Thursday, August 07, 2014

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

I'm sending my food intake on a daily basis to my friend via email.  I know that she will keep me honest and tell me straight up if I mess up.  She won't pull her punch when she sees my food intake. 

    I will freely admit that I had a lunch malfunction today.  I made a peanut butter cup protein shake for my lunch and threw in a banana for good measure.  I had it in the fridge at work and went to pull it out at lunch.  I took a few sips.  It was pretty good. On about the 4th sip I got this weird fibrous stringy thing.  Was it a string from the banana?  It was really firm and didn't break apart though.  What the heck?   I plodded through...and took another sip.  Another piece of 'whatever' flowed into my mouth.  I was off to the only food place in town (ok, there is a bar also) and I ate a turkey and cheese sub (1/2) and some chips for my lunch.  It will totally throw my calorie count out of whack but I couldn't eat a shake with some kind of unidentifiable sticks in it!   The chips were over the top.  I didn't need them...I shouldn't have had them.  And my mouth was dry and pasty the rest of the day.  

Friday is the 5k Donut Alley Rally in Hagerstown.  I ran this race/run last year.  It is sponsored by a really cool donut shop in Hagerstown and is for the Wounded Warrior Foundation.   It's a great run....and yes, I ran it last year.  Last year I ran it after coming off a month or two of not running due to plantars fasciitis .  I ran it with some friends and had a blast.
It poured down rain at one point...that's not all sweat!

This year no one is running it with me.....and I have been inconsistent with my runs, to say the least.  Once again I'll be running this 5k one with my heart and not based on my training.  I'm hoping to at least keep my time in the same general area as my most recent 5k's.  We shall see!   As for the donut afterward??????   Get back with me later on that one!  I did indulge in ONE last year!

I coulnd' tget the burning of the dreams out of my mind after my last post.  It wa stuck there since my friend talked about it. Id din't go away when I wrote about it in my recent post.  And when some of you seconded the motion, it became cemented there.  I thought about it last night as I sat in my car waiting for zumba to begin.  I know I need to let go of some of these dreams and as I sat there pondering the act of burning them I started to cry.  I warred with myself, would I actually have the guts to set the match to the paper?????   

A plan came to mind!  Index cards.  On one side I would write my dream and on the other side I would write why I am struggling to let go of that dream  I would also write the positive aspects of letting go of that dream and thus moving on.  I spent some time making these cards.  I wrote down the dreams I wanted to burn.

I also spent some time writing down some of the dreams I have for the future.  No, I'm not going to burn the future dreams, I just felt that it was important to have something to fill the void.   Some of them are goals, like lose weight.  Some of them are thoughts and ideas I have had in the past.  Some are simple building onto our house to make it a bit more 'palatable'.   Some are self explanatory and others have meaning to only me.  But I made a small stack of dreams.

I sat with the two stacks of cards beside me.  I cried.  I didn't know if I could burn them.  And quite frankly, I didn't know if it would help.  Finally tonight, Thursday night I was able to go out to the fire pit.  The teaching card was so easy to lite up. I've given that dream up a while and have small vague fits of sadness over that lost dream.  The other two were BIG. They were HUGE and I admittedly struggled with lighting them up. And Admittedly I cried some more.

I don't know if it will help.  The one item that I burned totally brought clarity to my mind, I just don't know how to move forward with it.   All I can say is that it's worth a try.  (And thank you to Sherry, Timothy and Lori for their encouragement to take this route)

I'll keep you posted!  In the meantime...I'm heading out to the hot tub......hey, it's part of my 'no exercise preparation for my 5k'!!!