The Blame Ultimately Lies with ME!

I can babble on endlessly about how stressful my week was with everything breaking down. Or about how I had no choice with eating out so darn many times. I can also talk about the fact that on my normal weigh in days I eat really lightly...lots of fruits and veggies. That wasn't true of yesterday. I ate at the Waffle House. I ate healthier than I normally would have (I forwent the potatoes). However I still ate a sandwich.....I also ate more during the day then I normally would have. So I think that skewed my results a bit also. However, I know that the blame ultimately lies with me. Other people can get through situations like that just fine without gaining. My willpower was what was lacking...nothing else! I am the one responsible for my actions. Situations and things in my life need to dealt with in positive manners. Not by eating and nibbling and all kinds of stuff like that! That is not healthy. I may be able to eventually make it to my goal weight with that mentality...but I won't be able to keep it off. To keep it off, I need to really learn how to deal with these situations. Easier said than done.

Meanwhile, I had also stopped exercising. Last week i was going to start....did it for two days and then fell by the wayside. So I'm starting again today. I already exercised this morning! One day down! :-)

Sometimes I wonder where my mind is!

Yes, I wonder where in the world my mind is when I'm thinking about food and my choices before and while I'm eating. It is so easy to slip into the old MaryFran and eat what I want with no regard to my new lifestyle, my weight or even how what I'm eating is going to make me feel! Last night I overindulged. No, I didn't eat awfully bad. I had a veggie plate and a side salad at the restaurant we went to. I know your thinking what's the problem. The problem is that I had the salad with the full fat salad dressing (used every last drop that they give). I had my 4 veggies.......sweet potato, baked beans, mashed potatoes and green beans. Ok, so at least the green beans were good...however I'll be the first to admit that they were swimming in grease! Can we say Carb City for my meal???? Oh yeah....3 rolls! Uhhh yeah....that would be three.....3....yes not one, not two but three rolls. WITH butter! OUCH.

I've cooked at home today for lunch.....just a small meal. I have 9 points for dinner! I can do that. I just checked and my dinner is actually 7 points for the dinner...which gives me a point for a piece of fruit with my dinner! AND a point to spare! :-)

I was so determined to get back to the exercise......uhhhhhh I was really good for about 2-3 days.....then it went down the tubes! I'm hoping that it only happened that way because our week was so crazy and wild. (company here for two days.....my brother visitning others.....etc etc etc). I know that exercise plays such and integral part of weight loss for me!

Today is a quiet day for me. Todd's working...and I've got to be somewhat quiet. So I'll be reading or playing on the computer all day. Normally I would be able to watch tv quietly...however last night our sattelite receiver blew up...literally smoking! (it wasn't even on!) So Tv is out until we can get that replaced! Now that I think about it.....this week is also a weeek to have things just break down! The dryer is on the blink (we are waiting for a call from the repair company that the extended warranty people put in a call to...at least this one is covered by the extended warranty). THEN, the screen door.....litterally the hinges broke....first the top and we didn't realize it...and that pulled the bottom ones out of whack...so after church, in the pouring rain we had to try to fix the screen door and ended up removing it. My kitchen sink....it's porcelin (how the heck to do you spell that?) ...and the porcilin literally is falling off! ARRGGHHHH We are going to try to patch it for now.....until we decide what we are going to do...how much longer we are going to live here! Lets see....I think that's it. NOPE....Todd's car is in the garage! It's been rough.

Yeah...speaking of Todd's car. Last Thursday he had my car for the day. SO he dropped me off at work and was supposed to pick me up at 5 when I got off. Well, I know he sometimes gets involved in things so I tried to call him at 4:30 and every 10 minutes thereafter. At 5PM, he still hadn't shown up. So at 5:15 or so, my boss offered to take me home. I accepted....I would have walked the 2 miles but it was rainy. I walked in the door and Todd mentioned how I was late....I asked him, "Did you forget something?" He looked at me blankly and said, "I don't think so". I looked at him and said, "ME"! HE still didn't get it...because he still looked very confused. It wasn't until I actually said, "You have my car...you were supposed to pick me up" That he realized what he did! Nope..I'm not mad...but it sure has been fun to tease him!

Slow slow work

Why in the world does the weight come on so easily...but take so long to be eradicated??? I literally gained 5 pounds for the two days we were in Lancaster....yet it's been more than a week and I haven't dropped those 5 pounds! I have to keep telling myself that it is slow work and I don't want to rush it...I want to do it healthy and the correct way! But it really is food for thought.....oops no pun intended on the 'food' comment!

Last night got to visit with a great friend of mine from my teen years! I hadn't seen this girl in 17 years. That's soooo long! So it was very interesting.

We've eaten out WAY Too much this week! WAY TOO MUCH! It is so much more difficult to lose weight when you are eating out every meal! I'm determined to cook at home most of this coming week! First of all I have the food....second of all it is easier for me to manage food at home!!!!!

Struggling!

I'm so struggling tonight! I'm just plain and simple hungry! I can't stop eating! What to do...what to do? Ok, I know in my head to stay away from the kitchen. But that is so much easier said than done! I need strength!!!!!! Come on willpower! Come on something!

I can deal with the weight gain. HOwever, I'm having some difficulty dealing with the fact that I'm no longer in onederland! Yes...I totally and royally screwed it up! ARRGGHHHH I'm 201! I know it will come off! I'm not concerned. I'm not giving up. I'm not anything...except PO'd at myself! How could I have been stupid enough to let it happen? Anything but losing my foothold in onederland!

I haven't been exercising regularly. I got out of the habit when I had the cold while my brother's family was in town. I never got back in the habit. I'm starting that tomorrow. No ifs ands or buts! I know that is a big part of my success. I have to get all the spokes in this wheel moving in the same direction. Until then, I'm not going anywhere...at least not fast!

I think I can, I think I can!

I set a goal for myself to be at least back under 200 by my official weigh in. That weigh in is tonight. According to my scales this morning...as long as I don't mess it up....I should be under....BARELY under...but under. That is if it holds to the pattern that my home scales weigh me about a half of a pound heavier than the official meeting scales! 200.4 on the home scales! Ahhhhh soo close! But I'm letting this be a lesson to myself. I fought to get under 200.....it was a long hard battle....and after only 2-3 weeks I messed it up! NO WAY...not again!

I've been terrible with exercising. I just plain and simple haven't done it lately! I think I've exercised twice in the last three weeks! That's pitiful! While we were travelling I did at least walk a good bit....but it's just not the same! I need to make that a focus...getting back in the exercise routine! As much as I dread doing it.....it needs to be done! For me, starting the exercise routine is the worst. Once I get back in it...then I don't mind it...but the first few times, I just dread the sore legs...sore arms.....and general tiredness!

Well...it's back to work for me today. My vacation is over...boo hooo!

Results of a vacation and family visit!

Yes, the unofficial results are in. I've gained.....I've uhhh gained a fair amount. Uhhhh I'm no longer in onederland! I'm pretty bummed about it. I never wanted to see that 2 as my first number in my weight again. NEVER. ANd here I am just a few weeks later back in twooterville! ARGHHHH! I'm determined to get rid of it as quickly as possible....... nothing drastic or unhealthy of course! I'm hoping to at least hold onto onederland for my official weigh in. I'm not that far off of onederland so it is possible! I"m hoping that a lot of it is water retention....from not drinking enough and from more salty food! I can hope eh? I actually feel that I didn't eat too poorly. Yes, I did have my much coveted and dreamed about piece of Shoo Fly Pie...but I ate complete veggie meals. I ate fruit cups for breakfast...etc etc etc! Soooo that is where I stand.

It has showed me that I really don't have total control over my food yet! I've still got a long ways to go in my mental journey to losing weight!

Satisfied

I'm sitting here satisfied in more than one way. We ate dinner and I'm physically satisfied from what I ate (it's my splurge night.......after my weigh in). BUt I'm also satisfied with my weigh in results. I actually gained .4 pounds. Yes, I'm satisfied with a half pound gain. We travelled......I made better choices that I previously would have...however I do know that I made some more poor choices! My aim was to actually maintain. I didn't quite do that...but close enough that I can kinda consider it a maintain.

We are going away again on Thursday.....this time to Lancaster CO, PA. I'm nervous about that also. But I'm determined to do it!

hanging on

I'm hanging on. I actually think I've dropped on the scales this week thus far. I'm a bit concerned though because Todd and I are going to be doing a slight bit of travelling on Sunday and Monday. Then we are home for like two days and then we will be away for three more days. I'm hoping to hold onto my weight loss that I'm seeing for this week! But I'll admit...I'll be happy to come out of these next two weigh in's with a maintain! I'm going for a loss though! :-)

Meanwhile, I think things in my life are settling down a bit.....other than my quest for a different job. I'm still keeping that on a back burner...but everything else seems to be falling into place.

The other week when I hit onederland I dropped a point. It's actually pretty funny. I really don't miss that point. I've been able to manage without it just fine. Crazy eh?

Sometimes its the snail that wins!

Yes, I posted a loss this week. It was only a .6 loss....but a loss nonethe less! Meanwhile, I'm not able to exercise because I'm all congested and can barely breath under the best of conditions let alone while exercising! I have been eating pretty healthily during the last few days though! :-)

My week

Things have been going ok for me. I've had a few heavy meals here and there...but I've really watched what else I've eaten on those days and miraculously my weight is remaining pretty stable. One day I was up about 2 pounds...but I really do feel that it was water retention! I'm hoping for at least a small loss this week. Yeah, I'd like another 2 pound loss or so. But I'll be happy with a maintain or small loss! Just no gain! Ok, I'll not be happy with a small one...but I'll be ok with it!

I am really trying to keep myself fresh with this program and not slip into the 'same old same old' again. Because it's when I'm in that stage that I stop losing! I don't want to hex myself but I think my bad months of one week gain, one week lose back and forth may be past me. I've had two weeks of steady losses. That's another reason i'm hoping for a nice loss again!

Meanwhile, I haven't exercised yet today. That is bad. I know that Todd is working until about 6 and then he wants to go out to dinner. So we won't be getting home until like 8 or so. I have to do laundry then. (which I can do while exercising I'm sure). But once it gets to a certain time...I struggle with exercising! I'm going to perservere though!

WOO HOOOO

Finally, a journal entry that I'm just tickled about writing....I just can't wait to share my news! Let's see if you can guess. onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland, onederland!

Nope...I didn't gain weight....I lost 2.2 pounds....which puts me solidly into onederland! 198.2 pounds! I'm so stoked! Scared to death to mess it up and gain...but stoked!

I went in for an 'interview' at a place that I interviewed at a month ago (used bookstore). They had offered me a job then...but I couldn't work for what they offered...and they only offered part time. Well, they came back to day and didn't do an interview like they had said...they offered me the job right off the bat. I'm panicked though.......it's only 1 dollar more an hour....and will add 40 minutes of travel time daily....which will equal to roughly a tank of gas a week. SO after I pay the extra gas money...I"m only talking about $20 a week. The one good thing.....I would have access to their health insurance....after a time. OHhhhhhh I can't stand decisions like this! STRESSSSSSSSSSS I'm going to try to fight off the eating urges!

Back to my Roots!

I’ve noticed in myself that things are starting to get more stale. It’s getting more difficult to follow the program and stay OP. It has made me think about this deeply and something that my favorite weight watcher leader talks about all the time is that when things get stale and routine that you should simply start over. It made me think of how I was at the beginning……….

“I had listened intently to the getting started meeting that the leader led. Now I was eager to get home to read through the materials that I had been given. I burst into the house, dropped my purse on the table and dropped onto the couch with my books and purchases in my hand. With only a short hello to my husband I started reading. “I can do this” I said to myself as I read through the instructions regarding the weight watchers program. The further I read, the more excited I became. This plan was going to work for me. I just knew it. There was a lightness in my heart and a pep to my step (as much as is possible for a morbidly obese person) as I went to my desk and wrote the first date into the three month journal. I constantly read the books those first weeks…reviewing the information and cementing it in my head. I carried my material with me everywhere I went so I wouldn’t be caught off guard. At each weigh in I was tickled to death at the weight I was losing. I was anal about my journaling. Every BLT (bite, lick and taste) went into the journal…heck I was so into it that I probably even put in every sniff of food that I had! . Before I ate anything, I knew exactly how many points it was and how long I would have to work out to negate what I was eating. I was a machine and I was losing! I lost steadily for months. I was looking better and feeling better than I had in ages! I was still excited about the program”
The problem is I lost that excitement somewhere a few months back. I’m still super motivated…..but I stopped being so religious about writing down exactly what I ate, sometimes even fudging the books a bit (ie well, it was SMALL…so I’m sure it was only one point versus two for a normal size portion). The weight loss slowed down drastically also! Looking back and trying to fix my problems so that I can continue to lose weight (and get past this 200 pound mark…that I’ve been trying to break for it seems ages) I realize that I need to go back to the beginning. Make the program fresh and new. Get excited about it again.

I plan on continuing withe my exercise plan. That is basically to exercise 6 days a week...varied things each day. I also want to spend some more time online reading about others (journals) who are on the same journey that I'm on. I want to read success stories....and see success pictures. I need to read my books and my materials front to back again. In fact, I may need to buy the new books...just to have them. New books would be fresh....especially since the books are different now! I'll have to see if I have the money to do that though!

weigh in results

Ok, I should just copy and paste my email from a few weeks ago! I lost nicely...2 pounds...and that put me at 200.4 pounds! Not quite close enough...but a loss nonethe less! Happy on one hand....sad on the other! REALLY afraid that I'll screw things up and gain again...or NOT make it to onederland next week! ARRGGHHH!

I've gotta do this! It will be difficult though. The ick (TOM) will be hitting sometime this week...and honestly I'm just wanting to eat eat eat right now. I could go into the kitchen and make another meal and eat it all! Part of my problem....I saw some cheese in the refridge while making dinner...and had some.... 3 points down the drain for something that wsn't that overly filling. Yummy, yes it was...but filling...no! Otherwise I would have been just fine and dandy with points..and I would have been able to have popcorn or some snack! But noooooo I had to have cheese and use my points. And I'm so afraid that I'll mess up and gain this week that I'm almost afraid to eat! Zero point items...hmmmmmm nope...I can't hack sauerkraut at 8:30 pm....nope...nor green beans...or carrots....hmmmm no zero point foods sound good right now. Ok, if I had my choice.....hmmmm this is hard, I've just sat here for a minute or two trying to think of what I'm actually hungry for...what I would want to eat if i could have anything.....uhhhhmmm. Wow...you know, maybe this is just boredom and lonliness speaking in me telling me to eat! I can think of things that I would eat if i gave myself the go ahead...but to actually say I'm hungry for them...nope. Hmmmmmm now isnt' that food for thought?

Baby steps!

Well...the scales are slowly inching down this week. I like it this way. Sometimes when you get on the scales every day and there is not movement...no matter what you are doing it gets a bit disconcerting. This week however, each day I can see a little improvement in what the scales are saying. Yeah, I'd love for there to be a huge drop...but in my experience, those huge drops sometimes don't stay that way....the little inching stuff usually stays off!

I've been trying to watch very closely to what I'm eating. We are going out to Corsi's tonight...and i'm planning a low point lunch for me. I am saving many more points than I actually need for dinner...because I don't want to blow it anywhere. I'm also trying to watch my points more closely because I'm still not up to par with my exercising...what with my foot and all. So really my weight loss this week will mostly be attributed to straight up healthy eating! I know that 2.4 would be almost a miracle for me to lose this week... ( of course, this morning I was 201.0). I would be tickled to get into onederland. However, I'm not going to be disappointed if I don't get there. AND I'm not going back up if I don't. I've gotten back on the bandwagon...renewed my thoughts and processes. I'm being more anal about journalling EVERYTHING that I eat! I was getting lazy and journalling only ALMOST everything. That is not going to get me anywhere in this journey! Total honesty is the only thing that will help/allow me to reach my goal! I'm so close. My target weight range for weight watchers is 151-158 pounds. So we are talking 43 pounds until I'm within my weight range! That is SOOO doable! I mean...heck, I've done about that since I started weight watchers alone!!!!! Not to mention all that I lost before weight watchers! I've been saying 50 more to go...but 43 sounds oh so much more closer!!!

Report of a 2 point evening

Well.....I had planned my two point evening out. I planned on having green beans (zero points). sauerkrout (zero points), cooked carrots (one point), pears (1 point) and I originally was going to do a two point sandwich (weight watcher bread, smart beat butter, and a teaspoon of jelly). But, todd wanted garlic bread..so I did a three point piece of garlic bread instead. Thus, my dinner consisted of 5 points. Not too bad. (I had already planned to forego what Todd was eating...steak and baked potato....I just don't like that meal...so it worked out well). We ate early.....so late that night I made popcorn....with a little cheese and smartbeat spray butter....three points. I was very satisfied....and I was only six points over for the whole day. That means that I've only used 8 flex points for the whole week! Now...I did exercise that forty-five minutes, mid-high intensity and earned those four aps....so I know that technically I probably only used 2 flex points....but I'm just gonna count 6...because I didn't measuer the parm cheese that I put on the popcorn!

The scales were not adversly effected today...so for that I am happy. Knowing that though...I know that I hvae to be VERY good today. I think having one little day where you mess up is bad....but doesn't affect the weigh loss. But if you string more than one day like that together...eii yiii yiii

Report pf a 2 point evening

Well.....I had planned my two point evening out. I planned on having green beans (zero points). sauerkrout (zero points), cooked carrots (one point), pears (1 point) and I originally was going to do a two point sandwich (weight watcher bread, smart beat butter, and a teaspoon of jelly). But, todd wanted garlic bread..so I did a three point piece of garlic bread instead. Thus, my dinner consisted of 5 points. Not too bad. (I had already planned to forego what Todd was eating...steak and baked potato....I just don't like that meal...so it worked out well). We ate early.....so late that night I made popcorn....with a little cheese and smartbeat spray butter....three points. I was very satisfied....and I was only six points over for the whole day. That means that I've only used 8 flex points for the whole week! Now...I did exercise that forty-five minutes, mid-high intensity and earned those four aps....so I know that technically I probably only used 2 flex points....but I'm just gonna count 6...because I didn't measuer the parm cheese that I put on the popcorn!

The scales were not adversly effected today...so for that I am happy. Knowing that though...I know that I hvae to be VERY good today. I think having one little day where you mess up is bad....but doesn't affect the weigh loss. But if you string more than one day like that together...eii yiii yiii

Did it...done it!

I did it today with eating. I stopped at Blimpies on the way home today (todd couldn't go with me this morning ...so I said I'd grab lunch on the way home). Well, I THOUGHT about calling him to have him look in the book so I could get something other than my normal sandwich. Of course I know the points for the good old normal sandwich. Well, I didn't....I decided to go with a wrap...I mean, wouldn't you think a wrap would be better than a sub??? Came home...ate it up...and then checked the points. Yep....15 points! Oh yeah....I had a little 1 oz bag of cashews...for 4 points. I was still hungry after my 19 point lunch...so I had a 100 cal pack that was 2 points! Thus taking lunch to a whopping 21 points! Breakfast was oatmeal...3 points. So I have an earthshattering 2 points left for dinner! Wow....

So, that isn't bad enough. I tried to at least compensate for my stupidity error. So I started exercising.....about 45 minutes into it (thank heavens I at least got 45 min in) I actually fell off the step while doing step aerobics.....yeah, my foot isn't doing too good right now. It's not broken....and it's not swelling too badly...so hopefully it won't take long to heal! BUT, what's up with me and weird injuries. Last week it was a cyst that was all weird....the weekend was my shoulderblade (ok, the muscle)...now this?? I can't say that I've been exercising too much...because I've been doing very poorly with exercise lately! Arrgghhhh

A wow moment

I was writing an email to a friend and we were discussing a little pig out session that she had had in terms to eating..... I responded with.

"I'm not surprised about the mini-pig out session. Your stress levels...with crazy flako and with Kaid being sick they've got to be sky high! The good thing (ok, you know me....gotta find the good in something) is that you were able to look back and recognize what caused you to eat....you are looking at it objectivly and honestly. AND you didn't let it get you down! Knowing that.....when you start to boil mad over "flako" or start to worry more about Kaid (continue to worry I should say) then you can look at your experience with the eating and hopefully resist! I know for me, SOMETIMES it helps if I put into thoughts exactly how long...or how much...or at what intensity I would need to exercise to actually break even on something that I'm eating. Wow...that was just a light bulb for me. I was doign that in early fall....in my mind calculating every thing I ate into how much exercise would be required to cause it to wash out. I've been trying to figure out what in the world has been different. You see...until about Thanksgiving I was having pretty steady weight loss. After thanksgiving....it's been this seesaw weight loss/gain thing. I've said that I don't think it's a plateau...but something has altered....maybe that is. Because I know when I was playing that trick in my mind....I was better able to resist eating because I don't like to exercise....."

That was Truely a light bulb moment for me. Maybe that is what has changed! I am going to try to really think that way!

Meanwhile...I think the scales are starting to move downward again! Woo hooo

It'll be ok

Yes, it will be ok. I gained 2.2 pounds this week (actually over the last two weeks). Am I disappointed???? Highly. But, at least I expected it. I refuse to let it get me down though. I'm just going to redouble my efforts and get it off! I know I can do it!

Rough week

Didn't make it to my weigh in. Granny took a turn for th worse and we spent all of Tuesday at the hospital with her. I actually had all of my stuff to go to my weigh in....even though I knew that the scales would probably show me up a bit. Granny passed away at 5:20 and I would have had to leave the hospital and go almost right to my meeting. But, I thought it would be poor taste to drag Todd to my meeting less than an hour after his grandmother passed away. So we didn't do that. The biggest problem though this past week....Todd has been craving the comfort foods.....which means that I'm eating comfort foods. Eii yii yii. I counted points for all of the days....except for one...the actual day of the funeral. Up until that day I had only used 2 flex points so I'm not too worried. I've been good since then also.....

However, the scales are not being kind! It is showing me up about two pounds! ARRgGGHH

Then early this week my foot started bothering me again...the pea sized lump was back....joy joy. So i went to the doctor...it's nothing but a ganglion cyst. So I esaed up for another day and went back to exercising a day or so later. Within two days my shoulder blade muscle.....is killing me. As in brings tears to my eyes when I move. So I'm on the sidelines with exercise.......and it's ticking me off!!!

I plan on going to my tuesday meeting......and weigh in. I'm going to take my knocks and not worry about it. The weight WILL come off!

Preparing for my last February weigh in

We did make it to the gym. I had a pretty good workout...but I was TIRED TIRED TIRED when it was over. Yes, triple tired! I'm also seeing a remarkable difference in how my body is reacting to the work of shovelling and physical labor. In previous years, I'd (we'd...Todd was in the same boat as I) start shovelling...work for 15 -20 minutes and be exhausted...breathing hard...and have to go in the house for a break. This year is a totally different story. Yeah, after moving the heavy snow, my back is sore...but physically I'm not bee tired and exhausted. It is really neat to see how my body is more conditioned now. Kinda cool
I'm so disgusted...because without eating anything bad......and doing everything seemingly right (all my water...all my healthy foods....no cheating....exercise) I've gained 2 pounds this week! ARRGGGHHHH Yes, I know it will come off! I'm hoping at least one pound is gone tomorrow night for my official weigh in!
I'm actually hungry right now. I may head off to read in bed....I won't be as tempted to go to the kitchen and get something to eat if I'm in bed! It seems to work. I've actually got no points left for the day. I do however know what I did at the gym and I actually have 8 AP's that I earned today taht I could use. But honestly I think my wanting to eat is pure boredom. Actually I think it's simply because I'm sitting here and I know there is food out there! :-)

Tired

So, it seems that my weight has gone up this week....the day after my weigh in...and hasn't gone down! ARRGGHHH! We are talking about 2 pounds! This is so not good...I want to be in onederland soo bad! SOOO this morning, I decided that I was goign to workout twice today. I did a HARD step aerobics...for 45 minutes late this morning. Mid afternoon I went out and shovelled the 8 inches of snow for about an hour or so. Then after dinner I did a 30 minute moderate intensity workout. I'm sore....well, not really sore...but I can tell that physically my body is tired!

We'll see how tomorrow is on the scales! A girl can hope!

Weigh In Happiness

I went to my meeting. I am tickled pink to say that at the meeting I weighed in at 200.2 pounds! I soo want to be in onederland! The next day, my home scales showed me up! And I haven't gone down since! It is sooo darn disappointing! I want the scales to go down! I refuse to be upset about it...although I'm having to fight it! I think it's good for me to weigh in every day...but when something like this happens it is upsetting!

Thank you ICE!!!!!

OK, let me tell you, ice is pretty darn heavy to move! We got hit with the storm that ripped through a good part of the northeastern US. We were in the part that started with snow...and then after about 12 hours or so of snow...changed into an ice storm. I would have quite honestly preferred the snow for the whole time. My husband was sick with the flu...so I was stuck with all the clean up work by myself. It iced/sleeted/whatever for about 12 more hours after the snow. Joy joy. Well, after it was all over, I headed out to shovel. First of all, the ice had come down and effectively barred me from opening the screen door. (design flaw, let me tell you). I had to crawl out a window (it was either that or jump off the roof of the porch). I got out and commenced with the wonderful work of shovelling. 3-4 hours later, I was exhausted. I gave up and went back inside. (my cars were still not shovelled out at this point). I made plans to wake up early and go out and work in the morning.... Well, I did wake up early (for me...) and went out. Too late, the ice was even more solid!!! It was atrocious. I went back inside and waited for the lane to be plowed out...and then went back out and spent 2 more hours finishing up around the cars! I'm sooooo darn sore!!!

Well, the good news.....this morning I weighed myself (hey, I do it everyday) and I was down a good bit! (I didn't eat a ton yesterday and worked my ass off...). My loss puts me less than 2 pounds from onederland! I want it soooooooo bad! I weigh in at weight watchers on Tuesday nights...so if I can hold onto that loss...and maybe add a little more I may be able to squeek it out.....or at least be soooo close! SOooo thank you ice! Oh yeah, when I came in defeated this morning...I had worked myself up to shovelling in the am and getting a good workout...so I did a 35 minutes exercise dvd...and still went out later and did the 2 hours of shovelling. I know that it would have to be a HUGE weight loss to do it...but I want to give it my best shot!

Bad thing though...with Todd being sick, my meal plan has gone out the window...so it's requiring me to think a whole lot more about what I'm eating. I plan our meals a week in advance...and then I'm able to know my points that I'll need for dinner for each day...it helps.....but eii yiii yiii! OH well, I'll suceed anyway!

You know...yesterday I didn't drink my water...or all that I should have...in fact, my hands were swollen this morning (my rings were all too big...so I bought a cheap wedding band to wear...but it fits perfectly....as in when I retain water, the ring doesn't fit.....i'm not wearing the ring right now). And I still posted a big loss.....hmmmm NOPE NOPE NOPE....I'm not going to get my hopes up!!!! I'm just going to do the best that I possibly can!!!

Easier Said Than Done

Yes, I was totally serious and completely motivated when I wrote that last entry. I wish that I could say that I had followed it to the tee. I did exercise on Tuesday morning...and actually shovelled snow for a few hours today...working up a sweat while I did it! (I'm sore now) So I can honestly say that I've gotten in some exercise! However, I don't feel as if my eating is totally under control yet! I didn't eat much today...but my husband was sick...and that kinda puts a damper on eating in the house!

I know that I just need to keep plugging away. I ended up not going to my weight watcher meeting last night.....snow and inclement weather! I'm keep track of my weight here at home...I would have been up...by about a pound or two! I HAVE to get that off!

New Start

Ok...this is crazy...todays post is a new start..and that is the name of my blog. Oh well, it can't be helped. As I'm sure is easy to pick up in recent entries, but I've been doign a lot of introspection with regards to my diet and eating lifestyle. I've slowed down with the weight loss in the last few months....quite honestly since Thanksgiving. And that's not a bad thing...I've lost about 6-8 pounds in the last two months...which isn't anything to sneeze about. HOWEVER, I feel like I've worked the program and those results don't match with someone that is really working the program. SOOO, I've looked and I've discovered that I have become complacent with the program....I've become complacent with my workouts...often chosing the easy workout that I keep for those days where I am literally wiped out. The problem...I started doing that easy one EVERY DAY! I've decided to commit to renew myself and make a fresh start! I've been sitting on the fence! No more! I want this so badly....it is now a matter of mind over matter!

Stand Still

Yes, for the last month or so, I've been pretty much at a standstill. Yes, I've had weight loss...I've gone down about 8 pounds I guess since Thanksgiving. I guess that's not exactly a standstill. HOWEVER...for someone that has been following the program for 2.5 months...you'd expect more than 8 pounds! Well.....I admit that I've eaten some extra stuff. And it seems to be getting worse. My impulses are just going crazy! I've been struggling with exercise....quite honestly since we were on Vacation....THANKSGIVING! It's just been so hard to get into the routine. I make plans and say that "I'm gonna do it" Yet, the next day comes and I fail. Well, not technically. I have done DDR religiously recently...because doing any other exercise is like 'too much work'. That's not gonna cut it! I know it! And I feel guilty doing DDR.. I like to keep DDR for those days when I do want to move some...but I don't want a really heavy workout. Or the days that I just can't hack a really heavy workout! This shouldn't be everyday! I was falling back on the good old standby....ddr tonight. I did about 5 minutes or so and I just sat there and it hit me. If I never break out and force myself to do it...I never will get back in the routine of doing it! SOOOO I went and found tennis shoes (that is the beauty of DDR...bare feet....), put them on and there I was with my step out and I was doind step aerobics again. Yes, my legs were feeling heavy by the end of the program. But I feel good. I also did a good bit of thinking while I was goign through the various steps. I NEED to exercise religiously! I've proved that I can eat and maintain...within a few. HOWEVER for me to lose, I need to be exercising! I think it is for a combination of reasons. One...exercise is just..well a plain good fat burner! But secondly, for me I think when I am sweating my guts out...it makes it just a tad bit easier to say..."heck no, I'm not eating that extra bite....that would negate that hard work I just did...or that I will be doing!!"

Hopefully my revalation will make it easier for me to make this a good habit again...instead of one that I am just putting in the easiest time that I possibly can!

Stand Still

Yes, for the last month or so, I've been pretty much at a standstill. Yes, I've had weight loss...I've gone down about 8 pounds I guess since Thanksgiving. I guess that's not exactly a standstill. HOWEVER...for someone that has been following the program for 2.5 months...you'd expect more than 8 pounds! Well.....I admit that I've eaten some extra stuff. And it seems to be getting worse. My impulses are just going crazy! I've been struggling with exercise....quite honestly since we were on Vacation....THANKSGIVING! It's just been so hard to get into the routine. I make plans and say that "I'm gonna do it" Yet, the next day comes and I fail. Well, not technically. I have done DDR religiously recently...because doing any other exercise is like 'too much work'. That's not gonna cut it! I know it! And I feel guilty doing DDR.. I like to keep DDR for those days when I do want to move some...but I don't want a really heavy workout. Or the days that I just can't hack a really heavy workout! This shouldn't be everyday! I was falling back on the good old standby....ddr tonight. I did about 5 minutes or so and I just sat there and it hit me. If I never break out and force myself to do it...I never will get back in the routine of doing it! SOOOO I went and found tennis shoes (that is the beauty of DDR...bare feet....), put them on and there I was with my step out and I was doind step aerobics again. Yes, my legs were feeling heavy by the end of the program. But I feel good. I also did a good bit of thinking while I was goign through the various steps. I NEED to exercise religiously! I've proved that I can eat and maintain...within a few. HOWEVER for me to lose, I need to be exercising! I think it is for a combination of reasons. One...exercise is just..well a plain good fat burner! But secondly, for me I think when I am sweating my guts out...it makes it just a tad bit easier to say..."heck no, I'm not eating that extra bite....that would negate that hard work I just did...or that I will be doing!!"

Hopefully my revalation will make it easier for me to make this a good habit again...instead of one that I am just putting in the easiest time that I possibly can!

Weigh In!

Well, somehow I squeezed out a .6 loss this week! It wasn't looking good earlier this week! I wish it was more...but a loss is a loss! I have 3.8 pounds to hit 200 pounds! I sooo badly want to be in the one hundreds! I know I'll get there! Not getting there is not an option I'm willing to accept. So I know I'm gonna do it! The question is when!!

I have an interview for another job tomorrow after work. I hope it goes well..and that job is something that would work for us! It would be nice to have health insurance again! Not that Todd and I run to the doctor for every ache and pain. But I'm tired of living in fear that we are gonna need it and not have it! Thus far, we've had only small issues to attend to! (However I just had a prescription filled for this rash that was $100...generic!!! OUCH!) So overall it's been ok...we've actually spent less paying directly out of pocket than I would have spent if we had been paying for the premiums on the insurance...so it's worked out well for us thus far. However like I said, I'm just scared!

After weigh in is always my free meal...night. SO, I've eaten a nice heavy comfort foods meal! And like always, I enjoy it totally...and then promptly feel guilty for it!

No panic attacks allowed!

I'm trying to remain calm and tell myself that I didn't do anything wrong this week. It may just be one of those weeks where I don't lose and I don't gain. I'm getting tired of this cycle though. But I refuse to panic and obsess about it. THus..that's all I'm gonna say about the subject.

I have decided that my way that I sign off of emails a lot of times Think Thin...is so utterly immportant in this weight loss journey. I have to keep my ultimate goal..reasons and dreams in the front of my mind at all times. If it is in the foremost part of my mind, then it will be there side by side with the temptation. AND I can see which one is more important to me. I can't make that decision if I don't have those mental images in ready and waiting to go head to head! That way, when I do decide to eat a little something I've weighed the options..and the possible consequence (a little more time to get to goal) and I can thus have no guilt about it later! SOOO my motto is THINK THIN!

Rough Time

I'm really bummed. It is taking all I have to not just throw in the towel and say 'to heck with it' for this week. The scales keep showing me going up. It's not TOM..so I shouldn't be having a gain. My points have been relatively close...enough that I've only dipped into my flex points by a few. IT shouldn't be a gain. And it's disgusting me! I'm trying not to focus on it and just keep doing what I'm doing..I know that it will come off eventually.

However, it seems of late that I'm having a good loss...and then a maintain...and then a good loss week,..and then a maintain week. Occaisionally I'm throwing in a gain week...followed by a REALLY good loss (basically equals out to a maintain week and a regular loss week.) That's disgusting me also! I somehow have to break that cycle!

With my probable maintain/gain this week, I probably won't make onederland by Valentines day. It really sucks! I'm so close and just can't break that barrier! I've been up and down since Thanksgiving...and been within 10 pounds of it the whole time! It's killing me!!!!!

Deep thoughts

I just wrote something in an email that really struck me. It's profound...ok at least to me!

A bad day or eating is not a failure...it is 'life'. Stop thinking that it is! We're going to have those days. The failure is if we let that one day of eating freedom turn into two days...or three, or a week! How we react to these days is what will make or break us! We need to learn how to emotionally suck it in, put it in the past and move foward! I know, I know, it's easier said than done!

I lost 1.6 pounds this week. I'm pretty happy with that! However, I'm pretty ticked off with myself.....because I came home and gorged myself on food. But I need to keep my thought from above in my head....the failure will come tomorrow if I continue gorging myself (or even in a few minutes or an hour) Maybe that's why what I wrote was so profound to me...because it really touches me and what I'm feeling right now!

The end of the weekend!

Well...after being so excited about my weight, it is rising again. Nope, I'm not upset. Afterall, I expect it...it's one of the bad things about weighing myself everyday. I have however been able to think about my last few days...the days that I actually went back up on the scales...and I can say that one day I had lots of sodium and the other lots of carbs. SO there you have it!

I've been having a blast trying new recipes! There are so many really good recipes out there! I'm trying to chose healthier options and also go more natural ingredients. There is nothing wrong with eating the prepackaged stuff...I just don't thnk it's as healthy for us!

Great thought to keep in mind

I'm part of a group that is motivational and supportive while I'm losing this weight. One of the gals went to her weight watchers meeting and came back and shared something her leader said. It is such a good thing to remember that I'm going to post it on my journal!

"She stated on the weeks we have a loss ... that's great. We have learned what needs to be done. On weeks that we have a gain, we too need to learn from that too. Each of our bodies are different. What works for some, doesn't for others. The whole process is learning what 'our' body needs.

But then she stated .... If we didn't do what needed to be done and had a loss what did that teach us? ... That we could cheat (as in ... not eating as we should) and not be punished on the scale. Well that is EXACTLY what I had been thinking lately. Over the holidays, I did overeat (I mean I REALLY ate more than I knew I should) and I lost each week (only .2, .6 and .8, but a loss is a loss) but one (which I gained only .6). So here I was thinking ... I can eat and still lose. I couldn't get that thought out of my head.

But when she posed that question, it had me thinking ... What did make me lose those weeks? It was me ... I have changed!!! I looked back in my journal(not that I had been keeping that like I need to either) ... I was still exercising, I was drinking my water, I was getting in all my fruits and veges, I was making healthier food choices like only eating half a slice of pie, smaller portions of things, by passing on things that were a normal part of my everyday eating (like not eating mashed potatos but eating the dressing and home-made noodles my mom only makes a couple times a year). "

I'm not sure how I'm doing right now. I think I'll be able to post a loss this week. Unless I do something royally stupid to mess it up! I'm hoping that I already dind't. I got home from tonight and carried all the groceries into the house. I started the dinner and finished putting the groceries away. It was 6:30 at that point when I realized that the dinner had to be in the oven for 45 minutes! I hadn't eaten since noon. I grabbed a sweet and salty bar...and then a 1 point weight watcher cake. Yes, healthier options, however still something that I really didn't need, nor did I have the points for it! I did exercise a bit after I ate!

Lesson in Healthy life eating!

Tonight I learned a few things. We've been trying to eat at home a lot more. It is for a couple reasons....we can save money by eating at home, we can control portions better, we are eating healthy foods...and more natural foods when we eat at home. So last night we decided that we were going to eat out tonight. I looked forward to it so much. It was such a treat. Well, we went to a nicer place. Yes, it was pricier...but it was soo good. I ordered a dinner. My food came and my first inclination was "this isn't going to be enough". The food was perfectly portioned as ONE serving...and not this massive amount of food. This dinner didn't come with a salad. I ate it and enjoyed every bite! AND, because Todd and I had eaten healthier options we were able to split a dessert! It was such a treat! I didn't feel stuffed...just satisfied when we left! I came home and exercised and just calculated my points for the day...I'm only 2 points in the hole....AND it will be the first two points I've used this week out of my flex points! I feel so very happy with my choices! I managed everything and was able to treat myself! THat's a pretty good deal! I guess that's how this lifestyle thing is supposed to work!

Friday Musings

My home scales are showing me down from where I was on Tuesday (weigh in day). SO I'm pretty happy! I just need to stay focused. A few weeks ago, I had a nice reading on the home scales and got complacent and gained it! I've got to learn to be diligent ALL the time! If I'm going to reach my goal and maintain that goal, I've got to learn to be on gaurd!

I've been buying some of the weight watchers snack stuff, the desserts (which I can do pretty well with). But I've been also buying the muffins and cakes. The cakes are one point. I know that I may have that left to eat in my daily points...however when I have them in the house, I need to learn to manage and not have one a day! That can't be good for me! Let me rephrase....the cakes are what I want one a day on. The muffins I can have a little more self restraint on....they are three points. I know that I don't lose as much when I eat a lot of high carb foods. It is just a fact.

Excuses or Facts?

I lost .4 pounds....so almost one half of a pound gone! FOREVER! I'm not too upset about it. Number one because it is a loss....even it if it is a small loss. But, it could have been worse. I'm getting over the 'ick' (TOM) and I was sick for a good portion of the week. Not sick enough to lose my appetite, unfortunately. Sick enough to stay in bed for two days.....and sick enough to stop exercising. I'm struggling with trying to get back into the swing of exercise! That's the goal for the week!

So, did I just fill us up with excuses or facts? I'd like to say facts and I refuse to feel like it is excuses. It is a fact of life that some weeks I'm not going to lose as much weight because of outside forces. I'd say I had a few outside forces!

What a week!

This has been a crazy week for my diet/lifestyle change. I ended up sick....that cold that I tried to ward off just didn't stay away and I ended up sick....flat on my back on the sofa. This means no exercise. Unfortunately, my appetite was not affected...so I just wanted to eat and eat and eat! I tried to keep it under control...however with the no exercise in conjunction with that, I'm not sure how my week will be. Oh well...no stress and worries! I knew this wasn't going to be easy every week! I knew that there would be little bumps! I'm just getting tired of all these little bumps I've been hitting lately! Oh yeah, I started to feel better and bam...the ick hits! (TOM). Double wammy this week. I guess though that it is better to get it all done with and out of the way ONE week instead of stretch the misery into two weeks!

No matter.....I WILL perservere!

Weigh in!

Weighed in tonight with a 2.2 pound loss! I'm tickled pink! I was thinking a maintain! Or at the very best a small loss! So I was pretty shocked at my loss! I'm pretty confident that I can have another loss this coming week....as long as I don't screw it up.. Because I wasn showing less on my home scales a few days ago and bounced up...so I should with patience go back down easily! I'm not even going to let the ick get me this month!

Skinny thinking versus fat thinking

I was at work today and Deb, the gal I worked with ran next door to the library. SHe came back with a few Hershey 100cal bars. She gave one to me and one to Russ. Well, Russ ate his and then tried to take my 100 calorie chocolate bar (which I'm saving for AFTER my weigh in). He said, "You don't need it, your skinny!" I just started laughing becuase I'm still considered obese! (ok, 10 pounds less and I'll be considered simply overweight...) I've got about 50 pounds more to lose! And yet he called me skinny! (he's overweight himself...and when I commented on his skinny remark he was like, "to me you are") But it made me think about and the remark that I made back to him...which was "I may be skinny but I've still got a fat girls brain" How true how true! And it is making me think....how can you break the 'fat thinking' cycle? Will I ever get past it...will I ever truely feel thin?

Good quote!

A quote from Kim Lyons from The Biggest Loser Workout 2 is "Pain is temporary, but quiting is forever." That has really struck me every time I've heard it! It goes along with my musings on Lance Armstrong. But it can also be the sadness I sometimes get over not being able to eat exactly what I want...or the quantity that I desire. But those feelings will pass.....but if I quit, it will be a forever thing.

I'm struggling...I don't see the results that I want to see...at least on my home scales. What is getting me is that three days ago, the results were right there on the scales....and now the results are no longer visible! What the......

Revelations

I've noticed, just recently ...when I've been gaining and losing those same three pounds over and over. (and I've done it in the past also). That I post a nice loss....then I get complacent, relaxing my gaurd. And it's all downhill from there. Becuase once I relax my gaurd, I don't make the right decisions...because I'm "treating myself" or "just once won't hurt" or whatever excuses my little 'fat' brain thinks up. So I gain. The next week I'm motivated and I eat healthy all week....and lose....and that next week once again I get complacent! Yes, I must be a slow learner...I just figured this out! :-) It is however a long road....but I can see a difference in how I feel and my family sees a huge difference in how I act and my countanence.....so it is very well worth it!

I bought myself a good digital scale. At least I hope it is good! I know that when I get to the maintain stage that I will need to be religious about stepping on the scales. I will need to know if I gain weight...because if I start gaining, then I need to pull myself back to the program. I also know that my dial scale is nice...but I need a very precise scale to really watch when I'm there! AND I need to be in the habit of doing it already!

100 pounds!

I started my weight loss journey and started tracking my weight on my home scales.......according to my home scales, this morning showed me at a 100 pound loss! Ok, that's over a few years...but still!!!!!

Musings about my weight loss

I've been thinking a lot recently about my weight loss and my emotions. I've been stumped as to why I cry a lot when I think about it. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just so saddened by what I allowed to happen with my body. I basically commited a huge crime against my body. I allowed my weight to skyrocket to over three hundred pounds. THREE HUNDRED pounds! THat is 50% more than what my weight should be. I haven't had to lose just a few pounds...I have to lose a grand total of HALF of me! HALF of my starting body weight! That's incredible. No, that's despicable! I will also admit that some days, the thought of having to do this and watch everything I eat for the rest of my life is just so daunting that it saddens me. To realize that if I lose control for one week that I could start spiraling out of control again is just so scary that it moves me to tears! I miss eating what I wanted to and not worrying about every bite. I miss not having to journal every bite I eat. I miss it all....EXCEPT for my weight and the accompanying things that went with it...clothes that were too tight....being short of breath by just climbing a single flight of stairs....etc! Oh yeah, the benefits definitely outweigh the negatives, but I can't help being sad about it!

A while back I read Lance Armstrongs book...the first one. One of the things that I got from it was that his attitude had changed about training and riding his bike (obviously for the better since he went on to win Tour after tour). He alluded to the fact that when he was out training and even riding in the races that the pain was inconsequential. He had already lived through much worse pain AND the pain meant that he was alive and well. It made it easier for him to push through that pain to complete and do what he needed to do! I remembered that this morning whenI saw him interviewed on CNN...and all of a sudden it hit me. I need to exercise and workout with that mentality. No, I can't say that I've beaten down cancer and I've felt the pain and ravages of cancer....and I hope that I never do. BUT, each time I work out I should think about the pain that COULD come my way if I don't take every opportunity to strengthen my body through diet, exercise and healthy living. The pain of a strenuous workout should be welcomed and embraced simply becuase of what they are giving back to my body! And hopefully this new lifestyle will stave off some of these terrible illnesses (dibetes, blood pressure, etc etc etc)

Meanwhile, last night I was sooo craving something sweet and cakey! So I made a diet coke cake. It was yummy. Yes, I at one point shovelled cake into my mouth like a person starving. I did however get control of myself AND realized taht the cake in the kitchen was going to be too much temptation for me in the coming days. SOOO I packaged it up into packages containing two pieces (one for me and one for Todd) and I froze the packages and kept out enough for dinner! Out of sight, out of mind! For me, it is a temptation when it is out on the counter....impulse eats! This is frozen...and safe from those impulses....at least until I have another TRUE craving!

I was apprehensive when I stepped on the scale this morning....afterall, I had gorged myself on the cake. Before the cake eating I had ridden my bike for 30 minutes. BUT after the cake eating I did DDR for 45 minutess. Surprisingly enough, my weight was the same as yesterday morning! I do however know that I need to stay soooo on plan today! I don't want to use my flex points or anything today. I want to have a VERY good day! After yesterday I need to! Because I'm sure that two days in a row and the weight would start to rise! And that's NOT gonna happen!!!

I'm trying to stay back in the swing of exercising daily! I've done pretty good so far this week. I truely think that is where my weight loss is really based from! Yes, the eating is ultra important...but eating healthy alone .....very slow!

Weigh IN

I was scared....my last week as I've stated in previous posts was a little bit of a roller coaster ride. I lost big last week...and I celebrated. No, I didn't go out and have a whole cake. Heck, I didn't even have one piece of a cake. BUT, the choices that I made for the first 4 days after the weigh in were not good. I stayed within my points...but I did it by eating really odd. I would use 1 or 2 points for breakfast in the morning..... I ate one or two pieces of fruit for lunch...giving me a one or two point lunch. And considering I have 27 points for the day, I was ending up with Roughly 22 points to eat for dinner. That caused me to pull out all stops and eat what my heart desired. Yes, I stayed within my points...but it was lots of carbs (bread and potatoes) and very few fruits and veggies! And half way through the week, I saw that my weight had risen. Yes....like two to three pounds. It scared me. I didn't want to regain those same three pounds one more time! Heck, I'd already gained and lost them like 3 times! Anyway, I got myself in gear and tried to eat more wisely but I just feared it was too late to change the course of my week....I mean, three days to turn around 4 bad ones. So it was with fear and trepidation that I stepped on the scales last night at my meeting. I was hoping for a loss....crossing my fingers for a maintain....and praying that it wouldn't be a gain. I remained EXACTLY the same! I was so tickled! I know that I have to stay focused this week though. Becuase historically this last month I have had weeks were I maintained or lost or gained .1 or .2 and the next week I gained. I have to stay focused and really OP!

I'm proud that I turned myself around. I would have been pretty devastated to have gained again. I know that I would have caused it...but I'm so disgusted with the way this past month has gone....it's been a rocky road and an emotional one!

A nice ending to a bad start!

Half way through this past week I took stock and realized that I was eating out of control. Well, let me rephrase that. I was eating within points but I was making bad choices that made up those points. Around THursday I did this reevaluating and changed the rest of my week to make it healthier! I'm proud that I was able to pull it back together. I think it's a bit too late though for my weigh in. Am I going to give in...nope. I'm just going to stay strong for the next week!

I think one of the things I was doign wrong...I was eating so incredibly light for breakfast and lunch that it was leaving me 20-22 points for dinner. WAY too many....so I was able to have the 'bad' things but stay within the points. Not good!

Tonight I'm going to a meeting in which they always have dessert. It's a small group....so I know I most likely won't be able to resist. I do however have the flex points available...AND I have 8 AP's that I earned and haven't used today!

I still haven't gone back and read my 2006 entries. it think I REALLY need to do that. I think it will be good for me to reflect and see what worked...how I felt...what I was doing and how my body and pychee responded to it all!

OUCH

Exercised last night with the new Biggest Loser workout dvd. I've had the first one for some time and have used it....and liked it. So I was anxious to get the second one and use it. Last night was the big night! I chose about 50 minutes of stuff. Made it through the whole way through. Felt good, yep...worked up a bit of a sweat. Life was good. Wondered if it was really doing much....although I could feel it a bit during the squats and lunges. HOWEVER...today...eii yii yiii...sore sore sore! When I did it last night I didn't have my handweights handy so my arms didn't get the workout that they should have. SOOO tonight I worked out my core and arms!

Struggling right now...I really want to eat but have no points left! I've gone over by one point...however I did earn 2 AP's today (not many becaue 20 minutes of cardio...mod intensity and 20 minutes of weights....) I'll make it though...it's 9:30. Todd and i are going to head to bed to watch a movie in about 25 minutes!

Ate pretty good. Healthy stuff. I tried to curb my hunger about an hour or two ago by eating a clementine (actually 2....one point). It didn't work....I ended up eating a 100 calorie pack here a little bit ago. I'm proud that I tried the fruit first though!

Mental picture worth a thousand...

Tonight after dinner I was cleaning up the leftovers. I had decided to throw away what we weren't eating as it was something that wouldn't hold well...and neither of us would actually eat. SOOO....Todd had left and gone back to work and I found myself with the pan in my hand with a spoon greedily eating what was left in the pan. THe whole time I was standing over the garbage can poised to dump the contents. I was berating myself the whole time to dump the stupid contents....and I eventually did....but not before eating what probably amounted to an extra portion. Accckkk...where did my self control go???

Mental picture worth a thousand...

Whew!!!

I haven't eaten too utterly badly the last two days. BUT, I could have eaten better. Yes, I give myself a little leeway after my weigh in to eat 'what I want' and get it out of my system. However, today I kept mentally berating myself saying things like, "you would lose faster if you dind't do that" and "You sabataged this weeks weigh in....you may as well quit for this week". I know I need to break from that attitude. This diet/lifestyle is a change in how I think and how I eat and how I live my life. I REFUSE to deprive myself. I need to stop beating myself up for having those foods that I really love everyonce in a while. I need to keep telling myself that I'm not indulging very often and that when I do that it is not going to through my weight loss in a tail spin. The only thing that will throw it into a tailspin is if I do it ALL the time....and constantly!

That said...I was exercising earlier tonight (ok, I finally rolled myself into the living room and exercised at 9:15...just got done....it's 10:15.) and as I was exercising it came to me that all my XL clothes are starting to fit loosely! Inconceivable to me. Literally inconceivable. This from the girl that was wearing 3X clothes...some of which were tight! My mind is just having difficulty really accepting this. I know I've babbled about it a lot lately...it is just so mind boggling for me.

A New YEAR!

I can't wait to see where this year will take me in my weight loss journey! I plan on being at goal before the year is out! That is roughly 50 pounds! Well, that 50 pounds would take me to the top end of my my goal weight. I'm actually shooting for 60 pounds! I'm happy to say that this week I was able to lose 4.6 pounds! I've actually once again recouped my gain! This makes it the third time that I've lost these three pounds in a month! Lost...gained...lost...gained...and now lost again...WITH an extra pound lost! I refuse to gain those pounds again! PLUS, I'm 8.6 pounds away from being 200 pounds. Onderland is right around the corner!!!! I'm so close that I can taste it! Well...maybe I shouldn't use a food analogy! tee hee hee

Seriously though, I'm excited to see what this new year brings in my weight loss journey! I'm excited yet frightened. I was walking through the mall today and stopped in the clothing section. I was actually frightened of shopping. I know that my pants size is a solid 18..but that I can wear some 16's. However I was fingering the tops and this incredible feeling overcame me. I have no clue what size I am on the top. THEN it hit me. I was in the womens sizes....the fat ladies clothes. I've shopped there for so long (since I was about 13) that I dont' know anything else. I looked toward the 'regular' sizes but just couldn't make myself walk over. Yes, I know, I should have danced my way across that aisle and marched into that section because yes, I can wear a straight up xl now....and in some cases a Large. I didn't go. Maybe it was nostalgia. I think honestly it is fear of the unknown.

It just hit me....I need to stop thinking like a 'fat' girl. Yes, I've been overweight for more years than I care to admit. But I'm losing it....for the first time since I was in EARLY high school, I'm ready to shop (almost in some cases) ANYWHERE my heart desires. And sadly, I feel like an imposter. That's the best way to put it....an imposter. I couldn't go over into the normal sizes because I still think fat!

Success and Failure

I've decided to look back at this past year. Today I want to go back and read all my entries. That would be one year of triumphs and occaisional failures in this weight loss journey that I have undertaken. On the surface I can say that I was hoping to reach my goal weight this year. By my birthday do be exact. It would have meant that I had to lose a consistent 2 pounds per week. I was actually doing good UNTIL April. And at that point I struggled...and even gained some. I was actually staying pretty close to the 2 pounds per week once I joined weight watchers until the holidays hit. I'm hoping and praying to get back to that now that the holiday season is over. Yes, it is technically over for me. Todd and I are not partiying or anything spectacular tonight. We'll stay at home for a nice quiet evening.

I started the year 2006 weighing in at roughly 260 pounds. So for me to be at roughly 210 marks 50 pounds gone. This year of weight loss has really marked a point where I can clearly see a difference in my body. I not only wear clothes that are remarkably smaller (people can clearly see the change when they see me). BUT I can see a difference in how I act and move. Generally speaking, I have more energy and spunk that I'd had in a long time.

Overall, I would say it's been a good year for weight loss. I hope to lose the last 60 in the year 2007. And yes, that is my goal. But just as last year my goal was to lose it all and be at my goal weight (same as this year), that is just a goal. I will be tickled with a substantial loss. I know in my heart that if I end the year 2007 and can say that I didn't lose 60...BUT I lost 40 or 30, that I'll be happy because I lost. I have some BIG celebrations coming up. The first will be that when I hit 199.9, I will be in ONEDERLAND! According to most BMI calculaters...when I hit 197, I will no longer be considered obese, I will merely be overweight. (No, being overweight is not my goal...I want to be 'healthy weight'...but not being considered obese....I can't even imagine). AND third but not last, when I hit 195 I will hit the 100 pounds lost mark! HUGE HUGE HUGE stuff!
BUt, even though I'm dying to get to those spots this is not a race...this is my life! I'll get there when I get there. In the meantime, I'm going to keep plugging along at it!

What the Hell???

I've been soo good this week. I've worked out...I've eaten healthy...counted points...haven't gone over points....have lots of flex points left. So imagine my surprise when I got on the scales at the gym and find that I'm the exact same weight as I was the other day! Come now.....that's crazy! I'm trying not to let it upset me though! I need to just stay focused. If I do, even if I don't lose this week, I will lose the next week...or the week after that! It WILL come off!

At least I'm laughing!

Wow...does that weight ever come on fast! One week and I was up 3.6 pounds! Yes, as the subject line alludes to, I am laughing about it. I'm planning on getting it off pretty fast. This is the same weight that has been coming and going for the last month and a half! I don't know...looking at it realistically, I know I ate and nibbled for Christmas...and if I want to be honest with myself for a day or so before Christmas! I got back from my parents on Christmas night and I was not upset with m yself for nibbling...I was satisfied. Not happy that I did it...but willing to face the consequences. I also knew that I needed to get myself back on track. SOOOOOOOOoooooooo, I threw away all the cookies and candies at the house...well, I threw away the ones that I liked! So my house is christmas goody cleaned up! And, I've been pretty much on plan the last few days!

Now....at the risk of making excuses....I had the monthly ick during my weigh in...and I hadn't been drinking my water. Sooooo maybe the weight gain wasn't as bad as it looked. No way of knowing though...so I'm just gonna take it and run!

Crazy enough, after and even during my binge...my focus and motivation skyrocketed! Crazy! I would have though while I was eating on Christmas day that I would have been all, "yummm....I can't wait until tomorrow when I can have some more". That's not how it was! YIPPEE! I was more like, "enjoy it today...because tomorrow you will not". AND, I've not craved it...it was almost as if my body said thank you for the treat but I'm done! Ok, yes, maybe I'm the crazy one! tee hee hee

I sound like a broken record!

Yes, at the risk of sounding like a broken record I'll say it. I'm not going to have a good weigh in tonight. Nope. Not at all. I actually think I gained about 3 pounds. I had said anything under 5 pounds and I'd be a happy girl! I'm not going to be happy to lose that weight again. However, I feel like I would have been denying myself if I wouldn't have given in and allowed myself anything. The problem was, yesterday I was there in the kitchen and I nibbled and nibbled. Mom had the goodies OUT and in plan view on the table. Not her fault...I should be able to resist.

I'm very lucky though. While I was eating, I knew that on Tuesday, I would be jumping right on the wagon and going full fledged with this eating thing again. Even as I shoveled in food (ok, it wasn't that bad.......nibbled on food) I knew that it would be a different story on Tuesday and everyday thereafter. So, how has Tuesday gone thus far. GREAT! I've eaten responsibly and made it to the gym for a great workout this morning!

I think the big thing was that I realized that I could wear another pair of pants from the 'not yet' drawer! So all day yesterday I was wearing something that previously was too small. It fit...COMFORTABLY! That is such a great feeling! And it helped me mentally be ready to and looking forward to getting back on task! The other thing is that I'm getting ready to help lead this summer weight loss challenge. SO I know that I'll be thinking about weight loss a lot!

I'm going going to take this weigh in tonight, file it and come back in the next weeks and regroup, relose and get back to the losing life!

Merry Christmas!

I gave myself a free day today. I've greatly enjoyed the food that I have eaten. Yes, I've eaten more than I should have. Do I feel guilty....nope. I do however feel ready to get back up tomorrow and really work to get some more of this weight off. No, I'm not looking forward to the scales tomorrow....but I would be expecting a maintain or gain anyway...TOM Quite honestly, I'm looking foward to eating healthy. What a surprise for me.

Something that I did today to help me motivate myself...even though I was having a free day. I routed through my 'ready for you' clothes. (this is clothes that have been given to me, or that I've bought at Goodwill in the next size down). I found a pair of jeans...that I could wear...comfortably actually. And I wore them....knowing in my head that I was wearing a pair of jeans that one month ago I couldn't...and a size lower. I'm slowly fitting into more 16's!!! I'll make it to the point that I can wear ANY 16!

I've been part of a Christmas challenge. I was hoping and aiming to be in onederland (199.9 or less) by Christmas. I'm not at all upset about the fact that I didn't make my goal. I tried pretty hard...and I actually dropped more than 20 pounds during the challenge...pretty good. I am goign to be part of another challenge......which will run from January until the first day of summer June 21. This is a pretty long goal. I'm thinking about setting 40 as my goal to lose. That will put me at 170 pounds! That's roughly 1.3 pounds a week. Tough, absolutely. Doable? Yes! I'd rather aim high! I know that I won't be upset if I dont' make it. I'll be happy if I've at least made a considerable effort in getting to my goal!

Holding on!

Ahhhh Christmas cookies! I was so proud of myself the other night when I made all those cookies and yummy stuff and didn't eat any of them. I put up a mental block within and didn't eat any more of my cookies. (some of the cookie gift packages are still in my kitchen...untouched). HOWEVER, I got some gifts today from my work...cookies and goodies. YEP, I've partaken! ARRGGHHH! But, oh my word, they taste soooooooo good! I've got to mentally slap my wrists and stop this! I need to keep telling myself I'm only 9 pounds away from onederland! 9 measely pounds! This is sooo in my reach that I can taste it!

I got rid of my next size up though, so I have NOWHERE to grow into! On the otherhand, I've got a plethera of the next size down in clothes! MOTIVATION and WILLPOWER, where are you?

I did it!

I'm amazed some weeks. It seems like lately I come on a day or so after my weigh in and I'm like...somehow from somewhere I pulled a loss! Well, it happened again. 1.6 down! Yes, I'm working for it. But admitedly, I slacked a little....ate more of my flex points than I normally do.......amazing!

On that same note...I've already blown 11 flex points for this week also. That's a lot for me...I usually only use 5 per WEEK!

Made about 6 different kinds of cookies tonight. Ate about 2 cookies worth of Chocolate Chip cookie dough... (yes, I know we aren't supposed to eat raw dough anymoer...but heck, I've been doing it since I was just a wee thing...I see no reason to stop now). Anyway, only about two cookies worth of dough. No other snitches...I didn't 'test' the cookies as they came out! NOTHING! NADA! ZILCH! I saved out about 2-3 of each cookie for my husband. I saved abou 5 or 6 of the 1 point pumpkin cookie (spice cake mix, can of pumpkin, and 1/3 cup water...add 2/3 cup water and you can do muffins...but cookies are fine also..they are a very 'caky' cookie). But I saved a few one pointers for me for a snack for the next few days. AND with the rest of the cookies....I packed them up in gift packages....ready to go! The name tags and bows are on them! They are as good as out the door! (Nope...I won't cheat because each package is 'artfully' arranged and to snitch a cookie would mess up the 'prettiness' of the package!

Tickled because I was able to buy myself a pair of pants (lounging flannel pants) at an everyday overstock store ($5....really good deal)! This may not seem exciting...but for a big girl whose options are usually pretty limited as to where she can buy her clothes.....just walking through the clothes area and being able to actually find something that fits is pretty amazing. EVen more amazing...I on a whim bought the xl. I thought that they would be tight but I would 'grow' into them. Well, I tried them on...they are loose. Now don't get me wrong....not loose as in I should be wearing a large...but loose as in comfy!

Going to my work christmas party/dinner tomorrow night so I'm planning my low point breakfast and lunch!

Lately I've been really melancholy. I've just felt like crying...A LOT of the time! Don't know what's up with that. My husband freaks out because he wants to know why I'm crying...or feeling sad. I honestly can't tell him why....I'm just sad. I do think it's because right now we seem to be under a lot of stress...but that usually doesn't make me feel sad and teary! Nope...not eating like a mad woman because of it either!

Another week!

I've been really struggling this week. I've used more flex points then I have ever used. I know, I know...they are there for me to use, Use them. However, that combined with my lower exercise levels. I just don't know what's happening to me. I've had a few nights of not being able to sleep and a few other nights of nightmares. Fun fun fun.

According to my scales, I've maintained though. We'll see how it goes tonight!

Another week!

I've been really struggling this week. I've used more flex points then I have ever used. I know, I know...they are there for me to use, Use them. However, that combined with my lower exercise levels. I just don't know what's happening to me. I've had a few nights of not being able to sleep and a few other nights of nightmares. Fun fun fun.

According to my scales, I've maintained though. We'll see how it goes tonight!

Somehow!

Somehow, from somewhere, I pulled out a 2.8 loss. This puts me at the exact weight that I went into my thanksgiving vacation at.....before I temporarily lost control!

Meanwhile, today at work I was so bored that I literally fell asleep! Uhhh, I'm a boredom eater! I ate 16 points EXTRA in mindless eating at work alone! Yes, that was 16 points! Luckily I did have 5 points extra (I was saving it to have a weight watchers dessert cup during The Biggest Loser tonight) and I was able to change my 12 point dinner into a 5 point dinner (yay zero point veggies!). I had already planned to go to the gym...I just did more cardio than weights and earned 6 points.....so I evened myself out at least. But I can't be doing that!

Better luck tomorrow!

Waiting to see the damage!

Yes, I'm waiting to see the damage. Last week I gained 2.2 pounds. Which means in the last two weigh ins combined I've gaiend 2.8 pounds. Not life ending...but still something I DON'T want to happen. So I set myself on a course to get back to where I'm need to be. I feel as if I've done pretty good this week. I stayed on task. I journalled everything...even the bad stuff that I ate. And yes, I did eat bad stuff. I celebrated my birthday this week. I didn't eat cake, instead I chose to have ice cream. I'm not talking about run of the mill boring ice cream. I'm talking about an icecream shop where they make EVERYTHING from scratch.....using all natural ingredients. Eating this ice cream is darn near orgasmic. I totally enjoyed it....it was WELL worth the points. The good thing...this fabulous ice cream shop is about 1.5 hours away...and in a place where we usually do a heck of a lot of walking! (3-4 hours). SOOOOO Hopefully the walking negated the icecream.

I'm thinking that I actually may have lowered my numbers a little bit. I was originally aiming to lose the whole 2.8 pounds this week...I'll be happy with 2.....(according to the gym scales, that may be what I did too). I don't know!

Back on Track

Yes, I'm back on track. Really what it boils down to is I'm actually journalling and not just saying...'oops, I'm over'. I decided one of the big things I would do would be to write down EVERYTHING....and count EVERYTHING...even if I know that I went over. First, knowing that I'm going to write it down anyway makes me be good. And, I'm finding it is not too overly difficult to actually get it back under control. What I'm struggling with is the "bites, licks and tastes". But, yes, I'm adding those in also!

I also think that I needed a 'bad week' to really refocus myself. I mean, the week before I had gained .6 pounds. That's pretty much nothing. In all honesty, to me that is the difference in clothes....or maybe a trip to the bathroom. So it was way to easy to overlook as a gain. Not so for a 2.2 pound gain. I can't over look it. Yes, I know that I was probably retaining water (I hadn't been drinking properly) but that is an excuse and I know the other part of it is that I ate poorly that week. I could have kept overlooking .6 pounds week after week. And eventually I would have found that I had slowly gained back the weight. I needed that shot in the arm of a 'big' weight gain to get me back on track! :-)

Weigh In Results

Ok, I'm up 2.2 pounds. I want to scream in frustration. However, I refuse to. I know I did it to myself. I didn't watch what I was eating.....I didn't watch portion sizes....and thereby, I didn't journal. I am 100% at fault!

I'm recommitted though. I have done pretty good thus far today. I actually will have enough for a Weight Watchers fudge bar. Yes,I've had stuff like that in the past week...however I never had the points for it. Today, I actually have the points to really allow to eat it! So, I'm not doing too badly. AND, my water intake is where it needs to be today!

Struggling

I'm so struggling with this 'eating/lifestyle' change thing. As I said, I made better choices on my vacation...but still ate too much and some choices that were not the best. I came home and I am 100% determined to stay with this and do it. It was working so well for me before the vacation. AND I had a friend give me some clothes while I was on vacation (she is also losing weight and has outgrown the clothes...so she passed them on to me). Some of the clothes are too small, there are a few that are just a little tight and then I have some that are just right. I was wearing some and I noticed last night that they are actualy a size LARGE! There was no x in front of that word. Let alone 2X. I was pretty tickled. SO I know what I've done is working. However, my willpower after vacation just seems to have vanished! I forced myself to get up and exercise first thing in the morning. I'm hoping that if I have in the back of my mind that I already exercised, that it will help me 'remember' that I should turn some of the bad stuff down! I know I can do it. I want it. I just need to get my head back into sync with my heart!

vacation

Well, vacation/holiday has come and gone. We spent about 12 days visiting friends and family (away from home the whole time). I started the time with some rough eating experiences (eating too much) but exercised my heart out. I was pretty religious about exercising while I was away...but just ate way too much. I did chose some healthier options.....and only once felt stuffed. BUT, I know I didn't chose as wisely as I could have! The end result.......I gained .6 pounds. Not too shabby...especially since knowing that the 'ick' (TOM) is just departing!

Now to just make it through all the birthdays and Christmas!

A mixture of Happiness and Stress

I'm ecstatic....thrilled...even tickled pink. I had my weigh in last night. I am utterly proud to announce that I lost 3.2 pounds! I am now 211.2 pounds! That is such a huge difference from where I started. Amazing to know that at one point I weighed 295 pounds (on my scales which weighed me 10 pounds lighter than everywhere else...). So I am excited beyond belief to have posted a big loss.....especially knowing that as long as I can post consistent 2 pound losses, then I will make my goal by Christmas. (and if I don't..well, I'll make it by mid-January...or the beginning of February...or whenever).

I'm utterly stressed. A dog recently came under my care. He came under my care becuase the person that we entrusted to take care of him didn't do a good job. (well, I don't know..but the dog got sick and he didn't do anything to help the dog.....the dog is my husbands grandmothers, she is in a nursing home). SOOO I've been trying to nurse this poor dog (big German Shepherd....previous police/prison dog) back to health. I went over there on Monday and "THOUGHT" I saw the dog fall down. I wasn't sure though...I thought he may have slipped. ON Tuesday I was back, to entice him with more treats and good things. The dog was laying against the kennel door....immobile. I actually had to shove (gently of course) to get the kennel door open and shut. I was in tears, it was terrible. I called around and could find NO-ONE to help me with the dog that late at night....I couldn't move the dog...even though he had lost a lot of weight, he still was pretty big and heavy. SOOO, I tried to make the dog as comfortable as possible (blankets and such) and made an appointment for this morning. Yes, the dog is no longer suffering. I hate making the decision to have to 'put an animal down'. It's just way to heartwrenching!

Soooo, I go to work. I'm stressed, very emotional and just plain icky from all that had happened. I just wanted to eat and eat! I didn't want to stop. I actually didnt' do too badly...only 5 points over my daily allotment. AND I exercised my tail end off this evening...and earned 5 points to make up for it. BUT, today was a total struggle!

Hopeful!

Well, I'm pretty hopeful. I went to the doctor with my husband. He was happy to announce that the scales at the gym...and the scales at home are all pretty accurate (with the scales at home being the known 5 pounds less). So, I knew what I weighed at the gym...(the same as I weighed at weight watchers). SOOOO I hopped on the scales when the doctor and nurse weren't in the room. They weighed me at 210 pounds. Now..I'm not saying that I lost four pounds since my weigh in...but I'm hoping that maybe..somehow I've dropped big. It would definitely put me back in the running! Maybe I need to sneak a peak at the home scales tomorrow morning!

Had to go out and buy a new wedding band...the old one was way to loose....along with my engagment ring and other rings. I bought a simple band...but one with a little texture since that's the only ring I plan on wearning for a while!

Chugging along

I've come to the conclusion that I may not reach my own little mini goal. I had set in my head that I would like to be under 200 pounds by Christmas/New Years. It was atually a doable goal. I figured it out (fitday.com is a wonderful site because you can put in your weigh and your goal and target date...and it will tell you exactly what you need to lose each week in order to reach that goal) I had to lose 1.5 pounds each week...and that was to make the goal by Christmas (it was obviously a bit less to do it by New Years!) Well....that one week of a gain really blew my target out of the water...it is actually possible for me to do it. I would need to have one week of a huge loss though...and then the rest of the weeks would have to be slow and steady..with no gains! Possible..yes. REalistic...not really. I'm not worried...because I fully expect to be within a few pounds of my goal by the target time...and that will be huge!

Why this 200 goal is so big for me? Well, Just under 200 pounds will mark 100 pounds gone! For good....never to be seen again! (I didn't weigh myself much at that point...but do know at one point the scales read 198) Reason number two why this goal is so immensly huge for me. 197 marks the point where according to the BMI index, that I will go from being Obese...to simply being overweight. Imagine that? And the third reason.....I will be in onederland! WOOOOOOO I can't imagine that either!

Soooo, all that said, I'm refocusing this week. I want to see if I am very disciplined not only with my exercise but with my eating, if I can post a big number on the scales to possibly beat the odds and put me back in the running for my Christmas/New Years goal! I'm not doing anything stupid...I'm simply being more disciplined than I have been in recent weeks. :-) I'm also pushing my exercise into more intense workouts and if not more intense...than longer!

On a positive note....my jeans are starting to get loose AGAIN!..that means that I'll soon be moving down another size! Oh yeah, I also can't wear my rings anymore...they are too loose and are falling off! Never thought I would be excited about the fact that I can't wear my rings anymore! YIPPEE!!

The Hot Seat!

I've been good lately. I haven't been hopping on my home scales all the time. I will admit that I did get on the gym scales yesterday though. BUT the only thing bad is that it means I have no utter idea what my weigh in will be. I don't know if I gained or lost.

Well.....after a week of eating so so. (So, so meaning that I made healthier choses than I originally would have...however I still ate too much and I could have done better.) I actually somehow posted a 1.6 pound loss!

Wooo hooO!

I'm tickled pink though because my new exercise stuff came in the mail today. I've set aside today as my 'off' day from exercise....and I've exercised the last 6 days...so I know I need it. Otherwise I'd be in the living room exercising!

Am I digressing?

I don't know what came over me today. Maybe it was something in the air. I dont' know. But, this morning Todd and I had an early morning appointment. We stopped at the Waffle House for Breakfast on the way home. I knew what I was goign to get. I had previously measured the size of their waffles...I knew exactly what I wanted. One waffle....I knew the points...etc etc etc. Well, we sat down and I saw the sign. "We now have Chocolate Chip Waffles". Mmmmm doesn't that sound good. I debated. I finally decided to go ahead, take the knock and live on the edge. I was getting the chocolate chip waffles. As I was waiting for the waitress, I made the mistake of actually looking at the menu. Wow...did you know that you pay 2.35 for one waffle and you can get a double for 99 cents extra??? Wow...99 cents. Before I knew it, I had ordered a double! No....it's not just a little bigger....it is TWO waffles! NO.....I didn't put one aside and eat two. I enjoyed every dang bite of those waffles! Well, at the end I was finding the chocolate and accompanying syrup too sweet, but I still enjoyed each and every bite!

It just goes to show me that I still really don't have control over what i am doing. I honestly don't know what happened to me. I saw it and before I could think, I blurted out that I wanted it. I really didn't want it...and I know that! However, I do know that I need to get this weird urge that just washed over me under control. I need to if I am going to win the war. I may have lost that battle...but I'll refight it over and over again during my lifetime I am sure! I need to win!

Looking for the Rabbit in the Magicians Hat!

Yep, I pulled another one out of the proverbial hat. I was not expecting great things at this weigh in. The ick arrived a few days ago. I've actually felt bloated and icky. So I just thought that this weigh in wouldn't be that great. SOMEHOW, from somewhere, I pulled a 1.8 pound loss! Yes, a loss and a pretty decent sized one! How, I don't know. I do know that I ate decently. I'm not going to say that I ate well....I cheated a few times. However, since I really don't use my flex points each week (officially that is.....I'm sure I use them for all those BLT ~~bites licks and tastes~~ and all those things that I miscalculate or the portion sizes that I get wrong...). The other thing that I did right was exercise. I exercised 6 days out of the last 7 days. (And even on my day off from exercise I did a heck of a lot of walking).

I'm facing the reality that there is a good chance that I won't make my Christmas Goal of being under 200 pounds by Christmas or at least New Years. I do however think I'll be extemely close to my goal by that time. I think I may only need a week or so longer to reach that goal...therefore I'm leaving it stand. To actually reach the goal by Christmas I would need to lose 2.05 pounds. To reach it by New Years it was something like 1.79 pounds.

Another Weigh in!

I debated long and hard about whether to go to my weight watchers meeting tonight. No, I wasn't contemplating quitting, I was worried about this weigh in. I thought about going and taking my free pass so I wouldn't have to be weighed in. I finally did chose to just bite the bullet, pay the piper and weigh in.

You see, this week was stressful. At the beginning my husband and I were frantic because we bought something sight unseen that we were responsible for picking up and moving from a second floor loft in NYC (greenwich village to be exact) and getting it down to our recording studio. Stress was running just a tad bit high, let me tell you. On Thursday we jumped in our car with a few friends and caravaned up to NYC with a van full of some more friends. It is a 5 hour trip. We were in the city for about 2-3 hours getting this monster (8 feet long and weighing about 800-1000 pounds) out of this second story loft and into the van that we had brought to haul it. Then a 5 hour trip home...one that was stretched longer due to the driving rain that we had to travel through. Once home, we then had to unload the monster. It was just a joy. Why I mention it....I ate convience store food during that whole trip! I actually didn't do too badly though. I would have preferred more fruits and veggies but I didn't do to bad considering!

FOllowing that trip, we had a 2 day rest and then back in the car to go on a little mini vacation that we had planned months ago. We went to Lancaster Co PA....land of good, yummy, heavy, comfort style foods. I am proud of myself. I made healthier choices than I have during previous visits to that area. HOwever, I know I still could have done better in the eating department. I also had made sure that we were staying in a hotel that had an indoor pool and a fitness center. I utilized both fo them. I swam for exercise in the pool and went to the fitness center every day! AND worked out hard in the fitness center!

I would say my biggest problem of the week....I didn't get my water. I aim for 1/2 my body weight in ounces each day. But, I'm happy if I reach the 64 ounce mark! For probably mroe than half of this week....and most specifically these last 3-4 days before the weigh in (oh yes, we got back from vacation and my weigh in was literally 2 hours after we got home). BUt the biggest problem was the lack of water....these last few days I've probably not even hit the 30 ounce mark of water. Can we say water retention. I also was stupid and ordered chipped beef gravy for breakfast. Not the greatest thing point wise...but managable. However, I wasn't even thinking of the sodium.....can we say water retention again???

So, how did I do. I know you are dying to know! Well, I went and I told myself that I was expecting to gain. I was thinking about 5 pounds! I had decided that I would be ok with anywhere up to a 5 pound gain. Well, I actually started to cheer when I heard my weight. I only gained 1 pound! That should be easily corrected with just getting my water/sodium consumption back in line! Woo hoooo!

So there you have it.....I am actually cheering over a gain!

Weigh In

I did it! I got my 25 pounds lost magnet! Yep, I lost 1.4 pounds! I'm excited. I'm happy that I am still losing decent weight each week! ALthough, I'm exercising pretty religiously!

In fact, yesterday was my off day for exercise...meaning I wasn't going to exercise at all. Well, I ate my dinner and I sat here at the computer...feeling awful. Just full (not sick) but just yucky. I knew what my body was demanding.....activity! So, up I got and I exercised for an hour. Felt great when I was done! That's kinda weird for me..the queen of not exercising.

The other thing that happened this week. Todd and I met mom outside of her work and dropped off some clothes for her to go through (they are too big for me..and whatever she doesn't want she is goign to take to The Rescue mission or goodwill.) Well, I was waiting for her and was doing a bit of a hop/sashay or something. I didn't think anything of it. APparently mom did. She told me last night that she went home and told dad that they are getting their daughter back...the daughter that they remembered from years ago. She told me that and I just looked at her and said, "It's hard to do those things and be peppy when you weigh just shy of 300 pounds". This 75-80 pounds really does make a difference. AND...just watch out when I hit my goal!!!! WOo hooo...who knows what i'm gonna be like then!

Worried

Yes, I'm worried. I'm worried because I peeked at the scales this morning and they don't seem to be moving at all! I That worries me. I'm doing everything I should be doing. I'm exercising and eating right. I keep telling myself not to stress about it at all. Give it time. I actually still have almost 4 whole days until my next weigh in, so it isn't as if I'm giving it a lot of time. I've thought about getting a GOOD digital scale. That way I could see those .? pounds. Not just the rough "oh the dial is somewhere around..." Oh who knows! Meanwhile, I've gotta stop stressing.

FIgured it out though. I have to lose an average of 1.55 pounds to be in onederland by Christmas. If I want to do it by Thanksgiving it would be roughly 3 pounds a week (6 weigh ins left). Yes, I know the Thanksgiving goal would be a pretty difficult one to beat! But, it is there in the back of my mind. I would at least like to be below 210 pounds by Thanksgiving. That is 8 pounds down. Like I said..there are 6 weigh ins so that would be really nice.

Todd and I are planning on going to the MD Rennaisance Festival tomorrow. I"m looking forward to it. We haven't been able to attend in a couple years. BOOO HOooo. So it will be lots of fun. HOwever, I'm a bit concerned about the food. THe food there is SOOOOO good. Turkey legs.....soup in bread bowls...shall I continue? My tenative plan is to take my backpack purse and have some snacks in my purse to eat. (100 cal pack and grapes and whatever else I can think of). Then I will 'splurge' on one food item at the fair! We'll see. At least we will be doing a ton of walking while we are there!

Oh well!