
This past week I started to regain some semblance of control over my food addiction.  It has been a difficult battle, but one I am determined to win.  I started to track my food.  It wasn’t easy!  The first day was horrible.  I resisted eating anything that I had pre-tracked.  But each day got better.  It wasn’t a banner week, but it was a week of moving in the right direction.  I’m once again making better choices and putting my health first when I make those choices.

The numbers on the scales
I weigh myself every day.  So I saw the scales steadily climb this past week.  It got terrifyingly bad.  I tried to stay calm.  There was no way that I ate that many calories to warrant a 6 pound gain.  I tried to focus on drinking enough water along with my healthy eating.  

And today, my weigh in day....I weigh...245.4.   That is  a three pound gain from last week.   I’m not happy.  But I can only blame myself!

It would be so easy to give up. And that is why so few people succeed in a weight loss journey.  Losing weight is going to have ups and downs....highs and lows.  However, success is not given to only those that never struggle.  Quite the opposite, riding out the bad times is the key to successful weight loss.