Wednesday, May 08, 2019

Despair: loss of control

The last few days have been a bit odd for me.  I don’t rightly know what has happened on the scales.  You can read between the lines and see a gain I’m sure. It has caused despair and confusion and sadly enough a loss of control!  It has been a rollercoaster of physical feelings from sick to  hunger to being stuffed.

So let’s start at the beginning....the weekend!  I wrote about the weekend on Monday so I won’t belabour the weekend information.  I will just say that my food wasn’t that bad.  My calorie intake was on the high end of my set range and only over by close to 100 calories on one day.  My weight was low on the weekend.  I was overall pretty happy.

Then comes Monday.  (Imagine dark dramatic music playing in the background.). I woke up.  The medicine was working and I was relatively pain free...I was terribly quesey though!  I stepped on the scales and boom my day came crashing down around my ankles.  6 pounds?  The day before had been my higher calorie count but was only about 100 calories over the top of my range...we are talking 1700 calories!  The other days had been within range.  Six pounds??  No way!!!  This was messed up!

The only thing I could think of was the medicine...but upon checking them there were no reports of issues such as water retention or anything!  But still I hoped! The queasiness persisted and I actually didn’t take the any medicine until later in the day...and one medicine I didn’t take at all.  That came back to haunt me as the pain returned full force.  Lovely....NOT.  

So I woke up on Tuesday in pain but ready to step back on the scales.  Surely the number I saw on Monday was a temporary aberration! wasn’t! And thus started a mondaybof no control.  I was no longer quesy and in fact I found myself constantly hungry!  Hungry to the point of hunger pains (hunger pains surprise the heck out of me...rare feeling!).   My newly found (second time around) intermittent fasting went out the window as I ate something for breakfast.  I followed that up with my lunch...not the healthy one I packed...but a super filling (calorie laden) one from the cafeteria.  I did eat the strawberries from my lunch for an afternoon snack!  (A snack I didn’t need) and then I had a full dinner!     And then the hunger went away and I felt sick to my stomach!  

Today I plan on returning to the intermittent fasting.  I plan on sticking to my packed lunch.  I plan on taking my meds as required. My still up.  Way up.  But I will drink my water and watch and hopefully it will settle back down pretty quickly!

I have this and I’m going to win this war against my obesity!  I am not going to live as a fat woman for the rest of my life!   Days like Monday and Tuesday will NOt get me there.  I don’t rightly know what happened...I’m currently blaming the medications.  But we shall see!  In the meantime, I march onward!!!