Rough weekend

The weekend came and I was riding high on my maintain over vacation!   Nothing was going to get me down or derail me!

Weekend activities

We woke up on Saturday and relaxed before heading out to pick up a dollhouse that I had purchased through the Amazon Marketplace.  We planned on taking the old car because it would give us more space to carry a bulky dollhouse home.  We got into the car and the battery was dead!   We had an appointment to get the dollhouse so we hopped into the new car and drove the 30 minutes.  The dollhouse was HUGE!  So huge that it wasn’t fitting into the new car.    We drove home and got Jason’s work truck and drove back to pick up the house.   Have I said how huge it is?   It is so big that I feel absolutely guilty about buying it!  It totally fills up our dining room!!   Jason laughed last night and said ‘that dollhouse is just about as big as our apartment’.  In between bouts of guilt and worry about what to do with such a huge dollhouse,  I am having fun dreaming about what I am going to do with it.)

Once the dollhouse was safely filling up our dining room we headed out for a hike.   We knew it was going to be a short one because the dollhouse took up a few hours of our day.   We decided to go to Catoctin National Park.   We wanted to hike the historic Whiskey Trail.   

We thought that trail was longer....a half mile hike is not what we had in mind!   So we did go back to explore the still.

But after we explored. We headed off toward Cunningham Falls.   I was hiking slow.  My head was pounding.  I was just whipped!  It was a struggle for me!  We didn’t hike for long before we caved and called it quits.  My body was just telling me that I was done!

All evening long I remained overly tired.   The tiredness continued into Sunday.  I woke up and was showered by 7AM and I was asleep on the couch by 7:30.  I slept until about 10 or 10:30.   We took an easy day.  We ran a few errands and headed down to REI for Jason to check out some new hiking boots.  I was tired and sluggish all day!

Food

I did amazing on Friday With my eating.   On Saturday I ate a heavier lunch because I was thinking that we would have a longer hike.   The shorter hike didn’t burn as many calories.  My calorie count for Saturday was 1622...not bad but higher than I aim for.   Sunday was worse.  After sleeping all morning I was hungry and feeling so sluggish that I thought a decent lunch may help but I was so tired that the thought of making something  was abhorrent!   I pulled out two leftover pieces of pizza.  For dinner we grabbed subway subs.   I ended my day at 1680 calories.   So higher than I like but still not crazy high.

Weight

I weigh daily....it works for me. (Do whatever works for you.). I was disgusted to see my weight up by 3 pounds today.  Really?  1600 calories each day and I am up 3 pounds?   What is wrong with my body?

I will say that the monthly ick arrived...and my water intake probably was not as solid.  But still...three pounds???

I’m not giving up.   I’m still trucking on...I’m working on drinking my water today and keeping my calories down near 1200-1300 for the day!   I’ve got this!!!   This three pound back and forth is done!!!

Not giving up

I feel like I am spinning my wheels and getting nowhere!   My weight is not moving.  My best intentions for exercise and activity don’t pan out. I’m just spinning and twisting aimlessly in the wind!

Let’s start with exercise.  We decided and vowed to get back to our after work bike rides this week.  Starting Monday.   It’s Wednesday and we haven’t done it yet!  Why?   Well it’s a valid excuse...it’s been raining constantly for days....again!   I vowed to get serious about walking on my breaks and lunch again.   And I haven’t.  Why?  It’s raining!  But then again I said I could walk in the parking garage.  Why haven’t I?   Well a comedy of happenings....one day the sole of my shoe came loose and was only hanging on by a thread...so walking was loud and a bit dangerous as that sold flapped around. So stuff like that.   I had a thought the other day that I need to just wake up early and ride the bike trainer.  I vowed to do it on Tuesday...and forgot to set my alarm.   Tuesday night I remembered but the thought of waking up earlier (I was so tired) ...wellbit didn’t happen!!!

My eating is spot on!   I’m holding my calories right around 1200-1300 calories.   I’ve added in some protein at lunch as recommended by a friend.   My weight just sits within the same 3-4 pound range that I’ve been sitting at for the last almost two months!  

I know I’m on the right path.   My relationship with food and the aspect of learning to live with food and not let it rule me is my goal right now.   I don’t want to sit back and always eat bad but I also know that I need some indulgence in my life.   A healthy relationship is my goal.    I know my weight will catch up with my slow and steady efforts.   But until then...well I just have to keep my chin up!

Mental battles

A large part of this journey to health is mental. Or maybe I’m just a basket case...hahaha!  No,  it’s definitely a mental game. In the last three weeks I’ve had at least three mental battles that I can quickly and easily remember. I’d like to say I won the battle for all of them but alas, that’s not the case.

The first mental battle came after I broke the no sweet treat fast  The two weeks of restriction set me back in that healthy relationship that I was building with food.  I all of a sudden  was back to wanting the sweet treats  all the time...because I hadn’t had them. Sure, I knew that I could have them again and that I was not doing the restriction thing anymore. But holy moly try to convince my mind of that fact! It really has been a battle in my mind to try to remind myself that sweet treats are not forbidden, nor are they something that I need to eat like there’s no tomorrow… Because if I want I can have them again tomorrow. So, yes I did dive headfirst into bad food for those first couple days and that is a definite failure. Well, we’ll call it a half failure… I learned something very valuable about myself. What is that? Restrictions only makes me want it more! (absence makes the heart grow finder… Maybe not fonder in the case of food but it certainly does make the desire for it grow more intense).

Last Monday I went to see the doctor . The doctor was very happy with my blood work and worked with me to set a goal for weight loss. OK, in reality she did not work with me she just told me what she wanted me to lose in the next year. My year goal is 10 to 20 pounds. (I’m sure the lower number has something to do with the fact that I told her my slow, learn to live and just be healthier plan where I restrict nothing, which she liked and approved of.) But seriously 10 pounds? That’s not much for a year long effort. And here is where my mind started playing tricks with me again. So… 10 to 20 pounds… If I maintain for 10 months I only have to lose weight for two months of the year. My mind started to scream at me… I call these voices my “mini me”, and they were saying take a break, you got a whole year to lose a measly little 10 pounds and  don’t  bother counting calories this week...don’t bother next week either… start next month… Better yet start after your vacation in October. Yes, my mini me is very distracting and determined to derail me!   I know that listening to those voices is not the best option and plan for me… At all. But the thought was really hard to get out of my head. It’s been a mental battle.

Last but not least, Friday lunch. It was cool outside on my first break when I walked. It looked like it was going to rain any second. And I started to think about taking just one more day away from walking and eating my healthy lunch to grab and instead grab food from the cafeteria. I went back and forth for two hours and 15 minutes until my lunch break. One minute I was going to go to the cafeteria. The next minute I was determined to stand strong. The battle was fierce in my head. I looked at my calorie counter (MyFitnessPal) and I pondered. I did come up with an alternative little ground. I walked. I did eat my healthy lunch. And I allowed myself to buy a few pieces of Reese’s pieces. So it wasn’t a total victory but it wasn’t a total failure. The battles in my mind

The battles in my mind are the worst deterrent to lose weight. I wish there was a nice way to stop those voices that tell me to go ahead and eat, or to skip my walk. But they’re not easy to eradicate.  Will power, will power, will power.

Weigh in day

We thoroughly enjoyed our last day at the ocean.  I went back on my last post and added in a sunrise picture...but we enjoyed the sunrise and the sound of the waves crashing below our balcony and we slowly and lazily got moving to start our last day.

 

It was a joy so good food day.  We had Thrasher's fries and I picked up a ham and cheese sandwich.   We walked on the boardwalk and pier and we indulged in some deep fried Twinkies.  And of course rough home Fishers Popcorn.

We left there and headed to Assateague Island.  We grabbed the bikes off the car and pedaled over to the Rackcliffe Plantation.  It was closed so we couldn't go in...but we peered in the windows. 

 

  After that it was up and over the bridge and onto the island.   We explored the closed state park and campground first.   When we got to the far back section of the campground we pushed our bikes over the dunes and down to the beach. 

I couldn't resist a picture of our bikes at the ocean.

 

Then we decided to ride out bikes down the beach to the next crossover location on the dunes.  I knew that would put us into the national park portion of Assateague.  

 

It was crazy fun to ride on the edge of the surf....and a crazy good workout!!! 

 

After a mile or two we headed back over the dunes and into the national park (no fear...walkers and riders are free anyway so we weren't cheating the government by going in the 'backdoor' without paying).  We rode around and checked out several places in that park and then headed back to the car. And saw lots of wild horses.  We got back to the car at around 4....and after loading the bikes on the car we headed for home.

All in all with my weekend miles of walking and riding I managed to get all but 4.15 of my march miles completed!!!  4.15 shouldn't be any problem considering I still had 4 days left in march when I got back from the ocean!!

Tuesday morning I pushed myself to go for my run.  I was sore from the 'mad miles we put in over the weekend'. It was a sloooow and achy 2 miles but I'm satisfied that I did them. 

So I've been running with google music lately.  I have up until the last month always had a playlist on my phone and used that.  Google music is working for me.  I sometimes hit a song or a list that I don't particularly like but it's been good.   I hear new stuff and stuff I haven't heard for years while I'm running.   I just have to stop hitting the music icon to pull up my playlists when I start running (I currently have no playlists on my phone!).    

So the big question...how did this all affect my weight.  Yesterday I popped onto the scales and I was tickled to see that I was at 236.8.   That was where I was two weeks ago so I was happy. This morning I stepped onto the scales and I was back at that boomerang weight of 238.4.   In fairness it could be the deep fried Twinkie catching up....or the salty popcorn that I ate last night!!!!  

Unplugged

I decided this morning to go out for my run totally unplugged.  Little did I know how unplugged I was going to be!

I ran the Krumpe's run relatively unplugged.  I didn't run any tracking app.  I didn't run any heart rate monitor.  I listened to music and just trusted the timing device provided by the race organizers.  It worked and I pushed myself and did ok.  So this morning when I got ready to head out for my run, I decided to go unplugged.  I decided to listen to music and have mapmyrun track my progress.   That would only interrupt me every mile...which would be good so that I didn't cut my run too short.  (Scheduled 4 miles today.)

All was good.  I hit the music and headed out.  2 songs into my run the voice in the headphones interrupted me to say "charge me"   Ohhhhhh heck.....my heart sank.  I never tested how long I could run after I go the message to charge my headphones.   I hoped it was an hour, as that was how long I was planning that my run would probably be.  As I ran, I thought about my path and decided on the route that I would take to make it roughly 4 miles.  All was good  And then the voice reminded me to 'charge me' again.   Thanks for the notice...but I kept running, I had a run scheduled and I was NOT going to be deterred.  No way...no how!    Just shy of a mile and my headphones went dead.  Yup....silent.   That means no music, no notifications of the miles.  Just me, my thoughts and my feet pounding the pavement.  

I ran the first mile or so with no breaks.  The second mile I broke for about 30 seconds to a minute mid mile.  The third mile I ran with no breaks.  And the fourth mile...well I walked a few more times.  (And of course rough estimates of mileage since I had no voice whispering in my ear).    

I got to where I assumed would be roughly the 4 mile mark and I was almost dead on!  I was right.  3.96 miles.  So I ran onward and then walked the other three tenths of a mile home.  First 'long' run of half marathon training completed.  (and yes, I know that 'long' is a relative term and in a few weeks I will be saying "four miles is a short run!")

I got home and drank some water....lots of water. 

Did I say I drank some water??   I must remember that in the heat, with longer runs, I am going to have to carry some water with me.  I made myself a bacon (turkey bacon), egg and cheese sandwich ate it with some strawberries and called it a morning.

Some geocaching, lunch out (Panera Bread Strawberry Poppy seed chicken salad is SOOOO yummy..I hate to see it leave when the season ends) and then a visit with my friend.  Home in the evening for some backed zuchini parmesan and a movie (I finally joined the world and saw the Disney Movie, "Frozen") and just some relaxing.    I closed out the evening with some Vanilla Oreo Cookies.  Yum!   Fun, productive (laundry completed amidst my days activities) and relaxing!

And if you didn't notice?  My eating is spot on today!   I have been stuck in a 5 pound weight vortex for the last bunch of months.  On Wednesday I was at the top end of my 5 pound range at 254.  I kept food pretty solid through Thursday and Friday and yesterday I was at 250 when I woke up.  I was determined.   TOTALLY determined to not mess this up. I ate breakfast......I ate a basic lunch (emphasis on fruits and veggies) and I planned out my dinner.  I knew my family was going to Southwest Moe's.  I looked at the calories and realized that I could 'afford' an Art Vandalay JUNIOR and the side of chips.   I didn't succumb to the full sized Art.  I ate the Junior.  I didn't succumb to the queso.  I didn't succumb to the extra chips.  I ate what I had the calories for. And guess what?   This morning my weight was 249.8.   Holy Moley!  I dropped below the vortex!   So yes, my food today....calculated and planned.  I was actually spot on at my planned calorie count today, with the exception of the oreos.  The oreos were over my 1200 calories, however according to mapmyrun, I earned just shy of 1000 calories...and geocaching usually nets me a mile or two of walking.  So I'm not worried about the 227 calories of those four cookies.  :-)     

Yesterday I had the fun of going to the most interesting bike race.  High wheels....the old fashioned bicycles.  How fun!  :-)

Run run as fast as you can, you can't catch me.........

I woke up this morning and I sooooo did not want to run.  I had made plans to run with my friend Paula. I laid in bed dreading it.  I secretly hoped that she would text me and cancel. I checked my phone….nothing!   I got up to go to the bathroom and I felt a twinge in my ankle.  I seriously thought about cancelling. I was hurt you know!  I checked my phone again when I laid back down.  No cancellation text.  Yeah, I can run on the foot, I can just wear an ankle brace or tape it up with KT tape, so I didn’t text to cancel.  Rain!   It was supposed to rain!  Maybe it was raining and I could be like “nope, can’t run it’s raining and it’s a cold rain” Yes, that was my excuse.  That worked until I pulled back the blinds and saw…..sunshine.  Well, then.  I guess I was running.  I wore and ankle brace for that twinge and I was off.

Ok, so my friend Paula runs at a fast pace than me.  YIKES!   When we go out running together, she is always running a few paces ahead of me.  I feel like she’s the carrot dangling before me and I’m chasing after it.  Or alternately, I’m the lead ball that she’s pulling along with her when she runs….slowing her down. 

The good news is that she runs intervals so if I can keep up (within a few feet)  she will stop to walk a bit.  That’s good, those walking segments allow me to catch my breath and continue on when it is next time to run.  It’s also good because I know that interval running helps with speed.  And heaven knows I need speed. 

I’m tired of the same story…so I’m not going to tell it.  I’m not going to talk about my eating that isn’t ‘bad’ but isn’t spot on.  Nope…just not gonna talk about it.  I meant to weigh myself this morning. (Gasp) but I forgot.  No, truly I forgot. I remembered when I was fully dressed, shoes on and walking out the door.  I plan on weighing tomorrow…pinky swear!

I’m still in my heel wearing kick.  And yes, it’s making me want to bike and run to really get the legs that the heels can show off!  J  Hopefully this upcoming weekend Todd and I can get out and ride on the canal….we are both off Friday, Saturday and Sunday to celebrate our 12 year wedding anniversary.

So I leave you with some pictures......dorky ...but fun from post run this morning!  I just realized that it looks like I have no arm in that baggy sleeve ....it was a Chicago hat day and why yes, I wore my glasses to run and why yes, I ran through a constant fog the whole time!   And of course Paula. She was talking about getting a new headband...something she can wear in the summer....pink of course.  I think the pink headband may be her thing.  :-)

Last but not least I give you our stats. I chose her stats....they were nicer than my stats, even though we did run side by side he whole dang time (or rather kinda side by side...me two paces behind)

Birds of a Feather and a fearful finding

I've been thinking a lot about the food that I'm eating.  Am I wrong to approach my lifestyle change by still eating 'anything' I want, just in moderation.  I lost 140 pounds doing just that.  I didn't have pizza everyday.  I did have to manage and limit my bread. I did it all and I honestly did well.  When I wanted to have one of the items I worked it into my schedule.  Last week, I made the brownies in the morning. I KNEW that I would want a piece of brownie that night.  I managed my food all day to allow for my brownie.  This is what worked for me in the past and this is the route I plan to take this go around.   

For me to take food away and put it on the 'extinct' list in my life is just not feasible. I know me.  You say I can't have it and I will move heaven and hell to get it!!!!   I spent some time on my morning walk today talking to my side kick about this.  Her words to me were "it worked for you before and why bother with elimination diets when you don't have health issues that need elimination'.   She is also not doing any elimination diet....not in the strictest sense of the word.  Yes, she's giving up diet soda because of the chemicals.  She's giving up ingredients in food that are un-natural.  She's moving to a natural lifestyle.   So I guess birds of a feather flock together. 

That said, I eat mostly natural and organic foods.  I cook from scratch, so that eliminates much processed foods.  I eat a healthy diet.  I just don't eliminate.  God gave us these foods.  I'm a firm believer that he gave us these NATURAL foods for a reason....and everything, in moderation works together to create a healthy and vibrant lifestyle.

Cravings?   Really?   I honestly don't have cravings.  My binges are usually not based on a craving mentality.  They are usually born from emotions.  Any cravings....I've always said when I'm taking my multivitamins the cravings disappear anyway.  Cravings are our bodies telling us we need something...so if we are getting our proper nutrients...bye bye cravings.  :-)

So as I went through this thought process  I went home and started folding laundry.  Out of my husbands pants pocket fell this packet of Pure Via.  Stevia. You know, we've all seen it.  We've all seen the ads. We've all heard about the product.  I picked it up off the floor where it fell and sat amazed that the package was somewhat intact after going through the washing machine AND dryer!  But as amazing as the package was...there was something that absolutely shocked me to no end!

I opened up the package and poured out the contents.  Holy cow. It poured out onto the surface like I had just poured it from a sugar bowl.  The grains of sugar were pure and unadulterated.  This sugar had been through the clothes washer AND dryer.  What?  It didn't dissolve in water??????   It didn't melt in the heat of the dryer?????     How can this be??????   OH wait....that's right.  While they say it's 'natural' there is something intrinsically wrong with this picture.  VERY wrong.  I think I'll stick with straight up sugar...because, oh wait.....that's natural too...but at least I know that organic sugar melts and dissolves in my gut!






I got out hiking yesterday and I walked with Sherry today.  Ok, so lunch ended up being at Bucca di Beppo.  Yummy Italian.  But my breakfast was really light as was my dinner.  Moderation and management!  

The awesome thing today????   This big boy was just hanging out near our house.  Gorgeous!!!!

The food Nazi chronicles!

I managed to officially lose 1.8 pounds this week!  Hip hip hurray!   That is down 85.2 pounds from my bitter highest!   Hot dog!  I will take it!  I'm going down baby!

So this morning I decided to institute something that I used to do.  I'm giving myself a free day.  A day where I'm not concerned about my food intake...or rather where I accept that I will go over my budget and not really worry about it.  Yes, I will still track my food.  But it gives me a day or rather a meal where I can have that good old fashioned comfort food (homemade macaroni and cheese tonight) and not have to count every stinkin' piece of pasta that goes into my mouth like some Nazi General.    I know that I'm going to get some flak from people for announcing this to the world.  I don't care.  This is me...this is how I roll.  And honestly?  When I did this before I would many times find that I ate healthier  or at least and the same average amount of calories as my 'normal' days.  Go figure!  

This journey is not one size fits all. This size worked for me before, and I lost quite a bit of weight doing it that way.  So I'm going to go with it again!   It may not be for everyone.  But that's the beauty of this journey.....what may not work for some will work for others!  It's about finding our own magical equation!

Eh

My eating yesterday was 'eh'. I tracked ever bite, so that's good.  However I was over budget in what I ate.  I was doing ok, had my eating totally planned out fur the day.....and then 4pm rolled around and I got a case of 'the hungries'! I caved and had a bit of a snack.   I didn't immediately run to the kitchen to eat.  I tried to hold off for a bit...made myself busy to see how I would feel a bit later.  So....I ate some of my hard earned exercise calories!  Could be worse, I could have not earned those calories!!!

Today I am scheduled for a morning run and an evening Zumba.   I'm up and determined to not deviate!   The schedule has said to run.  :-). Today is a simple two miler.   I'll probably run the north loop at the battlefield which is about 2.3 miles.   My training schedule that I set up this month is keeping me at about 2-3 miles....not pushing any longer runs this month.  I'm just focusing on the Turkey Trot that I'll be running on thanksgiving day.   Shhhhh, dont tell anyone but I want to set a PR!!   I don't have any goal other than it be faster than my previous best time (which was 38:20). I'm currently running a consistent 13 minute pace. (Which is what I was running when I ran my 38:20)   I know that the race excitement will propel me a bit faster.  Either way, I will beat my time from last years turkey trot!!!

So, off to run I go!!!!

The Frugal Dieter

Last night Todd was unexpectedly home.  I had not planned any dinner nor had I had lunch.  What did I do?  Well I ran out to get us subs.  I wasn't worried about calories (although I've been VERY VERY BAD at actually tracking my calories.   I'm vowing here and now to pick back up on that RELIGIOUSLY.  If you use myfitnesspal, please feel free to follow me...I'm mfclingan on there!) as I hadn't eaten lunch (we had a big breakfast and I just wasn't hungry before I left for work at 11:45).   So I found myself in a small town convenience store at 6:30 as hungry as a bear while they dude behind the counter made our subs.

I am not going to lie and say I wasn't tempted with chips, cookies, pretzels, tasty cakes and all the snack foods that were laying around calling out my name.  I'm not even going to pretend that I didn't finger each and every item.  I did.  I picked up item after item with a loving sigh as I thought about how good it would taste.  However, in each case I quickly flipped the item over and read the calorie count and nutritional information.  In each case I put it down.  I settled on a simple bag of chips (individual size) to take home to share with Todd. 

But what really struck me, once again was how our society makes obesity so darn easy.  I also picked up a diet soda.  I was at first debating between a fountain drink or a bottled diet Pepsi.  I quickly settled on the big bottle....not the 2 liter the next size down (the fountain drinks get watered down more quickly...the big bottle would last me through the night...and even give me a little treat the next night...perfect!)   Budget conscious as ever I was looking at price and then happened to notice something.  I took some pictures because even though I was buying soda....this shows how it is soooo easy to overeat and overindulge in our society!





As you can see the bottle size that I ended up buying.  One dollar and sixty nine cents!








And here is a picture of the 2 liter size bottle...same drink.   One dollar and eighty nine cents!






Yes, the larger amount is more expensive....but only by 20 cents.  It is much more cost efficient to buy the larger product.  I picked up a diet soda 2 liter.  I was going to do it.  Hey, it's a better deal!   But then it hit me.  That mentality brought me to this point and I don't want to be there anymore.  Just because I could get double the amount for only twenty cents didn't make it a wise option for me.  You see, even though I was drinking diet soda, having the two liter would mean that I wouldn't even attempt to drink my water the next day as I would be drinking my diet Pepsi from the get go.   Now think about the ramifications calorie wise if I had been drinking regular Pepsi or the Mountain Dew in the pictures?   What about the dinner portion versus the lunch portion at a restaurant?  Price wise, it's so incredibly cost efficient to get the larger size, but that frugal side of myself can be a real deterrent to my weight loss efforts.

Frugality and weight loss do not necessarily go hand in hand!  (and I bought the smaller version of that diet soda!)

I have to set up a training program for myself and STICK TO IT regardless.  I have a 5k in about 20 days.  Uhhhhh I have been running once....maybe twice a week.  That is NOT enough.  Ok, it's enough to get me to stumble through the race... but it's not enough.  I want to do BETTER.  I want to be strong and capable.  So that is my goal for this weekend.  Two things need to happen....

I have been spending the last few days trying to get a few projects off my plate.

1.  I have a ton of pictures that needed matted and bagged and carted up to my mom.....she has a booth at the City Market and has had my pictures for sell. I don't make a lot...but hey, every little bit helps!   I haven't taken any new inventory up in ages.....and she has been selling what's up there so I'm sure it's rather picked over.  I am very close to having everything that I have printed up matted and ready to go.  I have about another hour or work on that.

Stacks of  pictures ready to go



2.  My mom also sells scrubbies for me.  These are the most awesome little scrubbers that I make.  They clean like a charm.  I keep one in the kitchen and use it daily on dishes.  I keep one in the bathroom to scour out my tub and sink.   I've heard of people using them to exfoliate.  I've heard of guys that use them on the bumpers of their cars because they do not scratch!  I'm planning on using them as 'bows' on Christmas gifts this year (Cindy, what color do you want????).     I was informed that they only have 4 up at the market...so I have been working on these little things like mad.   (the picture for some reason turned the colors rather psychedelic but I'm too lazy this Friday morning to retake the pictures).

I started making these gems a few years back when a coworker was lamenting about losing her supplier.  I researched them and now every few months I make her about 10...she supplies her family also and frequently laughs because she says they come to visit and raid her scrubby supply.  Thus I always know when she has company because the next day she's asking for more scrubbies.

Once these two things are off my plate (thereby clearing out the area around my couch that is littered with scrubby materials, finished scrubbies, matting supplies, pictures and stacks of completed projects.....I will be creating my running schedule.  I have some goals that I need to accomplish and they are NOT going to get done by sitting on my butt!




I'm just not......

The ‘only two day’ challenge of keeping my calories in line is over.  It ended on Sunday.  I did fairly well and have continued to keep my calories somewhat in line.   Today I’ll be over by a few hundred (250 from my low end goal to be exact…only 150 from the high end of my range).   I’m happy with that.  I’m continuing on with that and hope to make it a habit again.   Sherry set the challenge for this week. (well we discussed it and she made the final decision.)  This week our challenge is to drink enough water (or at least the recommended goal of 8 glasses….64 ounces…a day).   Once again it’s not a forever challenge.  It’s a challenge that runs from Monday through the next time I’m set to see Sherry which isThursday night for our weekly walk.  3.5 days. Who can’t chug a lug some water for a few days. However,   I’m struggling with this one. I’ve gotten a late start on the water drinking both Monday and today (Tuesday).  Not entirely my fault.  Jury duty……both mornings……no food or drink in the courtroom.   So it was  kind of out of my control.   And boy, knowing I couldn’t take sips when I wanted made me sooooo thirsty.  I drooled every time a lawyer or the judge would take a drink!  I’m back at work and I’m soaking I the water (no, I’m not trying to take in my water through osmosis or any other crazy method…I’m just drinking it steadily). No problem.  I’ll still either do it or come close. (I was very close yesterday….I may have made it…not sure how much water was in those glasses at the restaurant!)

“I’m just not losing weight even though I’ve been trying like mad!”   How many times have I heard that statement?  Worse yet, how many times have I made that statement to myself?  Probably more times than I can count!

This morning we were watching a tivo’d episode of Sister Wives.  (don’t be a hater….the show isn’t that bad….yeah, it’s a practice that I don’t believe in, but the people on that show are NOT fanatical and everyone seems happy, well adjusted and there of their own free will…through love)   Janelle (wife two or maybe three) has been very open in the recent seasons with her weight loss.  She’s been moaning a lot in recent episode about how she’s just not dropping pounds on the scale.  She just doesn’t understand why because she’s at the gym daily and she’s doing everything and the scales just aren’t dropping. She’s even said that she’s counting calories and staying within her set range.  Uhhhhh I don’t mean to downplay your efforts but something is seriously wrong….for weeks I’ve made snarky comments while watching the show.   I’ve made comments like “yeah, why you aren’t losing is because you are eating junk food” and “if you eat tons of food and the wrong kind of food it doesn’t make a difference how much you work out.”  I’m not being mean, it’s just an observation.  Her personal trainer has had her throw her scales away to try to take the importance off the number but all to no avail. So this past episode he FINALLY had her sit down with a nutritionist.   And FINALLY Janelle made a comment “I’m nervous but excited to be changing the way I cook and eat” BINGO….obviously you were not watching your food as carefully as you thought you were doing.

Now I’m not saying that people can’t plateau. But I’m really of a mind that when our weight stalls, that we should look really deep at ourselves.  Because every time my weight has stalled I’ve been able to look at my food intake and my exercise output and I’ve been able to see where the problem is/was.  For example, earlier this year my weight was not dropping.  I was eating the right amount of calories.  I was exercising like a mad woman.  By all rights I SHOULD have been dropping pounds.  But I wasn’t.  And then one day I was walking and I realized that I was eating baked oatmeal every morning.  Now I have nothing against baked oatmeal.  It’s actually quite delicious.  The problem?   I wasn’t thinking about that food in terms of carbohydrates.  I know that I’m a bit of a carb addict.  I love carbs but I also know that when I eat too many carbohydrates that my body does not lose. It doesn’t matter how few calories I eat…if I have too much bread and pasta, it’s NOT GONNA HAPPEN!  So that week I was starting to think about not losing.  I had one or two people mention the dreaded plateau word…but I wasn’t anywhere near a plateau….I was eating the WRONG FOOD!   That is not a plateau.

So before I (and you) say “I’m doing everything and I’m just not losing”   Look deeply. I would wager a wild bet that there is something that is off kilter.  I need to stop whining and just FIX the issues.    Which is what I’m doing. I’ve been stalled for 2-3 months.  I’m reevaluating and recommitting to things that I know work…..drinking my water, exercising regularly, tracking my food and keeping my food at a certain caloric level.  I’ve GOT this!

Who'd have Thunk?

Todd and I were both off yesterday afternoon and we spent the day running errands and trying to get everything we need for some of the big 'projects' that we hope to complete very soon.  (Some shelves, a raised flower bed, and the biggie...a patio...which includes getting the hot tub into place on the patio and getting it wired and running).  We ran around in the rain and had a good day.  We debated long and hard about where to eat for lunch.  We eventually decided to go to a place that we hadn't gone in ages.  However it was a place we remembered well, you see in our 'I don't care' stage which coincided with the 'mega chain restaurants are good' stage we ate there a lot.   Yes, we decided to go to Uno's.  I sat down and got the salad and quickly decided on an individual cheese pizza.  Nothing major right?   I was hungry so I'll freely admit that I ate my whole portion.   Do you see where this is going?   I of course didn't even THINK to put my calories into myfitnesspal until I had a break in the activities (which means I was sitting in the car waiting for Todd for some unremembered reason).   I put the meal in.....and it was a good thing I was sitting down!

The individual deep dish tomato and cheese pizza is 1750 calories.   That did not include my salad!   Holy freakin' cow!   Seriously?   I aim to eat 1200 calories a day......combined for the WHOLE day.  I just not only blew my daily calories in one meal but I had gone over my calories by well well over 500 calories!   And of course, I had eaten breakfast and seriously...it was noon when I ate, I KNEW that I would be eating dinner.  Come on now.....     Oh, and we had already stopped at Sweet Frog for a little cup of frozen yogurt so I couldn't drop that from my calories to try to keep my caloric expenditure as low as possible.

So how did I handle the rest of the day?  I still ate dinner.  I couldn't skip, that would have just set me up for failure today.  I chose to not beat myself up over it.  I made a mental note to not do daily weigh ins until Saturday.  I chose to move on....accept what was done.  Accept that life happens and move on.   This is life and I'm LIVING it!

In other news.  I am 23 miles from making my mileage goal for this month.  (Thanks to a ride on the exercise bike last night......I don't get as good of a workout on the exercise bike at home.....and I feel  a bit like I'm cheating when I ride it...but it is still miles.....it is still movement....and I"m counting it!!  And oh yeah, I HATE riding inside!)   As soon as I hit the publish button on this post (or very soon thereafter)  I'll be changing my clothes and heading out on the bike.  I"m hoping to get at least the same 13 miles that I did the other day....that would put me at 10 miles left.....I'm supposed to walk at work with  a coworker on my lunch break...so there will be about 2 miles....and I'm scheduled to go walking with Sherry tonight.  We go anywhere from 2 miles to 5 miles....but typically about 3.  So I could conceivably end my day with 5 miles left! 

update:   I just got back from my ride.  19.29 miles in the hopper.  If my scheduled walks go off at the projected mileage I could finish this TODAY!

Honesty

I've not been honest.  I've tracked my food....sorta.   Yes, I go on every day.  Yes, I put my food in.  Or rather I put in my 'plans'.    I have been living in the delusion that I'm doing OK because I'm tracking.  However, I have to admit.....when things go awry and I allow stress to overtake me and I eat something extra......or when my plans don't go the way I want and I eat something other than planned.....or when.....yeah, best laid plans have not been my friend, I don't ALWAYS go back and change my food on myfitnesspal.  This is BAD.  I am hurting NO ONE but myself!

I've struggled with my exercise in the last week or so also.   Yesterday morning I got up early and got ready for my bike ride...and had a flat tire on my road bike.  I struggled to change the tube the last time and eventually had to go into a bike shop and look like a retard and ask for assistance. (my brother was out of town).  I have no problem changing the tires on my Trek or even my husbands trek...but this road bike KILLS me.  I never got it changed...and I've talked to my brother and tomorrow night I'll be going up to figure out what 'concept' I'm missing...because SOMETHING is not clicking for me.  SO my ride yesterday went out the window.  By the time I thought about switching and riding on the canal on my Trek I didn't have enough time.

I woke up this morning.  I rolled out of bed.  I couldn't ride so I was determined to RUN.    And then I heard it......pouring rain.  GRRRR  So no exercise today.   The saving grace for TODAY is that I have zumba tonight and yes, I am packed and ready to zumba after work.

Honesty...I ate an extra piece of breakfast pizza this morning.  I have already gone on and adjusted the food intake for the day.  I'm good.  I've got this!   Honesty with myself is the most important thing!!!

The good, the bad and the ugly

A year ago my foot started to hurt.  I brushed it aside, laid off the exercise for a while (reading between the lines, I quit exercise for a while) and let it heal on it's own.  No need to go see a doctor!  It was just great.  Fast forward to this year.  To last week.   Tuesday I felt a twinge of an ache in my food.  I paid attention to it and within about 50 hours had admitted defeat. I admitted that I had an issue.   I panicked about taking a break from exercise.  I didn't want to stop.  I did lay off the exercise but I immediately made a doctors appointment.  I had to figure out for sure what I was dealing with.  I had to get better so I could get back out there and move.     Will it ever cease to amaze me that I'm actually liking and WANT to exercise????  What  different a year and a whole different mental attitude makes!  It's a good thing (oh heavens, I sound like Martha Stewart now...yes, you my shoot me as soon as I'm done this post!)

Now for the bad.  I did go to the doctor.  He was amused at my coming in so soon. He knows that I typically wait until it's unbearable.  He knows that I typically 'self heal'.  He's ok with that, so he knew that there was a difference in me to come in at the first twinge of an issue.  I sat there and told him my symptoms....including the symptoms from last years issues, which I thought was behind me but have kicked in full force in the last week.   He listened and then moved forward.  He held my foot in his hand and pressed his finger into the side of my heel.  I think I raised about 2 feet off the chair!  He did it a few more times with me yelping louder each time.  He grinned  (I think sadistically at my pain) and said "Oh yeah, that's definitely plantar fasciitis" . He then turned my foot to the side and ran his finger down and area on my foot.  My foot tingled and burned at the contact.  Yeah, he had found the source of the other pain. "That's Tarsal Tunnel".   Tarsal tunnel?   Yeah, it's just like carpal tunnel.....only it's in your foot.  Lucky me.  So the verdict?    Basically we have to get the plantar fasciitis under control.  He believes that the tarsal tunnel was only acting up again due to my weird gait with this plantar fasciitis thing (I haven't really had any issues with the tarsal tunnel pain in quite a few months...other than a twinge here and there).  To get the plantar fasciitis under control he recommends an arch support to take the pressure off that heel...or more specifically the tendon.  He also recommends no high impact (goodbye running and zumba) and severely limiting the low impact stuff.  He said that the typical person recovers in about 4-6 weeks.  I'm already about a week into the 'no high impact routine"  So HOPEFULLY!    What does this mean for me?   He recommended swimming.  I don't have a pool at my fingertips, so I asked about biking and got the 'that would be great" and then I brought up the elliptical at the gym.  He agreed that that would also be a great exercise for me in the interim.    So 4-6 weeks of limited activity.  That puts me RIGHT at my next scheduled 5K.  I have already registered for the donut alley rally.   The race that I've been planning on doing for quite some time.  Hmmmmm

And now for the ugly.   I could expound on the things I ate yesterday.  But lets just say that it was a BAD day.  I knowingly at a higher caloric lunch.  I was ok with that decision.  However, I was planning on eating a very low calorie (heavy on fruits and veggies) dinner.  I got involved in a household project and when 9PM rolled around and I hadn't eaten dinner yet, I didn't do well and just gorged on food.   Grilled cheese, cottage cheese and apple butter, strawberry shortcake and baked doritos.  Not bad in the grand scheme of things, but bad when you couple that with Mexican (ohhh yummy Mexican food) it wasn't a pretty picture!     Not a failure....just a day. Moving onward!

Shoe snobbery

Vacation is rolling along.   I've not eaten perfectly by any means.  I've struggled some.  Tuesday was the worst day. Yesterday was shaping up to be bad also.  We were down in VA for the day and stopped for lunch.  For some reason I ordered without first putting in my calories in myfitnesspal.com. I didn't track until after I sat there stuffed and sated with food.....and then I realized that 1. I had no calories for dinner and I was in fact already 150 calories over budget.  And 2. I had only eaten one serving of fruit/veggie....I was sorely behind.

I pulled it together.   We got home and I went for a quick run and then walked a few miles.  It earned me enough calories to take me out of the  deficit and to give enough to eat dinner.  What did I have???  Fruits and veggies of course!  

Wednesday I did great and exercised a lot.  

Sometimes though, I just don't recognize myself.  I was heading into Zumba on Wednesday evening (I did a double...woohoo) and I leaned into the back seat to get my toning sticks....and my back seat looks ..well it's all exercise equipment.

So I get home and I kick off my shoes into the pile and literally start to laugh.  When did I become one of 'those' people.  I used to think one pair of tennis shoes was sufficient for all my needs.  Now I have. Zumba shoes, running shoes, biking shoes, regular tennis I shoes for everyday wear...etc.  I'm going crazy!!  (In a good way!)                

Vacation is starting to wind down.  Including today I've got four more days until I return to work.   Booooo!!!   However, it is so much easier to exercise and eat healthy when I'm in a daily routine!   So for that reason alone I will be happy to return to work.  

All this said, I'm thinking that this week will be a bust weight wise.  I am up a bit on the scales. Part of that is the monthly pop on the scales...but still.  I'm holding on and doing the best I can.  I've said all along that I would be ecstatic with a maintain this week....right now I'm second guessing even that and just hoping to not totally blow it and have a huge gain.  That said, I'm totally trying to see good things on the scale this week regardless of vacation!

All rolled into one

I have a lot to say (ha ha ha, nothing new there, I could talk to a fence post!)  And I thought about writing separate blog entries.  I could stretch out what I have to say in maybe 3 or 4 entries.  I could have blog posts for the rest of the week done.  But I don’t like to do that.  I like to say what’s on my mind when it’s on my mind.  My posts are not written out days in advance and pondered.  They are me…raw and open and well….RAW.    My view is it’s on my mind for a reason…so say it when I feel it. Anyway,  I’ll separate these random ideas into different mini posts all within this big post…so here goes!

 

                   Fat Aunt versus Healthier  

              (Soon to be thin) Aunt

 

I’ve always been the crazier aunt.  I have fun with my niece and nephews (and my cousins too….which are roughly the same ages as my niece and nephews).  I’m not afraid to get down on the floor and play the part of the retarded idiotic Aunt.  Actually, I relish the roll of crazy aunt…we have fun (we being me and the kids….we may be slightly annoying when we get keyed up though!).  That role aside, I’m ashamed to admit that over the last 13 years that I’ve been an aunt I’ve been mostly the Fat Aunt.  I was  the Fat Aunt that has loved to play with the kids….but I was the Fat Aunt that when the play became a bit active, I would sit on the sidelines and watch and encourage their crazy shenanigans.  Hey, I was fat…that’s what fat people do right?   The two roles worked ok together.  Crazy Aunt and Fat Aunt co-existed peacefully.  Or rather, I pushed myself to do just enough activity to make them coexist peacefully……I felt like I was going to die some of those times because I was so out of shape, but for the most part those two roles existed happily together. 

 

On Sunday Fat Aunt didn’t stand a chance.  My brother and his wife took the kids to the park.  Of course I went with them….I love to be with them and there was no question in my mind.  I didn’t think about it at the time, but there was never a thought about sitting on the sidelines.   I laid the Fat Aunt role to rest.  I pulled out the Healthy Aunt role.  I played with the kids…..I played soccer (a bastardized version) for what may have been the first time in my entire life. (remember, I recently wrote about my excuse of this foot issue I have that kept me from participating in PE in school…or rather I used as an excuse to get out of it.) Healthy Aunt came out to play….and you know what?   It felt GOOD.   Bring it on!!!

              Running Shmunning

I’ve been writing quite a bit lately about how running has become rough for me.  I’ve struggled to simply run my miles.  My HR is crazy.  I’m not picking up speed.   My legs are heavy.  You name it…its happening.   I have been disgusted because I set a goal in my mind for my upcoming 5k (which incidentally is on Saturday of this week).  I think that doing that is what has been my downfall. I’ve focused so much on the number that when I show signs of failing, that my mental fortitude slips away and I want to quit (my mind thinks it and my body responds).   When I set myself back up in January to lose weight, I was very careful about not setting down and dirty goals.  There was no “I will lose such and such amount of weight by such and such date.”  I knew that when that ‘magical date’ starts to loom the feelings of failure and inadequacy emerge and they are self destructive.   I knew it and I guarded against it.  Yet I foolishly set a very specific goal for running and as the date gets closer and I show negative signs of meeting that goal. (I’m consistently running the mileage 2-3 minutes slower than I need to be doing in order to even come close to the goal).    It’s been self destructive…and my running has suffered because of my mental state concerning it.

 

Why is my speed not increasing?   I’ve heard it all.  It could be any one of those things.  It could be a combination of all of them.  One friend thinks my current weight of 221.7 (as of Sunday’s weigh day weigh in) is holding me back and that my speed will increase in direct correlation to my weight dropping.   My brother thinks that I haven’t crossed that ‘barrier’ yet.  What barrier?   That feeling that happens when I hit the wall and my body tells me that if I push further I will die…..so I stop. However, I won’t die and I shouldn’t stop. I’ve been told I’m possibly running too much (three times a week is where I’m at…sometimes four…but consistently three).   I’m pushing myself too much on my runs.  I’m not running enough…I’m doing this and that.  Who knows…and I wish I had the magical answer.  But I just have to accept the fact that I’m out there running and that I’m doing my best and be happy with it.   I’ve decided to run on Saturday and simply do my best.  Do I want to break that mark that I set for myself?  Yes. Will I be happy if I finish it?   Yes.  Ok, maybe I should say that at the bare minimum I want to finish it with my best time…..which is anything under 43:04.  I know that the adrenaline and whatnot will probably push me a bit faster.  I will hope for the under 40 but I just want to better my time.

 

So what did I do today with my running?  Today I decided that I had to get myself out of this ‘I have to walk because I can’t go on mentality’.  I’ve run the 3.5 miles before. It’s not a big deal…..or rather it shouldn’t be!  I decided to run on the C&O Canal to make it as easy as possible for myself.  (It’s easy because it’s flat….or relatively flat).  I decided that I would NOT stop for anything.  I ride my bike that way.  I make it a goal to not touch my feet to the ground when I bike unless it is absolutely necessary (something like stopping at a road and waiting for a break in the cars before crossing is somewhat necessary).  I don’t put my feet onto the pavement on hills.  I don’t put my feet on the pavement when I’m tired.  I keep pushing and those feet stay on the pedals (ha ha ha, even when they aren’t clipped in).  I decided that today I would take the same mentality.  I was NOT going to stop running.   Nothing short of a bear standing on the canal (yeah, it has happened…not so much in our neck of the woods…but it’s happened on the western section of the canal) would make me grind to a walk or worse stop.  Hey, maybe if I saw a bear I would set a new record as I tried to run away from it!!!!  Food for thought…maybe I could get someone to dress as a bear and chase after me????  Anyway,  I wanted to prove to myself again  that I could run the whole 3.5 miles without my body screaming that it was dying. 

 

I of course did it.  3.5 in 43 minutes.  And it wasn’t that bad.  It was actually relatively easy.  My mind was in the right place.

              Personal trainer

 

A month ago I met with the personal trainer that was going to take me on.  It was to be a mutually beneficial deal.  He would get experience and he would also receive before and after pictures to use in his portfolio to help him elicit more clients in exchange I would receive free personal training.  I was excited and quite optimistic about the experience.  The first few days he was in touch a few times.  We were supposed to start working out…but he never set a time and told me he would get back to me.  Time passed and I wondered…but I refuse to chase after him.  I want a personal trainer (even though it’s a free deal) that is gung ho and WANTS to do it versus someone that I’ve chased and kind of forced into doing it.    About a week or two ago he finally contacted me again and said “sorry I’ve been out of touch….I’ve had to move unexpectedly but we will start soon as soon as the move is over and I’m settled into my new place.”  That’s all fine and good.  And if he does contact me I will still take him up on the offer. Free personal training is a no brainer.  However, I’m not holding my breath anymore thinking that he’s going to contact me to do this.  If he does, good…..I will take whatever he has to offer in terms of exercise and advice. But you know what??????  I’ve lost 6.9 pounds since we had that first meeting…and I’ve done it on my own.   Nothing will stand in my way!!!!  With help…..without help….it makes no difference.  I’m losing.  If he wants to tack onto my determination and reap the benefits, than that’s good he can.  But I’m focused and I know where I’m going with or without him. 

 

 

       VACATION VACATION HERE I COME!

 

When I leave my job on Friday at 2PM, I will officially be on vacation and have 10 full glorious days of relative freedom!   I’m so looking forward to the break. We have concert tickets and a trip to Lancaster.  We have a trip to DC.  I have a 5k planned, Todd has a Kidney walk, we have a parade one day (Todd runs sound for the town) and possibly a parade in the neighboring town a different day.  We have lots of stuff planned but lots of down time also.  It should be fun!   But part of me is a bit fearful.  I’ve been doing soooo well with my weight loss efforts.  I’ve been so consistent with my exercise. I’ve been just……doing well.  I have a two prong plan that I’m working on to keep me in the losing column.  

 

Part A:    Since money is tight, we are planning to eat a good many meals at home.  There will be 2 days where we will be eating out. Tuesday we will be in Lancaster County Pennsylvania…we have concert tickets in the evening….but will go up and spend the day. Friday the plan is to go into DC with my family for the day. So we will be eating out that day as well.  The rest of the time we are going to try to focus a bit more on eating at home.  SOOOOOOO, this week I’m sitting down and planning out meals for us to have next week (we are also trying to eat our freezers and pantry down…..way too much food stockpiled).  Today I plan on actually figuring up the calories for each meal.  I will place the calorie count on the list of meals so that when we plan what we are making at home that I don’t end up eating high caloric options each meal of the day.     This plan is not fool proof.  This plan is not in any way at all something set in stone. The sky is the limit for failure.  HOWEVER, I do hope that having the calories set and highly visible that I will make wise choices and be able to manage.

 

Part B:   Exercise the hell out of the week!   I plan on continuing my 3-4 times a week runs. I plan on attending zumba if at all possible (I know Tuesday night I won’t be at zumba as I’ll be in Lancaster)….but that still leaves Monday and Wednesday nights.  I plan on riding my Trek on the canal with Todd.  I plan on really getting out on the road on my lite speed and conquering this road biking thing.  (I’ve kind of pushed it aside this week as I’m still hoping to somehow magically meet my goal for my 5k on Saturday and right now road biking is painful so I’m focusing on running this week…and yes, I talked to my brother and he says that it’s normal, specifically because it takes upper body strength and lots of core strength…both of which are painfully absent in my body).  We have work to do around the house.  ACTIVE ACTIVE ACTIVE.   SOOOO I may inadvertently through circumstances eat some extra calories. ……if I can at least burn a bunch of calories through activity then I may still lose…..or at least hold on to a maintain!   Crossing my fingers!