Week 4 of the 12 week Challenge

 I am trucking along on this 12 week challenge.   This week could have been a total disaster.  I gained last week and that is typically a precursor to disaster!  But this week I said, I'm not going to let it derail me.

Yes, typically after a bad weigh in my mind starts screaming at me and telling me to give up, it's not working!   I mean, that is the natural inclination isn't it?   I can't be the only one can I?   But yes, when the going gets tough, the weight loss plans get going.    But after last weeks weigh in I sat back and I talked to myself long and hard.  I KNOW that this 12 week challenge that I am doing is a good one.  I know that this 12 week challenge is worth the effort.  I know that my motivation is well deserved and worthwhile.  I know that what I am doing is RIGHT for my body.

So, when I showed a gain, I didn't stumble even one bit.  I just moved on and kept going in the right direction.  I didn't let that number on the scale derail me.  I didn't let it cause me to go into a tailspin of cookies, cake and potato chips.  I continued to count my calories.  I continued to exercise.  I continued to take the steps to fuel my body with nutritious food.   I stayed the course because through trial and error I KNOW what my body needs and what it responds to and I knew that what I was doing was/is the right thing for me.

But did it work?    Yes, this week I lost 2.4 pounds!   YAY!!!!

I stayed the course and I had success!!!   This week.....more staying the course!

Week Three of this 12 Week Challenge

 This week wasn't as successful as my first two weeks.   I can honestly say that I still worked the plan, but it just wasn't meant to be.  That's ok too.

I started my weight week gung ho.  I was coming off of two highly successful weeks of weight loss.  I was sure that I could carry on with the success.   I mean, how hard could it be?   It was hard....on Monday I went to eat lunch and opened the refrigerator.  What to eat, what to eat.    I didn't see many options for my normal vegetable lunch so I grabbed......a piece of leftover pizza.   First of all, That was more calories than I wanted to spend on a single item for my lunch.  But secondly, it wasn't exactly choke full of nutrition.   Two strikes against that lunch.

I was able to watch my calories the rest of the day and I didn't blow my calorie count for the day.  But, that day I was a bit higher than normal.  I wasn't worried though.   Friday I went to lunch with my mom and brother and ate more than usual for lunch....and then had my normal Friday night dinner.  So my calories were a bit higher.   Two higher caloric days.  And when I say higher....I mean that I ate 1500-1600 calories TOTAL.  Not 1500 more than my planned caloric goal.  I was only 300 calories over my goal...for two days.  I continued on with my exercise plan.  I did really well.  I'm right on track with my miles.  We even got in a nice long ride on the canal on our bikes!  I'm doing great with my exercises.   Spot on!  Yet.....

This week I showed a gain of 0.6 pounds.  

I won't lie and say that I'm not bothered by it.  It is infuriating.  But I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can say that my calories and my accounting of my food and exercise was and is spot on. I didn't lie to myself.  I didn't 'forget' to count the bites licks and tastes.   I counted everything.  I did what I needed to do.  The scales just weren't with me this time.  And you know what, that's ok!  

I am here to be healthy.  Healthy is what I am doing.   The weight will fall away....sooner or later.  Hopefully sooner!

12 Week Challenge Weigh In Two

Here we are on another Monday morning.   The weekend is gone.  (Boo). The workweek is starting.(Say it ain’t so). My weekly weigh in has come and now it is time to share my week two results.

After last weeks successful results, I headed into this week strong and determined to rock out this week also and to have another nice weigh in.  I knew I could do it. I had a single minded focused.  I was determined!

I had it in the bag, right?    However, early on in the week (like for the first 4 or 5 days) I started to struggle. I surprisingly did not struggle with my motivation, I stayed firm and strong in my convictions and actions. But those numbers on the scale just fluctuated wildly like a pendulum swinging out of control.  It was frustrating and was infuriating.  I didn’t let it get to me!  I stayed strong and I did not deviate from my plan.  I continued on with my plan with little or no deviation.

The weekend came.  I continued onward.  I was so tempted to give up my weekly sweet treat.  But I wanted it and I know (from past experience) that giving it up totally is not a good idea for me because I will eventually cave and it will be in the most spectacular way…..and not in a good way for my weight loss efforts.  I carried on exactly as normal.  I tried to keep my calories low but actually had two days where my calories were up by about 200-300 calories. My weekend weights were looking slightly better, but I was waiting for the shoe to drop. I honestly went to bed on Sunday night and told my self that a gain was expected and that it was ok.  As I was getting ready for bed that night I actually looked on the mirror and said, ‘It’s ok if you gain.  You are eating healthy foods, you are eating in a calorie zone that will have to bring weight loss eventually and you are being physically active so your body is toning up and getting stronger.  Even if the scales don’t show the results, you are on the right path!”

I didn’t want to step on the scales this morning. But I did.  I lost exactly 3 pounds!  I was shocked.  The first time I stepped on the scales it showed me 4 pounds actually.  But, I had been standing on the scales weirdly (more forward than normal) so I weighed myself a second time.  And that showed the pound higher.   I weighed a third time and vowed that I would take whichever weight I received twice (or take the average if I got three different weights)   But I got the exact three pound loss two times in a row (when I was standing on the scales correctly).  Sold!   Sure I would have liked the 4 pounds more, but the three pounds is the honest weight.  (And if the lower weight was actually true, then I just gave myself a head start for next week).  And three pounds is spectacular!!!

This next week is starting and I’m motivated and determined yet again!  Two weeks of really nice success are behind me and I’m ready to make it three.  I’m not changing anything in my plan.  I’m simply planning on continuing the 12 week workout.  Is it simply the calorie count that I am consistently eating?  Or the exercise?  I don’t care what it is…it is just working!  So I’m continuing!!!!

The Towel Gap

I am a daily weigh person.  It drives me crazy if I don’t know what I weigh.  I panic.   But sometimes daily weigh ins throws me for a loop when the scales don’t do what I expect.   And when that happens I have to remember to shift my focus!

I started this 12 week challenge and I am determined to see it through.  I’m determined to lose weight and work on my fitness levels.  I’m just plain and simple determined.  The plan is simple…a set or two of basic exercises (lunges, squats, push ups, sit ups, etc)….cardio including interval training, calorie restriction and water consumption.   Pretty simple it seems but the potential for great results is astronomical!    Last week was my first week and I did absolutely fabulous!   I lost almost 4 pounds!  (You can read about that here.)  I was on fire and I headed into my new week confident that I would smash this week also.  (I was realistic and didn’t expect 4 pounds!)

Sadly, the scales have not been doing what I wanted.  My weigh in day is Monday for this challenge.  On Tuesday I was down by one more pound.   On Wednesday I was right back where I was on Monday and the numbers just aren’t dropping.  Or rather, they are dropping but soooo slowly.     I was .4 down from Monday’s weight today (Friday).  

It’s disgusting!  It’s disheartening.  I’m doing the exact same thing that I did last week this week! Water?  Check!  Calories?  Check!  Exercise and Cardio?  Check check!   I’ve done it all!  And it’s been spot on!!   But this week I’m not having the same success!   

I’m telling you…it’s disheartening!   In the past I would waver a bit in my resolve, since it’s not working.  But not this time.  I have vowed to hold steady.  Certainly the scales will eventually be kind and show my efforts!

It wasn’t until I was stepping out of the shower this morning when I realized that in just two weeks I could count a huge non scale victory.    In recent months I have gotten out of the shower and dried off.  I have then wrapped the towel around my body.  And I tug and pull because the towel doesn’t quite meet….yes, I suffered from the towel gap syndrome.    But in the last day or two, the towel gap has not been quite so bad…mostly gone.   Now don’t get my wrong, the towel isn’t wrapping around me with lots of room to spare.  But….the ends are actually meeting and there is no skin showing in that dreaded towel gap.  

Can you lose that many inches so quickly?   Judging from the towel gap I’d say yes, and 1-2 inches!   I am notoriously horrible about measuring myself…so I don’t know for sure.  But I would rather have the non scale victory anyway!

So while the scales may not be showing me my results this week…my body is telling me that I’m doing good!  It’s time to keep pushing forward in spite of the scale results!!!

12 Week Challenge / Weigh In Week One

It is finally here!   I can finally post a positive weigh in report!  I feel like it’s been forever since I posted something positive in regards to my weight loss!  And yes, I guess it had been a crazy long time, but today is the day!!!

A week ago I started a 12 Week Challenge.  It is the most simple of plans.  Healthy eating within a calorie goal, cardio that includes interval training, and simple exercise moves (lunges, sit ups, push ups, etc) for some strength training, and healthy amounts of water.  Really it’s that simple.  

I started last Monday.   And immediately I realized that  those ‘simple exercises’ were not quite as simple as I had thought!  They were downright difficult for me because I had let my fitness levels drop so far.  But I didn’t let it deter me.   Each day I pushed myself to compete the exercises.  And it wasn’t easy.  Mentally I didn’t look forward to it because I knew it was going to be a muscle quivering and body ache inducing time.  But I didn’t let up!  I pushed through.   My push ups are modified and can probably be barely construed as a push up…but I  see improvement even within the first week.   My jumping jacks…my knees told me in no uncertain terms that right now it’s not a good thing…so they are modified also.  But I’m out there doing it!  Each day…no other option but to just do it.  Even yesterday…a day off of work I did the work.  My intervals…my exercises and even my miles for the 2021 challenge.  Done!

But weight is lost in the kitchen and not just the gym…so what about my food?  My food was on point!  One day on the weekend I splurged with a donut…but I eat so good the rest of the day that my calories were in check.   And a second day I did go up to about 1500 calories…which when I eat in that caloric range consistently is NOT in lose zone for me. That was a calculated ‘risk’ and planned.  But overall I did great with my food.  I tracked my food before I ate it.  I knew my plan and when the calories were gone, I stopped eating.

So what happened with my weight?   Well I alluded gto the fact that this was a positive post…so yes , I lost.  But the question is this, how much did I lose?     I lost 3.8 pounds!   3.8!  I haven’t lost that much in years!  In the last umpteen years I have been happy with the half pound, or 1 pound losses.  This past week I blew that out of the water.  I nailed a 3.8 pound loss in one week!  

I know that I won’t continue to lose nearly 4 pounds a week.  I may lose that for a week or two, but I fully expect it to settle down and then I’m hoping and planning to lose 2 pounds a week. I am near 250 pounds right now, so that will make weight loss a bit more speedy for a time. As I lose it will go slower but that’s ok. I expect it and I’m ready for it!  But for now…I’ll take a four pound week…and if I repeat it, I would be tickled.  But that said , I’ll be just as happy with a loss of three pounds, or two pounds…or even one pound.  As long as I am heading down on the scales!  I am on my way!!!

Last week I shared my daily banana with Kiwi.  This week I will be sharing kiwi and cherries (pit removed as it is poisonous for birds) with my bird!

Fitness Levels

There was a time that I was in super fit!  Sure I was still overweight but I was a machine!  I have deluded myself into thinking that I am still there!  Boy was I wrong!

Being Fit

6 years ago I was in super fit!  I was about 30 (give or take) pounds above my goal weight but that didn’t stop me!  I was doing Zumba, sometimes up to five or six hour long classes  a week.  I was running anywhere between fifteen to twenty miles a week.   I hiked….a lot!   I was active and felt amazing!  There was one time where Jason and I were talking about doing planks and I dropped to the floor and did a plank…and held it didn’t a few minutes with no issue.   The same thing with lunges…I could knock out scads of them without breaking a sweat. I am telling you, I was in shape!   

I called myself the fittest fat woman in a joking manner. But I didn’t realize how true that was!   And I didn’t put a value on it.  I didn’t protect that status.  I didn’t realize it until just recently when I tried to do my new fitness routine just how badly I have fallen!

The Fitness Awakening

I started my 12 week plan a few days ago. (You can read about it here.). I dove right into the strength training.   I was even cocky!   Boy was I in for a rude awakening!

Day one rolled around and I eagerly started my basic strength training moves.   I scoffed a bit at the ease that this was going to be.  20 squats?   Child’s play!   15 seconds to hold a plank, I could do that blindfolded with my hands tied around my back (figuratively speaking).   I had this in the bag!   I was actually feeling proud and cocky.  I vowed that I would be doing multiple sets within a week if not that first week because I wanted to give myself a great strength training workout!   It all came crashing down around me, and it didn’t take long!

That first day, I could barely make it those 15 seconds for that plank. (Today I’m scheduled for 40 seconds…dear heavens help me!)  Crunches, lunges,  jumping jacks, butt kicks , push-ups and wall sits.  It just spiraled out of control!  One set and I was panting and glad to be done!   Yikes what happened to my fitness?

What happened?  I didn’t value it and it slipped from my grasp!   I lost my fitness level.  I was so disheartened! But,  I didn’t let my revelation drive me away!   I did my ‘simple’ strength routine the next day too. (Although I now knew that it was not simple!)  And that my friends is when the abs started to scream!   Oh yes.  My abs are so sore!    But I’m weirdly proud of that.  You see, sore abs are the first step to bringing back my fitness levels.

Fitness Going Forward

I am not letting up.   I will be doing my strength training routine today also.  I am scheduled and plan for  5 days a week.  And let me tell you, I’ll be so ready for my two rest days over the weekend!   I am only doing one set of my exercises at the moment.   I know I was bold and vowed to do two sets to start and then up it as the twelve weeks progressed.  But one set is enough to do me in right now!  I admittedly looked at my schedule for today and groaned when I saw the reps that I need to do for my crunches…and the seconds for my plank.  Yikes!  These muscle aches aren’t going away anytime soon!   But it will all be worth it in the end!   I will settle for the title of fittest fat person!  But this time I’m really focusing on my eating also…because I plan on being a fit thin person!!!

12 week plan

Here we are…it’s Monday and I’m not exactly raring to go, but I’m ready to get started.   Yes…I have totally conflicting emotions this morning!  On one hand I’m ready and on the other hand…NOOOOOO!!!

In case you hadn’t guessed. I am writing this on a Monday morning!   So I think it may be totally obvious as to why I’m not raring to go!  Yes, the weekend is over, and I’m not feeling the start of this week….AT ALL!   But oh well, the rent needs paid and the pets need food!

So if it’s a Monday, why am I ready to get rolling?  Well, I have a plan and I’m ready to get started.   What plan doth I speak of?  Why, my 12 week get healthy plan of course!!!  I know, I know, I know!   I have written about so many plans and so many starts!  But we shall see.  I’m motivated!

The plan is a 12 week plan.  I chose 12 weeks simply because I had been looking at purchasing a  12 week exercise/get fit plan.  I kept hesitating though about spending the $100. I wasn’t sure the plan was for me.  It was a cross training plan for mountain biking, so it did hold some interest. But….well, I haven’t exactly been a mountain biker of late!  Sure, maybe the program would have pushed me back in that direction, but doesn’t that sound like a little bit of a stretch?  

So I hesitated.  But I kept going back to the 12 week thing. I started to think about doing my own thing…but it was all thoughts and no action.  That is until I was in the shower on Sunday morning.  I was thinking about how much I can’t wait until vacation. We have time planned at the beginning of October and we had started to talk about finalizing our plans.  And of course we will be active with biking and hiking on vacation (at least that’s the plan)  so I  was thinking about losing weight  and working on my fitness before vacation.  So I was in the shower thinking about that and then I realized that vacation was 14 weeks away!  Really?  That would allow me the perfect opportunity to slip in a 12 week program into that time slot before vacation!   How perfect!

I did some research and found a very basic plan that I tweaked to make it my own.  I created spreadsheets and documents to track my progress.  And decided to start on Monday morning.   It’s Monday morning and I’m ready!!

This  plan is very simple.

1.  Strength training (there are about 10 different strength training moves…lunges, crunches, planks, etc)  to do 5 days a week.  The amount that I do each day changes daily.  Some days I may only do 10 reps/seconds of something but the next day I might do 60.   The reps and actual exercises are what I found online at multiple sites..a preset plan.

2. Calories calories calories!   I KNOW where my calories need to be for me to lose weight.  That is where I need to eat…no if’s ands or buts!  1200-1300.  That’s it.  It’s a budget.  When I reach that number I’m out of calories.  This is a budget and there is no credit extended!  One higher day is ok.  One dessert a week is ok.  ONE!  

3.  Cardio-  I get my cardio through my exercise bike already.  But I will be incorporating more interval training during it to up the intensity.  5 days a week.  Not just when we I feel it.   I will build up my intervals in length and intensity as the 12 weeks progress.

4. Water- 64 ounces.  It just has to be so.  It’s healthy and honestly should be non negotiable!

5.  I will still strive for my 6 miles a day for the 2021 challenge. This challenge is still going strong and I am not giving it up!  6 miles a day will keep me on target to be done with my miles by the end of the year (with time to spare)   I am good with that.  But if I am honest with myself, I would admit that I would LOVE to be able to say that I am done by vacation!  I could then wear my 2021 challenge tee shirt with pride because I would have earned it.  And since we are vacationing in October it COULD be cool.   Ok, last year’s vacation was perfect temps.  Comfortable in teeshirts and not sweating crazy!  The year before that was terribly hot and I ended up with Sun poisoning.   The year before that?  We wore Long pants and long sleeve sheets/hoodies!  Each year our vacation was at the same time…the first week of October!  So the weather is totally a guesstimate!

So there you have my plans for this 12 week challenge!   Pretty simple right?   I am motivated because I feel miserable at my current weight.  I ache and hurt!  I know that getting off some pounds will make a huge difference!!!  So here we go!  Let’s see how much I can get off in 12 (14 before vacation) weeks!!!!

Weekend Fun

We had a great weekend. On Saturday we ran our errands (groceries and whatnot).  That took up a huge part of the day!  But the fun part was that we celebrated Mertz’s 12th birthday!

On Sunday it was so stink in’ hot!  But we braved it and went to the zoo.   We didn’t stay long, but we enjoyed the time.  We left the zoo hot and sweaty and headed to an antique mall…one that had air conditioning.  And we just strolled!

So a good weekend and a great plan!!!  I’ve got this!!

Back to Normal

Back to normal…but what is normal?  

As masks become a thing of the past and life goes back to normal, or rather the new normal I sit back and watch.  I wish the 6 foot edict would remain.  I find myself walking through crowded places and cringing when people get close and jostle me in their closeness!  Why can’t the new normal include social distancing!

But that is not the normal of which I speak. I wrote about the normal of every day life.   For the first time since life went crazy..horrible…off kilter two weeks ago, Jason and I both went to work.  I started off these two weeks strong and maintained my calorie goals.  I was not going to let life throw me off track.   I did really good for the first 4-5 days.  And then I went up in flames.  Spectacularly!   

I grew up in the old ‘food brings comfort’ mentality.  You feed people …it’s part of the love language for my family.  So I fed myself and in particular, I fed Jason. I fired up the mixer and turned on the oven and baked…a few times!

I had donuts, edible cookie dough (chocolate chip cookie dough) , potato chips, fresh made cookie dough and of course the baked cookies  (snickerdoodle), brownies (salted caramel brownies).   It was ugly. 

Luckily my weight is in the same 2-3 pound weight range.  But with going back to ‘normal’ I plan on returning to a more normal routine with eating.  I don’t need sweet treats every night.  I may want them.  But I don’t need them.   I don’t need to bake some delicious dessert/snack. I may want to…but it’s not necessary.   

So I am returning back to the original plan from two weeks ago.

I will be tracking my food. Getting my exercise.  Keeping my calories closer to 1200-1300 each day.  I will be adopting the attitude that this is only for 4 weeks. (I’m only committing to four weeks…I’ll reevaluate my plans at the end of four weeks….or more likely forget that it was only for four weeks and keep going.).   This can not be a maybe…life is returning to ‘normal’ and it’s time to focus on my health.

The new normal…healthy living has commenced!!!

Eye Opening

 During work one day this week I was talking with a coworker and as normal, the talk turned to our mutual dissatisfaction with our work.   This coworker made the comment ‘I return to the ideas and concepts of this one book almost every day in order to get through the days’.   She highly recommended that I read the book.  Read?  A book?   Sign me up!

The book that she recommended was The Game of Life and How to Play It, by Florence Scovil Schinn.   I picked it up on Amazon. (Amazon affiliate link) I didn’t research it.  I didn’t look at the background, I just grabbed it on that recommendation.  It wasn’t long before I finished up the book I was currently reading and I was able to dive right into this new book.  This book opened my eyes to some things!  It made me realize some of my errors. 

But first let me say that honestly, this book made my soul hurt.   I have strong religious roots.  I believe in God.  I believe in the power of prayer.  And this book while quoting scripture was also talking about ‘treatments’ that people came to her for.  I was also talking about divine beings.   Prayer I wanted to shout constantly while I was reading.   It is not a treatment…it’s a prayer!  Divine beings?  Its God!  Irregardless, I finished the whole book.  But I was only able to read the whole thing by reading the book in terms of prayer and God, subconsciously (or maybe consciously) transposing the words that made this book emotionally palatable for my soul. 

So why did I continue reading if it made my soul hurt?  

I continued reading this book for two reasons.   The first reason was simply because it was recommended, I gave my word that I was reading it and I knew that my coworker and I would be discussing it during one of our chats this upcoming work week. (The word chat being used lightly as we communicate via various instant message type programs as she lives in California and I live in Maryland!)   The second reason?  The book was making a lot of sense for me!

You see, I ask God through my prayers for help with various things.  To lose weight. For a job that I enjoy.  For the opportunity to travel our gorgeous country…and even further our amazing world.  So many things.  Yet I flounder.   Now don’t get me wrong.  I have seen some amazing answers to prayers.  (Seriously.  I met Jason…and he actually loves me back!   Finding him and falling in love was an amazing answer to prayer!) but I flounder.  I beseech in prayer and then wait and flounder.  It becomes more of a dream that I playfully ask for. But nothing else.  

I have been doing two things wrong! 

The first is a simple one.  It is simply belief.  I have not believed.  I pray and I believe that it ‘can’ happen because of my prayers but I have lacked the deep rooted faith that my prayers will be answered. I need to put the faith behind my prayers. (And Dreams).

The second thing that I got from this book…and the thing I’ve been doing wrong goes hand in hand with the belief.  If you believe it so deeply, you will take the steps to prepare for the answer.  You have to think and believe the outcome.    The actions may be subconscious, something like standing straighter and more confident during a job interview.  Or they may be actual actions that we chose to take in order to get closer to the goal such as actually applying for a new position.   The important thing is to put the positive belief into your mind…your subconscious. Because once it’s there we will automatically start to live a life and make decisions based on those beliefs.  Prayer goes hand in hand with the actions in our lives.  Let’s look at the example of losing weight. 

I say I want to lose weight but what am I really doing?    Do I pray for it?  Sure.  Do I believe it?  Honestly,  of late I struggle with that, thinking instead that I will be fat forever.   Do I fill my mind with positive thin thoughts??  No. 

Years ago,  I used to use the phrase ‘Think Thin’.  Looking back at old posts I first used it in 2007!!!   I used it all the time.   But then I became thin and I stopped saying it…probably because I was thin.  Since I was thin, I thought I didn’t have to think it. (I was wrong…I will always have to THINK thin).  I was totally on the right track though when I started to say it!  Think thin.   Fill our minds with healthy and thin dreams and thoughts so that when those oh so difficult choices come along we will be so filled with thoughts of thin that choosing the carrot stick over a donut will be easy.  (Ok maybe that was a bad example but it still works!)  I explain it much more clearly in this post from 2018.

So how does this segue into my future…and specifically in the weight loss arena since this is a weight loss site?   I am going to be praying more fully for thinness to come back to my life and I am going to believe.  I am going to think thin since I know that my prayers can and will be answered in the most fabulous way for my life.

I leave with a picture of a bee….I’m not even going to come up with some witty comment about the bee and his faith….I’m putting it here just because I want to!

A thread

 I am holding on by a thread.  

Last week was rough.  I was also determined to make it through the week without overindulging with my food.  I was determined to keep my calories in check.  I was not going to let anything stop me!   I was super amazed with myself.  I managed to navigate a week off of work just fine.  My calories were in check each and every day!  I did it!  This was super exciting because I'm a stress eater.   But I did it!

And then came the weekend.  I did pretty good.....kinda.  UNTIL I made the edible cookie dough!  

I KNOW how many calories I have to eat (or not eat as the case may be) for me to post losses on the scale.  So why is it so darn difficult!  By the time the weekend was over I was eating....healthy but about 300-400 calories over my goal each day.  And while you may say "300 calories Maryfran, that's not a big deal"   For me and my body it is.  That is the difference between maintaining and losing.  That is sometimes even the difference between gaining and losing!  Insane?  Well yeah, sure.  But it is what it is!

The good thing?  I ate healthy foods.  I loved the Veggie pizza that Jason's mom sent home with us one day.  It was so full of veggies....nice and healthy!  I still had my fruit (that I share with Kiwi) and my veggies.  My calories were just a bit higher that they needed to be. (seriously, 1200 is hard to maintain daily!)

My exercise.....mostly non-existent. I went back to work this week. Jason is still at home as his boss gave him an extra week off for bereavement (and he needed the extra time).  That means that on my breaks instead of hopping on my exercise/spin bike, I went out to the living room to hang out with him.  He is more important at the moment!  

But.....dare I say that I am excited and looking forward to hopping on and getting some miles in again????????

I'm not setting the world on fire....but I AM present and I am not giving up!

I need to stop it!

You know the saying ‘best laid plans’?   Yeah,  I know it well!   I’ve remarked on it over and over on this website.  I make plans and vows and then something happens to throw a monkey wrench in the works.  It’s like clockwork!  And I need to stop it..no more monkey wrenches!

On Monday I wrote a post about where I was in this journey and I made my vow to turn things around…I made a strong vow!   I was ready to rock this journey and get it back on the right path.  Calorie counting, more religious and strict about my intake of food.  Everything.   I rocked out Monday!   I was on fire!  Nothing could stop me!

And then Tuesday morning Jason’s phone rang at 4AM.   We all know that nothing good comes from a phone call in the middle of the night.   And thus began a week of heartache and grieving.  I will not go into anything…it’s not my story to share.  (I’m an open book, he is not).  But I will say this…if you have kids…hug them just a bit tighter and tell them you love them, you never know when you will never have the chance again.

I made a decision on Tuesday while we were trying to get our feet under us.  I would NOT let the stress eating and the wild emotions in our house turn me away from my vow.

My calorie count has been below 1300 each day this week!  I have remained very conscious about the  decisions I have made.  Did I have a donut. When Jason wanted them?  Yes!  But I had one! I only bought one for myself.  And yes I enjoyed it.  But I kept it at one…even though that box that held a half dozen had empty slots for more donuts I bought ONE!  I knew if I purchased more for myself (flavors that I wanted) that I would eat them!   I’m heading into the weekend and I know that’s my difficult time.  But I’m determined.   Will there be more cake or donuts as we get through this time period?  I’m sure.  But I am confident that I CAN handle it and restrict myself to a healthier sized portion.

My mileage for my 2021, the one where I vowed to propel myself 2021 miles in 2021.   I have been slowly working on that…slow but consistent.  I get around 8-10 miles a day.  Steady and consistent.  This week….well not so much.   But that is ok.  Jason needed me more and I’ll get my miles completed.  (I was almost two months ahead so I’m on no danger of falling behind.) 

I’m determined…my vow to fix my weight issues is NOT getting sidetracked!

And now a picture of our pets.   Because…well it makes me smile!

I know.....

I know, I know, I know!   Last week I was all into grabbing the reins and rocking the week.  I was going to lose weight.  I was going to be amazing.  I was going to slay the weight!     But, it didn’t happen!  There is no excuse.  It was my choice.  (Darn food addiction and stress eating!)

It was a short work week.  It should have felt short, right?  But let me tell you, those three work days felt like a month of Sundays!  I kid you not!  What is worse,  Returning  to work brought back the stress and angst.  It also brought back the stress eating.  It brought back the loss of self control.  How does that translate into weight loss?  It doesn’t!  I didn’t lose weight...and I hovered at a high weight on the scales.    

Every day I woke up determined to “make good choices” and “stay strong” today.  And each day was yet one more failure.  Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t shovel in food like crazy.  I didn’t eat a full bag of potato chips in one sitting (no it took me three days...and in fairness it was a brand from Lancaster County,PA that I don’t get often!).    So no, in the grand scheme of things,  I didn’t do too bad. But... My portions were out of control.  I indulged in chocolate. I didn’t choose the healthiest options.  I wager a bet that if I would have tracked my food that I would have been roughly 1500-1700 calories...which sadly for me is NOT weight loss zone.  And in case you didn’t catch that, I didn’t track anything. 

By the weekend, I was feeling it.  I was sitting here feeling horrible about my current state.   I’m tired of hurting.   My legs hurt to walk on our evening walk.  A simple 1.5 mile walk and my legs were aching!   Finding clothes to wear over the weekend (something other than my normal weekday lounging clothes) that fit comfortably was a chore.  I just feel miserable and fat.  I won’t even try to sugar coat it.  In fact, I cried this weekend about where I’m at in terms of my weight loss.

Yes, I cried this weekend. I cried at the helpless feeling that courses through my veins.  I cried at the girl that had gotten the weight under control and was super active.  I cried for the fat woman I have once again have become.  I cried from the fear and worry that the damage that I have done to my body with this excess weight could be permanent.  My tears were a mixture of regret and fear.

But ultimately I know that to wallow in my tears is not the solution to my issues.  Yes, the damage I’ve done COULD be permanent.  But I don’t know that.  These aches and pains could all go away as I lose weight.  They did before!  I may be lucky a second time!   All I know is that I have to make some changes.

So what am I doing to move forward?

**  I don’t have any grand plan.   I am toying with buying a mountain bike 12 week program.  It is designed to better biking skills and there are testimonials about people losing mad weight whilst doing it.  (And they better their bike handling and skills at the same time due to better core strength from the cross training program.) 

**  I am going to be tracking my food.  No if’s ands or buts!

** There will be  consistency with my accountability...which means I’m back to checking in more frequently on this site...and yes, on my YouTube Channel also. 

** I will be adopting an attitude.....this straight and narrow is only for 4 weeks (12 if I follow that mountain bike program).  It’s only 4 weeks...who can’t do something short term.  I can deny myself a donut, a piece of cake, anything really because it’s ONLY 4 weeks that I’m asking for!  (I will reevaluate after the four weeks and re-up for another 4 if it was working!)

**  I plan on aiming for 1200 calories. That is what works for my body.   Now,  before people start screaming...I also don’t weigh my food.  I don’t measure my food.  I very well could be under tracking.  And that is ok.   I will just aim for lower calories...because it will give me the freedom to continue NOT measuring and weighing!   It’s a trade off...a bit of freedom in one area but a tightening of the restrictions in another!

**  I simply need to constantly remind myself of my goals, my currently aching body, the future that I want!

it’s not a really strong plan....but is is what I got right now!!!   It’s Monday...and it’s a new start!

Back to Work

I just had a glorious five days off of work!  The normal Memorial Day three day weekend occurred,  it I sandwiched that with a Friday and Tuesday off of work! Ahhh it was good!

the First two nights I still slept very poorly and woke from dreams about work and thoughts about work swirling through my head.  Not pleasant!  But after those two nights my body had let go of some of the stress and I started sleeping like a log!

As I mentioned in my Last post, I had a great Visit with my friends.  I also spent time running errands and doing the grocery shopping!  I wanted to have as many of those mundane things done so as to allow more time for flat out fun activities with Jason as he only had a three day weekend!

Saturday dawned and it was rainy and cold!  We relaxed at home.  We watched tv and just enjoyed our time at home!  We did get out of the house for a bit...but it was a very low key day!!  The animals enjoyed having us home for longer stretches!

Mertz loved curling up next to me...and of course our crazy conure, Kiwi had to be involved in everything also!

On Sunday we decided to go exploring a bit.  We went up to Gettysburg and walked all around town.  We did some geocaching while we were out and about and ended up in some interesting and neat places! The Round Barn Farmers Market was quite neat!

We enjoyed the dog jump competition that we stumbled upon also!!

We were tired but happy after our day of fun!

Monday rolled around and we decided to do more geocaching.  So that is Alexa fly what we did...went from geocache to geocache and learned more about the area!

At our very last geocache we saw an old abandoned school!

We circled the school and the back doors were open.  Of course we went in!!

We went home tired, sunburnt and happy.

Tuesday meant back to work for Jason and a dentist appointment for me.  (No cavities!). I then spent some time with mom.  And that rounded put my long glorious weekend!

I am ready to get back to being serious about my weight loss efforts. Not totally strict and unbending, but just a lot more cognizant.  I have maintained and now it’s time to tighten the reigns and lose.  I realized on Friday that this had to be done....but I knew with my commitments that this weekend was going to be just more of hanging on.  But since it is back to the routing as of tomorrow, it’s time to get serious!

it’s not easy...but it will be worth it!

Indifferent

I have been totally indifferent to my weight loss journey for the last week or so.   I’ve been just existing.   I know it’s not good!  I saw something today though...and it opened my eyes.

I am going to blame some of my issues are centered around work.   Work has been horrible.   As in dreaming and nightmare inducing horrible!  Yes it’s infringing upon my sleep.  Many nights I wake up from dreams about this job.  And it’s not good.

I have also been wondering about the fact that EVERY Friday night I have been wide awake most of the night, unable to sleep.  I have wondered if it was what I’m eating on Friday nights.  I have pondered the fact that on occasion I drink a soda on Friday nights.  But I think I have figured it out.  It’s none of the above.  It is the fact that I am so emotionally whipped at the end of the work week that my mind can’t relax.   I was off work today...on a Friday and I was curious about what my sleep would bring...and last night...Thursday night I was awake most of the night...with my mind racing...and dreaming about work.     ~sigh~  

food wise.  I’m not actually doing too horrible.  When I do track I find that my food is right around 1500 calories.  Not bad.  My weight is staying in a 2-3 pound range.  And I want the weight gone!!!

I was off work today.   It worked out well because I was able to spend an hour or two with my good friends who were traveling through the area!  It was a blessing!   

Before I met up with my friends, I ran some errands.  I was leaving one of the stores and saw a lady laboriously getting out of a truck.  She was huge.  She was probably my age..or younger.   She was struggling to walk.  Her partner walked slow but still outpaced her pretty quickly.   And my heart stopped.  That is going to be me if I don’t clean up my act  I’m not going in the right direction.    And let’s face it....maintaining at 250 pounds (ok I rounded up...it’s 246-248 most days) is not healthy either.  Sure I’m happy with a maintain...but  pathing about that weight is healthy. 

I am killing myself by my current apathy.  Sure, I’m not actively taking a gun to my head...but I am nonetheless killing myself with my actions.

this has to change!

Back and Forth

Things with my weight loss journey are just sorta sliding on with no thought or effort from me.  

I have not really done anything for my weight loss efforts recently.  Oh yeah, I’m aware of what I’m eating and doing.    But I’m not consciously trying to ‘do the right thing’.   I guess you could say that I’m just eating intuitively.  Trying to eat when I’m hungry and just ignore food when I’m not.  (And believe me...for a food addict...ignoring food is difficult!).  Maybe that is what the grander plan of this period of just sitting back has been.  (And yes, I pray quit a bit for guidance and direction and help for this weight loss journey!). Maybe I had to sit back and learn (re-learn) to listen to my body.  To follow the signs of my body in regards to what and when I eat!    I’m far from being a master at it, but I think I have done well.  Seriously....read this little vignette from this past weekend and you tell me if I’m doing well!

One night this past weekend we ordered Chinese.  And I didn’t order any spring rolls.  Jason asked if there was any reason.  I honestly said ‘I’m just not overly hungry’.  Jason’s eyes  grew wide and he immediately reached over and jokingly felt my head as if checking to see if I had a fever. Ok, he was probably seriously checking!  I can’t remember what he said but it was something to the affect of ‘that’s just so out of the ordinary for you to one, say you aren’t hungry and two to actually heed the signs.  

I have still not started to track.   Believe me. I wanted to.  I planned on it.   But I kinda forget to do it.   I am out of the habit and need to restart that habit.   As I wrote this I realize that I am somewhat curious as to where my calorie count has been.   I think I may work to not change what I’m doing, but track my food.  That might be interesting.  But in the long run I know that where I AM eating in terms of calories, I will have to cut back because I’m NOT losing weight.

I don’t talk about it much, but I am still hot on the trail of meeting my yearly challenge to propel myself 2021 miles in 2021.  I wrote about the challenge Here if you are interested.  I recently crossed the halfway mark. 

We had a nice weekend.  It was a quiet one.  We didn’t exactly do anything crazy.  Lots of errands and lots of relaxation.  About the only thing we did activity wise was an hour or two of walking in the big (and old) graveyard near us.  

So what is my weight doing?  I already alluded to the fact that I’m not losing.    Well, my weight is on a seesaw in a two to three pound range.  I pop up but then effortlessly go back down.  It’s a weight I am NOT happy with.  But I own it.  It’s my weight and I know that by owning it I have the power to change it!

It Was A Bust

This week was a total bust!    I made myself promises and vows and I went belly up on all of them!  It was just one of those weeks!

I wrote last week About my upcoming stressful week and boy was I right.  It was stressful.   No, as I wrote this on Friday morning before work let me rephrase that to say it IS stressful.   It was as confusing and messed up as I expected.  There is something horrible about working with someone that expects you to know the most basic of answers and you sit there and have no clue!  It’s a bad bad feeling and it was repeated time and time again this past week!   But it is what it is.  I have survived and I will continue to survive I’m sure.

In the midst of this week I had a job interview for a job promotion within my company.  I feel as if I spoke in riddles and didn’t have one coherent thought during the interview. Hopefully the two interviewers were able to understand my ramblings (or what I feel was ramblings).  If I get the job good...if not it’s ok.  It is a job that I have heard is one of the hardest jobs in our division of the company. It is also the stepping stone...pay your dues position...as I have been told by a few others. So   I’m ok with either outcome of the interview ...but seriously...and interview in the middle of a stressful launch???   But hey...I survived!

What didn’t survive?  My healthy eating goals.   I tracked nothing. I barely drank water.  I ate a lot more carbs then I should have.   I totally bombed on any semblance of trying to lose weight.  

It was so bad that last night I wasn’t hungry.  I knew I wasn’t hungry when started to eat dinner.  But dinner was something I don’t have often and something I love! So I ate it anyway!  And then I laid in bed all last night with a stomach ache!  I ate myself sick!    I haven’t done that in a long time...and I don’t like the feeling.  I won’t even vow to not do it again...because while I don’t plan on it, I know it will most likely happen.  Human nature.   But yeah, that shows how bad my eating has been.  

Right now I am just going to focus on one foot in front of the other.  This journey is hard and I’m struggling!!!

I caved...kinda

I have almost anally eschewed any fad diets, ideas and health plans!   South Beach, Beach Body, Atkins, Keto....nope!  Sure I know of the plans but I have adamantly held firm to the belief that I need a balance in my life.   So I probably don’t even have to say that I have also stayed away from pills and potions.  So what in the world was I thinking when I sat and watched a video for one of these fads?

I woke up the other morning and lay in bed whilst Jadon was in the shower.  I picked up my phone and started to scroll.  It wasn’t long before I stumbled upon an ad for some diet fad.  I honestly don’t know what possessed me to read the ad.  And even more confounding is the fact that I clicked the video to watch.  The video droned on...‘I ate three donuts for breakfast and lost weight anyway and I didn’t even exercise’.  Oh yes the video was preaching a plan that included no exercise needed and you could eat anything you want and yet still lose weight.  Of course I didn’t believe that.  But I kept watching.  Eventually I just wanted to know what the gimmick for this plan was.  

I actually never stuck around to even get the name of the product.  But I stayed long enough to get the ‘science’ and concept behind the gimmick.   Gut health...good intestinal bacteria versus bad intestinal bacteria.  I listened and something intrigued me about this science. I vowed to do my own research....right after I got out of the shower.   I stopped the video.  I had heard enough.

I started my research within a half hour of watching that video.   I didn’t go too deep.  I went far enough to see what some of the main symptoms of imbalanced bacteria within us might bring.    And while I found that gut bacferia doesn’t cause weight loss or weight gain, the ‘gut health’ and bacteria do have a ripple affect that will affect my overall efforts to lose and maintain weight.   But the big thing that got me was that one of the main symptoms is sleep disturbances.  Sleep disturbances have been  the highlight of my previous year.  (I’ve been blaming it on my age...and that may be the reason...but who knows!)

I read the foods to eat to support good gut health.   Ironically enough I used to eat perfectly for good gut health.  Seriously,  when I lost all that weight I ate sauerkraut at least 5 days a week...it was almost like a free food because the calories were so low!! (And way back when, it was one of the few free foods on Weight Watchers).    But when I divorced my eating went way out of whack.  I ate poorly.  I didn’t eat the organic food...the plethora of veggies...and for the last two years before Jason and I moved to our place, I was eating out for almost every meal...lots of processed foods, fried foods and sugar!   Did my body get out of whack???

I’m not buying into the hype.  But I researched good foods to eat.  I haven’t been eating the natural foods that add healthy bacteria...but I plan on starting again!   In the meantime, taking a probiotic can’t hurt!  (I have lately been doing quite well with the prebiotic rich foods so that was a lessor concern for me!)    

So wish me luck!   Weight loss would be nice.  Better sleep would be nice (literally Friday night I fell asleep and woke up wide awake 2 hours later and couldn’t go back to sleep....by 3 or so on Saturday afternoon I was a sight, I was so tired!)!   But overall if I improve my health...it’s a win!

We had a good weekend.  We had a quick trip to see my mom and to visit Jason’s parents on Saturday. It was Mother’s Day so we wanted to see our moms!   

On Sunday we ran our errands and then we spent the afternoon  geocaching.  It was a bit drizzly and overcast  for a good portion of the day but it was perfect for geocaching.   And our geocaching took us to some interesting places.

We went to a park and three old graveyards.  The graveyards were neat.  Some of the graves were from the early 1800’s.

The time at the park was just a good time since we were outside and able to be in nature!

Now back to work...and the weekday grind.  It is going to be a super stressful week for me at work. Lots going on!  I’m determined to not allow the stress to drive me to the kitchen!  I’m determined to keep my eating under control!!!!

Sitting on the Fence

This week has not been a raging success.   This week has not been a colossal failure.   This week has simply been a steady line.  And honestly...for that, I am amazed because the week has been nuts!

Yes...you read that right.  In terms of weight loss...I am sitting still. My numbers from last week to this week remained largely the same.  There was not much fluctuation on the scales. On one hand that totally disgusts me.  I’m not eating crazy amounts of food.  I’m eating 1400-1500 calories daily.   Typically I limit my carbs.  I haven’t done too badly overall.  So it is annoying as all get out that I’m still sitting here with the scales not moving. However, this week has been nuts at work!   I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth.   There is a new launch at work.  Hopelessness, confusion, stress, worry and feelings of being overwhelmed are just a smattering of feelings that have courses through me this week. And let me tell you, those feelings linger and stay within me even after the work day is over.  The launch of these new (to me and my coworkers)  products is slated for Monday...ready or not.   And I do NOT feel ready.  The last launch of something new was 2-3 months ago and that launch week brought tears and a really rough first week.....and I felt prepared for that launch...unlike this one.  So I fear next week...thus incredible stress.    I am vowing to eat right and not let the stress drive me toward food.   And I plan to continue with my exercise bike rides on my breaks/lunch.    I want a loss...but I know that realistically a maintain this week and next will be a victory!  

It’s been a rainy week but Jason and I have managed to dodge the raindrops and have continued to get our after work walks in each night.  We got wet/damp one or two nights..but never drenched.   The forecast isn’t looking good today...so we shall see about tonight’s walk!

I am still on track with my  2021 mile challenge!  It is rare that I don’t get my minimum requirement of 6 miles for each day. So I’m happy with that!

Mertz has stayed close to me while I have been at work.  Many days she gets on my desk and is in my face.  She must be sensing my stress...she hasn’t been in my face and on my desk...but I have caught her a few times laying on the cat braided mini rug! My girl staying close!

Shifting my Focus

A new week a new start...that should have been my title for this post!  But....I have had that title, or something like that soooo many times that I just couldn’t bear to do it!  So shifting focus....

Last week was a really rough week in my weight loss journey.   I totally stopped .....oh I didn’t go totally off the rails.   I stopped watching and focusing on my fruits and veggies.   Water?  What’s that!   And when I went back and randomly checked the calories on some days I was amazed to find myself in the correct range.   Notice I said when I went back randomly. Yeah, I didn’t track!

I struggled to write anything.  I struggled to make any videos.  I struggled to share my ...well my struggle.  As my angst grew my frustration followed in intensity.  This journey is difficult!  This journey to lose weight is one of the hardest things I have ever done!    It’s definitely not for the faint at heart!

I was sitting at my desk yesterday at work and looking over at my closet of crafts and hobby supplies.  (Mostly dollhouse stiff but also camera gear).  I knew that I just needed to step away from my YouTube channel for my weight loss journey.  It is too cumbersome at the moment.  It is too much. I spend hours with comments.  I spend time planning, filming and editing my videos.  I feel as if my recent videos are slapped together and not well done.  And that bothers me.   I knew that it was time to step back.  I plan on posting a ‘taking some time’ video’ just to note what is happening. and I do plan on returning.  But I need to step back and refocus on what is important.....me.    That doesn’t mean that I am quitting my journey. It just means that I am going back to the basics.  Focusing on me.  I am not walking away from this site either.  I will be continuing to chronicle my fluctuating journey here.   And I plan on just being me.

I am totally at peace with this decision for the moment.  At least until the desire and creativity kick back in and at that time it will be the time to reevaluate.

We had a good weekend.   We got in a nice long bike ride.

We actually went about 20 miles on the canal.  My legs were a bit sore at the end. And my butt..I didn’t realize how sore that was until Monday when I sat my behind on the exercise bike seat.  OUCH!   But it was a fabulous day to be outside!  (And I didn’t let the sore butt deter me from my required miles on Monday...for those down also!)

Weeven saw an owl...up close and personal!  There were a bunch of photographers there taking pictures so we stopped and watched for a bit also.

I am frustrated beyond belief.  I’m sick of this journey.  But I am not icing up.  I know I can do it, I’ve done it before.   I can do this!!!

No Excuses

 There is a reason that I made my Youtube channel's name No Excuses.  I wanted to stop allowing excuses to rule my existence and to allow myself to have success.  Because Success only comes when we give up the excuses!!!