Thursday, July 17, 2014

Challenge Accepted!

I'm tired of this journey.  I've been working on losing weight (failing miserably at some points.....hanging on by the skin of my teeth for others) that I'm just tired of the journey.  Tired tired tired!!!!!!  I believe that factor plays a role in my choices.  It plays a role in how I look at my friend (food). It plays a role in how I interact with the texture and taste of the foods that I want to try and experience. You see, I'm a foodie that also happens to have an addiction.  Bad combination!   It's been so long and I'm just so ready for the next step.  However, I'm not there.  I've got some more weight to lose.

I was asked a question today.  What made me want to lose weight in the first place.  I started to think about that.  I wasn't unhappy as an overweight girl.  I always kind of knew that I had some weight to lose but I really never knew I was overweight.  Go figure.  I had vague thoughts every once in a while to get fit.  Never really to lose weight.  I had visions of being 'fit'.     Looking back I can see where I was overweight.  Want to see?????

College pictures.......I'm obviously back row far left in the top picture and the far left gal in the bottom picture.

So as you can see I do have some excess pounds. I liked myself.  I was happy.  So what changed to make me want to lose weight???    What life defining moment caused me to stand up and say "MaryFran, it's time to lose weight"?   Yes indeed.  What?   I had to really think about that.  There was no life defining moment.  There was no traumatic moment.

So how did it all start?  I had a friend that was talking about losing weight. She was a really                                                                                              good friend of mine and somehow in the midst of a conversation we somehow made a bet.  The first person to lose weight naturally was the winner and would win a new pair of jeans, purchased by the loser.  I was all about that!   It started me on my journey.   A little competition.  

So how did this play out in the conversation????   I had already admitted that I have a wee little goal in my mind.  I was going to write out my goal on here in my last post.  I started to and then backspaced it into oblivion.  But that is wrong.  I have never prescribed to hiding the good the bad and the ugly and now is not the time to start.  So I'm laying it out here and now.   I have some tentative plans right around August 16th and 17th that I'm already looking forward to.  (hopefully they will pan out...and if not, there will be a reschedule for a later date I'm sure)   And my weight has absolutely nothing to do with that date...but the date is in my hey, why not combine a weight loss goal with that date.  Seems like a good plan to me!   So, I'm hear by declaring that I have a goal to lose 10 pounds by then.  That is 10 pounds in one month.  That's a tough goal.  But that's my goal!   I shared my goal with my friend tonight and after we talked about how I work well with challenges she looked at me and said "I challenge you to lose 10 pounds in the next month and I challenge myself to lose 5"  (She's very close to her 5 will be a tough goal for her also!).  I readily accepted and together almost at the same time we both proposed a monetary prize. The loser pays the winner 10 bucks!    Oh yeah!  Game on!!!!!!!!   We refined the challenge one last time.  If we BOTH make our goal....she gets a baby sitter for the kids and she and I go out to a nice dinner.  (husband attendance optional and decided upon at a later date!)  We shook on it and I worked  my hardest to try to get her to buy some ice cream for herself after our walk.  Hey, she was stopping at the ice cream store to buy it for her husband and kids....why not get one for her!   Stop,  don't feel too bad for her.....we lost power for a few days earlier this week and I had my three different kinds of ice cream in the fridge (all divided up into 1/2 cup containers) and the ice cream was the casualty.  Ice cream after it melts just isn't separated and is just kinda nasty.  So HER response was for me to take all of that ice cream...blend it together and have a big milkshake!!!  Nice try!  No dice though my dice!

So right.....yet so wrong

I ate a whoopie pie for lunch.  No, not as a dessert.  I ate it FOR lunch.  Yes, that was my lunch.   Not exactly healthy.  Not exactly balanced.   And I wager, in calories it was probably more than 1/3 of my daily 'allowance'.     Ohhh not that bad eh?   Do you want to talk about the rest of the day in food?   French toast for breakfast.  (MMMM, this local diner...Mt. View Diner....has the BEST french toast!) and of course I had to order a side of home fries.   Dinner was a BLT and some cole slaw.    Where is there anything healthy in that?  Other than the tomato and lettuce in my BLT???    And somewhere in there I may have had a small individual bag of pretzels.  Ohhh and I just remembered the slices of cheese.....yeah, quite a few slices of cheese....5 maybe?

What's wrong with me?   I want this.  I really want this.  I want my 100 pounds gone celebration.  I want to wear all my 'thin clothes'.  I WANT THIS.  But I just can't seem to get it together.  Why???

I don't have an easy solution.  I don't think it's going to be a quick snap of my wrist and voila I lose.  However, I do believe that the problem lies in the habits and beliefs that are buried deep inside me.   You see, I want this.  Oh I want it badly.  However, for most of my life I have had a relationship with food in that food is comfort.  Food is my friend. Food is love.  Eating some delectable food item fills me with a sense of well being....a high if you want to call it that.   And I do enjoy the complex flavors and tastes.  It consumes me and warms me.   This has been a lifelong thing (yes, lets call it what it's an addiction) these feelings are what feels right and natural.  

So, Yesterday we were out roaming around (ok ok ok, we were scanning river banks for good stones/rocks for a backyard project!) and I just wanted to visit my 'old friend'.   I wanted something sweet.  I wanted something delectable and tasty on my tongue.  The urge to have that sense of well being.  I wanted to feel the taste burst on my tongue.  I wanted to experience that sense of 'rightness' flow over me.  And I did....I went into our local bakery and when I saw the whoopie pie, I just HAD to have it.  (If I were still living in Western, PA I would probably refer to it as a Gob...ha ha ha).    It was right.  It was tasty.   I won't say it was the wrong decision for me.  I don't plan on living a life where I deny myself the tasty treats in life.  HOWEVER,  it opened my eyes.  It made me realize that I'm slipping up in my eating.  That has to change.  I need to tighten the ropes!     I have a goal.  Small, short term and I'm going to work towards it!

Yesterday evening I got a text from my husband.  "Can you stop by the studio on the way to Zumba"  Of course I can.  I stopped and before I could get into the door he said "Don't be mad, but I just had to do something".

I walked further into the studio and there he sat holding this little creature.  It looked like the size of a mouse.   Apparently one of the cats outside the studio had a kitten.  Like...had a kitten on the doorstep.....and then disappeared, leaving this tiny living being wrapped in the umbilical cord and covered with birth fluids.   My husband carted it inside and then went and picked up the kitten survival kit. (We usually have some of this on hand but he did have to restock because our hot water bottle broke on the last kitten rescue).  The kitten was active as all get out.   I held it and then went to zumba....and while I was at zumba I got another text....uhhhhhhh  I was loading the car to go home and heard another cry...the cat apparently had the second kitten in a pile of wet wood and leaves.  He added this one to the container carrying the fist (after spending some time feeding and warming it up).  Sooooo we are back in kitten nursing stage.  Bottle feeding (or rather eye dropper feeding...although the one really prefers to lick the formula off of our hands...go figure....hey, i'm not complaining, that will make the transition to eating on it's own so much easier).    So here we are....AGAIN.  I can not have any more cats in my house.  Temporary is ok.....kinda.  So I'm praying that if these kittens live (they are in the bathroom off the living room right now and I can hear them 'crying') that we can easily find them homes...I will say...kittens raised by humans from such a young age make THE BEST pets!