Monday, August 17, 2020

Shame from my Obesity

 It is no secret that I am overweight, obese really.  I can't hide it.  All it takes is one glance and it is clear that I have a weight issue.   Luckily for me, I have managed to ride this storm of obesity without too many emotional issues and hang ups.  But I have one big one.   I get embarrassed to be buying things for a healthy life.  Yeah, isn't that crazy!

Years upon years ago when I bought my first bike as an adult, I was kind of embarrassed to go buy a bike and spend a lot of money.  I was probably almost 300 pounds at that point.  All I could think about was what were the salesmen thinking about this fat girl buying a bike.  I was sure they were thinking it!  But I screwed up my courage and I did it anyway!  I went and bought my bike. (This was in 2001 and I bought a Trek Navigator).   Yes, it took courage and no...I have NEVER regretted my decision.  

You would think that I would have learned my lesson to gather my courage right?  But no.....I still struggle with it.   A few years back I went to replace a pair of hiking boots. I replaced them with the exact same make and model of boot.   This should have been an easy purchase.   But it wasn't.  I went to the shoe section and asked for the shoe that I was interested in.  The sales person brought me the shoe I requested and then proceeded to do the shoe sales man game.  They had me try on a shoe a size smaller.  Why, I still don't know!  And then they insisted that they knew what they were doing and the smaller size was what I needed.   I was a fat girl in a healthy fit persons store and I felt out of place and shy.  All of those feelings of being 'a fish out of water' flowed over me.  I didn't stand up for myself and I bought those 'size smaller' shoes.   

I didn't notice too much of an issue with the new shoes at first.   Mainly because life happened and we didn't hike much.   When we did hike it was just little short hikes.  It wasn't until we started to hike regularly this year that I realized that there was a huge problem.  (And yes, it is to my shame that it took me years to really reach this decision).    I knew that my shoes were not comfortable and that the longer I hiked they more my feet bothered me.   But it wasn't until we hiked for over 5 hours that I knew something had to change IMMEDIATLY!   After the 5 hour hike, my feet were so sore.  In particular, my toes.  They hurt so badly each time we went downhill (because they bumped the front of my boot) and for days upon days afterward they hurt anytime something touched the toenails.......the sheets covering my feet in bed hurt!   I had to do something.  

I did buy a new pair of boots on Friday.  I like them.  They are comfortable.   THey will be great for certain types of hiking. (But I will still need a heavier pair of boots for more rough terrain).  

I could have saved myself so much trouble had I just stood up for myself and gotten over the shame and embarrassment when I bought those last boots.  I would have certainly purchased the correct size boot. (I would assume).  I wouldn't have let a salesperson talk me into something that I kind of suspected was wrong.   I allowed myself to be shadowed and it backfired.   That is my shame!  I am out there doing it.  It doesn't matter what a sales person thinks.  It doesn't matter that they THINK they know more than I in every situation.  They do not.  Their advise is awesome....but it's NOT the end all be all answer!  Trust yourself!