Monday, December 31, 2007

Reflections on my Jan. 1, 2008 goal

Ahhh my goal for Jan. 1, 2008. I was to be at 179.9 or less. This morning I was at 183.6. Nope, I don't think I'm going to make it. I will get there ifs ands or buts about it! I do know that some of the weight this morning was water retention. I didnt' drink near enough water yesterday....and that really does have an effect on my weight. But...still, not the three pounds I would need to get to my goal.

I was close to making the goal...about a week ago. And while I didn't fall off the wagon, I slipped up and started eating my flex points. For me, if I eat those flex points I gain. That's just how my body seems to work. And on top of eating those extra 2-4 flex points each day, I stopped working out! EEEKK! I had grand plans each and every day to exercise...but each and every day my plans got thrown out the window.

The holidays were a great time. However, I'm very happy to be heading back into a more normal routine of in which I can manage my eating and my exercise in a better fashion. :-) I spent some time planning out the weeks menu..and grocery we should be good for the coming week with eating at home. :-) I'm focused, renewed and ready to do it!

I'm hoping to stay super focused and exercise my tail end off (literally I guess) and knock myself into the healthy weight range....relatively quickly! I'm utterly sick of paying $40 a month for my weight watchers membership...I have different uses for that money! (I could be saving put towards my new house!)

Sunday, December 30, 2007

December 2007 Pictures

I just downloaded a TON of pictures off of my camera and spare card. Uhhh yeah, pictures from the last two months! I was scanning through the pictures and came across this next picture. My first thought, for a split second was, "Who is this girl? ANd why is there a picture of her on my camera?" But, before I could grill Todd about this mysterious woman, I realized that it was me! ME! Todd was taking pictures in the studio when I walked in and he had me pose up by the new reel to reel and the semi-new mixing console.
The next picture is definitely not new. IN fact, it is a picture from Christmas 2005. I thought I would put this in here as a remind myself of how far I have come.
Yes, this next picture is the matching pose to the previous one.....however this next picture was taken just this week, Christmas 2007. It is definitely not the most flattering pic of me, in my baggy sweatshirt...but oh well...the difference is still drastic!
This holiday was fun, with Alan and Cindy and the kids visiting. This next picture is of Riley and Alison. Riley is 7 1/2 years old and Ali will be 5 on Feb. 1.
Of course the newcomer to the family is Alex. He was a bit shy around me at first.....but he is an absolute doll baby! He will be one year old on Feb. 1.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Christmas Week and Reflections on a New Year

I was so tickled...I actually got my weight down to 180.8 yesterday morning!!! Woo hooo! HOw spectacular is that? But yesterday evening I had a slight problem, which caused my weight to jump back to 181.6. Yesterday morning, after i weighed myself, Todd mentioned going out to breakfast at his favorite diner (in Charlestown) because he was craving pumpkin pancakes. I know that Todd has been under a good deal of stress this week...and he's been working like mad also (even with it being a holiday week), so I thought it would be nice to take him to breakfast. Off we went. I didn't order too badly. I got an order of canadian bacon and a short stack (two 4-5 inch) of pancakes. They were super yummy...and I felt no guilt at all about eating them. The problem started when I got home and was getting ready to go to work. You see, we ate breakfast at almost 10AM, I left for work at 11:30ish (I had to go to the post office and stop at the trailer before getting there). So not only was time short...but I was no where near hungry for lunch at lunch. I did think ahead and took to work with me a banana to eat as a snack mid-way through the day. I got home and Todd and I had planned to eat dinner at 7:15....doable. But, the plans got changed.....we didn't eat until about 8:30 or so. SOOOOO when I went into the kitchen to make dinner at 7:45...I was STARVING. (ok, I wasn't starving but I was quite hungry). I had a few Almonds (man, those jalapano flavored almonds are DANGEROUS......very addicting)...and a handful or two of potato chips (reduced fat ones at least). I tested the batter for the cornbread. And even though my original plan was to forego the cornbread (hello...I had pancakes for breakfast...that was more than enough carbs for one day) I ate two pieces when we finally sat down to eat. Overall, I only ate three of the 5 servings of fruit/veggies that I aim for each day. I also did not exercise yesterday (chosing to go to breakfast instead).

Overall, the week of Christmas has been nice. Alan and Cindy have been in with the kids. It's been wonderful playing with the kids and visiting with my brother and his wife. The only problem with this....I feel as if I'm burning the candle at both ends. I've been working...I've still tried to cook dinners and take care of Todd while he's working and I've spent every available moment that I possibly could up at mom and dads...with my family. Todd doesn't resent any of that time....not at all, in fact, he's sorry that he can't also spend the time up there. However, I just feel bad leaving Todd to fend for himself....especially knowing how hard he has been working this week! So, I'll be sad to see Alan and Cindy go...but I'll be happy to get back to a normal routine in my life. :-)

I've got to sit down and plan our meals out for this coming week so that I can go grocery shopping. I'm planning on grocery shopping tomorrow. :-)

This afternoon, Todd and I are going down to Frederick to bottle up the beer that he mixed up the other week. Then we are heading back up to Hagerstown...hitting the gym...and then spending the rest of the afternoon and evening with my family.

Eating today....I had oatmeal for breakfast. I've packed a butter (zero point), jelly (one point) and bread (low cal/high fiber one point) sandwich and and apple for lunch. I've also got a clemantine here at work that I didn't eat yesterday...I'll eat all that for lunch on the way to Frederick. I think mom is having a roast for dinner. I'll push for lots of extra veggies. :-) So I think I can do halfway decently with eating today.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this past year and the year to come in regards to my weight loss progress and goals. I really do feel that this coming year will find me at my goals. I look at this past year. My focus has remained on the end results. I've had the motivation. But, I can honestly say taht there was a period where I've been on a plateau...I've struggled to lose. However, I've seen periods where I'm not exactly eating the best that I could be eating. I've 'stretched' the rules so to speak. I think in the long run it will be oh so much healthier for me because I've learned to manage and I've been incorporating this lifestyle into my everyday routine. Even on days where I feel I've done poorly, I find that I've only eaten a few points over my daily allotment. (for example...yesterday, even with the almonds, the chips and the pancakes..I was only 3 points over my daily goal..that's not too bad!). That is a huge achievment in itself.

For the new year, I definitely want to get to my goal. At the very least, I want to have reached my weight watchers goal and the corresponding lifetime status. In fact, my goal is to get rid of the 15 pounds needed to reach that by March! (or earlier if possible!). I'm honestly tired of sinking $40 into weight watchers each even though I'm not goign to 'crash' diet or plan is to really right...exercise religiously and try to get these 15 or so pounds off ASAP. Then I'll focus on reaching my own personal goals. (The 15 will put me within the healthy weight range for my height...which is what weight watchers requires).

For Christmas Todd got me a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret. I shouldn't have been surprised. Every time we go through the mall, he makes a comment about how I can probably fit into their normal sized stuff now...and that how I can shop there. He's even asked me why I haven't. I will definitely be shopping there now....I've got a nice sized gift certificate to do so. And honestly I probably needed the kick in the butt to actually do it. You see, the gift certificate has forced me to really think about why I've ignored the store. I am still having a very big problem thinking of myself in terms of anything other than being fat. I dont' feel as if I'm "worthy" of going into the store. I know I shouldn't feel that way...but that's the way it is. I've always been one to not do things because I dont' want to look ridiculous as a 'fat girl' doing something that only a thin girl should do. I shouldn't even give it another thought, I know. I know it's going to be a long process for my mind to really wrap itself around the fact that I'm no longer obese.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Christmas Report

Ok, I ate healthy on Christmas day...I went for my jog....a pretty long jog...and the scales still showed me up! I drank a ton also! Oh I'm back down to all is not lost. :-)

Honestly, with all the running around that I"ve done this week, I'm not surprised that my weight has fluctuated a bit this week. I'm running back and forth between work, home and my parents...trying to make everyone happy and to see everyone and get everything done. I'm ready to take a break and relax. (hopefully tomorrow night will be a night of that for me).

I have a little less than a week to get myself under the 180 mark and down into the 170's. At 181.2...I think I can do it! :-) Diligence...that's what it requires!

I took off from exercise today...but I've got to make sure that I dont' skip it tomorrow!!!!!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas Eve

So far, I'm proud to say that I've been doing splendidly with my eating! My weight this morning was at 181.2. Definitely not my lowest...but so much better than my post binge weight! I've been working at it and really doing my best. In fact, mom had the hamburgers LAST night. I stayed for dinner....She served, cheeseburgers, macaroni and cheese (homemade) and chips. Uhhh yeah......that was healthy! I had green beans, a clementine, grapes and cherries....and a small spoonful (probably less than 1/4 cup) macaroni and cheese. I was very proud of myself! I also actually left mom and dad's house...meaning I left the kids and family that I see so rarely and actually went to the gym! I just did cardio...but I got it in! :-)

I'm crossing my fingers...hoping...and most of all praying that I can continue being so strong this week! I so want to make my 'new' New Years goal! (being in the 170's) At 181.2...and having a week left...It is possible. Yeah, I'd like to meet my original goal...which was 175....and with prayer it is possible...but I'll be happy with the 170 mark being met!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Saturday morning Musings

Last night as I drove to town I was so utterly excited! I was going to see my brothers family! I knew I woudln't be there too long. Afterall, I didn't get off work until 6:15.....then a 45 minute drive to town. I knew that the kids would be going to bed around 8PM.....and I knew that I had to wake up early in the AM to exercise. I enjoyed the time with the kids..and left mom and dad's at around 9:30 pm. That got me home at ten. After checking my mail, I went to the bedroom and read in bed until Todd was done working...I fell asleep shortly thereafter.

Mom...bless her heart, made whole wheat pasta for me to eat last night! AND, she had a small plate out on the table for I couldn't super load my plate with food. AND this morning, thank goodness, I was down to 182.6. That is still not as low as I was...which was 179.4. BUT, it's a heck of a lot better then my weight AFTER my binge...which was 186.8. So it's coming back down!

Meanwhile, after my little week long exercise rebellion, I'm back at the exercise all hot and heavy...and man are my legs ever sore. One week off and my legs are sore???? That doesn't seem right...but who am I to argue with the aches and pains! I did however still get up and workout this morning. I did the first two cardio segments of one of the "Firm" dvd's that I have...and then I went into one of the aussie fit workout dvd's that I got at the dollar store. It was rough pushing through..especially at first...but I perservered. :-) Speaking of my dollar workout dvd's. About a year ago, I bought 4 exercise dvd's a the dollar tree. I put them in and just didn't like them. Well, a few weeks ago, I was scrambling for something new...and I decided to put one in. I actually like it. I think my fitness level has changed...making the difference in my perception of the dvd. I've done two of the four (a couple times each..) and they work me out hard. Although, today I was tired and I was having GREAT difficulty wiht the footwork! My feet were going in the wrong direction....I kept kicking myself.....I actually stepped on my own foot. Oh was a sad sad sight!

So, I get off work at noon today. I am going straight up to be with my family. I know from past experience that fruits and veggies are present...but on the lunch table will also be chips and dip and cookies and cakes. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I packed my own lunch. I'll eat it in the car on the way up the road. It's nothing fancy...a 'light' sandwich (smart beat points, one teaspoon of homemade point, and two slices of low cal/high fiber point), grapes and an apple. So four points...but at least it will include 2 of my five fruits/veggies servings! I'm hoping that we run around a little bit today...I used the last bit of my oatmeal today....whatever will I do without my oatmeal???? I eat it probably 6 days a week...or more!

Mom is having hamburgers for dinner tonight (or so she was planning). So, I'm going to head home at around 6/6:30.....I'll get home and make dinner....Todd gets off work at we will eat then. I'm making sweet and spicy chicken (it's not so's more sweet) and scalloped of our favorite meals. I think I'm also goign to make a big pot of chili....that way I can just heat it up quickly after church tomorrow. If I have enough time between church and Todd having to start work, I'll make some corn bread. I don't know what time Todd gets off work on that will determine what the supper plans are!

I may actually make my new January 1 goal...which is to be back in the 170's. (that was actually my back up goal anyway.) I don't think I'll exactly make my 175 goal...that would be a miracle. I am praying, so it's not out of the picture...but I'm not going to be disapointed if I don't make it! :-)

Friday, December 21, 2007

Beaver sighting

Today todd and I went for a walk on the canal. It was so cool. As we were walking, we heard a loud noise behind us. We turned....and looked into the water, because the last noise we heard was a loud splash. We were so shocked and awed to see a nice sized beaver swimming along side us in the water. We walked along the towpath....watching this beaver. The beaver started to swim erratically....and then ducked under the water. We were looking for him..and out of the corner of my eye I saw the beaver up river. I quickly jogged up and followed him some more. He came up on the land and tried to hide. We saw him hiding..looked at him and then turned around and walked back the way we came. It was truely a blessing to see.

On the way home I decided to clock how far I jogged the other day. I jiggity jogged 2.4 miles. That's not bad for a recovering fatty! :-)

So far today, eating has been going well. I've got 16 points left...and I'll use one of those for my snack of grapes. That will leave me 15 points.......and I know that mom is having spaghetti tonight for dinner. YUM! I know it won't be whole wheat I make at home...but I'll still eat it...just watching my portion size!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Plans for the holidays.

My brother and his family are in for the holidays. I know I'll be eating more with them...and running quite a bit more than I normally do. That is a recipe for weight gain. Just the eating with them can be bad as I'll be subject to eat whatever is there. However, I've determined that I will NOT gain...and in fact that I will lose over this holiday (ok, at least lose what I so easily gained last week!) Therefore, I've come up with a plan. Here is the plan. As of right now, it is the plan in it's entirety. However, of course as time changes and progresses I may add to the plan. :-)

Eating, Food and Caloric Intake Plan

Plain and simple, I'm going to be careful. I'm going to be religious about what I eat. I talked to mom this morning and she told me what we are having for dinner tomorrow night. I'm ok with that. On Saturday night I could eat it..however what she is having is not a favorite of mine..and I don't want to ante up the points to eat it. So, I'm going to leave there when they sit down to eat...and I'll go home and make Todd and I a healthier dinner option. :-) (Todd works until like 7 or it will work out perfectly). I was talking to mom about the eating stuff this morning and asked about Christmas dinner. She has always been very willing to work with me to make sure that there are healthy options for me. She asked me what I wanted....I gave her a few options of foods that I could eat without worrying about. So I know I'll have some of those there. I also expressed my desire to not have a full sized plate at the dinner table for the Christmas meal. I want to have a smaller plate. That way I will not be so tempted to fill it up to the brim. Well, let me rephrase that. I may be tempted to fill it up to the brim...but if I do, it won't be with as much food. PLUS, I'll be tricking my mind to think that i'm eating a heck of a lot of food. On Monday, Christmas eve, I haven't formulated a plan....I'll be off work that I'm not sure what will happen. But on Wednesday and Thursday I work in the morning...until 12. My plan as of right now is to continue to pack my lunch...I'll either eat it on the way up to town...or eat it when I get there. Yes, I know that mom would be more than glad to feed me. However, I don't need to eat the chips and the dip that they will have out on the table...nor the cheese and heavy fatty lunch meats. So I'll be better off on my own. Plus that will give me a little more wiggle room in order to actually enjoy dinner with the family.

Exercise and Activity

Here is the blow by blow plan for the next half week or so.

Friday- there are two different plans for Friday..depending on how my day shapes up. The original plan was for me to run some stuff up to mom's house on Friday morning. I was going to go to the gym and then drop that stuff off....then come home to go to work by noon. I was also going to make a quick stop at the local drum shop in order to pick up something for the business. HOWEVER, with bubby and Cindy coming in tomorrow...I'll be going up tomorrow night for sure. SOOOO, if Todd runs up to Drums on Sale today, then I will not go up to town until tomorrow night. If I still have to go to Drums on Sale tomorrow morning, then I will continue with the original plan. SOOOOO Friday's workout is either at the gym....or an hour at home...either jogging outside or with a dvd.

Saturday- I work Saturday morning at 7:45. It would be too early to do anything I will awaken my hour early and workout in the living room with a dvd.

Sunday- Our church isn't until 10:30. I will therefore have time to get myself up and exercise. The tenative plan right now is to get my butt outside and jog for a bit. (weather permitting)...if not, either the exercise bike or a dvd.

Monday- The gym is open from 8AM until 4 PM. I will be visiting the gym on Monday!

Tuesday-Christmas day- My plan for the moment is to wake up....go up to mom and dad's house to open presents and then to go for a jog up at mom and dad's house between presents and the meal. Once again, this is a weather permitting deal. If I have to (if the weather looks miserable) I may have to wake up super duper early and exercise before I leave home. I've also talked to Todd and we are planning on going for a long walk after we eat our Christmas meal.

Wednesday and Thursday- I work from 7:45 until noon each day. Therefore, if I wake up an hour early I should be all exercised up by the time I 'start' my day. That should work well.

Friday- I'll be back to working either 10-6 or 12-6 (I can't remember right now) I'll do something in the morning.....basically back to a 'normal' routine. I'm assuming that Alan and Cindy will be leaving to go home probably Friday.

So, there you have plan to be healthy this coming week! I'm determined to get through this week without having the scales go up! I want them to go DOWN...and they will!

I talked to mom this morning, she said that Cindy called yesterday to talk about when they are coming. They are packing their car tonight...and will leave early tomorrow morning. She said at that the kids will sleep for a good portion of the trip out here. Of course Riley was telling 'grandma' that they should actually leave at 3AM to 'make the trip faster". Of course if you are asleep for one extra hour, I guess it would be faster. tee hee hee

I'm so ready for christmas. Last night I wrapped the last minute things (namely the gift to mom from dad...I actually got it about a week or so ago) and the cat treats. I put together a little bag (little as in the size of a bag from Bath and Body Works...the smaller size) it is the few small gifts that I wrapped yesterday, the replacement outfit for Alex (becuase I bought a 12 month size and apparently that may be too small), and few other odds and ends...stuff like batteries for toys that need them...etc etc etc. So that is ready. The gifts are already stored up in Hagerstown at mammals they just need to be carried across the street to mom and dad's new house. Woo hoooo!

Tonight I have to decortate some cookies...for the cookie bouquets that I'm making. I should be ok with the eating of cookies. I shouldn't have any problems resisting tonight. Regardless...I'll probably pop some gum into my mouth while I I'm not tempted to 'taste test' anything! I've found that I do it almost sub-conciously! I also want to put in a batch of bread Todd works late I'll be on my own for dinner. Therefore my dinner will be pretty light. That's good! I'm so determined to get this weight gain gone! I'm not sure what exactly I'll have for dinner. Lately I've been craving peanut butter and jelly there is a pretty darn good chance that a pb&j will be on the menu tonight. Cooked carrots??? Hmmm......well...time will tell what I have for dinner tonight. :-)

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Made it to the gym today. It felt really good to work out there. I find that a fair amount of the time I tend to workout more vigorously when I'm at the gym. Go figure. I guess my mental thoughts are more focused in the gym...and I'm not thinking about breakfast that I just ate/or will soon eat. OR the christmas tree that is twinkling at me. Or whatever.... who knows why!

I did snitch a little bit of cookie dough. However, I chewed my gum through 95% of the cookie making time. I took the gum out when I was ready to sample the cookie dough and I didn't sample the cookie dough until I only had my sample left out of the whole batch! Tomorrow night I'll decorate my cookies and make my bouquets and then on Friday morning I"ll take them up to mom's house. I don't know if Todd can go up with me on Friday morning. BUT, I'm thinking of trying to make it to the gym on Friday morning! I also checked..the gym is open on Christmas Eve from 8AM to 4 PM. So we are going to try to make it to the gym on Christmas Eve.

I've already talked to Todd....after Christmas Dinner when things are boring around the house...I asked him if we could take our gloves/hats and warm clothes and go for a nice long walk. Up near mom's house is actually a neat place to walk in town. Lots of grand old houses...and they are usually decorated really nicely! SOOOOO at least I'll get some activity in! I'm also going to try to remember to eat off of a small plate! I think I"ll eat less if I use a small plate versus a mammoth hoggish big plate. I'm hoping that that works for me!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Holiday plans and new years goals

The good ol' weight is still up there. I've decided to go to my meeting tonight. HOWEVER, I'm not going to weigh in. That way in the back of my mind I still have this 5 pound deficit that I need to face. If I go ahead and face the music..then I'll get the five pound deficit over with...and then if I only lose 2 pounds over the next few...I'll be like, "woo hooo, I lost two pounds"..when in reality, I've gained 3 over the time period. BUT, now, if I only lose two...I'll have to come back and face the scales...and I'll be super motivated because I won't want to come back and say "I've gained three pounds." Yeah, it's the same...but I'm trying to play a psychological game with myself. I'm setting out a challenge! :-) We'll see how it works. The other meetings are on Tuesdays. It is difficult for me to get to any other meetings...with my work schedule...and the fact that the meetings are about 15 -20 minutes away from my house. So with christmas being on Tuesday...and new years also...that puts me at a chance of not making it to a meeting until jan. 8th. And that is a pretty likely chance...since Alan, Cindy and the kids will be in for the holidays. SOOOOO...that actually gives me three weeks to eradicate this 5 pounds. I know that I most likely won't be making my 175 pound goal....uhh yeah, a miracle could occur...but it's not likely. So I'm shooting to at least be back into the 170's by New Years.....or by that 1-8-08 weigh in at the lastest! So that is my plan! :-)'s hard to believe that Christmas is just one week away!!!!! Where has time gone! And 2008 is just two weeks from arrival!!! Woah!!!!

This year has been a particularly difficult year for weight loss. It seems as if I've taken two steps forward...two steps back! Very frustrating! BUT, I guess when I look at it...I lost about 25-30 pounds. If I can do that again in 2008...then I'll be at or very near my goal! So that's not too bad. Yeah, I'd like to make my goal by my anniversary...which would be slightly less than 2 pounds per week. Realistically I'm going to shoot for the beginning of June.....which makes my weekly pounds that I need to lose to be about 1.25 pounds! That is actually doable...even with a bad week here and there! To do it by my December...I hav to lose .59 pounds a week! So there you have hopeful goal (be at goal by my anniversary), my realistical goal..(be at goal by June 1st) and my "I'll kick myself if I don't make this goal" (be at my goal by my birthday!) Conversally speaking....I have to lose .74 pounds a week to be at my goal by Julies wedding.

Speaking of my goal. I don't know if that is a plausible goal for me. I've chosen 150 pounds. However, I'm very cognizant of the fact that 150 may not be a good number for me. I could be so lucky to get to 160 pounds and find out that 160 is the perfect weight for me.....or I could be very unlucky and find out that 150 is still a little high for my body that goal is kinda subject to change......

Size wise...I think my goal is about an 8-10. But that is all guess work...I have no clue!!!!!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Monday Morning

I had that alarm set for an hour early. I swear I did! In fact, I even heard it go off! Todd actually shot out of the bed and sat up straight and tall.....I simply nestled further into the blankets. I lay there all toasty warm under the blankets and I debated. Should I leave the comfort of my bed to go exercise....or should I stay in bed for an extra hour. Todd had by this point laid back down into the bed and had gathered me close in an embrace. Yeah, my fate was sealed! No morning exercise for me. The crazy part...I really didn't even get any extra sleep. I laid in bed, enjoying my husbands arms holding me tight, I prayed and I relaxed. It was a good hour. (ok, so it ended up being really good toward the end of that hour when Todd woke up...tee hee hee) However, I didn't do my morning exercise routine! I told myself that I would definitely do something active in between Todd's two sessions.....he works until 3PM and then works again at like 7PM. So there definitely is time in there to get a workout in. Todd mentioned going to the gym in that stretch...however, with eating and helping him get his lesson ready for the thing he is doing tomorrow...we don't have the time. Not problem...I can just as easily exercise at's just a thing of actually doing it!

I weighed roughly the same this morning.....about .2 pounds higher...but that was before any 'elmination'. (how gross to actually think about that in relation to my weight!)

Sunday, December 16, 2007

My weight was down to 183.4 this morning. I have tried to be careful what I've eaten today. I did exercise this morning. However, just a bit ago, I saw a chocolate chovered marshmallow santa that I was given on Friday at our party...and I ate it! I thought about it...and almost went to the kitchen to chuck it into the garbage before even opening it. But then I opened it...smelled it and promised myself one little bite. Yeah right...the whole thing went down the hatch! What's wrong with me?????

My manager at work is a tiny little thing. She has utterly no concept of what I'm going through to get my weight under control. She was so tickled to see me eating bad stuff. In a way it is funny....but Janet put it the best way. Janet made this comment to me, she said, "We should all be ashamed, because we encouraged you to do something that we knew was something that was utterly wrong for you". I honestly think that my manager honestly doesn't get it.....she eats junk food like it's going out of style and doesn't gain a pound! And it just hit me...all except for the other part timer...the others either struggle or have struggled with weight them, watching me take a fall made them feel better about themselves....because they eat poorly every day. Someone even made the comment on the party day about my eating that "You are human". Just becuase I chose to eat healthy...I'm not human???? Like I said, only one person really truly seemed to understand. And that was only after the fact. ( it's also my favorite co-worker). I"m not saying that these people made me eat. I'm the only one that can make me eat. However, they encouraged and egged me on. Is it because for me to succeed makes them feel more of a failure?

The day was one big ball of reminders of how miserable I was as a 'big' girl. I felt yucky physically, emotionally, mentally...the whole nine yards. When I was big, I had a problem with my stomach hanging over my pants and rubbing on the button. It caused a sore....and often I had to wear a big band-aid over my stomach to keep this from happening.....and once it did happen to keep it from a) bleeding everywhere and b.) from hurting from the continual rubbing. This was so husband made light of it and it didn't bother him...but I was so ashamed, I didn't tell many people. Even writing it now hurts and causes tears. Well.....thankfully this 'phenomenon' disappeared as I lost weight....probably about 50 pounds ago or so. Well, I was wearing a pair of pants that fitted nicely on Friday...and whadya know...I came home and when I was taking off my pants realized that I had developed one of these sores! Now come on......I didn't gain that much weight? But...I can't deny it....I have the sore to prove it. So one more 'reminder' of how my current lifestyle and my previous lifestyle have really changed!

You know, one of the major things that I marvel about. When I was big...I invested in 'bath sheets' These are humongous double or triple the size of a regular bath towel. Almost every day when I shower I stand in awe when I realize that I can wrap a 'normal' bath towel around myself. You my highest, even the bath sheets didn't fit around me. Yes, I still love to use the bath sheets.....but they wrap almost double around me!

I need to focus on my goals! I know that staying focused after falling off the wagon is so difficult for a week or so......I've got to double up my efforts to help me get past that difficult period! And somehow do it during the Christmas holiday! I'll be needing to do a heap of praying!!!!

Saturday, December 15, 2007


Wow....I ate and ate yesterday. I haven't eaten like that in ages! Probably literally at least two years! When I last ate like that, it was a normal occurance. I know that after I started losing weight that I all of a sudden noticed that I wasn't feeling sick and slugish anymore. Well, after eating with no control, I have figured out that it wasn't just my was the kind of food and the amount of food that I was eating on a daily basis. Yes, I felt physically tired, run down, slugish and downright ill after eating like that! I told Todd that while I'm disgusted at what I did, on a personaly basis and disgusted at the weight that I've gained this week (I won't really have a true idea until the ick has moved on), I think I may have needed this eating binge to really see how my body feels when it's been shoved full of stuff like that! Now that I see...I don't ever want to go back to the feeling again!

This morning, as much as I wanted to ignore it, I got myself out of bed and exercised. I had a cup of yogurt for breakfast....I'll eat probably fruit and veggies for lunch. :-) Tonight for dinner we are having fiesta turkey's a pretty good meal. Healthy foods today!

I am also going to the grocery store today. Why...considering we are supposed to get a storm tonight......the stores will be super croweded with everyone buying stuff like mad because of the storm! Crazy...they buy like they will be snowed in for a month of Sundays! But, my refridge is bare. That's because we had vacation and we ate out every meal....that will be fixed by tonight though.

Friday, December 14, 2007


I don't know what to say. Last night I caved and made the pumpkin cookies that I've been really craving. I ate...ohhh more than a dozen. Then today at work was our holiday luncheon/party. Oh yeah, I've eaten pretty much constantly since I've come to work. Oh yeah, my stomach is hurting from the amount of bad food I've eaten! I am really scared to step on the scales....the damage has to be great. Maybe I should just ignore the scales for a few right and then step on. Hmmmmm I can't even talk now...I'm so un healthy feeling! The only good thing...I haven't eaten like this in YEARS and I used to eat like this constantly!!!!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Birthday vacation

Sunday morning I woke up and weighed in at 179.2 pounds!!!

It's been a busy few days. On Sunday Todd and I went up to Hershey PA. We had tickets to a hockey game. We ate lunch in Carlisle on the way up. We went to this little had pretty good food. When we got to hershey we roamed around a bit. I bought a new set of cookware for my kitchen. I bought Kitchen Aid. I love them and can't wait until I actually get to use them. We went through The chocolate world....I hadn't been through that in that was fun. The Hockey game was really neat to see. Todd hadn't ever been to a hockey game....I'd been to a few....and this onewas a fun as I remembered the other ones to be! On the way home, we at dinner at The Cracker Barrel. Nothing special or fancy...but I know what I can eat there that is still relativly healthy! I woke up the next morning...and weighed in at 179.6....not bad...we ate late and I did have a pretzel at the hockey game!

On Monday, my actual birthday,we stayed home during the day and got some projects donearound the house. We worked on the kitchen has been freezing in really cold weather (not cool at all). I got a butload of stuff over to our storage area. I cleaned out the closet really good. I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom and the bathroom! We went out to supper and on the way home rented two movies. We watched sicko that night. I woke up on Tuesday and knew that I would be up on the scales....I was tell tale sign that I was already dehydrated. Yeppers....I was at 180.2. DARN (Could it also be because the is almost here???)

Today...Tuesday, we ran around all day. We had meetings to attend, we had some shopping to do, we volunteered athte soup kithen.....we did make it to the gym. I ate horribly! I didn't do to badly at lunch. I had soup and salad. BUT, I knew going into this little vacation time that I wanted pizza at some point. And not the pizza that is halfway healthy that I can get at home...but Pizza Hut pizza. We used to eat Pizza Hut pizza at LEAST once a week. The last i'd had it was probably 3 months least! Well, I splurged tonight! It was soooooooo good! But, who knows what the scales will say tomorrow! I'm tempted to simply now weigh myself until Saturday or Sunday......we'll see how i feel tomorrow morning!

Something wild....I FINALLY got to pick up my ring today and have it fit correctly! I went from an eight and a half to a five and a half!!!! CRAZY!!! 3 complete ring sizes different1 What a nutty thing! And yes, I'm staring at my ring like I did when I first got it....I haven't worn the ring in about a year because it hasnt fit! It's been way too lose!!!! :-)

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Wooo hooo, my weight was at 180.2 this morning!!!! I'm sooo close to being in the 170's (at least on my home scales!) Wow, it just hit me.....I can clearly and vividly remember being in the 270's! I just figured it up. I've lost 41% of my body weight in the last few years. 41%!!!! FORTY ONE PERCENT! That just blows my pea pickin' mind! That makes me 5.2 pounds away from my new years goal of 175! It will still be tight, but I'm gonna try my hardest to make it! Probably one of the most difficult stretch for me is coming up this week. Todd and I are off for 4 days. Which means we'll be mosying around and eating out a lot. I can manage eating out....but it's more difficult eating out becuase I have to watch portion sizes and all that! AND doubly more difficult when we eat like every meal out. Even though it's my birthday vacation, I'm going to still try to eat more at home for this stretch. That and water drinking.....when I'm not at work, I tend to 'forget' to drink my water. I have to be diligent about it!!!

I woke up today and I just didn't want to get my tush out of bed! The thought of exercising about made me cry! I laid in bed for about 15 minutes. I had turned the light on...and then snuggled close to Todd. After about the third time of him asking me if I was awake, I finally drug myself out of the bed. Yes, I did exercise! Not that I wanted to! Not that I didn't hate every minute of it! Yes, I felt incredibly sluggish the whole time. No, it didn't make me feel more awake and energized like it usually does. BUT, I did it.....only a 20 minute routine...but I at least did something!

Dinner tonight is Chicken and Dumplins. I'll be working in the kitchen for a while...because that is a 'long prep time' dinner. I have some banana's that are getting a tad bit I'll probably make banana muffins also. WITH I'm not super tempted to eat them...and I'll freeze a good number of them so that they can be utilized better. If I make a whole slew of them...they go bad before todd can eat the whole batch...OR he eats and eats and eats them because he knows that they are going to go he has to gobble them up.....not good either way. But, if I bake them and freeze them in decent size servings..he can pull them out when he needs them and eat a few. Then the next time he's hungry for them he can pull some more out. It works much better that way. ALSO, he doesn't get sick of the same old same old if I do it this way. He can take a break from eating them when he wants. :-)

Todd's freight shipment didn't arrive yesterday like it was supposed to. We will need to find out on Monday when it is coming...that may put a damper on my birthday week plans. Oh least we don't have hotel reservations or something that we would lose the money on because we couldn't go!

Friday, December 07, 2007


Well...only 5 hours or work today and 4 hours tomorrow morning and Iwill have arrived at my mini vacation! I'm tickled! I need to have a little break! We are kinda playing this vacation time by ear. We have tickets to a hockey game. (I'm super excited about that as I love hockey!). But other than that, our plans are up in the air! Kinda whatever the mood strikes us to do!

I got the call yesterday that my jewelry was done. SO I beat a path to town last night to get them picked up. ARRGGH they were not sized correctly...they are BIG...big as in almost ready to fall off my fingers big. I was sooo excited to actualy have my rings the right size and to be able to wear them comfortably without them flopping all around. YEAH RIGHT! The lady finally told me that they would make it right for me...but they wanted me to wear the rings for the weekend. Ok...not sure what difference that will make. Yeah, I know my hands were a bit colder when I was there...HOWEVER, even with cold hands the ring should not be so loose as to be in danger of falling off!!!!! SOOOO I'm going to drop it off on Sunday. SHe told me that they would be able to resize it on Tuesday. That way I can pick it up on Tuesday night after Todd and I are finished volunteering at the soup kitchen. Tuesday is the only day that we are definitely not doing anything 'vacationy'. Todd has his board meeting at lunch time. I have to make it to one of my meetings at some point in the day. And at 4 or 4:30...we are going to volunteer at the soup kitchen. So that pretty much does up that day. I'm thinking that we will probably go to the gym between his board meeting (he'll eat lunch there...and I"ll go out with my mom) and volunteering at the soup kitchen. We'll probably go out to eat for dinner afterwards.

OK......this morning I was holding at 181.4. I'm pretty tickled with that......especially since my system seems to be a bit backed up again. (yes...sorry to those reading this if that was TMI). And the system being backed up does effect the weight in a negative way!

At that weight, I have 6.4 pounds to lose to make it to my New Years goal of being 175!!!!!! I may make this goal!!! Honestly, I haven't made many of the timed goals that I've set. Yeah, I've made all the weight goals....just not in the timeframe that I set aside for myself.....this one will be CLOSE as long as I stay diligent through the holidays...and especially through our four days off!

Thursday, December 06, 2007


The results of my Tuesday night weigh in...... 182.8 pounds. That put me at a 2.6 loss for last week. I'm so utterly proud of that loss! What an amazing loss to have when we were at parties...and I did all that baking! Actually Wednesday morning I weighed in at 181.4 pounds! I couldn't believe it. I forgot to weigh in this I'm not sure what's up today.

Yesterday morning I woke up and laid in bed for a while. I knew that I had to take my rings in to have their yearly check up. So I mentally put that on my to do list. All of a sudden, I decided that I'd waited long enough to have my rings sized! It's been a year since I wore my engagment ring and the wrap that Todd got me to go with it. A year...actually more than a year! I want to wear my rings! SOOOO...I went ahead and took them in. Had them checked and I left them there to be sized and to be soldered together into one ring! I'm so excited. They said that the work should be done by Thursday evening! SOOO I'm hoping to be able to go in tomorrow morning to pick them up! :-) Now I'm hoping that this last 30 pounds that I need to lose won't make that much of a difference in my ring size! Otherwise i'll have paid for the sizing in vain!

We got snow yesterday! Woo hooo! It made driving a bit sketchy...but it sure was pretty! I shovelled a bit yesterday and I went out today and finished up the shovelling and cleaned off the cars! I was pretty busy this morning/active wise. That's good. Tonight Todd works, so it will be a 'quiet' night for me. I'll probably work on my scrapbook some more! I'm having a lot of fun working on my scrapping. It is so much more fun when I don't have to worry about getting everything put away and the area cleaned up! Yeah, when I'm done I don't leave stuff just scattered here and there...but I don't have to pack up the whole shebang! I'm actually almost caught up with my last years worth of stuff! Does this mean that I can go back to all the stored stuff from years gone by (college even...eii yii yii) and get that stuff scrapped?????

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

This morning my weight was sitting at 183.4. Not my lowest. But, that should be a maintain or somewhere in the vacinity of a maintain. Yes, I have my goal to be 175 by New Years. But, realistically speaking, if I can make it through this rough birthday/holiday month with a maintain, I'll be satisfied. HOWEVER, I got to work at around 10Am. Shortly thereafter, I started to notice that every half hour or so I'd have to run to the bathroom. What's up with this. I usually only have problems 'holding' my water when I'm dehydrated. The day following a 'low drink' day I usually have to run to the bathroom constantly. I didn't have a low water consumption day why is my water running straight through me. Could I still have been somewhat dehyrdated for whatever reason???? I'm crossing my fingers...because with me drinking today.....and the constant trips to the bathroom to get rid of it...could mean a lower weight on the scales tonight! Dare I dream????

Monday, December 03, 2007

Nuggets of information from my recent read!

I feel as if I chose my foods wisely yesterday. We went to a church party last night.....and yes, I did eat a bit there. We ate late roughly 9PM. So, this morning, when I was going about my normal routine, I was getting ready to step onto the scales and decided not to. My reasoning. Number one, I ate late last night. Number two, lets just say that elmination hadn't occured yet! Nuff said!

I just finished a book called Mindless Eating, by Brian Wansink, PH.D. I found the book to be fascinating. It talked in depth about how certain things in our surroundings cause us to be unaware of our food choices, portions, and perceptions. Quite interesting for me, as I'm someone that is working to conquer my food addiction! So, here are some more little nuggets from the book.

If a person believs that a food is healthy, the food has what can be reffered to as a "health halo" where we imbibe in that food becuase it is "healthy". The problem is..this healthy halo frequently causes us to eat something, or more than we would normally eat. In essence, if we eat more of something because of the health halo, then the food is no longer good. I've seen people chose a healthy option of food, lets say the 25% less fat oreos. But they eat 4 instead of one...because it's 25% less which to them equates to being able to eat 3 extra!

The second nugget of information is the ice water versus room temperature water. I'll just do a direct quote on this one versus paraphrasing. "Interestingly, if you load that drink (32 ounces) with ice, you'll actually burn off a few of those calories. Since your body has to use energy to heat up an iced beverage, you actually burn about one calorie for every ice cold ounce you drink. So that 32 ounce drink will take you about 32 ounces to warm up in your body.

The third thing is the types of eaters out there. The first is the meal stuffer. This person doesn't eat badly any other time...but during meals they eat to excess. The second is the Snack Grazer...this person eats anytime food is available. The third is The party Binger. This person eats mostly and heavily at high distraction events. The fourth is the restaurant indulger. This person eats dinner out a LOT! The fifth is the desktop diner or dashboard diner...they are always eating on the run...multi tasking.

I can see myself mainly as a meal stuffer and also a bit of a restaurant indulger! Looks to me like the tips that he gave for these two tips of eaters are things I'm already doing....EXCEPT for the half plate thing...half the plate is filled with veggies and the other half is proten and starch. The other thing that I don't religiously do is to use a smaller plate!!! I'm goign to try to use the smaller plate at Christmas!!!

Sunday, December 02, 2007


I was nervous. Yesterday afternoon, I kinda lost control for a few short moments. I had three....or was it four (hmmmm, I can't remember, it's all a blur) cookies! YIKES! I so wanted to throw in the towel and eat at will last night. HOWEVER, I didn't. I prayed for wisdom and strength to eat conciously. I chose carefully! This morning I stepped on the scales. 182.4! That is my lowest weight thus far!!!! WOO HOOO! It really brings home how easily it is to throw in the towel when all is not truely lost!!!!!!!

I'm once again praying for wisdom and strength in my eating today! Another function tonight...with desserts and yummy things! I've already exercised...and Todd and I are running around all day at least I won't be immobile!

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Happy December

The cookie making last night went fairly well. I took a small amount of raw cookie dough....probably less than or equal to one cookie and I ate one completed/baked cookie. The rest of the time I chewed gum. Todd did ask for popcorn when I was done I did make that and I had a small bowl. (the problem with that...he likes parasean cheese on his). So this morning I stepped on the scale...up one pound. WHAT??? I actually HAD the points for the cookies......I had the points for the popcorn...WHAT'S up with that????? Well, I did wake up thirsty, and as I realized/wrote about last the time you are thirsty you are already dehydrated. Last week I was up a pound the morning I woke up thirsty. ALSO, I had not...well.....eliminated my waste before my weigh in. That I know can also affect it by at least a pound (from my experience). SOOO in light of those two things....I think being a pound up isn't all that bad!!!!

I plan on eating tonight at the party. I think it was last years Christmas party (the same people) that I ate before I went to the party and then didn't eat there. I'm planning on eating lightly for that I can have a taste of the good stuff tonight. After I've had a HEALTHY portion. (not healthy as in a large portion...but healthy as in healthy portions and options) I am going to pop the gum into my mouth and chew chew chew my way into good health!