My Story

I had a rather normal childhood.  I was not overweight as a child.  In fact, I remember being called 'petite and dainty."

   I preferred to play dolls and school in my bedroom, but I also spent plenty of time outside.  I remember very clearly playing and pretending that I was one of the California Motorcycle Cops.  I grew up in the 70's and 80's and the tv show "Chips" was a big hit at that point.  I don't remember if I played Ponch or John but I know that I cruised up and down my street on my trusty bike as a "CHIP."  I remember lots of fun in the snow and in the back yard with my brother.  And I remained 'dainty' for many years.
When I was about 12 years old, we moved to Florida from Pennyslvania and almost immediately my weight started to climb.  I guess I just wasn't as active and other than swimming in our pool, I spent most of my time inside.

   The weight gain continued through high school and college and by the time I was in my mid 20's it was out of control.

 When I was in my early 30's I started to work on my weight.  If I want to be really honest, I wanted to lose the weight in order to 'save my struggling marriage."  In some warped messed up way, I thought that if I lost the weight then my then husband would love me  (This was probably fueled in part by his off-hand comments to me that always made me feel inferior and not good enough.)  I lost the first 30-40 pounds easily, mostly with just the elimination of soda but then my weight loss stalled.  I turned to Weight Watchers to help me.  It was the best decision for me at the time.  Weight Watchers taught me that no food is taboo.  It taught me to eat lots of fruits and veggies.  And it taught me that my eating is really just a big budget and I needed to simply to keep my intake and my output balanced.

By golly, it worked!!!!  I lost weight.  I lost a LOT of weight!

I was on cloud nine!  I had more energy then I ever though possible.  I was living the dream!  But the whole purpose of losing weight backfired on me.  Of course it did!  Weight loss doesn't make someone love you.   In defeat, I started to eat....and I started to gain.

Even as I gained, I remained physically active to become what I dubbed, "The Fittest Fat Person."
I rode bikes.
I went to a LOT of zumba classes.

I even took up running!

I had some ups and downs on the scales over those years.   I would start to lose and then the depression and despair over the state of my marriage would kick in and I would start to eat.  Then I would tell myself that I was worth it and start to lose...but then my ex would make comments or exhibit a behavior that would throw me into a tailspin of feeling utterly worthless and I would give up.  It was a vicious cycle for my weight but an even more vicious cycle for my emotional state.  I was in a BAD place.

I eventually got brave enough to leave my marriage.  But the damage was done.  I had regained about 50 pounds and my confidence was wrecked!  (Who am I that point it was more like ‘what confidence’.)

I ran a lot in the year after my separation/divorce. I went to a LOT of Zumba classes.  But I was still eating my emotions.  I still felt totally inferior.  Words and actions can have a long long term negative affect on emotions.  

About a year after my divorce I met a most incredible man.   It scared me to death to risk my heart.  It blew my mind though the depth of feelings that grew for this man. 

I all of a sudden wanted to live again!  I wanted to be healthy!  I wanted to be the best me!  

And the best thing of all?   He loves me just the way I am!!!

And there begins the next stage of my journey.  Losing...part deux   Luckily for me, I am with a super supportive man.  And even better?

  He loves to hike and guess who he takes with him?

He also loves to ride bikes and guess who he takes with him?
I have done this one...I can do it again!

My reasons for losing this weight are still the same as they were in 2006 when I first wrote 'my story."
For some more before and after pictures from my first go-round with weight loss you can read this post and this blog post that also shows a picture of me that I saw and didn't recognize myself!

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