Monday, June 29, 2020

I am to blame for my weight

Where has time gone?   I can hardly believe that it is almost the end of June!   In some ways it feels as if this year has just started.  But other ways how much have we packed into the last 6 months!   My weight loss efforts are the same.  It feels like it has gone by fast but wow has a lot happened in this first half of the year.  I made some amazing strides toward getting my health back in check over the last six months and I have struggled.  So here it is, a mid year check in!

Let’s just start with the bad.  My weight.   I started the year at 239.8.   I worked hard and got that down as low as 232 in early March.  I was on fire.  Nothing could stop me.  Well, nothing except Covid and the drastic changes in our life that occurred with the virus.   For us that included me transitioning to working from home and Jason being furloughed from his job.  The stress and changes were not good for me.    Not good at all!   Within a month of these changes taking place, I had gained almost ten pounds!  We went away for a weekend and I was put on some medication on a short term basis and my weight popped even higher.  Luckily, that weight has mostly dropped.  But I am still sitting higher than I was at the beginning of the Covid mess and honestly, right now I’m a few pounds higher than I was on January 1.  

I have been hit or miss with exercise.  Formal exercise each day has been what is hit or miss. I walked at work regularly on my lunch breaks until they sent me home. I ran on my lunch breaks the first few weeks while working from home and then it just kinda died away.    I have made plans to get back to it and even started new routines but then things happen. I was riding the exercise bike religiously in January, and then I messed up my back.     A bike accident derailed  me from yoga.   Plantars Fasciitis struck right when I started to run again.    I suffered numerous falls and tumbles that caused bruises, aches and pains.  It seemed like it was one thing after another to keep me from any hard core exercise!   One stroke of bad luck after another!    Luckily, we took a fair amount of evening walks.  We also hiked and bikes on the I wasn’t totally sedentary!

I can clearly see that the first half of the year wasn’t a colossal failure but it was not a raging victory either.  It could have been much much worse.     There is only one thing to blame for the lack of success.  And it’s not really a thing...I alone at to blame for my lack of weight loss.  I am the only one to blame for my lack of great progress in the fitness arena.  I can see my face getting pudgier and I’m not happy.  But I alone am the one that can change that!!

Friday, June 26, 2020

Relieved....just a bit

We are coming to the end of the week and what a crazy week it has been!   Vacation, breakdowns, return to work, new toys, weight gain and healing just to make a few!  Seriously, this week was nuts! 

We grudgingly came back from vacation on Sunday night.  We could have extended that vacation a few more days and been so happy!  But alas, life responsibilities called.  So back home we came.   Mertz was happy to see us!  The fish too!  (Yes the fish was excited....the hermit crabs didn’t even notice we were gone!).  Ok the fish was probably just hungry!  Mertz really missed our company I think!  Poor lonely kitty cat!  I wrote about the mini vacation in my last post here   But at the end of this post I will include some links to a few videos that I posted about the vacation.  There is one that gives a brief overview of the whole vacation and three other videos that really show in depth some of the places hat we visited.

On Monday, I weighed myself. I had gained 10 pounds in 4 days!  Crazy!   I had hoped that it was water retention!  I am happy to say that my weight has dropped...and right now I am sitting about 3-4 pounds up.  That is still too much and doesn’t make me happy, but it is easier to accept 3-4 pounds versus 10!!!   I am still hopeful that my weight will continue to drop a bit as water weight drops off since I am still on prednisone and will be through Monday.   

My leg that had some poison/bug bite that got infected is doing well.  I have completed the full course of antibiotics and the wound area looks really good.  

What a difference!!!

On Monday my old laptop died.  I knew it was coming for a while and been fighting the laptop for a while.  It was slow...sluggish and crashed a lot.  I was limping along.  I had actually almost purchased a new one a few months ago, so I had already done research and it didn’t take me long this week to hit the buy button when the old one went belly up.  I also purchased what I hoped would be a temporary fix for the old laptop so that I could extract my files.  Both the fix and the new computer arrived on my doorstep on Wednesday evening.   The fix worked!  (Thank heavens) and the new computer is a dream!  I also bought a lot of new software was old old old.  So I upgraded to a newer version of photoshop and I decided to switch from my old video editing software to adobe premiere.  So I am learning a new software.  Should be interesting!  My videos may be a bit rough for a bit as I figure it out. But I can already definitely see a huge difference in the quality output!   See if you can tell which two were created with the new software/computer and which two were on the old software/computer from the links below!

In the midst of all of that, Jason was called back to work after being furloughed for three months. He went back on Wednesday of this past week.   Yes, it was just about three months to the day that he was off of work due to this virus.  So we are trying to adjust to a new routine.  It is a routine of me working from home and Jason going to work.  It is also a routine where he won’t know always be able to walk with me after work.  I’m on my own and responsible for my own motivation to get out there and walk!  (Yikes...I’m not good at that!)   Mertz was so upset the first day he went back to work.  She literally followed me around.  If I went to the bathroom she walked with me.  She was my shadow and was never more than a foot or two away from me. It has been an adjustment.  Even though I have been working at home, Jason and I have been in very close proximity for almost 24-7 for the last few months.   We were happy and had absolutely no problem being near each other almost constantly....but man it’s weird not being together now.

I have walked a wee bit after work...a few days at least.  But I’ve been so caught up in the computer woes (I also tried a fix on the old computer on Tuesday..that didn’t work). So between the death...the attempt to fix...the actual temporary fix.....getting my files safe and sound....waiting for the new computer delivery....setting up and learning the new computer...well, I let my fitness goals I had set for the week fall aside.   There are no ifs ands or buts,  I am hitting it hard for this next upcoming week!  

It was just a crazy week all around!  But craziness is a way of life! We are surviving and moving forward.  We are happy for the weekend.  We have no real set in stone plans, other that get groceries. Who knows what the weekend will bring!!!!  Crazy or relaxing...we are ready!!!

The video for the weekend in its entirety

A video about the Trans Allegheny Lunatic Asylum

A short video on the Museum of American Glass

A video about our visit to an abandoned town

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Bucket list:

Jason has been called back to work  after a three month furlough.  We wanted to do something special before he went back so we started to talk about what to do.  Our first inclination was to go to the beach since our spring visit to the ocean had been delayed due to the pandemic shut down. However, it was super expensive, packed and well...where we were going to go is having some really bad outbursts of violence. No thanks.  We have our fall trip booked and we will go then.  But that left us with no idea where to go.  We debated and pondered and we just had no clue.  And then less than a week before our mini vacation (my days off of work) was to begin I heard Jason make a remark as I drifted off to sleep.  He said ‘there is so much in this world that I want to see’.   I fell asleep on the couch seconds later... but upon waking, I knew what the plan for the weekend was going to be.

We were going to the Trans Allegheny Lunatic Asylum!  Why?  Because I had ALWAYS wanted to go and just never took the time! His words made me realize that there is so much to see but if we never take the bull by the horns and DO IT, we will never see anything!   Once I mentioned Weston, VA and the asylum he innocently asked how far it was to the New River Gorge...which was something that HE had always wanted to see.  Well it was only one hour further southwest!  Bingo!  Plans made!  Two bucket list items taken care of in one trip!    We have also decided to be more open to keeping our bucket list current and to really commit to knocking items off!!

But that's for the future.  Let’s talk about this trip!!!  We had a great time!   I took tons and tons of pictures!  I was religious about dumping my pictures to my computer.  Less than one day after getting home my computer died!  I have a new one on the way...and I know that the hard drove is intact on my old laptop, so the pictures are not totally gone.  But it’s frustrating, I have so many pictures to share and can’t get to them!  (I have a plan that hopefully will get me to the pictures by the end of Wednesday!).    So here is a recap of the mini vacation and what pictures I do have on my phone (I used my good camera and only snapped a few pics with my phone here and there!).  When I get the good pics, I plan on doing some more videos to highlight certain aspects of the trip.  Right now I just have one video made that I finished one morning in the hotel when I woke up early.  I will include the link!!!

So here we go...buckle up!

Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum:  Weston, Wv.  This is a insane asylum that was built in around 1860 and closed in 1994. It is the largest hand cut stone building in the states...and the second largest in the world..second only to the Kremlin.  It is partially restored and just amazing!  This was soooo worth it!  I don’t know why I waited so long to go!!!
Here is the video with a lot of my footage (and a wee bit of its history). 

Museum of American Glass:  Weston, Wv
While in Weston, I found a museum called the Museum of American Glass.  I was only remotely interested in it.  And I probably wouldn’t have given it a second glance except that the admission price was free!  (Hey, what can I say, I like free!)  I was still debating about going even up to the last minutes in town and happened to look at the website and noticed that they had a collection of  oil lamps.  Hey hey...Jason collects oil lamps, I was sure he would be interested in seeing them.   And then I saw it...the holy grail!  A stained glass dollhouse!  What???  I almost missed that!   There was no question at that point!  Off we went to that museum!!
It was ok...without the draw of lamps and a dollhouse it wouldn’t have been my thing though!!

And of course you know I took pictures of the dollhouse too!!!  

We left Weston and drove toward the New River gorge.  Along the way we saw a sign for the Gauley River And Summersville Reservoir and Jason was like ‘I’ve heard about that’. So hey, why not, we took a detour and checked it out!!!

Gauley River and Summersville Reservoir

This river is well known for its white in world championships have been held in this river.

We explored a bit then hopped back into the car to finish driving the last few miles to the New River Bridge.  

New River Gorge Bridge
First stop, the visitor center.  We knew that the National Park Service visitor center was closed due to the Covid shutdown, but that the trails and overlook were open.  We wanted our first glimpse of the bridge!

From there we headed to an abandoned town....yes a real life abandoned town!

Thurmond, WV

This town was once a boom town due to coal and the railroad.  But as the coal mines stopped producing as much and people turned to automobiles versus train travel, the town began to die out.  The NPS owns most of the properties and you can walk through what is left of the commercial area and you can walk the roads along the hillside and pass house after house...all abandoned.  

(Sorry, the commerce area of town pictures are all locked on my dead and sick computer at the moment! But stay tuned for links to that video when my computer woes are fixed!)

Fayette Station Road

Before the new river bridge was built, it took someone 40 minutes to traverse the small narrow road that snaked down through switchbacks to the bottom of the gorge, across a small bridge at the bottom of the gorge and then back up the other side.  The new bridge shaved 39 minutes off that trip! Of course we had to drive down into the gorge!
We stopped and saw the sights along the way!

Kaymoor Miners Trail
We attempted to hike the Kaymoor Miners trail.  It was gorgeous...and steep!  And of course we saw another waterfall!  (Seriously, if we saw one waterfall we saw 20...each just as gorgeous as the previous one!)

Right at the waterfall, the trail became extremely sketchy and I was honestly terrified!  Lately, I’ve been falling way too much while hiking to attempt something that was risky to begin with.  So we traversed back up the hill.  (Sad because the ruins are supposed to be well worth the hike!) we spent a bit of time on another trial before retreating.

Fayetteville, Wv

We spent some time exploring the town of Fayetteville. It is a really neat little town with lots of quaint shops!

At this point we were out of was time to head home.  But we weren’t done just yet!   While driving home we happened to notice a sign for a monster museum.  I quickly checked it out and it was free.  Why not!  How could anyone pass up a free Monster Museum!

The Monster Museum: Sutton, WV

This was just a little hole in the wall museum.  More a visitor center.  The monster in question was the town alien/monster.  It was free and amused us!!

And that finished up our trip. We still had some time in a car but we were on the way home.   We had a great time!!!  And we will be returning to the New River Gorge Area!!!!

Monday, June 22, 2020

Oh heavens: A set back

Well....let me preface this post by saying that just when I feel as if I am getting things under control, something blows up!   

I was determined to start running and my plantar fasciitis kicked in and I had to almost immediately step back for a bit....I wrote about that about two or three posts ago in this post

In the last post I wrote I mentioned how I was getting back on track with my eating.   And I actually was starting to see some very early positive results.  Ok in 4 days I saw my weight drop by 3 pounds.  That’s positive!!!   In that same post I also mentioned a bit of poison ivy.

Yeah, about that.  

One of the places of poison (and there may have been a bug bite in that same area) somehow got infected.  This prompted a trip to an Urgent Care because the poison was raging strong and driving me crazy and I had an oozing wound in one of the scratching itchy areas of my leg. to urgent care I went.  I came home with instructions to keep the wound wrapped and covered,  a prescription for antibiotics, a prescription for prednisone and instructions to take a picture each time I changed the dressing on my leg so that if it didn’t get better that the doctors would be able to see the rate of spread. (I guess in case it was some flesh eating bacteria!). Oh and absolutely no swimming in pools, rivers or lakes.  

I won’t disgust you with a picture of my infection at its earliest stage when it was still oozing and nasty looking ..but rather after I had been on antibiotics for about 5 days. (Please excuse the legs that desperately need shaved...but shaving over poison ivy and an infection doesn’t sound appealing!)

This happened right as we headed for a little mini vacation  and I was a bit bummed about the no swimming edict but we had a great time and enjoyed ourselves greatly! (Pictures and a recap coming soon). 

So let’s talk about the bad.   We missed some lunches and then would hit dinner starving after a busy day of exploring.  So I overate!   We indulged in dessert every night.  I tracked NOTHING!

I gained 10 pounds in 4 days!   Yes I said 10!

Now this is not an excuse....but rather a hopeful paragraph that HOPEFULLY explains some of this gain.  There  is the female hormonal cycle water retention thing going on. So that could account for a few pounds.    I AM on medication, one of them prednisone which is known to cause weight gain/water retention.   So that could also be part of it. I hope and pray that when I’m off the medication and the monthly ick is behind me once again that some of that weight will drop away naturally. Added to those two water retention problems, we can add in this.... It was also hot hot hot and while I tried to drink a lot, I was going for long periods without the need to pee.  So I know I wasn’t drinking enough.  The first day I went 18 hours...which scared me to death when I realized that it was the next morning and I hadn’t peed since the previous day when we arrived at Trans Allegheny Lunatic Asylum at noon!   I really worked to drink as much as possible the rest of the trip, (and I never went even half as long without the need to pee  as that first day for  the rest of the time away)  but it was hot....we were outside...we were hiking (mountains) and walking and moving which makes it difficult enough to stay hydrated, but I was also trying to recoup from my first day blunder!  But looking back I know that the 4-8 hours I would go between bathroom trips, while nice while traveling, exploring and hiking  was too far between...and yes that was after that first day and I was very cognizant to make sure that I WAS drinking!

But that said, I know that my eating while we were exploring our world did come to haunt me on the scales!  I’m not going to cry about it...we had a fabulous time and I’m not going to beat myself up!  

I just know that I’m going to work to clean up my eating....drink lots of water (lots!!)....and I’m going to move on!  Let’s hope for an easy recoup but even if it doesn’t drop off, I’m not giving up!  Slight setbacks are part of a weight loss journey!!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

More maintaining

I am still maintaining.  I would love to say that I’m losing, but it is a maintain. 

It’s frustrating.

I sometimes feel like a failure for not losing.

I know I know.  I can’t let these feelings overtake me.  I can’t let my frustration overwhelm me because if I do, it will derail me.   I know that I’m still here so this is not a failure.  

We have continued to walk after I get off work each day.  However, I have been super busy on my breaks from work and have not started the bike rides.   I have also been trying to really rest to let the heel (plantar fasciitis) heal.   There is a reason for the crazy busy and the drive to heal as fast as possible but I’m not going to get to that in this post!

I have seemingly developed a nasty case of poison.  Both legs have some spots...knees down.  (The left leg near my ankle is the’s oozing and just nasty!).   And I have also developed a spot on my neck.  How fun....not!

My eating.  I’ve been actually pretty good with this.  Have I been perfect?  Well of course not.  Have I restricted and pulled my numbers down to where I should be?  Absolutely.  (and that is why I’m frustrated because I should be dropping weight!) 

You can see on this graph that my eating hasn’t been bad! 

I’m not letting it deter me though.   I am making healthier choices.

Monday, June 15, 2020

Healthy vs weight loss

I made a vow a week or so ago.  I vowed that I was going to be hot on the trial of getting fit!   I was going to go full bore ahead!  There was nothing that was going to stop me!   I was going to run every lunch break (or at least every other lunch!).  Oh yes.  I was going to set this weight loss journey on fire!

The day before my new me work week started we were out hiking and I felt a twinge of pain in my heel.  Oh yes....I did!

Yes, the plantar fasciitis was back!   I have had some issues with this in the past.  I talked about being diagnosed in this post way back in 2013.   And the issue has reappeared every once in a while in posts since then. 

That first bout was the worst.  But since then, I have learned that if I catch it early and take some steps in the first few days of slight pain and then I’m good and it doesn’t last long.  The main thing is that I IMMEDIATELY wrap my foot in KT tape.  (Amazon Associate Link).   Secondly and to a lessor extent, I try to ease up a little on high impact things...but I have in the past continued to run and had no problem!

As soon as I felt the twinge of pain a week ago I knew what it was.  I hadn’t forgotten.  But I was set to start running.  I was determined!   So I ignored the pain!

I didn’t wrap my foot.  And I went out for some torturous first runs...which is harder on my body than ‘continuing’ to run!

By Friday it was bad enough that I could barely put weight on my heel and I caved and taped my foot.

I also went running that day....and it hurt!  You see I wasn’t going to give in!  I had made a vow!

It wasn’t until I was on my bike (and struggling) on Sunday that I had an epiphany!   There are a few facets.  So here they go and you will see how they evolve and grow.

I need to focus on riding if I want to improve on the mountain bike trails.......What a waste that I have that nice indoor bike that I haven’t used in a few months......My foot doesn’t hurt while I’m riding.....My foot sure hurts while I am running.....
Why am I pushing to run at the moment if it’s causing an injury/ailment?.....I could stay inside and ride the exercise bike on my lunch breaks.   That would give me a good 20 minute workout....A bike ride would keep my off my foot....I would be working to improve my HEALTH and not tear myself apart!

And with that, I decided to put my quest to run on hold once again.  I am sure I will restart at some point in the next month or two.   But for the moment, I am going to focus on riding that exercise bike on my lunch breaks! This journey is not about getting to the end result at all costs.  It is about getting to the end result in the healthiest and strongest manner possible!   Stepping back from running is a healthy choice for me at the moment!  

Friday, June 12, 2020

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

It’s Friday and I decided to do a mishmash of things that are happening and that is on my mind. We are going to go from injuries, to weight loss, to my new car to...well who knows what!   I haven’t written this post yet and who knows where my mind will go!  So here we go.

 I managed to run twice this week thus far.  I do plan on going out for a run today, which is Friday. My goal when I started to work from home was to run three times a week!   I only worked four days this week so three sounds like a good deal to me!  It has been rough.  Let me tell you!    I am sooo slow.   I could probably walk faster, or at least just as fast!   But I managed to shave a bit of time off my  mile pace on my second day of being out!

We have also continued our after work walks together.  It is a good time for us.  We get a to walk and we get some time together without the household ‘chores’ and life responsibilities such as making dinner and doing laundry encroaching!    

I am still tracking.  Today made a complete week of tracking.   My food hasn’t been perfectly in line with where I want it to be, but it’s been tracked and I haven’t been too far off my goal.  In fact, if my body lost weight like a normal person, I would still be on track to lose 1 to 1.5 pounds a week just by the numbers.  However, my body doesn’t seem to lose unless I am eating down around 1200 the 1600 that I ate a few days was too much.   And yes, the scales are reflecting that with a maintain.   But that’s steps.  I’m getting back into the groove!

So I bought a new car early last winter   I have been mostly happy with the car until summer hit.

As the weather began to get warmer I turned the air conditioning on...expecting to have the same results that my 16 year old Honda has...which is that within minutes of turning the AC on, I am about frozen out of the car.    This car was not the same.  On a 73° day we felt like it was almost cooler outside the car.   Surely that couldn’t be right.   I have been at home so we really only really get to test it on the weekends since I don’t drive much during the week.  But each week we tested it...short trips...long trips....this setting...that setting.  Last week was mid to upper 80’s and the car was....tepid.  It wasn’t boiling hot....but it was not cold and I don’t even know if I would call it cool.  It was comfortable, on the warm side of comfortable.   So I finally called a Honda dealership to have it looked at.  So what did they find?  ‘It’s a miracle!’  They said the car’s air works perfectly and is blowing air that is 34°. What?    I drove the car home and I didn’t notice it being ‘cold’ even though it was set at the lowest temp....but in fairness it was only two miles.  We will take the car out this weekend to give it a good test.  Grrrr. How annoying!    This car hasn’t even made it to 8k miles yet!    I’m just more annoyed.  I’m obviously under warranty...and the problem has been noted and logged with a Honda dealership at this point.   Even though they kinda made me feel like I was insane when they kept saying ‘there is nothing wrong with this car.’   Hey, maybe I’m just going through menopause and have only experienced hot flashes while in this car and no where else!   Oh no, that can’t be because Jason has been hot in the car also.  In lieu of feeling crazy,  I have decided that if it doesn’t work, that I will be using my GoPro and a thermometer.  I will start the car and the GoPro...take the temp...take a drive and record the boring scene for 30 minutes...and show that the car internal doesn’t get anywhere near where it is supposed to!  Get it on video...why not.  I have the gear and it can’t hurt since they told me the car works perfectly and they did nothing, yet I sweat when I drive any distance in my car while the air is as low as it will go (58°) with the fan on high! (Even long trips). I’m hoping that there was a miracle and the A/C is working perfectly...but I have my doubts at the moment.   Stay tuned!

Aches and Pains
I ache!  It’s no fun!!! My left thigh just aches!   Seriously, just sitting it aches.  The muscle or whatever spasms and I hurt.  Running hurts...walking hurts.  Climbing the two flights to our apartment works.  What’s up with that?    My right arm..that pain from last year...the one that kinda disappeared with yoga is back. Yeah, I need to restart yoga don’t I?  (Which I did restart right before my bike accident and then that caused me to stop doing that for a bit!).   My plantar fasciitis is kicking a bit this week.  I felt it on Monday while we were hiking...and it hasn’t abated at all this week.  Just joy. (Note the sarcasm).   The bike accident injuries are mostly gone.  The ribs do twinge with pain every once in a while as does my arm that was covered in road rash.  

I’m pushing forward though.  I am hoping that exercise will strengthen muscles....stretch whatever to make me feel better!

Weekend plans
As the weekend is upon us we look forward to our time together.   We are hoping to get away next weekend for a bit...but this weekend is grocery week (we go every other week) and probably a bike ride or two.  

Life is continuing on.  I have been just plodding along and just taking it one day at a time.  I’m still working on my weight loss journey but trying to enjoy life to the fullest.   

Wednesday, June 10, 2020

Turning the ship around

It apparently takes a long time to turn the ship around! I of course am not talking about an actual ship but rather a metaphorical ship, also know as my weight loss journey.  

Changes and habits are slowly changing.  It’s a long process, but I’m really trying!!!  So what have I been doing ...both good and bad?

I have now tracked five days in a row!  Go me!  Not all of the days are spot on with my calories but I have had some spot on days!  And what is important, is that I tracked...good or bad, it didn’t matter.  I tracked!

We hiked on Monday.  We were out about two hours.   We also did some geocaching during the day before we hiked.  So we were out and about and moving all day.

On Tuesday I actually laced up my shoes and I attempted to run on my lunch break.  Wow, that was difficult!  My run was slow and I had to give up and walk after a bit.  You see,  I ran the first half mile and then walked the rest of the way.   That’s ok though.  That is the line in the sand showing me where I am.   If I keep doing it, I will improve.

I’m not setting the world on fire with my changes.  I’m not even losing weight at this moment.  But I am comforted by the fact that I am making changes that will turn into success!!

Monday, June 08, 2020

Apparently I’m brain dead and really am weary

So, I have a habit of writing a short sentence about my ideas for future posts...and I put them into a draft and then go back and go back to expand on my ideas a bit later..a few days...a few weeks..whatever!   I did this the other day based on a comment that I received on a post.  Except, like a fool....I somehow published it and didn’t catch my mistake until this morning!  ~slaps forehead~~

So while I was going to wait to write about it, I am going to comment and write about it further right now.   As a side note...I’m not sure where my mind is lately...just yesterday I made macaroni salad I was mixing up the dressing and totally forgot to put in the sugar.   What’s worse is I sat there whisking the mixture to incorporate the sugar that I failed to add.  Eiiyiiyii!

So what is the subject today?   It is how this journey had been so long...and how I’ve grown weary.   A faithful commenter, Paula C. reminded me of this and as soon as she said it, the lightbulb clicked on and I knew that her words were so true...and that what I was feeling was normal!!!     (As a side note, there is no link in the comments to a page of her own...but if there is any Page, I would LOVE to visit it as she always has great insight!).    

I started writing on here 14.5 years ago and my journey started earlier than that!  I’ve had success over the years but I’ve had more failure.  14.5 plus years of this near constant struggle!  That is a long time! This journey had not been short by any means!

I’ve written in the past about growing weary and getting bogged down by the sheer slowness of this journey.     I wrote about it in 2019 and this post in 2016  just to name  two of the multiple times I’ve written about this looooong forever journey.  This is a long arduous journey and it weighs heavily.  And sometimes, I think my mind just has to step back because I become a bit overwhelmed at the long road travelled and the long road ahead!

That said, this weight loss weary girl is still very much wanting to lose weight.  Paula’s comment sparked me to say to myself, your are just feeling get your butt in gear.  I am clawing my way back and trying to find a balance.   I am trying my hardest to track (in fairness some of the lack of tracking is due to just being out of the habit and forgetting to track my food).  I am trying to keep my calorie count low.  I am trying to eat healthy foods in a healthy portion!

So yes...let’s talk about the victories...not the failures of my apparently feeble mind!

*** We got in a 20 mile bike ride yesterday! 

*** I have tracked my food the last two days!  My one day was a bit high in calories...but it was tracked.

*** my heart and mind are focused on losing weight

I am not going to say that ‘I’m back’ at this point.  I know that I’m not. I’m still bone weary from the constant pressure of this journey.  But I’m trying to re-instill these healthy habits into my life.  I’m trying to change my habits and live healthy regardless of my present predicament.  I’m still pushing forward...because if I keep allowing my apathy and weariness win, the journey will only get longer as I gain more weight!  

(And I promised Jason a new batch of macaroni salad next week to go with our cookout...and I’ll nail that batch!)

Friday, June 05, 2020

Hanging on by a thread

So my return to the land of weight loss wasn’t as victorious as I had hoped.

I didn’t go crazy, thank heavens!  I didn’t shovel in food like crazy I remained steady and kept my food intake on an even keel.   I tried to eat intuitively and wisely. 

We did continue our after work walks.  And I even attempted to ride a mountain bike trail.  And it went well!  It was fun.  It was hard.  It didn’t hurt my ribs any worse than a normal ride!  Even the deer came out to applaud me!

However, I tracked nothing. (Well does one day count?)   I lost no weight.   I failed to restart any daily exercise.

I did however finish piecing my modern style crazy quilt!

We also cleaned both cars...inside and out!   Look at this girl shine!!!

I also worked on some smaller dollhouse projects, worked, and just tried to enjoy life!

So where does this leave me?   I am still really struggling to get into the swing of this weight loss journey.  In my heart I am not ready to really restart this weight loss journey and get sucked into the more of it all.  But in my mind I know that I need to.   I know that I need to get this weight off.  I know that I need to work on getting fit again. I know that I need to restart this weight loss journey full force!

I’m here today.  I’m making no promises.   I’m not vowing to start my daily exercise routine.  I’m not vowing to track every bite of food.  I’m not promising to lose weight this week.    I am however admitting that I HOPE to restart a daily exercise routine next week. (We stay pretty active on the work week is where I’m lacking).  I plan to start consistently tracking.  I also still really want to lose weight.   I can do this!!

Monday, June 01, 2020

MIA from my weight Loss Journey

So in case you haven’t noticed I have been missing in action lately.   Actually  I’ve been nowhere to be found any of my social media accounts...or to be more specific I was absent from any and all participation in my weight loss related accounts.  If you stopped by, all you heard were the crickets!  Yup....I was nowhere to be found!

I wish I could say that during my absence that I was killing it on the scales and that I had managed to lose a lot of weight.  However, that is not the case.  This was purely a ‘vacation’ from the constant worry of trying to lose weight, the constant whirl of thoughts about my journey and yes, the Spector of coming back on here once again to say ‘I’m still failing at this weight loss journey thing’.   

Now don’t get the wrong idea.  My little break wasn’t great, but it wasn’t all bad.  So let’s break  it down into the  different aspects.

My weight
I actually didn’t gain any weight during this time of silence.  I actually maintained my weight during the last week or two.  Sure, there were the normal fluctuations that occur from drinking different amounts of water, higher sodium foods, etc.  but my weight stayed within the same pound or two. 

My food
I was far from perfect!  Far from it!  But somewhere and somehow in this little break, I started to naturally regain my footing with some of the unhealthier habits. Ok, let’s be honest here...the sweet treat at night is the big change!  I eliminated that.  (Ok, last night I had once piece of cake...first sweet treat in over a week! And it will be the last sweet treat  until next weekend at the earliest!  Balance!!!)   I tried to eat a simple healthy meals, especially lunches!.  My lunches were an actual sandwich with a side (be it chips, or pretzels) portioned onto a plate which I ate somewhere other than in the kitchen.  They were NOT eaten with me standing in the kitchen, the Pringle’s can open in front of me and just mindlessly eating!  I’m sure my calories were over my zone where I lose weight (for me 1200 to 1400 calories) but in a way maybe I was resetting my habits and food behaviors.

This was not a total failure  either.   We walked every day after work.  Just a mile but at least it was something!   We also managed to get in some bike rides.  They were all on the canal and very easy (the ribs are still tender and healing) but each ride was over 20 miles! 
Ride one:

Ride Two:

Ride three:

So that was more than 60 miles of bike riding in the last week or so!! We also got about 8 miles of walking in, above and beyond the after work walks!
Walk 1, canal walk:  

Walk Two,  laps around the Hagerstown City Park:

The time off was not without thought and conversation about my weight.  There were even some tears.  Because, you see, I feel somewhat helpless.  I don’t like to be this weight.  I’ve been sore and my body aches. I know that it is in direct correlation to my weight.  I know I need to change my lifestyle and I want to it’s just so overwhelming...and difficult!  

But....we did our biweekly grocery shopping this past weekend and I loaded up on fruits and vegetables, ready to tackle this weight problem that has plagued me for years.  I am determined to lose weight.   A new month starts today. This is the perfect opportunity for a new Maryfran to emerge.  

I don’t have all the answers.  I don’t have the solution to the age old problem of obesity.  But I still have the desire to lose weight.   I still have the desire to get back to my lower weight and reap the benefits...that feeling of vitality and health.  I want a life without the aches and pains of all this extra weigh on my body. My little break has hopefully refreshed me and gave me the break that I needed to tackle this issue.  Let the weight loss journey recommence!