Sunday, March 17, 2013

Emotion Flare up

Sherry asked me this morning if I'm noticing anything different since I've been doing this running thing. I really thought about it.   Physically, I don't see a difference.  People around me have noticed.  My husband asked me the other day if I was losing weight...because he could see it. (I was happy for the compliment but also shaking my head because what does he think I've been doing with all the healthy food....with all the hours of exercise...constantly logging onto myfitnesspal...haa haa haa).  A coworker also said she noticed my clothes just simply fitting me better and not so tight (which is funnier still because I"m also down a size).   But honestly...I do not see a difference.    The difference I personally see is in my mental state.  Before I started running I was going to give it a try.  I didn't know if it would work.  I wasn't sure of it.  I was just going to attempt.  Somewhere along the way I figured out that I COULD do it.  I had it in me.  There really is an athlete inside me. She's been lurking around trying to come out....I just need to work to set her free.  And I WILL set her free.  That said, Sherry and I talked quite a bit about running.  I'm still not sure that running will be my thing.  I have committed to run through this next weekend when I run a 5k on the battlefield.  I have paid for and committed to run in the Paws on the Pavement 5k on May 18th.  I have also vowed that on August 9th I would run in the Donut Alley Rally.  August 9th will be my determining run/race.  As long as my body cooperates (not including aches and pains), I will be running through August 9th.  At that point I will reevaluate. 

I've been sitting back and thinking about my exercise from last week.  The exercise hell week.  Yes, that exercise that I had to really push myself to do, even through the lethargy and heavy as lead legs.  Why?  I have no conclusive answers.  It could have been just something as simple as my body cycle or it could have been something even more simple as my body was fighting off my husband's cold. (the cold he's had for weeks....and I only hd for 3 days...pays to be healthy and fit!)  It could have been anything.  However, it hit me this morning that last week was a rough week for me emotionally too.  It hit me this morning that the emotions may have played a part in my issues.  I struggled this last week. I struggled with the overwhelming loneliness that is part of my life.  The overwhelming need to be simply held, accepted and supported.  Yes, things that I should be getting in my marriage.  I know they are missing and it bothers me. Last week I wallowed in the sadness.  Last week it got the best of me.  Could that have had something to do with the issues exercising?  I'm not sure.  I don't know how to shake the emotions.  I do know this........I'm pushing through it and I'm NOT GIVING UP!