Thursday, May 30, 2019

Revealing the number: admitting my weight

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This past weekend I had a startling revelation. It was in regards to my weight loss and my efforts… OK maybe my lack of weight loss and my regain. I have been very open about admitting that I have gained weight. I am very honest about the struggles to lose weight. However, I have been very close lipped about exactly where I am at. Oh, I know exactly where I am at. I just haven’t wanted to say the words and numbers. This weekend I did and while doing it, I realized that it was an injustice to myself to keep it quiet. So here we are, the end of the month and it’s time for my goal review and time to set new goals for the next month. Is there a better time to have the grand reveal of my true ugly current weight?  Nope, I didn’t think so either!!!

So let’s start with the weight thing.  Jason and I were riding our bikes this past weekend and we started to talk about changes that we want to make in our life. Changes to make us better…healthy changes.  My big change is that I need to get this weight off my body. I am getting older, and this excess weight is going to come back to haunt me sooner or later.  We talked about how everything is harder for me because of these excess pounds I carry. (Running and biking in particular!)  Typical of how I have handled my weight lately, I skirted the subject of what my weight actually is....just alluding to the excess pounds.  I skirted it for a while..until he asked me flat out what I weigh.  (The question was born from his love for me and his desire for me to be healthy and happy.). I hesitated and actually said ‘you don’t want to know’.   But yes he did.  So I admitted it.  As of that morning my weight weight was 249 pounds.  Ouch!  That hurt to say!!!    We carried on and he didn’t wreck his bike in shock...which is what was halfway expecting!  Lol. He just said, “WE need to work on that so that you can live a long healthy life but mostly because I know it bothers YOU

How’s that for support?  Yup, he’s a keeper!   

After I admitted my weigh it became less of an albatross around my neck!  I’ve admitted now I aim fix it!!!  I even admitted it to a coworker who was talking about her weight a day or two later...yes I’m free from the hiding!   So, don’t they say the first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem (forgive me for totally botching the twelve step program 13 step program!).   But yes, I feel relieved to actually have it out there.   So here I am.  I have admitted. Next step please!

It’s  hard to believe that May is almost over. That means it’s time to look back to May’s goals and see how I did… Here we go!

1. Track every bite of food!    I went rogue during the middle of the month and didn’t track a bite for about two weeks!  Boooo!
2.  Put money into my savings. Done...barely a success...I spent a fair amount of money this month!!!  The only way I’m having any success is because this is my month to have three paychecks!  
3.  Weigh less than I do now!  I don't care if it's a measly ounce...I want to weigh less!   As of right now, it is looking like it...barely though!!!   (Those darn pesky two weeks in the middle of the month!!!)
4.  Do something active (a walk suffices) at least 3 times a week.   I have admittedly struggled with this.  The second half of the month became more consistent due to my lunchtime walks.   But I’m aiming to get better in June!!
5. Keep my eating in check for at least 6 days a week. I  have no clue since I didn’t track most of the time!!
6.  Walk at least an average of 5 k steps a day...The first part of the month was sketchy. I only hit or exceeded my goal 6 times in the first 15 days.  However starting on May 16th I rocked the step count!  I only missed it twice and most days I was closer to 7k steps!  (As for the two below 5k days, we were on our bikes those days so does that count as a fail??). 

My goals for June are somewhat similar, with one or two small tweaks… 

1. Track every bite of food! 
2.  Put money into my savings. 
3.  Weigh less than I do now!  I don't care if it's a measly ounce...I want to weigh less!   As of the 31st of May that number is 247.2.
4.  Do something active (a walk suffices) at least 3 times a week and at least two runs a week.
5. Keep my eating in check for at least 6 days a week. 
7.   Walk at least  of 5 k steps a day at least five days a more average for the month!!!
8.  Transparency with my weight...even if it goes up!!! (Not gonna.. thisis my month!!!)

So it’s in the open!   My weight is out there for the world to see.  My plans are laid for June!    No more matter what!   Yeah, I've got this!!!